Bite and Smile with Joe Janes

What The What

2012-01-04T12:23:00.001-06:00

Howdy!

Been a long time since I updated the ol' blog, so here's a bit of a round-up of what I have been up to.

- I have two shows opening this week! One is a very funny Writing 6 show I directed Fridays at 7:30pm in the de MAAT at Second City. It's called Ground Control To Planet Keith. You can get info on it by clicking HERE. Chicago Sketchfest starts this week. You can see me in a show I co-wrote, Robot vs. Dinosaur's Pretty From A Distance. It's this coming Saturday at 7pm in the Thrust Theater. One show only. You can get ticket info HERE.

- I just got back from a two-week vacation where my girlfriend and I logged over 3400 miles driving. We visited a lot of family and friends. We went from Chicago to Clarksville, Tennessee to Nashville to Orlando to Lake Worth, Florida to Elkin, North Carolina to Scranton, Pennsylvania to Streetsboro, Ohio to Port Clinton, Ohio back to Chicago. Aside from meeting many great people and reconnecting with family, highlights included spending a day at Disneyworld and park hopping - Disney Hollywood to Epcot to The Magic Kingdom. And while it sucked to have our drive disrupted by snow and ice, we did spend the night in the Presidential Suite of a Holiday Inn Express in Streetsboro, Ohio. It was the first time I got to use my AARP discount! The hot tub in the bedroom was worth the extra dollars. Best night of sleep I had our whole trip. Stopping in Elkin was also an added bonus. We stayed at a friend's mother's house. It was gorgeous. They fed us well, too, and turned us on to a local winery where we bought some Booger Swamp White wine. How could we not buy that? The absolute best thing about the trip, though, is that my girlfriend and I still love each other. In spite of my occassional donning of grumpypants after some long hauls on the road.

- I have another 10-Minute Play class starting this Saturday at 1pm at The Second City Training Center. There are still a few slots left. You can get more info by clicking HERE.

- I have been busy writing a one-act play for a cool WNEP project that will be in the spring and the wheels are turning for another 365 Sketches/50 Plays type of event for June.

- With all the writing projects I have, I just don't update this ol' blog as much anymore. For more consistent info from me, follow me on Twitter and Instagram, joejanes1065, or subscribe to my Facebook page.

- Happy New Year. May it be full of health, happiness and all kinds of blow jobs - emotional and physical.

Writng The 10-Minute Play with Joe Janes

2011-10-24T07:19:00.000-05:00

WRITING THE 10-MINUTE PLAY

with Joe Janes

Classes start THIS Saturday (October 29th) and there are still slots left.

What is the difference between a 5-minute sketch and a 10-minute play? That extra four minutes means everything in this course that will explore character, story and subtext.

During this 8 week course, students will...

- complete and revise 3-5 10-minute plays that will be ready for submitting to contests or festivals

- experience writing for a director and cast in the same manner used to develop "50 Plays"

- see their work performed before an audience in a staged reading by experienced actors

$340/$310 early registration, 8 weeks, 3 hours

Prerequisite: Writing 6 or Approval by Instructor

To register, call the training center at 312-664-3959 or click HERE

To request approval for admission, e-mail me at jjanes@secondcity.com

I Believe...

2011-09-14T08:19:00.000-05:00

...that the biggest issue facing our country right now is doing what it takes to put Americans to work and restoring the middle class. As long as politicians can be bought by corporations, that's not likely to happen.

...that, while the idea that one should set aside a day for rest resides primarily in superstitions and myth, it's still a pretty freakin' good idea. (Straight from the AWG. I wholeheartedly agree. I take Sundays off.)

...that threats of physical violence are worthless and when, on that rare occasion carried out, are weak.

...that shit gets real when teenagers are shot in one's neighborhood a few blocks from where one lives.

...that one should question what one believes. Did you earn that belief or did you buy (swallow) it without question? Question everything. Even yourself.

Schedule Change for 50 Plays August 20th!

2011-08-18T11:45:00.001-05:00

August 20

Derek Is An Asshole – Jeff Bouthiette

Scratch’d – Hank Boland

The Saddest vacant Lot In The World – Jay Steigmann

Burka Betty - Kyra Lewandowski

ONLY THREE SHOWS LEFT!!!

2011-08-10T05:28:00.003-05:00

(The Best of) 50 Plays by Joe Janes

ONLY THREE SHOWS LEFT!!!

(Dana Black in Berka Betty)

“Silly. Bizarre. Violent. Provocative.” – The Chicago Reader

Donny's Skybox Theater @ Second City, 1608 N. Wells, 4th Floor

Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. – August 20, 27 and September 3

$13.00 General Admission

$10.00 for Students

$8.00 for Students of the Second City Training Center

Go to www.secondcity.com for on-line sales or purchase at the door

(The Best Of) 50 Plays - Reader Review

2011-08-02T20:53:00.002-05:00

Brian Costello from The Chicago Reader came to our opening night.

Here are some quotes...

"silly, bizarre, violent, and provocative"

"...the pieces showcase Janes's willingness to take risks of all kinds."

You can read the rest of the review HERE.

Twilight

2011-08-02T20:03:00.005-05:00

It is not unusual for me to read a book long after its been published or not see a movie until it comes to DVD (or, now, streaming on Netflix). This is especially so if it is something that is wildly popular. Seems the more popular it is, the less interested I am. Maybe this goes back to my general attitude in high school, which applied mostly to other students and Top 40 music. If everybody likes it, I probably won't.

Once in a writing class I was teaching, I had a student who wrote a parody of Twilight. It was clear she had not read the book. Even though I hadn't either, she just wasn't able to address some of the logic issues I was having. My advice to her, and I stand by this, is that if you want to poke fun at something, you have to know it well. Read the book. The first film had yet to be made. Read the book, then write the scene. She cursed me, read the book, cursed me some more, and wrote a very funny scene poking fun at the over-the-top soap opera antics of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight.

Had I given that advice to me, I simply would have written something else and skip the pain of reading a 500-page book about dreamy vampires in love. My resistance to the book is also rooted in my love and affection for Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. High school. Vampires. Been there. Loved it. Don't spoil it for me. I once almost watched the first Twilight film. I'm a whore for free preview weekends on cable. However, I almost always have bad timing for them and hardly ever see anything I really want. Twilight was on. I left it on while I did other things. Pretty sure I followed the story pretty well, too, with only a few glances at the screen.

I know I did, because I recently read the book. On a challenge. This isn't a story about how I have been turned around and am now a fan. Far from it. However, I do have a different appreciation for it. Considered in the right context, it's actually a really enticing book. Weighed as a book for adults? Keep it away from my bookshelves, please. It's sort of like Rebecca Black's debut music video Friday. It's horrible. But when you consider she's barely in her mid-teens, well, then, that's a pretty damn impressive video, don't you think?

Twilight is a book written for young adults. That's the section I found it in after overcoming my embarrassment to ask the store clerk to help me find it. This book is not for grown-ups. You want grown-up literary vampires, hit up Anne Rice. These are vampires written for teens. Specifically, teenage girls. This book hits its target. Not me. It's also written in the first person of Bella, the smart, but klutzy girl who doesn't realize how good lookin' she is until all the boys at her new school fall all over themselves to meet her. All of them, except the broody Edward. Who can sometimes be nice. It reads like her diary. It's like peeking in on her most intimate thoughts, something her glistening mind-reading vampire boyfriend can't even do. It's made to stir the loins of young girls. Not my much older, hairier loins.

This book is not for me. It's for teenage girls. Or the teenage girl in you. For me to bitch about its existence is ridiculous. It was not designed with middle-aged bald guys in mind. For me to complain about it is like me lamenting about Sesame Street being condescending to adults or Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood failure to show an adult male perspective.

Now, I have read books for young adults that I enjoy. They do exist. But whether I enjoy them or not is moot. What matters is if the target audience enjoys it. Clearly, my Twilight book knows who it wants turning its pages.

So, if you're an awkward, but smart and somewhat pretty teenage girl, you'll probably really enjoy this book or the film. If you are not, watch Daybreakers. Good vampire movie. The kind where vampires actually kill people.

(The Best Of) 50 Plays

2011-07-22T12:35:00.002-05:00

This looks like it will be the shows that will be representing "50 Plays" during our run at the Skybox. Your opportunity to see some of the shows you missed or see some of the ones you liked again. Click on the "50 Plays" image at the top of the right hand column for tickets and info.

50 Plays Skybox Shows

July 30
A Love That Lasts Forever – Jen Ellison
Baby Blue Sedan – Cody Spellman
Four Men – Jason Fleece
Burka Betty – Kyra Lewandowski

August 6
Suddenly Stupid – George Lyons
Peter Pain – Dina Klahn
Baby Blue Sedan – Cody Spellman
Beat Noir – Bina Martin

August 13
Breakfast with Burt and Birdie – Rebekah Walendzak
The Machine Breaks Down– Don Hall
Scratch’d– Hank Boland
Mango Mouth– Emily Darlington Cooke
Burka Betty - Kyra Lewandowski

August 20
The Saddest vacant Lot In The World – Jay Steigmann
Butterfly Jar – Sydney Chatman
Derek Is An Asshole – Jeff Bouthiette
Burka Betty - Kyra Lewandowski

August 27
Moving Box – Rob Colletti
Violent Femmes - Leitia Guillard
Belmont – Hank Hilbert
Rover from Dover – Rich Cotovsky
Burka Betty - Kyra Lewandowski

Sept 3
Moving Box – Rob Colletti
Express Yourself – Cassie Ahiers
Hogan’s Real Piesca – Megan Smith
Burka Betty - Kyra Lewandowski

2011-07-01T06:50:00.004-05:00

(Dana Black in "Burka Betty" directed by Kyra Lewandowski which will be in the Skybox shows.
Photo by Stephanie Douglass)

50 Plays went well. For an event that crammed 50 directors and their casts (of over 200) into two weekends at Strawdog's Hugen Hall, things could not have gone better. Next up will be the (The Best of) 50 Plays at Second City's Donny's Skybox July 30th- Sept 3rd. Saturdays at 7:30pm.

Many people asked me how this compared to 365 Sketches. Both had their challenges. 365 was certainly more grueling. The writing process was more grueling, at times, and when we presented the shows they were over 11 consecutive nights, including midnight shows on Friday and Saturdays. We were pretty loopy by the end of it. 50 Plays had its technical and logistical challenges simply because we bumped up from 26 directors to 50 and the number of actors increased. Scheduling techs and shows was a small nightmare. Creating theme-based evenings got thrown out the window quickly because there were too many scheduling conflicts to juggle. We (and by "we" I mean "I") screwed up scheduling the shows and it wasn't caught until we were between weekends. This resulted in an encore performance of Baby Blue Sedan on the second Thursday and the addition of Belmont to the second weekend's Friday 8pm show. It's all good, though. Both were great shows. I hope you get to catch some of the Skybox shows.

Don has a nice summation of the Strawdog weekends on his blog. Click here.

50 Plays - June 25, 2011 10:30pm

2011-06-25T10:33:00.005-05:00

The final five. No cylons were harmed during this prouction.

Saturday, June 25 10:30pm

Hogan's Real Piesca – director: Megan A. Smith – cast: Bekki Anderson, Kurt Lewis, Dustin Levell, Bruce Phillips. Special Thanks to Joe for letting us play, Chris LaPorte, PlayingInPeoria.org

Derek Is An Asshole – director: Jeff Bouthiette – cast: Allen Doederlein and Maria Margaglione

Violent Femmes – director: Letitia Guillard – cast: Shannon Bracken, Emily Harpe, Maria Burnham, Christine Harrison. Fight design - Dustin Spence

Butterfly Jar – director: Sydney Chatman – cast: Victoria Caciopoli (a member of Actor's Equity), Antoine Pierre Whitfield

Steampunk Moonstomp – director: Rebecca Langguth – cast: Kim Boler, John Sundholm, Audery Naomi Smith

The Directors

Megan A. Smith is the Executive Director and Ensemble Member for Sideshow Theatre Company, where she co-directed Theories of the Sun by Kathleen Akerley, Ekphrasis by Warren Perry, and a staged reading of Lanterns on Lamar also by Warren Perry and Fugitive Motel by Walt McGough ( Bailiwick Director’s Festival). Megan also proudly wrestles as The Cutting Edge for the Chicago League of Lady Arm Wrestlers, with an upcoming match on July 2^nd!

Jeffrey Bouthiette is Artistic Director of Bare Boned Theatre and Head of the Music Program at the Second City Training Center. For BBT, he has directed The Hecubae (at the Raven Theatre) as well as many episodes of the live action soap opera, The Ville. He assisted on Victory Gardens' production of Love Person, and directed Sketchtopia, VG’s 2009 Access Project readings. He also directs the Second City Training Center's short-form musical improv ensemble, Infinite Sundaes.

Letitia Guillaud is a writer, director, actor, and improvisor living and working in Chicago. She is a co-founding member of Strangeloop Theatre and artistic associate of Chemically Imbalanced Comedy.

Sydney Chatman is a director, producer, writer, teacher and founder of The Tofu Chitlin’ Circuit (The TCC) a theater conservatory on the south side of Chicago. Ms. Chatman was a fellow of the Lincoln Center’s Director’s Lab in New York. Notable directing credits include the Chicago One Minute Play Festival at Victory Gardens, WBEZ Off-Air Series Theater Abridged, The Actor’s Rap by J. Kyle Manzay (reading), Safia Bernard’s Relationship Games, Let the Circle be Unbroken at Apple Tree Theater, Heads by EM Lewis, Poof!, Sugar Mouth Sam Don’t Dance No More, For Colored Girls, Beulah’s Land, and The Mojo and the Sayso. She has worked on The World Premiere of August Wilson’s Gem of the Ocean (intern), St. James Infirmary directed by Harry Lennix, King of Coons directed by Harry Lennix, A Soldier’s Play directed by Chuck Smith and Spunk directed by Cheryl Lynn Bruce among other notable productions. She is a former artistic associate with Congo Square Theatre. Ms. Chatman is the performing arts instructor at NKO Charter School.

Rebecca Langguth is a member of WNEP Theater. She is a writer, director and performer who is continually inspired by both this city and the people who inhabit it. Many thanks to Joe, Don and Jessica and my lovely cast.

Why see this show?

Because it's the last frakin' show of the bunch! This is a fun block. It has two sci-fi pieces. Hogan's Real Piesca is very intricate and I had to keep going back to the script to make sure the logic about marrying halograms was consistent. Steampunk Moonstomp is a just plain fun space adventure. Violent Femmes is an all-female super hero adventure. Derek Is An Asshole and Butterfly Jar focus on two people telling the story of their relationship, but both in very different styles. It's a good mix of the ridiculous and the sweet and sore spots about relationships. A nice way to end the run.

For tickets and more information, click HERE.

50 Plays - June 25, 2011 8:00pm

2011-06-25T09:56:00.004-05:00

The second-to-the-last show!

Saturday, June 25 8pm

Butterfly Knife – director: John Pierson – cast: Eric T. Roth, Paige Saliba, Clifton Frei, Mathew Hope, Erin Orr

Scratch’d – director: Hank Boland – cast: the voice talents of Strawdog Ensemble Members Anita Deely, Shannon Hoag, Kyle Hamman, Hank Boland and guest artist Pat Whalen.

Peter Pain – director: Dina Marie Klahn – cast: Brooke Johnson, Erin Morrill, Emme Williams

Effluvia Falls – director: Regan Davis – cast: Patrick Kelly, Mikayla Brown, Brenda Kelly, Jonathan Sales, Aaron Pagel, Craig Rennak

All Things Foul – director: Patrick Kelly – cast: Laurens Wilson, Erin Wilson, Alex Farrington. Special thanks: Regan Davis (graphic design)

The Directors

John Pierson has been a Neo-Futurist since 1996. Recently he has co-written and performed in three critically acclaimed shows, Crisis: A Musical Game Show, Daredevil’s Hamlet, and FEAR. He directed LAID in which he had the honor of working with fellow theater stalwarts Joe Janes and Don Hall. He released his 20th record, Thresholds From The Basement, with his band Even In Blackouts and finished his second novel, The Last Temptation Of Clarence Odbody. The novel hits the streets in October 2011.

Hank Boland has been an adjunct Faculty member of the Film Department of Columbia College Chicago since 2004. Additionally, Hank has designed and taught seminars on topics such as Audio Theatre, Personal Essay and Monologues, and 10-minute Plays. In addition to teaching, Hank is a writer with works including commissions by 2nd Story, and Strawdog Theatre Company, as well as four musical comedies which have collectively had over two hundred productions around the world. Hank is a proud ensemble member, and the Managing Director, of Strawdog Theatre Company.

Dina Marie Klahn is currently the resident stage manager for the Old World Theatre company based in Skokie IL. She is a recent graduate of UIC with a bachelor's in directing and design. Although she loves stage management she aspires to be a prominent director in Chicago specializing in feminist and educational theatre. Dina Marie would like to thank her amazing boyfriend Kevin for putting up with her crazy schedule and her gorgeous cast for being sexy and talented.

Regan Davis is an improviser, actor, and director originally from St. Petersburg, Florida. He has directed improv, sketch, and plays both in Florida and Chicago. Previously he directed one of the many sketch shows for Joe Janes' 365Sketches; Status, River Lethe, and the Steps for Theatre Momentum; Straining to Be Hip for Bookstore Productions; and groups for the Miami Improv Festival and the Dirty South Improv Festival in Chapel Hill, NC.

Patrick Kelly is thrilled to finish his Chicago tenure the same way it began: working alongside Joe Janes and Don Hall. Patrick directed for 2^nd Story and appeared onstage in WNEP’s The (Edward) Hopper Project, 365 Sketches by Joe Janes, and most recently in Robot vs. Dinosaur’s Viking Women. Patrick leaves Chicago at the end of June to pursue his MFA in acting at NYU/Tisch. Thanks to Joe, Don, the cast and crew, and Martha.

Why see this show?

Well, first off, it's our last night! See 50 Plays before it's gone. I like this block. It contains the creative insanity of John Pierson, one of my favorite peeps in the world who directed Don Hall and I in our Sketchfest show, Don Hall and Joe Janes Are Using This Show To Try To Get Laid. I sat in on a Butterfly Knife rehearsal a few weeks ago. He has assembled a brilliant cast and the piece is some crazy fun noir. The evening also features two radio pieces with two distinct approaches. Scrath'd is a horror piece and Hank chose to present it as such with a few live enhancements. Effluvia Falls is one of my favorite pieces from The Armageddon Radio Hour. Regan is presenting as a cast doing a live radio show. Peter Pain is a "what happened after?" story of Peter Pan and Dina's cast is superbly cast and would give any regular cast of Peter Pan a run for their money. All Things Foul was fun to write, although it took a little longer than most of the pieces. This is pretty much Macbeth in a right wing Christain fundamentalist church.

For tickets and information, click HERE.

50 Plays - June 24, 2011 10:30pm

2011-06-22T09:43:00.005-05:00

We close out the Friday shows with some insanity, a few messes and a surprise that I can't tell you about because it's a surprise.

Friday June 24 10:30pm

Forgotten Dreams – director: David Rocco Facchini – cast: Maureen Allen, Bryan Dawidowicz, Brian Hurwitz
The Machine Breaks Down – director: Don Hall – cast: Erin Orr, Peter Kremidas VO: Paul Friedman, Peter Sagal, Carl Kasell, Melba Lara, Don Hall

Luna Teak and Tong – director: Rinska Prestinary – cast: Lacy Katherine Campbell, Rinska Prestinary

Jughead – director: Brian Posen – cast: Teagan Walsh Davis, Lisa Duke, Jonathan Hymen, Ryan Brinkerhoff

Automatic Teller Machine Machine – director: Michael A. Rose – cast: Megan Captaine, Stacey High, Keith Gatchel, KaCee J. Hudson

The Directors

David Rocco Facchini suffered major withdrawal after such a fulfilling experience directing Disco Heaven as a part of Joe Janes 365 Sketches last year. He tried to fill his emptiness in the interim by directing Planet Karate –A Butt-Kicking Play at both the Second City and Annoyance Theatres, writing and directing for his sketch comedy group *Creepy Hug, editing and producing Second City’s weekly video festival 7 Day Shorts – Chicago and even getting in front of the camera in webisodes of Two-Minute Meals with Champ. It just hasn’t been enough though, so he appreciates returning to the Straw Dog Theatre and would like to thank Don, Spanky and Pagano, along with his wonderful cast; Brian, Bryan and Mo. But mostly, David is thankful to his therapist for strongly suggesting to Joe that allowing David to direct in 50 Plays would be in everyone’s best interest. Thanks Joe.

Don Hall is the Founding Director of Chicago's fringey WNEP Theater, where he has produced over 125 World Premieres and directed 35 - 50 of them since 1992. He directs shows around town for money (or the satisfaction of directing something unique). He's also an actor and has performed in shows by Second City, WNEP Theater, The Mammals, Chicago ComedySportz, Chemically Imbalanced Comedy, Livewire Theater, and others. Don also works as the Events Coordinator for WBEZ where he has produced dozens of events and is also the House Manager/Production Manager/Audience Services Manager for NPR'sWait Wait...Don't Tell Me! and directed the Audible Feast for WBEZ featuring NPR luminariesScott Simon, Ira Glass and Peter Sagal.

Rinska Prestinary is a Dominican-American hailing from many different places but now considers Chicago her home. She started acting her last 2 years of high school and took a chance that she would find her place in the theatre world, with help from Columbia College Chicago. She was Lucky enough her Jr. year of College to land her first professional show with her new found family at Steep Theatre, where she was nominated for Supporting Actress, Best Play and won best ensemble for, In Arabia We'd All Be Kings by the Jeff Committee. She has worked with amazing companies such as Collaboraction, Teatro Vista, The Goodman, Pegasus Players among many other theatres working in full length productions to stage readings and festivals. Rinska was one of the directors of 365 Sketches. She and Joe have collaborated on projects for the Neo-Futurists and Collaboraction. Lacey and Rinska are reuniting after working with Silk Road Theatre Projects on the critically-acclaimed Scorched last year.

Brian Posen. Brian Does a lot of stuff.

Michael A Rose is a writer, performance artist, producer and musician living in Chicago IL with a cat named Dandelion. Originally from the frozen wastes of North Dakota, Michael’s plays have been produced in New York, Chicago, Portland, Denver and several other major cities. He is founder and artistic director of RoShamBo Theatre, and releases industrial and experimental music under the pseudonym Flood Damage. His debut novel entitled “Party Wolves in My Skull” will be published by Eraserhead Press at the end of 2011. He is honored to be part of this amazing event.

What's Up With This Show?

Forgotten Dreams - This is a silent scene originally written for BriKo. If that had happened, Brian Posen, one of the busiest dudes in Chicago theater, would have performed in two of the 50 Plays as well as directing a third. Unfortunately, the three members of BriKo just couldn't work out their schedule. I was ready to let the play go and move in, but I like it. It's about cavemen (cave people?) workingout the kinks in cave painting. I pitched it to David who I know to insanely creative when it comes to props and staging. He bit. He liked the script and I didn't have to place it on the deleted scenes section of the DVD, which doesn't exist.

The Machine Breaks Down - This, too, almost didn't make it into the show. This was the second piece I wrote for 50 Plays and the director was disappointed. Not so much disappointed in the piece, just disappointed that I didn't write something else for them. It was a good experience in that it helped me more clearly define what it was I was doing and that I needed to tell the directors that I wasn't customizing scripts for them, I was simply writing with them and their cast in mind. While I'm totally open to feedback, the only thing I did not want to hear from a director is "Could you write something else?" Don Hall liked the piece and swooped in to pick it up. It's about a couple in the deep pits of their relationship where all they do together is sit on the couch and face the TV.

Luna Teak and Tong - This was a buttload of fun to write. Lacey wanted to play someone evil. I wasn't sure if I was going to include Rinska on stage or not since she was also directing. Fortunately, I decided to challenge her and give her two roles to juggle on top of directing. Lacey plays an evil aunt out to force a young "suitor" to date her quite deformed daughter. I saw this in tech and Lacey really takes on this role with gusto. I look forward to seeing it with an audience.

Jughead - Imagine Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolfe? if it took place in a trailer park with rednecks. All hell breaks loose in this scene between two couples and ends in a rather explosive way. It may have you running from the theater. But don't go too far. There's one more piece left.

Automatic Teller Machine Machine - This one is both surreal and meta. In meeting with casts and directors, if they ever said, "We'd like to do something absurd, surreal or dada-esque." well, look out. To me, that's like giving a crazy person permission to stop trying to act normal and be full on crazy. This has a little for everyone. if everyone likes butoh dancing and fog machines.

For more information and to buy tickets, click HERE.

50 Plays - June 24, 2011 8:00pm

2011-06-21T20:18:00.008-05:00

First show of the second weekend and, WOW, this bad boy is packed! Due to a scheduling snafu, there will be six plays in the 8pm show. If you're looking to get the most value for your ten bucks, this is it! Plus, some of these pieces run longer than ten minutes. You may actually make money from your ten dollar investment!

Friday, June 24 8pm

Jazz Hands and Gypsy Heart – An Evening with Harmony Bell – director: Jessica Hutchinson – cast: Marsha Harmon
Chet and the Devil I – director: Ric Walker – cast: Lily Stephens, Julia Lippert, Demian Krentz, Harrison Pak, Sarah Soskin, Michael Menconi
Creepy That Way – director: Marissa McKown – cast: Brian Shaw, Blayne Greiner, Anne Sunseri, Elizabeth Vanderhoof

Chet and the Devil 2 – director: Ric Walker – cast: cast: Lily Stephens, Julia Lippert, Demian Krentz, Harrison Pak, Sarah Soskin, Michael Menconi

Belmont– director: Hank Hilbert – cast: Peyton Daley, Michael Pieper

Rover from Dover – director: Rich Cotovsky – cast: Rudy Galvan, Dereck Garner, Dan Behrendt

Chet and the Devil 3 – director: Ric Walker – cast: Lily Stephens, Julia Lippert, Demian Krentz, Harrison Pak, Sarah Soskin, Michael Menconi

W.R.Y. – director: Jonathan Hirsch – cast: John Mobley, Brittany Townsley, Breanan Roach

The Directors

Jessica Hutchinson is the artistic director of New Leaf Theatre. Her directing credits include The Dining Room, Six Years, Touch, The Man Who Was Thursday (New Leaf), Orange Flower Water (BackStage Theatre), Hideous Progeny (LiveWire Chicago Theatre. Her latest work with New Leaf, Lighthousekeeping, runs at the DCA Storefront Theatre through July 17.

Ric Walker is thrilled to be a part of this festival. You may have seen Ric at the Steppenwolf or Goodman Theatres where he is a frequent patron. Ric is proud of his work and association with such groups as The Improvised Shakespeare Company, 2nd Story and The Second City. Ric would like to thank Nevena Todorovic, Tonette Novarro, and especially his cast not only for their hard work, fun and dedication which they brought to the project but also for being at least 10% better looking than other casts.

Marissa McKown has worked with Strawdog Theater Company, City Lit, Free Street Theater, and with former Wooster Group member Michael Stumm among others. Marissa's personal favorite production was Hunky Dory, a play inspired by the David Bowie album of the same name. Actually, almost every show she works on is her favorite. Currently Marissa is working on her artistic collective (GAAC) and is assisting Ann Filmer on Stations Lost and begining rehearsals for Global, which is part of Jackalope's Living Newspapers short plays festival.

Hank Hilbert is delighted to be a part of 50 Plays. Peyton got to know our amazing writer as his AD in the workshop/show/book, Process. She most recently played Blanche in Streetcar this past April. Michael Pieper is the Head and creator of Second City 's Acting Program where Hank and Peyton teach. We are thrilled to bring to life Belmont were beginnings are endings and endings are new beginnings.

Richard Cotovsky is a founding member of Mary-Arrchie Theatre Co. He has directed multitudinous plays at Mary-Arrchie including Detective Story, Saved, A Bright Room Called Day, The Resistible Rise Of Arturo Ui, The Job, Birdsend for which he recieved an After Dark Award, and Freedom of The City for which he received a Joseph Jefferson Citation. He has also directed for A Red Orchid Theatre, Live Bait Theatre, The Irish American Heritage Center, and Profiles Theatre Co. He has been known as an actor and has recently been seen in The Homecoming at Mary-Arrchie. He did perform in a play a The Rhinoceros Theatre Festival with Joe Janes in a show called Underground (editor's note: This is true! I played George Wallace. Governor George Wallace. Who died while we were in rehearsals. We didn't change a damn thing.)

Jonathan Hirsch is originally form Canada, He will be graduating from Columbia this coming July from the directing program. Jonathan is also an alumnus of CalArts, where he studied in the design program. His recent directing credits include: Mud by Maria Irene Fornes, That Other Person by David Lindsey Abaire. Recent producing credits include: Playing in repertory, House by Daniel Macivor and Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett presented in Toronto Canada.

Why should you see this show?

Holy, balls, this show is so loaded with talent we should be charging you ten bucks every two minutes. It's ridiculous. You at least owe me a favor. We can work out the details, later.

Jazz Hands and Gypsy Heart – An Evening with Harmony Bell - I had a blast writing this one. Marsha is one of my favorite actors and, for being how funny she is, just doesn't get cast enough in comedies. Jess is also one of my favorite directors, so it's a pleasure to be working with her. This is a one-woman show that's a riff on Elaine Stritch, if Elaine weren't well known or especially talented. Anyone who has seen a lot of my work knows I have a soft spot for big egos to go with their big delusions.

Chet and the Devil I, II & III - This one of my favorites from 365 Sketches and is directed by one of my oldest and dearest friends, Ric Walker. I like this one because it takes a classic (read, perhaps, cliche) comic situation - a devil and an angel on one's shoulders at a time of a major decision - and takes it in an unexpected direction.

Creepy That Way - This is a piece I wrote for AbbieFest last year. It's quite possible you didn't see it at 2am on a Sunday morning last summer. Here's your chance to see it and with one of my favorite actors/teachers, Brain Shaw. I was thrilled when i found out he was doing this. Some loose trivia to throw around, Brian's lovely wife Stephanie was originally asked to direct this last year and Rich Cotovsky, one of the 8pm directors, produces AbbieFest. But what about the piece itself? It's the first thing I wrote after 365 Sketches. I wanted to let loose with one of the sickest, crazy things I could muster. I think it's funny and evil and dabbles in grand guignol. Enjoy!

Belmont - Belmont is from 365 Sketches. It's one of the first strictly two-person scenes I ever wrote. It's origins go back to a class I took at Chicago Dramatists years ago. When I rewrote it for 365, Peyton read it and really liked it. I proposed her doing it for 50 Plays which is how it ended up here. Both she and Michael are instructors at The Second City Training Center. Happy to see them on stage and performing together.

Rover from Dover - Holy cow, Rich Cotovsky is in da houze! Thrilled to have Rich be a part of 50 Plays. This play was written for him and his cast. It was an interesting interview process. I usually end by asking what people are a geek about. I typically get answers like Battlestar Gallactica, Dr. Who, Harry Potter, Star Trek, etc. You know, the stuff I would say! With these guys I got things like Pinter, dramas about families falling apart, characters really struggling with sanity. Loved it.

W.R.Y. - This is a Mad Men inspired piece I wrote for one of the Columbia 24-Hour New Plays Festivals. I'm not sure why it didn't end up in 365. Maybe I felt it was too stylized. I'm glad it's here. Jonathan stepped in to replace a director who had to leave the state. I have seen Jonathan's work and his attention to detail is amazing. Looking forward to seeing what he does with this.

For tickets and more logistical info, click HERE.

50 Plays - June 23, 2011 8:00pm - IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!

2011-06-20T06:12:00.009-05:00

Juggling 50 directors and casts, this had to happen. There has been a scheduling mix-up. Belmont, featuring Michael Pieper and Peyton Daley, is in the Friday, 8pm show. NOT on Thursday. So, if you come this Thursday, in place of Belmont, you will see an encore performance of last Thursday's Baby Blue Sedan with Ryan Hake, Torian Miller and Johnathan Wallace, directed by J. Cody Spellman. And, if you come see the 8pm show on Friday, you'll see six plays instead of the usual five. More bang for your theater-going buck!

25 plays down, 25 to go! If you come on Thursday, and you should, here's what you'll see...

Thursday, June 23 8PM

Suddenly Stupid – director: George Lyons – cast: David Gibbons and Monica Gilley

The Saddest vacant Lot In All The World - director: Jay Steigmann – cast: Allison Black, Katie Dufresne, Liz Reuss

Custard with Ukulele – director: Kayla Mae Anderson – cast: Kathryn Acosta, Provvidenza Catalano, Robert Francis Curtis, Zan Rosenthal

Baby Blue Sedan – director J. Cody Spellman - cast: Jonathan Wallace, Torian Miller, Ryan Hake. Special Thanks to David Woolley, Sam Hubbard, Kathryn Acosta

Bunny – director: Kaiser Ahmed – cast: Kristen Anderson, Anne Sears, Pat Whalen

Director's Bios

George Lyons is a recent directing graduate from Columbia University. He's done lots of stuff, except make sure I have his director's bio. George!

Kayla Mae Anderson is a recent graduate of Columbia College Chicago's directing program, where she directed, wrote and performed in many pieces, her favorite and most recent being Rag and Bone by Noah Haidle. Kayla recently participated in the 14 @ Stage773 festival where she performed in her original solo piece Of Mice and directed for the Naked 24 Hour Project. Look for her upcoming work at the side project's site specific play festival where she will be directing Ceremony by Mark Schultz and assisting Kimberly Senior at American Blues Theater's Waiting for Lefty.

Jay Steigmann is an Associate Faculty Member of the Second City Training Center, where she’s been teaching writing and improvisation since 2004. Steigmann has written and directed several plays (Funeral), Cabaret Shows (LEGS!), and countless sketch shows. Steigmann says thanks to Joe Janes and the crew of The Saddest Vacant Lot in All the World!

J. Cody Spellman is a Junior Directing Theatre Major at Columbia College. His previous works include assistant directing The Normal Heart, Equus, and Floyd Collins, where he also was the dramaturg. Right now he is directing a film with Postmark Productions, stage managing the Neapolitan Theatre Co's Off Chekhov Fest, and will be assisting Brian Posen on This Is Our Youth, as well as Dramaturg for Columbia's next mainstage show Splendora.

Kaiser Ahmed is the co-founding artisitic director of Jackelope Theatre Company. He co-directed The Last Exodus of American Men, Jackalope's inaugural production and directed the recent production of Slaughter City. Kaiser is also an Artistic Associate at The Artistic Home Theatre Company. A member there for many years, directed House of Yes, Memories from Dreamland, and Last Days of Communisn. He performed in their Jeff-Recomended Modigliani, assistant directed the Jeff Recomended Sweet Bird of Youth, Skin of Our Teeth, Look Homeward Angel and Juno and the Paycock (Jeff Nominated for Best Production.)

Why This Show May Be Of Interest To You...

Suddenly Stupid - written for George and his cast. This was tricky to write because it is loaded with twists. This is about two co-workers trying to screw each other while trying to screw each other.

The Saddest vacant Lot In All The World - written for Jay and her cast. This is a piece where the three actors and Jay told me the do tons of sketch comedy and broad characters and would like to try something different. While having it's moments of humor, it's also very sad, I think. It's about a woman visiting the spot where her abducted child's body was found a year ago. The title comes from a song by Grandaddy. While the play has little to do with the song, I love the mood it evokes. You can hear it by clicking HERE.

Custard with Ukulele - written for Kayla and her cast. This is where meeting with the director and cast before writing their piece really paid off. They all knew each other, but there's something they all didn't know. They all knew how to play the ukulele! When we discovered that, it was like a lightbulb exploding. I couldn't NOT use that. It's a fun, slightly surreal piece.

Baby Blue Sedan - This is an encore performance of a piece from opening night. This Tarrantino-esque glimpse into three hitmen waiting for their target, a colleague, is a lot of fun. Cody did a great job creating the tension and the humor the play needs and Torien, Johnny and Ryan look like they're having the time of their lives. Definitely one of the plays that meets and exceeds my expectations as the author.

Bunny - Was written during 365 Sketches as part of Columbia College's 24-Hour New Plays Festival. It is ridiculous. A senior in high school finds himself the at the apex of a love triangle while being aggressively pursued by a female vampire and a gay werewolf. Lots of fun while taking digs at Twilight.

The Official Schedule of 50 Plays by Joe Janes

2011-06-16T07:18:00.003-05:00

All shows are at Strawdog Theater, 3829 North Broadway. Tickets are only $10 and are available at the door or by clicking HERE.

Thursday, June 16 8PM

We Reach With Radio (1) – director: Brea Hayes - cast: Kai Young, Max Lapine

Cheddar Moon – director: Danni Parpan - cast: Alex Marcus, Conor McCahill, Ike Holter, David Seeber

WRWR (2) – director: Brea Hayes - cast: cast: Kai Young, Brendan Buckley

Baby Blue Sedan – director: J. Cody Spellman - cast: Jonathan Wallace, Torian Miller, Ryan Hake

Sleeping Handsome – director: Tyler Wilsey - cast: Danni Parpan, Joe Barlow

WRWR (3) – director: Brea Hayes - cast: cast: Kai Young, Max Lapine, AJ Ware

Burka Betty – director: Kyra Lewandowsky - cast: Dana Black

The 50th Play - Joe will meet with director Jason Fleece and his cast and interview them in front of the audience. He will take what he learns and write them a play that will premiere Saturday, June 18th at 8pm.

Friday, June 17 8PM

Breakfast with Burt and Birdie – director: Rebekah Walendzak - cast: Michael Gellman, Deborah Ann Smith, Noah Ginex

Bounders – director: Nathan Robbel - cast: Danielle Gennaoui, Colby Sellers, Jøel Vining

Grandpapa’s Keys – director: Michael Gellman - cast: Rebekah Walendzak, Kimmie Companik-Warner

Mango Mouth – director: Emily Darlington Cooke - cast: Jon Beal, Zan Rosenthal, Maggie O'Keefe

Salmon Falls – director: Dawn Renee Jones - cast: Kayla Graham, Alex Farrington, Will Casey

Friday, June 17 10:30PM

Chuck and Randy in the Morning (6:15am) – director: Rose Freeman - cast: Brian Posen, Joe Mack

Party Like It's Thursday – director: Rachel Staelins - cast: Amanda Dodge, Samay Gheewala, Sarah Mikayla Brown, Tracy Wray, Vinnie Lacey. Special Thanks to Nicci Schumacher.

Once Upon a Time in a Church Basement – director: Jessica Wright - cast: Catherine Price, Aileen McGroddy, Brittney Love Smith

Chuck and Randy in the Morning (6:45am) – director: Rose Freeman - cast: Brian Posen, Joe Mack

Beat Noir – director: Bina Martin - cast: Jeff Hedges, Jen Malinsky, Vanessa Menton, Matt Malinsky

Moving Box – director: Rob Colletti, assistant director: Adam Ston - cast: John Reynolds, Sarita Scherpereel, Zach Rebich, Steve Hund, Eric Oren

Chuck and Randy in the Morning (6:59am) – director: Rose Freeman - cast: Brian Posen, Joe Mack, Donna June Ray, Bill Boehler, David Fink

Saturday, June 18 8pm

Butterfly Collector – director: Ben Harpe - cast: Melissa Fricke, Zach Zimmerman

The 50th Play – director: Jason Fleece - cast: Debbie Ruzicka, Trey Hanks, Ian Maxwell, Andy Quijano, Derrick Gaetke

A Love That Lasts Forever – director: Jen Ellison - cast: Patrick Brennan, Mary Jo Bolduc, Dave Stinton, Kevin Gladish

A Place Where Two Rivers Meet – director: Jake Schneider - cast: Ray Mees, Colleen Breen, Aaron Caponigro, Aaron Alonzo, Justin Howard

Summer Kisses, Winter Tears – director: John Hildreth - cast: Mary Jo Bolduc, John Mobley, Erin Kathryn Morrill, Janna Sobel, C.J. Tuor, Rudy Voit.

Saturday, June 18, 2011 10:30pm

Dreaming Beauty – director: Scott Olson - cast: Meg Harkins, Cassie Ahiers, Liz Siedt, Dylan James Hackworth, Daniel Planz, J.M. Bourgeois

Express Yourself – director: Cassie Ahiers - cast: Kaitlin Larson , Molly Ruthenberg, Shannon Noll, Jack Gallagher

The Pie Man – director: Jeff Ginsberg - cast: Nathan Paul, Gillian Hastings, Marvin Quijada Special thanks: Zander Schneider

Lube – director: Brooke Johnson - cast: Grace Wagner, Jason Nykiel, Julia Daubert, Liz Siedt, Megan Caccamo, Mickey Stegall, Mike Newquist, Nora Broz, Spencer McCurnin Fight Choreography: Mickey Stegall Music: Emme Williams Sound Effects: Zach Thostesen

The Film of My Love – director: Emma Peterson - cast: Natalie DiCristofano, Megan Wildebour, Jeffery Brown, David Mitchell, Don Hall?

Thursday, June 23 8PM

Suddenly Stupid – director: George Lyons – cast: David Gibbons and Monica Gilley

The Saddest vacant Lot In All The World - director: Jay Steigmann – cast: Allison Black, Katie Dufresne , Liz Reuss

Custard with Ukulele – director: Kayla Mae Anderson – cast: Kathryn Acosta, Provvidenza Catalano, Robert Francis Curtis, Zan Rosenthal

Belmont – director: Hank Hilberth – cast: Peyton Daley, Michael Pieper

Bunny – director: Kaiser Ahmed – cast: Kristen Anderson

Friday, June 24 8pm

Jazz Hands and Gypsy Heart – An Evening with Harmony Bell – director: Jessica Hutchinson – cast: Marsha Harmon

Chet and the Devil I – director: Ric Walker – cast: Lily Stephens, Julia Lippert, Demian Krentz, Harrison Pak, Sarah Soskin, Michael Menconi

Creepy That Way – director: Marissa McKown – cast: Brian Shaw, Blayne Greiner, Anne Sunseri, Elizabeth Vanderhoof

Chet and the Devil 2 – director: Ric Walker – cast: cast: Lily Stephens, Julia Lippert, Demian Krentz, Harrison Pak, Sarah Soskin, Michael Menconi

Rover from Dover – director: Rich Cotovsky – cast: Rudy Galvan,

Chet and the Devil 3 – director: Ric Walker – cast: cast: Lily Stephens, Julia Lippert, Demian Krentz, Harrison Pak, Sarah Soskin, Michael Menconi

W.R.Y. –director: Jonathan Hirsch – cast: John Mobley, Brittany Townsley, Breanan Roach

Friday June 24 10:30pm

Forgotten Dreams – director: David Rocco Facchini – cast: Maureen Allen, Bryan Dawidowicz, Brian Hurwitz

The Machine Breaks Down – director: Don Hall – cast: Erin Orr, Greg Wenz VO: Paul Friedman, Peter Sagal, Carl Kasell, Melba Lara, Don Hall

Luna Teak and Tong – director: Rinska Prestinary – cast: Lacy Katherine Campbell, Rinska Prestinary

Jughead – director: Brian Posen – cast: Teagan Walsh Davis, Lisa Duke, Jonathan Hymen, Ryan Brinkerhoff

Automatic Teller Machine Machine – director: Michael Rose – cast: Megan Captaine, Stacey High, Keith Gatchel, KaCee J Hudson

Saturday, June 25 8pm

Butterfly Knife – director: John Pierson – cast: Eric T. Roth, Paige Saliba, Clifton Frei, Mathew Hope, Erin Orr

Scratch’d – director: Hank Boland – cast:

Peter Pain – director: Dina Marie Klahn – cast: Brooke Johnson, Erin Morrill, Emme Williams

Effluvia Falls – director: Regan Davis – cast: Patrick Kelly, Mikayla Brown, Brenda Kelly, Jonathan Sales, Aaron Pagel, Craig Rennak

All Things Foul – director: Patrick Kelly – cast: Laurens Wilson, Erin Wilson, Alex Farrington

Saturday, June 25 10:30pm

Hogan's Real Piesca – director: Megan A. Smith – cast: Bekki Anderson, Kurt Lewis, Dustin Levell, Bruce Phillips

Derek Is An Asshole – director: Jeff Bouthiette – cast: Allen Doederlein and Maria Margaglione

Violent Femmes – director: Letitia Guillard – cast:

Butterfly Jar – director: Sydney Chatman – cast:

Steampunk Moonstomp – director: Rebecca Langguth – cast: Kim Boler, John Sundholm, Audery Naomi Smith

All shows are at Strawdog Theater, 3829 North Broadway. Tickets are only $10 and are available at the door or by clicking HERE.

50 Plays - June 18, 2011 10:30pm

2011-06-13T18:57:00.009-05:00

Here's the line-up for the show closing out our first weekend of 50 Plays...

June 18, 2011 10:30pm

Dreaming Beauty – director Scott Olson - cast: Meg Harkins, Cassie Ahiers, Liz Siedt, Dylan James Hackworth, Daniel Planz, J.M. Bourgeois

Express Yourself – directors Cassie Ahiers - cast: Kaitlin Larson , Molly Ruthenberg, Shannon Noll, Jack Gallagher

The Pie Man – director Jeff Ginsberg - cast: Nathan Paul, Gillian Hastings, Marvin Quijada Special thanks: Zander Schneider

Lube – director Brooke Johnson - cast: Grace Wagner, Jason Nykiel, Julia Daubert, Liz Siedt, Megan Caccamo, Mickey Stegall, Mike Newquist, Nora Broz, Spencer McCurnin Fight Choreography: Mickey Stegall Music: Emme Williams Sound Effects: Zach Thostesen

The Film of My Love – director Emma Peterson - cast: Natalie DiCristofano, Megan Wildebour, Jeffery Brown, David Mitchell, Don Hall?

The Directors

Scott Olson was a director last year at 365 Sketchfest and remounted his evening of sketches at Gorilla Tango last fall. He most recently directed MIKE IN THE WOODS for Cold Basement Dramatics. Scott is on the faculty of Columbia College where he has been teaching for 14 years and is the core acting teacher at the Conservatory at Act One Studios. Also an actor, Scott will be appearing in MEMOIR at the Greenhouse this August.

Cassie Ahiers is a directing student at Columbia College Chicago. She had the pleasure of working with Joe Janes last year as a part of the 365 Sketches and feels lucky to be a part of two shows in this year’s festival as well. Cassie will be attending the Comedy Studies Program next fall at Second City, and she really loves sloths.

Jeff Ginsberg is an actor, director and educator and the coordinator of the Acting Program of the Theater Department of Columbia College Chicago where he has been on the faculty for 25 years. As co-artistic Director of the National Jewish Theater for four years, he supervised, directed or acted in over twenty classics, as well as Chicago and world premieres. He was also co-artistic director of the Immediate Theater Company where he directed Jeff recognized productions of Seduced, Two Small Bodies, Apocalyptic Butterflies and Ragged Dick. Jeff received a Presidential Scholar in the Arts Teaching Award and has twice been nominated for an Excellence in Teaching Award from Columbia College. He is a graduate of Boston University’s School of the Arts and the Yale School of Drama.

Brooke Johnson has BA in Theater from Columbia College Chicago and has written, directed, and performed shows in the Chicago area for the past 3 years. She is happy to be working with Joe Janes again and will be performing in another of Joe Janes‘ 50 PLAYS ‘Peter Pain’. Brooke will next appear with Dandelion Arts at the 23^rd annual ‘Abbie Hoffman Died For Our Sins Festival‘, August 19-21 at Mary Archie Theater.

Emma Peterson is the Co-Artistic Director of The Right Brain Project. Currently, she is directing RBP's The Archivist, which premieres July 21, 2011 at the RBP Rorschach. Next, she will be directing Titus Andronicus for RBP’s 2012 season. She is also a proud Artistic Associate of Chicago Fusion Theatre which is currently running Big Love. Thanks to Joe for letting her play with these fine folks and to everyone involved in this crazy wonderful project.

My Thoughts On This Shindig

Dreaming Beauty - Fun to be working with the certifiably insane Scott Olson and his cast. This is one of the first pieces I wrote. I initially thought I'd be able to build the different shows around themes. Schedules and inspiration altered that. But this is a product of when I thought there would be fairy tale themed show. I'm fascinated by Sleeping Beauty. Not much is told about what happened while she slept. This is Sleeping Beauty's nightmare.

Express Yourself - This is one of the few pieces where I found a cast first and asked them to find a director to work with so I could write a piece for them. I remember having a difficult start to this one, but it finally clicked for me when I determined what I wanted to do with Kaitlin's character, changing her from an estranged sister to the ghost of two sister's father who visits them while they are making funeral arrangements.

The Pie Man - Another fairy tale. Really quite coincidental that it's in the same show as Dreaming Beauty and that is also directed by another Columbia teacher, Jeff Ginsberg. Jeff assembled a wildly creative cast well versed in silent theater so I made sure to give them lots of fun stuff to do.

Lube - Crazy piece. Brooke assembled the largest cast I had to work with. A total of nine. Hard to be equitable with lines with such a large cast so I just strove to make sure everyone had something cool to do. I hope I succeeded. Inspired by the recent remount of the original Grease at ATC. This is a clash of context between high school of the 50s and high school of today.

The Film of My Love - This is the only previously produced piece, debuting last year as a part of 365 Sketches. The title comes from a 10cc song and is a satire on Hollywood rom-coms.

For more information and to buy tickets click HERE!

50 Plays - June 18, 2011 8:00pm

2011-06-09T19:38:00.011-05:00

Here's the line-up for Saturday, June 18 at 8pm...

June 18 - 8pm

Butterfly Collector – director Ben Harpe - cast: Melissa Fricke, Zach Zimmerman

To Be Written – director Jason Fleece - cast: ooooh, mystery cast!

A Love That Lasts Forever – director Jen Ellison - cast: Patrick Brennan, Mary Jo Bolduc, Dave Stinton, Kevin Gladish

A Place Where Two Rivers Meet – director Jake Schneider - cast:Ray Mees, Colleen Breen, Aaron Caponigro, Aaron Alonzo, Justin Howard

Summer Kisses, Winter Tears – director John Hildreth - cast: Mary Jo Bolduc, John Mobley, Erin Kathryn Morrill, Janna Sobel, C.J. Tuor, Rudy Voit. Stage Combat by R & D Choreography. Fight Captain: John Mobley. Special Thanks to Columbia College.

The Directors

Ben Harpe. Recent directing credits include the sketch revue An Overhead Project and the one-man show Just Kidding, which was a featured production at ACTF 2010, Midwest region. Ben has also performed in the sketch revues Sketches with Wolves, Grandpa Hands and last summer's 365 Sketches. Ben would like to thank Joe, Zach and Melissa.

Jason A. Fleece is thrilled to be working with Joe Janes again, the subject of his manliest of man-crushes. Jason participated in last year's 365 Sketches with Joe, as well as various and sundry other projects. Jason is a member of Stage Left Theatre's artistic ensemble, and recently directed Arthur Miller's adaptation of An Enemy of the People for them. Also at Stage Left, Jason directed the workshop production of Underneath by Rob Smith as part of LeapFest 8, currently running.

Jen Ellison has been performing, writing and directing in Chicago for 13 years. Recent directing credits include The Lost Shakespeare Play (by Dave Stinton), Metaluna and the Amazing Science of the Mind Revue (by Joe Janes) for WNEP, Hackneyed for the Collaboraction 2008 Sketchbook, Funsplosion and Single Entendre (which most recently appeared at the TBS Just for Laughs Festival in Chicago) with Kerpatty!. Jen also wrote and directed Let There Be Light..! (Co-written with Dave Stinton in 2003) and Invasion of the Minnesota Normals, which had its Chicago premiere with WNEP in 2006 and was produced by Buzzworks of Los Angeles in March 2008. Jen currently teaches Screenwriting at DePaul University.

Jake Schneider is thrilled to be working with Joe Janes and Straw Dog again. Jake was previously in Joe's 365 Sketches last year. Since moving to Chicago in 2000 from Florissant Missouri, Jacob Schneider has improvised with Improvised Shakespeare Company, iO Theater's Armando Diaz & Del Tones, Comedy Sportz Chicago Ensemble, Second City Theatricals, and every Tuesday 10:30pm he joins his friends The Reckoning at iO. He has directed Black George, 9/11 Was An Inside The Actors Studio, and this Fall he will be directing Old Rasputin the Musical at the Annoyance. Jacob has a BFA in Theater from Webster in St. Louis. He does other stuff too.

John Hildreth is delighted to direct for the 50 Plays festival as he did last summer for the 365 Sketches festival. Recent directing credits include: Lifeline Theatre, the Metropolis Performing Arts Centre, Live Bait Theater, Emerald City Theatre, Theatre on the Lake, iO, Donny's Skybox Studio, The Athenaeum, and Columbia College as part of the Freshman Performance Project. John teaches in the theater department at Columbia College and for The Second City Training Center.

My Thoughts On All This

This show is made up of all original pieces written for the director and their cast.

Butterfly Collector - This is a new piece. Many of my plays have to do with either radio - being a dj or it's a piece designed for audio - or teaching. These are two things I have done for a living and now well. This one deals with the prickly issues that arise when a college student and teacher might be interested in things other than their professional relationship. This is also the second piece to reference a butterfly. There's a third. Not sure what that means about my writing. Either something about metamorphosis of myself as a writer or I just think they're pretty.

To Be Written - This is the 50th Play! After the opening night show, the audience is invited to stick around and watch me interview Jason Fleece and his cast. I'll then head hoe and write their play which they will perform Saturday, June 18th at 8pm.

A Love That Lasts Forever - This is a very silly piece written for some of my favorite comedic actors. Patrick Brennan cracks me up. And while I have been warned about his tendencies to have a casual relationship with scripts, I went for it any way and made him the lead. The stage directions describe him as wearing a unitard and having very pronounced testicles that are clearly outlined. If I can't get my words coming out of his mouth, I'll at least have his scripted balls.

A Place Where Two Rivers Meet - This is a serious piece with comic elements. The bittersweet parting of ways of a married couple and who they turn to for a shoulder to cry on. Jake had expressed wanting to do something that was definitely theater - not TV or film on stage. I think this piece does it with it's unusual structure and presentation.

Summer Kisses, Winter Tears - I won't give away the "twist" in this piece. Suffice it to say, this is a loving jab at overwrought family dramas with strong, possibly insane, mothers.

For tickets and more logistical info, click HERE!

50 Plays - June 17, 2011 10:30pm

2011-06-09T15:59:00.009-05:00

Here's what's going down for our Friday 10:30pm show on June 17th.

June 17, 10:30PM

Chuck and Randy in the Morning (6:15am) – director Rose Freeman - cast: Brian Posen, Joe Mack

Party Like It's Thursday – director Rachel Staelins - cast: Amanda Dodge, Samay Gheewala, Sarah Mikayla Brown, Tracy Wray, Vinnie Lacey. Special Thanks to Nicci Schumacher.

Once Upon a Time in a Church Basement – director Jessica Wright - cast: Catherine Price, Aileen McGroddy, Brittney Love Smith

Chuck and Randy in the Morning (6:45am) – director Rose Freeman - cast: Brian Posen, Joe Mack

Beat Noir – director Bina Martin - cast: Jeff Hedges, Jen Malinsky, Vanessa Menton, Matt Malinsky

Moving Box – director Rob Colletti, assistant director Adam Ston - cast: John Reynolds, Sarita Scherpereel, Zach Rebich, Steve Hund, Eric Oren Special Thanks to Joe Janes, Don Hall, Second City, and to you! Thanks for supporting the shows!

Chuck and Randy in the Morning (6:59am) – director Rose Freeman - cast: Brian Posen, Joe Mack, Donna June Ray, Bill Boehler, David Fink

THE DIRECTORS

Rose Freeman directs stage manages and writes for theatre around Chicago and is honored to be collaborating with such a wonderful cast. She is excited to be working on another Joe Janes piece and looks forward towards her accreditation as a "Joe Janes Scholar" any time now. Freeman is currently the production manager for Cerqua Rivera Dance Theatre and would like to thank her beautiful wife, Jenn for her patience love and support.

Rachel Staelens directs and stage manages around town. Most recently she directed Minutia in Point of Contention's 6th Annual ChAos Festival at Lincoln Square Theatre and production stage managed Redmoon's 1st ever Youth Spectacle at the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum. Rachel is the Production Manager for the Chicago Fringe Festival (Pilsen, September 1-11, 2011 - http://www.chicagofringe.org/). She is also a strong believer in nap time and snacks.

Jessica Wright's writings have been performed by Tooth and Nail Ensemble (Under Ground), the Whiskey Rebellion (Sign of Rain), and members of Lifeline Theatre (as part of their 2010 Benefit). Locally, she has directed (Owl Theatre’s A New Nation: The American Civil War in Letters, Speeches, and Song), designed props (Lifeline Theatre’s Treasure Island), and worked as a dramaturg (Lookingglass Theatre's Our Future Metropolis). She has been the resident assistant stage manager at Lifeline since 2008.

Bina Martin (Director) is a faculty member at The Second City Training Center and Artistic Director of CarniKid Productions whose improvised play, Chairs, has appeared in theaters around Chicago and in festivals around the world. Bina has also directed Reel, Cathcart & Olson, Off-Book, Segue and Better Off Wed (all at Donny’s Skybox at Second City) and several of Joe Janes's 365 Sketches. As an improviser, Bina has performed Off-Broadway in Lifegame, played on numerous teams at iO and appeared in sketches on "Late Night with Conan O’Brien" (the original).

Rob Colletti is a recent graduate of Columbia College, receiving his Bachelor's Degree in Theater. You can currently see him as Roger in American Theater Company's Revival of "The Original Grease." Directing/Production Credits include: "Graceland" (Profiles Theatre - 2010 Jeff Award "Best New Work"), "The Good Soul of Szechuan" (Strawdog Theater, Jeff Recommended), and "Blood Wedding" (ACT ONE Conservatory, directed by Kimberly Senior).

My Thoughts On This Show

I am very much looking forward to this batch.

Chuck and Randy in the Morning - This piece has its origins going way back to the early 90s when Don Hall and I did a truncated version of it in our Level 5 show at Second City. I took it and developed it further into the script you'll see here. It was also in the first WNEP scripted production, Silence of the Frogs. AND, it features none other than Brian Posen! Looking forward to seeing him act.

Party Like It's Thursday - A world premiere written for 50 Plays. This one is a tribute to one of the best/worst bands I remember seeing when I was in college in Dayton, Ohio - Dale Walton's Second Wind. I like this because Mykala gets to be pompous and sing a party anthem. To be clear about the song, I wrote the lyrics, these cats figured out the music.

Once Upon A Time In A Church Basement - This piece appeared last year in 365 Sketches, but, for a sketch, it's longer than most sketches and gets into some detailed history with the characters, so I opted to have it in 50 Plays. It's three women who fall into a tangle of mistrust in the aftermath of a church rummage sale. Have to love that!

Beat Noir - Another world premiere written for this cast and director. I'm really looking forward to seeing what they do. The title tips what's going on. It's a film noir story involving a female detective, a femme fatale and a murder, with elements of beat poetry. It was a lot of fun to write.

Moving Box - Again, a world premiere written for this cast and director. At the initial interview with the cast and director, I asked "What would you like to do on stage that you've never had the chance to do?" Sarita said "Nudity!" I missed the part where she said, "Just kidding." We compromised. It's a sweet play, even without nudity.

50 Plays - Friday Night June 17, 2011 8pm

2011-06-09T05:47:00.010-05:00

Here's the line-up for the second show of 50 Plays...

Friday, June 17 - 8PM

Breakfast with Burt and Birdie – director Rebekah Walendzak - cast: Michael Gellman, Deborah Ann Smith, Noah Ginex

Bounders – director Nathan Robbel - cast: Danielle Gennaoui, Colby Sellers, Jøel Vining

Grandpapa’s Keys – director Michael Gellman - cast: Rebekah Walendzak, Kimmie Companik-Warner

Mango Mouth – director Emily Darlington Cooke - cast: Jon Beal, Steve Casillas, Maggie O'Keefe

Salmon Falls – director Dawn Renee Jones - cast: Kayla Graham, Alex Farrington, Will Casey

The Directors

Rebekah Walendzak directed Joe Janes' Dried and Cured Meats in last year's 365 Sketches and is proud to return to direct Breakfast with Burt & Birdie. A faculty member at The Second City Training Center, Rebekah is an actor, writer, director with a B.A. in Theatre Arts from San Jose State University. She is a proud ensemble member of the Process Theatre Group and co-founder of Bare Boned Theatre. Thanks to her gentleman friend for everything.

Nathan Robbel is a founder and co-artistic director of the Right Brain Project. For the RBP, Nathan has directed My Filthy Hunt, Hesperia, Pretty Penny, And They Put Handcuffs on the Flowers, Franz Kafka's The Castle, and The Empire Builders, among others. He has also had the pleasure of directing for the side project, the Bailiwick, Chicago Sable Ensemble, Dream Theatre Company, and New World Center for the Arts. Much love to Emma!

Michael Gellman was a Resident Company member of The Second City Chicago for three years and he has directed at The Second City since 1980. He was nominated for Outstanding Director for the national Dora Mavor Moore Award in Canada and the Joseph Jefferson Award in Chicago, and he won the Detroit Free Press Award for Best Comedy. Michael served as Artistic Director of Chicago Theatre Works and Wavelength and as an Artistic Associate of Organic Theater. In addition to The Second City Training Center, Michael has taught at Columbia College, Northern Illinois University and Artistic New Directions.

Emily Darlington Cooke graduated in May with an Interdisciplinary Studies degree in theatre directing and psychology from Columbia College Chicago; directing credits include Sheila Callaghan’s Dead City, John Patrick Shanley’s Dirty Story, and a site-specific piece for Manifest. She will spend her summer basking in Suzanne Thompson’s glow as the Feldenkrais T.A. at the School at Steppenwolf, directing a stage reading of Joel Rich’s Proustian Trilogy at the Newberry Library, and fooling around at Stage 773.

Dawn Renee Jones began her career as a director in 1983 in Minneapolis at At The Foot of the Mountain Theatre. Since then she has directed for many Minneapolis/St. Paul theatres including Actors Theatre of St Paul, Penumbra, Women’s Theatre Project, and Starting Gate. She is the founder and former Artistic Director of Alchemy Theater in Minneapolis. Jones is currently Assistant to the Theatre Department Chair at Columbia College Chicago.

My Notes On This Show

This show has four plays written for 50 Plays and one piece that premiered at the last Columbia College 24-Hour New Plays Festival I participated in. What's most exciting to me about this set is the participation of mentor and friend Michael Gellman not only as a director, but also as a performer in a piece with his wife, Deborah. Michael and I both love Old Time Radio, which is the style with which his piece is written. Gellman even worked for CBS radio as a writer and performer in the last days of their producing original radio dramas. Nathan Robbel is directing Bounders, the - perhaps - hallucinogenic adventure of a slacker inspired by The Men Who Stared At Goats and the for reals psychopath test. I love Nathan's work with The Right Brain Project and look forward to seeing what he and his cast will do with this play. Grandpapa's Keys was inspired by an incident that really happened to a friend of mine where she found a set of keys that should not have been where they were, several states away from where they belonged. It is also a nod to the ladies of Gray Gardens and you get to see Kimmie on a pair of roller skates! Mango Mouth was the first piece I wrote for 50 Plays where I went for full on absurdism. It's a great cast and the director is a little touched, but in a good way. Salmon Falls is my dip into 1950s Men-In-Black at a remote outpost in northern California in the winter. The original director and lead actress reprise their roles. It's worth coming to see this just to see and hear Kayla play the cello.

For more information or to buy tickets for this show click HERE!

50 Plays - Opening Night June 16, 2011 8pm - updated 6/7/11

2011-06-01T23:09:00.010-05:00

In case you were wondering why my blog updates have been rare, it's because I have been busy working on 50 Plays. It's this year's 365 Sketches. 50 directors, 50 casts, 50 ten minute(ish) plays. All at the Strawdog. Tickets can be purchased at Brown Paper Tickets.

Unlike 365 where I wrote a comedy sketch a day for a year, this has been about assembling 50 ten minute plays. Some have been previously produced. Most of them have been written for this event. Directors cast their piece, I met with them and asked them some questions, then I went off and wrote a piece with that cast and director in mind. It's a fun process and allowed me to confidently add things to a script and not worry about whether or not the director could find someone who played ukulele or juggled or roller skated.

Here's what's playing opening night. Still in the process of gathering information from the directors. Info like, who their cast is! Quite a task getting 50 directors to give you what you need in a timely fashion.

Here's the first five plays to be present at 50 Plays with my comments about them below. One piece, WRWR, has been split up into three parts.

We Reach With Radio (1) – director Brea Hayes - cast: Kai Young, Max Lapine
Cheddar Moon – director Danni Parpan - cast: Alex Marcus, Conor McCahill, Ike Holter, David Seeber
WRWR (2) – director Brea Hayes - cast: cast: Kai Young, Brendan Buckley
Baby Blue Sedan – director J. Cody Spellman - cast: Jonathan Wallace, Torian Miller, Ryan Hake. Special Thanks to David Woolley, Sam Hubbard, Kathryn Acosta
Sleeping Handsome – director Tyler Wilsey - cast: Danni Parpan, Joe Barlow
WRWR (3) – director Brea Hayes - cast: cast: Kai Young, Max Lapine, AJ Ware

Burka Betty – director Kyra Lewandowsky - cast: Dana Black. Special Thanks to Sally Akrawe (dialect help), Jennifer Kincaid (rehearsal space), John Pierson (wheelchair)

Directors' Bios

Brea Hayes is a very nice girl who sometimes directs plays and makes theater throughout the Chicago area. She is a graduate of the theater program at Columbia College Chicago. Her day job is at Court Theater. She is motivated by cupcakes and cute animals.

Danni Parpan is thrilled to be working on Joe Jane's 50 Plays! She graduated from Columbia College Chicago in 2010 where she received her BA in Theater-acting. Danni directed for Joe Jane's 365 Sketches last year and has assistant directed several shows at Act One Studios under under the direction of Kimberly Senior and Steve Merle. She also assistant directed "Zombies Attack Chicago" with Anna Rose Epstein for NWaC and "Uncle Vanya" at Strawdog Theater Company under the direction of Kimberly Senior. Her acting credits include Ilse in "Spring Awakening", Hattie in "Laundry and Bourbon", Roberta in "Jack, or the Submission", Bree, in NWaC's "Corner Critics" and Mystical Mary in NWaC's first ever "Spooktaular". Special thanks to Joe Janes, Tyler Wilsey, NWaC, and Jack Bourgeois for letting me use his internet to write this in the middle of moving!

J. Cody Spellman is a Junior Directing Theatre Major at Columbia College. His previous works include assistant directing The Normal Heart, Equus, and Floyd Collins, where he also was the dramaturg. Right now he is directing a film with Postmark Productions, stage managing the Neapolitan Theatre Co's Off Chekhov Fest, and will be assisting Brian Posen on This Is Our Youth, as well as Dramaturg for Columbia's next mainstage show Splendora.

Tyler Veronica Wilsey is very excited to be directing something on her home turf. She was recently hired as the Production Manager for Strawdog's 24th season. She is also a graduate of Columbia College's Directing Program, and has worked as a stage manager for several companies around town. She hasn't gotten to write music in a hot minute, and had a great time working on the show. Love to the Fifis, Garbo, and Danni Lee.

Kyra Lewandowsky: Kyra met Joe while directing for WNEP’s Nighthawk Sandwich last year and is tickled to be working with him again on this awesome project. Previous directing credits include Verse Chorus Verse with Tympanic Theatre, Curse of the Starving Class with New Leaf Theatre, Polaroid Stories with Village Players Theatre as well as work with Rivendell Theatre, Teatro Vista, the side project, Griffin Theatre, Collaboraction, Infusion Theatre, Hobo Junction Productions, Appetite Theatre and 20 % Theatre.

Here are my notes about these pieces and why I think you should see this show.

We Reach With Radio was previously produced as part of 365 Sketches. WRWR is biographical about my days working at a local radio station when I was a year out of high school, but not yet in college. The scenes represented really happened. I cherish those days.

Cheddar Moon was previously produced for Columbia College's 24-Hour Plays festival and Chicago Dramatist's and The Second City Training Center's 10-Minute Play festival. Cheddar Moon is one of my all time favorite pieces. I wrote it a few years ago (2007?) for the Columbia College 24-Hour Plays Festival. It was the first festival I ever did of that nature and I was so happy with the results, I did more of them. It put me on the path that led to doing 365 Sketches, for sure.

Baby Blue Sedan is a world premiere. Baby Blue Sedan was written for actors from Columbia College that I enjoyed having as students. It's a thrill to have Ryan in the piece because I flunked him. He's talented, but abused the tardy/attendance policy. I felt bad about it. I'm glad he doesn't hold a grudge. Or he does, and he's going to take it out in this play. Worth seeing, either way.

Sleeping Handsome is a world premiere. It's a mini-musical and gender swap on the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale.

Burka Betty is a world premiere.The evening ends with one of my favorite actresses, Dana Black, in Burka Betty. She worked with Don Hall and I on our Sketchfest show. She's as brilliant at comedy as she is drama. I took writing her piece very seriously. She plays an Iraqi woman who takes to the airwaves at night a la Tokyo Rose. There's more to her pain, but I don't want to spoil it.

UPDATE!!!

There is now a post-show event added to opening night of 50 Plays. The bulk of 50 Plays was written through meeting with directors and then casts and then writing a play with them in mind. Right after the first five plays, the audience is invited to stick around and watch Joe interview Jason Fleece and his cast before writing their 10 minute play which will go up two days later on Saturday, June 18th in the 8pm show. Good times.

Blog 20 Best Travel Destinations for Theater Buffs

2011-05-20T09:34:00.003-05:00

Hey! I have been super busy finishing up the scripts for 50 Plays. Meanwhile, here's an interesting article by Emma Taylor on some of the best destinations for theater buffs. Just click on the link.

20 Best Travel Destinations for Theater Buffs

Hey! It's Michael Palin's Birthday!

2011-05-05T05:22:00.008-05:00

And it's my birthday, too! I am in good company. Today is a popular date for birthdays as well as being Cinco de Mayo. And, just like those unfortunate folks whose birthdays fall on Christmas, I am often shafted on gifts. But at least everyone is partying, whacking piñatas with sticks and licking salt off the rims of goblets filled with tequila goodness.

I am now officially 5-0. I much prefer saying Five-Oh to fifty. Makes me sound like a cop.

People often tell me I look younger than I am. This is more due to lifestyle than genetics. Here's a picture of my brothers Bob and Don. Bob (the one with horns) is two years younger than me, Don (the terrified one) is two years older.

Yes, it's lifestyle over genetics. Here are 50 ways to keep young according to me.

1) Don't eat meat. I have been a vegany-vegetarian for over 20 years.

2) Don't use aftershave or cologne. I use moisturizer. Lots and lots of moisturizer. Kiss My Face olive oil-aloe is my favorite.

3) Challenge yourself creatively. Currently crafting 50 ten-minute plays that will all be performed at the Strawdog in June.

4) Laugh a lot. Fortunately, it's a part of my job.

5) Learn new things. Currently taking two class at Columbia College - U.S. History and Literature & Visual Culture. The Lit class has been very inspiring and helpful in writing and teaching satire. The U.S. History class has been eye-opening. And weird. It's the first time I've taken a history class that covered decades when I was alive!

6) Try new things. I'm going sky diving next week!

7) Listen to new music. Music that's new to you. Not current pop hits, unless you like that. People get stuck listening to the music they listened to in high school or college. I dig that, but I also like discovering new stuff I can jam to. Even if that new stuff is from the 50s.

8) Get a pet. From the shelter or take in a stray. Pets are fun. Playful. Cuddly. I have two cats that are funnier than I am.

9) Be passionate about something. I'm passionate about teaching and sketch comedy. I also care about the planet and try to do things that will make a difference.

10) Explore different routes. I hate ruts. I will try different ways to get to where I want to go.

11) Explore the city. Sometimes I'll pick a neighborhood and go.

12) Have good friends. People that wear you out and bring you down are not worth having in your life.

13) Know how to chill. I think it's important to be able to be comfortable alone as well as comfortable around people.

14) Go be around people. Don't be a hermit. You need to be around other people to help understand - and appreciate - who you are.

15) Be and have silly things. The book on my coffee table is a picture book called Roadside America. A tribute to trashy roadside atrocities. Great book to flip through to remind me how wonderful and ridiculous life is.

16) Eat well. It's not enough for me to just cut out animal products. I eat healthy whole foods as much as possible.

17) Sleep well. Compared to other people, I don't sleep a lot. Probably 5 - 6 hours on average. But I love to sleep. I get cozy. I relax. I dream. And make your bed! You'll sleep better just from that. Nothing worse than crawling into bed at night tired and the blankets are all tangled up.

18) Don't have kids. Okay - this is really just what has worked for me. It's not for everyone. But from seeing decades of family and friends pop out people, it puts miles on you. I know for me, something I spawned would be a 24/7 source of worry and concern.

19) Enjoy kids. Kids are great. Especially when they are not your own. Kids know how to play. I wish they had playgrounds for adults. The gym comes close, but I'd go more often if there was a jungle gym or monkey bars.

20) Do yoga. Yoga helps you center yourself while stretching and strengthening.

21) Ride a bike. Go for walks. Use your body to get yourself places. Good exercise and it helps you connect with nature. There are a lot of trees and birds and squirrels in Chicago.

22) Read. Feed your head good books. Read all those books you were supposed to read in high school and college. I just read Jane Eyre. It's great.

23) Go see live performances. Chicago is rich with opportunities. I love to go to The Poetry Slam, Storytelling Evenings, The Paper Machete. Seeing people being smart and funny and and creative and vulnerable is enlightening and inspiring.

24) Go see live music. And get close enough to see the expression on the musician's faces. This is as true for a bar band as it is for the symphony. You'll see people in their zones, you'll see people mess up, you'll see people who have worked together for years communicate to one another non-verbally. It can be messy and exquisite.

25) Theater. Go see theater. Big theater and small theater. And, just like music, get as close as you can.

26) Have goals, personal and professional. And have friends you trust that you can share these goals with and know they will support you (kick you in the ass) to do them.

27) Share your heart.

28) Be open. Listen.

29) It's okay to have emotions. Not allowing yourself to express your anger or love will also age you quickly.

30) I cannot stress enough the value of botox.

31) I am kidding about 30.

32) Don't hide your age. You are what you are. And it is just a number and, as a society, we tack on way too much meaning on it. Shake it up.

33) Eat ice-cream naked. Alee Spadoni pointed out to me that I can be found in two different videos on-line eating ice-cream naked. To be clear, both were non-dairy and in one, I was at least wearing boxer briefs.

34) Be cool with technology. We're living in an amazing age of being able to carry a buh-jillion songs in the palm of a hand and being able to watch movies and TV shows at our convenience without having to return anything. We have the world at our fingertips and it's easier than ever to connect with someone.

35) Be messy. It's okay to make a mess or look a mess. If you workout, go for it, become a big sweaty mess. If it's raining out, jump in a mud puddle. Have a snowball fight.

36) Don't worry too much about what people think. They probably don't care or they are too busy worrying about what you think of them.

37) Wear comfortable shoes.

38) Dress in layers. Helps you deal with when it's too hot or too cold and it gives you more to work with while stripping for money.

39) Do crossword puzzles and play Scrabble. Helps you keep sharp as well as increase your vocabulary.

40) Take vitamins, but not too many. I currently take a men's multi-vitamin, cranberry pills (for the plumbing) and vitamin C (for the immune system.)

41) Give. Give to charitable organizations you dig when you can. And if you can't give time, give money.

42) Participate in your country, state, city and neighborhood. From supporting local businesses to voting. It gives you a sense of belonging.

43) Home is where you are and everyone's a peer, whether they're homeless or the president. We're all in this together.

44) Appreciate a good story. It bothers me when someone blanketly says "I hate sci-fi" or "I hate westerns." There are great stories out there they are missing out on.

45) Know what's going on in the world and question the info. Don't just drink the kool-aide of your favorite news source. Caution: doing this too much of this will drive you crazy and make you older.

46) Drink plenty of clean water.

47) Massages are important. Good for the muscles and bones.

48) Go to museums. Be curious about art and history.

49) Appreciate beauty. And find beauty in the people and things.

50) Dance! Even if you don't know how.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T08:12:00.003-05:00

Jon Andrew Davis created “Ghostbusters vs. Jesus” for a 2009 gallery show at ArtWorks in Harrisonburg VA. The title of the show was Divine Comedy because it “uses humor to get people to think about religious authority and fundamentalism. ”

I've Thought About This...

2011-04-12T06:41:00.002-05:00

Dates with Ever 1.5

2011-03-28T05:30:00.000-05:00

Where I offend the state of Michigan.

I Believe...

2011-03-23T08:08:00.004-05:00

...that, for a news junkie, I'm exhausted! Most draining is seeing how much pain and suffering is caused for the sake of increasing a profit margin - shoddy nuclear reactors, oil spills, etc. I may have to take a news break and just watch Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts all day.

...that, the Bible is an interesting work of literature wide open to interpretation possibly as an exercise in exploring faith. I'm cool with Jesus, but, dude, can you pull some of your peeps aside and tell them not to use the Bible to bolster their arguments against the things they are prejudiced against? Or, you know, just send a bolt of lightning Victoria Jackson's direction? We'll look the other way.

...that governments need to learn and grow as much as people need to learn and grow and cutting funds to education, arts and information is a great way to keep the light off.

...that your comedy sketch does not have to end on a laugh. I'd rather it ended in a way that makes sense than a joke that thwarts or has nothing to do with everything else leading up to it.

...that if you're going to do a podcast, do it the way Wood Sugars does. They care about quality and put a lot of time and energy into making sure their product is listenable, watchable and entertaining. Check out the interview/variety show they did with Ted Tremper and check out their first guest on the all-video Dates with Ever. He showed up thinking it was going to be all audio, thus the ball cap, 10 o'clock shadow, and funky body odor smell coming from your computer monitor.

Pork - The Other Ad Slogan

2011-03-22T07:31:00.005-05:00

The camera fades in on an empty, yet elegant dinner plate. Several medallions of succulent white meat slide off a silver serving fork and onto the bottom edge of the dish. The rest of the plate is filled clockwise with asparagus covered in a dollop of hollandaise, stuffing, and mashed sweet potatoes with a dash of pepper. A white upper-middle-aged announcer assures us that out of all the items on this plate, “the pork has the fewest calories.” He is implying here that pork has been given a bad rap as being fatty and that chicken is for losers. “Pork,” he intones, is “the other white meat.” The one you should be eating. Now.

That commercial debuted in 1987 and very effectively changed the minds of millions of “healthy” eaters to give this pork thing a go. Twenty-four years later, The National Pork Board has replaced the decades-old ad campaign with a new message: "Pork: Be Inspired."

The “other white meat” campaign was successful and stemmed a decline in pork consumption. But times have changed. The NPB feels it's time to take pork in a new direction.

Board officials said the new effort is the result of over a year’s worth of research. It’s time to move on from the old message and instead try to increase sales by focusing on the estimated 82 million Americans who already eat pork.

Apparently, eating pork makes you smarter, because this is a brilliant strategy. Sell it to the people who are already buying it. They are no longer trying to bring people over to The Pork Side. Their new campaign is aimed towards people who already eat the product, particularly medium-to-heavy consumers, which may-or-may-not refer to their heft and girth. The new direction is the direction it was going in anyway – insert GOP economic recovery plan reference here. I’ve always had a problem with advertising for food. Food food. Agriculture. Do we really need to be convinced about corn or milk or beef? You either eat it or you don’t. It’s not like they are reinventing pork. They’re not dipping pigs in chocolate or putting them on sticks. They just want you, you who already eat pork, to continue eating pork and, if possible, eat more pork.

"We want to move that needle, go after that core group of consumers," says Ceci Snyder, the Des Moines, Iowa-based board's vice-president of marketing. "These people love pork, know how to prepare it and are eager to share recipes."

Their market research determined that their core is regular folk who are adamantly not foodies. They are the tea party of the kitchen as long as it’s Lipton tea. Almost all their recipes involve the directions, stab meat, hold against fire. And the slogan the board came up with is “Be inspired.”

Here are a few of the slogans they rejected…

“Pork. Eat more of it.”

“Pork. It’s not just a verb.”

“Pork. It makes your left arm feel all tingly.”

“Pork. Swallow.”

“Pork. We really don’t care what you do with it. Make a sailor hat out of luncheon meat. We don’t care. As long as you buy it and you’re happy inside.”

Ceci also says "We want to increase pork sales by 10 percent by 2014. To do that, we need buyers to make a stronger connection, a more emotional connection to our product."

“Pork. It makes you feel special and a little weepy.”

What kind of emotional connection can someone generate for pork? “I love you, Bratwurst. I love you so much that I must have you inside me. And, by that, I mean eat you. And then pooping you out, later.”

People are already co-dependently freaky about bacon. If they want to sell more pork, just make the whole pig bacon. Bacon you can hug. Bacon you can carry on your back.

Pork sales totaled about $117 per person in 2010. Pork consumption averages about 50 pounds per person per year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

And the National Pork Board doesn’t think that’s enough. 50 pounds is only about one-fourth of the meat yielded from a slaughtered adult pig. The NPB won’t be happy until we all eat an entire pig each, per year. Me, personally, I like to get it out of the way. I eat my pig in January and then spend the rest of the year digesting.

Pork remains behind beef and chicken in consumption, according to the USDA. It is the bronze winner of the eating animals Olympics.

Still, more than 31 billion pounds of pork was produced in the U.S. in 2010, according to the Pork Board. 31 billion pounds of pork and they want to sell you more. Just to give you an idea of how much pork that is, an Olympic-sized swimming pool holds 5.5 million pounds of water. Now, imagine 5,636 Olympic-sized swimming pools filled with pigs feet and hog jowls.

The old slogan will remain on the Pork Board's website and on apparel sold by the board, for you nostalgia buffs. Internet searches for "Pork: The Other White Meat" will direct people to the new campaign, as well as a few porn sites.

The board will spend more than $11 million to roll out the ads this month. It will include national print and broadcast advertising, public relations, foodservice marketing and social media. You will now be able to “like,” “friend” or “poke” pork. Online advertising has already begun, and national television ads begin in April. Print ads will also begin running in food and lifestyle publications. Lifestyle publications? You know, for those busy black, gay executive cat owners who want their pork on the go.

At the website porkbeinspired.com, there’s a section labeled “I Heart Pork” – oh, the irony. At “I Heart Pork” fans can post pork-related stories – brushes with porkness – and swap recipes. But if you are encouraging people to “be inspired” then I think it needs to go beyond recipes and move in to arts and crafts. A meat collage, perhaps. Or get some suckling pigs and hollow them out into mittens. Bedazzled sow ears. A piñata made of chorizo.

I think pork inspiration should also include poetry. Or Porkhus.

Piggy sleeps in mud

Dreaming of feathers for flight

Wakes up a hot dog

Pork is a show off

Spiral-cut and honey-glazed

Pork is a big ham

How about a limerick? Or, what I like to call, a SlimJimmerick.

There once was a pig from New York

Who feared being turned into pork

He danced the can-can

Too close to a fan

Now he can be eaten with a fork

Roasting Don Hall's Chestnuts

2011-03-14T06:52:00.003-05:00

The above picture isn't Don Hall. Well, it is. It's a Don Hall that makes and takes pictures of tea pots. I hope he doesn't mind me using his picture. I couldn't find one of The Angry White Guy that I wanted to use nor could I find any pictures from the event.

Last Saturday night, under the leadership of Anderson Lawfer, a group of Chicago artists gathered to roast the other white Don Hall. Sharing the dais with Andy and me were Dave Goss, Patrick Brennan, Rebecca Langguth, Ryan Palmer, Ele Matelan, Ryan Bolletino, Dada Xeningren(Noah Ginex) and Noah Simon as "the Jew."

It was a blast. In proper roast form, everyone takes a shot at everyone else before zeroing in on the guest of "honor." There should have been a swear job on stage. It was a wonderful blend of blue and intellect. Zings-a-plenty. My favorite one aimed at me was from Dave Goss, I believe... "Joe Janes does not let success go to his head. In fact, he doesn't let it come anywhere near him."

Kim Boler, from Bruised Orange Theater Company and an RvD acting alum, was in the audience and she mentioned how great the roast was. She was surprised by the level of creativity and just plain quality of the writing. More then what one would expect for a latenight roast at a fringe theater. She was right. Andy did a great job assembling this crew.

I got to go first which was cherry. None of my jokes had been used by anyone else and no one was tired of hearing about Don's testicles.

(WARNING: It is blue and very non-PC.)

Here's my roast...

Thank you, Anderson Lawfer, the Kato Kaelin of the Strawdog Theater ensemble.

It is a pleasure and an honor to be sharing the stage with my esteemed colleagues. Especially after such awful things happened in the world yesterday. I woke up Friday morning to see images of horrifying devastation. People running and screaming. Buildings shaking. Noah Simon was power walking by my apartment wearing bike shorts, clearly displaying his jewishness.

Patrick Brennan, whose life’s thesis is to prove being drunk can still be considered charming. Anderson Lawfer, who is the absolute counterpoint to that statement.

Dave Goss - should be operating the Tilt-A-Whirl at a county fair Dave has many tattoos. Made up of wolves and eagles. The kind of images usually reserved for fleece blankets sold at truck stops.

Elle. I love Elle. But she has told me outright that she won’t find me attractive until I’m married with children and have a pet rabbit suitable for boiling.

Rebecca Langguth – graces this stage possessing the largest set of balls of anyone here tonight. I’m not talking courage. I mean, 20-30 pound testicles. Bigger than Don’s. So large, she has to pull them up and strap them to her flat chest.

Ryan Palmer – something, something, something, faggot... I probably could have fleshed that joke out more.

Ryan Bolletino – received a bachelor of arts in theater from the University of Iowa in 1998 and he makes his living as a math teacher because if there were anything lower than waiter or temp on the rung of jobs for actors, it would be teaching in a Chicago high school. Right, Don? Don used to teach in Chicago public schools. He was let go when he was subbing a math class and tried to teach the students to count to two by showing them his balls. He lost count.

Dada Xenigren – Proving there’s a fine line between art and just acting like a tard.

I first met Don almost 20 years ago at my audition for The Second City’s Conservatory program. In an improv audition, you typically go in with a group and perform for one another and the adjudicators. I recall watching Don in a three-person scene. He was absolutely terrible. I couldn’t tell you who else was in that scene, because they barely had the chance to speak. Don steamrolled, had a default “comic” bit of being super nervous and speaking a mile-a-minute. And I thought to myself, “Well, this guy’s making the training center’s job easy. He’s clearly a “no.”” Imagine my surprise to see him at my first class. Guess Second City needed a fat guy.

If you haven’t noticed, Don talks a lot. Having a conversation with Don Hall is like talking to a radio. AM radio. He drones on with occasional bursts of Mexican music. He’s Rush Limbaugh, but he’s on our side. He’s also smarter and not as humble.

Every year, Don gets a tattoo to commemorate his birthday. He has been doing this for the past four years. (Have Don show them – FYI, Don gets simple black print tattoos, mainly of quotes he finds inspiring. For example, his last one is “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”) At this rate, he will look like the guy from Memento by the time he is 55.

I have glimpsed into the future. These are the tattoos he’ll be getting over the years to come…

Age 46 – “Still Winning”

Age 50 – “Maybe This Isn’t Such A Good Idea”

Age 60 – “Fuck This Shit”

Age 70 – “I Forget”

Age 80 – “Stroke Victim”

Age 85 – He’ll have his address tattooed to his forehead in case he wanders off

When he turns 90, the only space left for a tattoo will be his taint. His tattoo that year will be the last gasp of Angry White Guy mode and just say “Fuck Capitalism.” Unfortunately, his taint will be so shriveled up, it will look like a Nike swoosh.

I have done several shows with Don Hall. There’s that old theatrical adage that one should never perform with animals or children because they’re too adorable and pull focus. I would add Don Hall to that list. Not because he’s adorable, but because like animals and children, he won’t know his lines or blocking and will eventually poop himself.

Don Hall should never perform with animals or children because he will eventually try to fuck them. Fuck them and call it “dating.”

Everyone here has seen Don’s big balls. If you haven’t, the night is young. Here’s the thing, it’s an optical illusion. Anyone’s balls would look really big if they have an elfin-sized penis. When he tea bags a person, it’s more like dropping two Mentos into a five-gallon drum.

What I admire about Don is his ability to take an idea, embrace it and run with it full steam and with wild abandon, regardless of how horrible that idea is. Ideas such as nearly everything he’s ever directed and marriage.

Don Hall would give you the shirt off his back, regardless of the fact it’s not your size, you would never wear something like that, it smells like cigarettes and you don’t need a shirt.

Don, you are the Kirk to my Spock, the Captain to my Tennille, and the Teddy Roosevelt to my big stick.

You are my best human friend and you are the wind beneath my wings and, by that, I mean you fart a lot. A lot.

Joe Recommended

2011-03-08T05:47:00.005-06:00

"The Dream Journal of Doctor Jekyll"
Written by Jason Adams, Scott Barsotti, Randall Colburn, Bob Fisher, Reina Hardy, Warwick Johnson, Jeremy Menekseoglu
Directed by Bob Fisher
Presented by The Mammals
Fridays and Saturdays at 10pm
Zoo Studio
4001 N. Ravenswood Ave Ste B-1
Chicago, IL 60613

Reservations can be made by calling 866-593-4614

Shows by The Mammals tend to be very atmospheric, often taking a backseat to storytelling. They are in a unique style and you either dig it or you don't. If you are in that second camp and haven't seen a Mammals show in awhile, this is the one to come back and see. Bob Fisher, often a lone auteur, has challenged himself to collaborate with some of Chicago's finest writers. It really pays off. Most surprising to me is how funny and charming the play is. The tale is told to the audience via a museum curated by Professor Oliver Mastadon Peale (Jason Adams) and his assistant, Hunchfront (Vinnie Lacey) both delightfully evoking SCTV's Dr. Tongue and Bruno (John Candy and Eugene Levy). The acting is topnotch led by the triumvirate of Scott Barsotti, Gabe Garza and Skyler Schrempp as Jekyll, Hyde and Jekyll's mother, respectively. The production is a little steampunk, a little sideshow, a little horror. There's also more women in this Mammals show than any other I have seen and they are strong, memorable characters, especially Jekyll's mother, Alice and Jekyll's love interest, Eve (Sarah Scanlon). There is also music performed live by the actors and it is both beautiful and haunting. My sole complaint is that the show goes on about ten-fifteen minutes too long. The Professor has a lovely, riveting monologue near the end of the show. So good, in fact, the play could have ended there. Almost everything after seemed anticlimactic. But this is a minor complaint. It is still worth seeing. This is Chicago fringe theater at its best.

(Not Vinnie Lacey and Jason Adams)

Don't Retweet, Reload

2011-02-23T07:05:00.003-06:00

It took me a long time to wrap my head around Twitter and why the hell anyone would want to be on it. It's essentially a stream of Facebook updates. In fact, many people have them linked so they're Tweet and Facebook update are the same. That's okay once in awhile, but all the time is annoying. Some people, comedians, mostly, have found ways to make Twitter into it's own art form. If you are not following Steve Martin, you're missing out on a comedy genius experimenting with a new medium while also being very funny.

The biggest acknowledgment on Twitter is to have your tweet retweeted. That's where someone liked what you wrote so much, they sent it along to all of their followers. I have been on Twitter for a year, now. Here are some of my Tweets that got the golden retweet.

Your tweets, retweeted

Thelonious Monkees #awfulsupergroups

Match.rib #NewChristianDatingSites

I can see why people compare Obama to Lincoln. Obama's one of the best republican presidents we've ever had.

Hey! Stop ending your scenes by turning them into PSA announcements. Take the time to write a frickin' genuine ending.

Effective change begins with the person who is sitting in your underwear. Assuming it is you. And you didn't go commando today.

Jesus was not born in America. If you let him into your heart, you are harboring an illegal immigrant.

Republicans read the constitution today. I hope they took out the "n" word.

84-yr-old Hef asked his 24-yr-old bride to spend the rest of their lives together. What a commitment phobe!

The Karate Kid Rock #FailedRockBandMovies

The Chronicles of Nirvana #FailedRockBandMovies

Just checked in at McDonaldland. Now mayor. McCheese disputing my residency.

high tops. God's way of saying your socks don't have to match.

wearing a brown ribbon for Colon Cancer Awareness. Looking for some runs I can sign up for.

If you slip the TSA guy five bucks, he'll take longer checking your junk. Just saying.

Boehner says tending bar prepped him for politics. Which means he works for tips. Corps keep giving him $, he'll keep getting them drunk.

Christine O' Donnell is you and you is me and we are all together. She is the walrus.

See a 365 Sketch tonight All are fun and crazy - like having an ex without the emotional or physical damage. http://www.strawdog.org

I am pressing the boundaries of how long I can go without doing laundry. You know, to help the environment.

douche/duʃ/–noun 1.a current of water applied to a cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes. 2. Fake tanned senator from Ohio.

"The Who" playing the Superbowl makes me sad. No Moon. No Entwistle. They should rename themselves The What...Who?

Erica Reid!

2011-02-12T07:01:00.002-06:00

Erica choreographed the dance Don Hall and I did in our show Don Hall and Joe Janes Are Using This Show To Try To Get Laid. This video made me think of her.

Run from Up & Over It on Vimeo.

I now want her to choreograph a dance for me that I can do while wearing a straight jacket.

Just Need Some Space...?

2011-02-10T07:03:00.000-06:00

I wrote a new post over at the RvD blog. Check it out.

Robot vs. Dinosaur

I Believe...

2011-02-09T05:42:00.003-06:00

...that if you "save" your spot on the street after shoveling out your car, you are a douchebag. Parking on the street is free for everyone. You have no legal right to block a parking space with your crappy folding chair. Digging out your car is just part of the deal. You don't get special entitlement because you did some work.

...that if you have 10-15 million dollars to spend on Super Bowl advertising, you might want to make sure the message in your thirty-second spot isn't "Hey, we're assholes."

...that a key component to collaboration is COMMUNICATION.

...that, apparently, "liberal media" means journalists who use facts to back up their opinions.

...that I will miss Joyce Sloan and her cranberry-orange relish in a mason jar.

That's Not A Parody. THIS Is A Parody.

2011-02-08T07:19:00.007-06:00

Groupon has been slammed for airing insensitive commercials making fun of issues people care about in the name of selling coupons. CEO Andrew Mason posted on his blog, not an apology, but an explanation of the joke.

Tip number one - if you have to explain the joke, it's probably not funny.

His defense is that they were parodies of celebrity-voiced PSAs. Okay, here's what you don't get about parodies, Andrew. They fully imitate the source material and change one thing that's absurd and makes it funny - and they let us in on the one thing that's different early so we're in on the joke, too. See virtually any SNL commercial parody for an example of this. They do it well. Your PSAs spend the first half of its thirty seconds as a legitimate message about the plight of a people, or species or forest. Then it pulls the rug out by saying "Fuck them! I got a great deal from Groupon!" Not a joke. Certainly not a well-crafted one. I care about those issues and your commercial made me feel like shit for liking Groupon. Was that the desired affect?

This is a parody.

“Save Groupon”

(A montage of young 20-somethings dressed casually, sitting at computers writing, slowly getting a soda from the break room refrigerator, checking their Facebook accounts. Slow, moving music plays.)

TIMOTHY HUTTON (VO)

Internet savvy Groupon. One of the hippest on-line companies to work for in the world. This is Timothy Hutton. The people of Groupon are in trouble. Their very culture is in jeopardy.

(Close-up on an unshaven Groupon worker dejectedly walking from a printer seeming to carry a stack of papers below his waist which we cannot see. He moves in slow motion to the funeral-esque music. Cut to close-up of Timothy Hutton.)

TIMOTHY HUTTON

Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about it! I got paid. So did the ad agency and Christopher Guest the director got paid a ridiculous amount of money to just come in a shoot the commercial that had already been storyboarded and pre-produced to the nth degree. It’s a multi-million dollar Super Bowl ad, after all.

(Camera pans back to reveal Groupon worker now waiting on tables and placing a dish in front of Hutton. Hutton takes a bite from his plate of food.)

TIMOTHY HUTTON

Hmmm. Crow.

SERVER/FORMER GROUPON EMPLOYEE

We don't even make that dish.

(Hutton's smart phone dings. He checks it.)

TIMOTHY HUTTON

Oooh, a great deal from Living Social.

(Cut to logo of Living Social.)

ANNOUNCER (VO)

Save your money. Use Living Social.

Groupon spent approximately 15 million dollars for those three Super Bowl ads. What a waste of money. I would have been more impressed, and still subscribed to their e-mails, if they simply gave 5 million dollars each to Greenpeace, Rainforest Action Network and Tibet Fund.

50 Plays - Alaska

2011-02-04T06:08:00.006-06:00

Met with my second 50 Plays group last night, which will be dubbed Alaska! And, onmce again, I forgot to take their picture, thus the pilfered Facebook profile pics. Amanda Rountree is directing and she assembled an intimate two-person cast made up of Erin Orr and Scott Whitehair. Erin's the one pointing at me as I write this and making me feel self-conscious. Oh, she's pointing at the heart on her sweater. Nevermind. All three are veterans of 365 Sketches and I have worked with them all in different capacities over the years. Not sure what I will be doing here. Scott is typically cast as an everyman-sitting-on-the-couch-having-a-beer kind of guy so I will likely steer clear of that. Erin is also in John Pierson's piece where she is playing half of a happily, if not giddily, married couple that also kill people for hire. So, I'll probably take a different route with her, as well. Both have a lot of range so I'm confident they'll handle anything I throw their way. A common theme that came up last night was wishing to deal more with subtext and having something going on underneath that may be completely different from what's going on at the surface. I'm on board for that. And Erin plays the banjo. I need to work that in, somehow, if only for my own amusement.

50 Plays - Alabama

2011-01-31T06:14:00.005-06:00

Last night marked my first meeting with a director and a cast to discuss the play I'm going to write for them for "50 Plays." John Pierson assembled Eric Roth, Clifton Frei, Erin Orr, Paige Saliba and Matt Hope.

"50 Plays" will be this year's "365 Sketches." 50 ten-minute plays I write or have written will be performed at Strawdog Theater this June produced by Don Hall. The majority of them will be customized for a cast assembled by the director. Instead of 26 directors and 26 shows performed over 11 consecutive nights, we'll be doing two Thursday-Sunday weekends, each show featuring 5-6 ten-minute plays. More directors and more actors, more community building, which was the most fun aspect of last year's project.

I was nervous. Before leaving for the meeting, I carefully put my materials in my backpack, including the hoodie John Pierson accidentally left behind at Sketchfest. Made it all the way to the door of Konak's before realizing I forgot to bring it. Great. The writer shows up without anything to write on. At 8:25pm on a Sunday in Andersonville, I went scrambling to find a notebook. I found one at a liquor store that also attempted to be a modest convenience store. A two-dollar spiral notebook, later, I was back at Konak's.

I won't get into to too much detail about what we discussed. Mainly, I wanted to find out what roles the actors tended to play, what they'd like to play, their interests and special skills. The biggest surprise was when I asked the actors what they geeked out on - expecting to hear things like "Doctor Who" or "Star Trek" - Eric said feminist and queer theory. How cool is that? This is an amazing group John has put together. I also ask the director what they would like to do. What would they like to experiment with or what genre would they like to try? Keep in mind this is John Pierson. Expect an existential farce coming from this group.

I also forgot to get a picture of the whole group, so Paige and Matt are unfortunately lacking from the above picture. Oh, and the Alabama in the subject heading refers to my reference for the which one of the 50 plays this is. I thought it might be more memorable than numbers. Hard to get numbers to stick in my head, as I learned from 365.

I Believe...

2011-01-26T07:10:00.005-06:00

... that's there's nothing more disconcerting than waking up to helicopters flying over your neighborhood.

...that when JFK said we would put a man on the moon, he only gave us a ten-year deadline and we did it ahead of time. When presidents make huge goals, today, they tend to put it way out in the future and make it business-friendly. As Obama said...

"I challenge you to join me in setting a new goal: By 2035, 80 percent of America's electricity will come from clean energy sources. Some folks want wind and solar. Others want nuclear, clean coal and natural gas (my note: I guess that's the 20% dirty energy). To meet this goal, we will need them all."

80% clean energy in 24 years? That's really setting the bar high, Barack. The future is LATER! In 24 years, who's going to be tending to that goal and keeping it alive? In 24 years, I'll be in a nursing home tooling around in my coal-powered wheel chair. 100% clean energy in ten years or less would put a fire under people's asses. A clean-burning wind-powered fire.

...that you are never too old to learn and grow. I love taking classes and teaching new classes. Beats the alternative - sticking to only what I know. That's a weak arsenal.

...that we spend too much on defense and we should be looking at cutting all the ways we kill other people versus outright killing our own people with cuts in social security and medicare/aid. And more money needs to be spent on education. Our kids are getting the shaft which means we are, too.

...that Michele Bachman is so clearly a nutbag it is astounding that people actually listen to what she says and continue to elect her to office. I am flabbergasted and have no real insightful or witty thing to say about it. It makes me angry and sad that people like this get elevated to positions of power in this country.

(The image above is a painting of Michele Bachman with a pancake on her head by the brilliant artist Dan Lacy, painter of pancakes.)

Caricature vs. Character

2011-01-20T07:28:00.007-06:00

In artistic terms, the Mona Lisa, as it hangs in the Louvre, is a portrait. A character rich with detail, visible emotion behind her eyes and a mystery in her smile. A presentation of someone we could know and want to know. A real character. A caricature version of her* would have the Mona Lisa in profile with an enlarged head and tiny body fishing off the end of a pier. The cartoonishness of it might elicit in us a smile, but we’re quick to move on.

I taught a Second City class last night and had something unusual happen. We were doing Fish Out of Water scenes and most everyone brought in a scene that had a celebrity appearing as themselves in it. A big pet peeve of mine. Some had entire scenes made up of celebrities and politicians. This surprised me because this is Second City, not SNL or MADtv. You will rarely see a Second City actor portraying a celebrity on stage. It happens, but not often, and usually in a blackout or a minor character. In The Second City Writing Program, we strive to create scenes populated with characters that could conceivably have full emotional lives before the scene that we see them in and after the lights go down. You might be thinking, if the character is a well-known celebrity or politician, isn’t that a real character with an emotional life that exists outside the scene? Aren’t real people real characters? No. They are not. They are caricatures. They are often written and performed as imitations of how we’ve seen other people present them. Impressions of impressions.

A caricature is an imitation. A two-dimensional presentation with some kind of exaggeration. And they are lazy for a sketch comedy writer to use. It takes some effort to create characters that are recognizable (That guy’s just like my dad!) and original creations. We deal in the recognizable and the unexpected, which is not easy.

It’s fine to base characters on real people. As a writer, that gives you freedom to expand on the character and it keeps your scene from having a shelf-life dependent on the real life person’s popularity or term in office or relevance of the topic.

Another practical reason not to write scenes filled with celebrities is that it saddles your actors with having to do convincing impressions. If they’re off, it blows and ruins the scenes. And if you do happen to find someone who does a brilliant Obama, you better hope they have enough range to do the other characters a sketch revue demands. A one trick pony will also sink your show.

Is there a place for caricatures in sketch comedy? Sure, they can be useful. Especially in short scenes where the comic premise is more important than exploring characters and relationships. At SNL, they are their bread and butter. Political figures and Hollywood star impressions are invaluable to a show that goes live every week and can and should capitalize on current events. And original caricatures can be fun, too. But also notice how often SNL caricatures overstay their welcome or implode when they try to move them to a feature length movie (Night at the Roxbury, MacGruber, It’s Pat, Lady’s Man, etc). Hard to develop a “character” without heart or depth. There have been successes, like Wayne’s World or The Blues Brothers. The Blue Brothers were fleshed out characters that Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi had created a history for, even before there was a film deal. We even know their full names, which is rare for an SNL “character.”

Caricatures are a cheap and easy way to try to get a laugh. Often, the caricature itself overrides whatever the scene is attempting to be about. So, if you are serious about writing sketch comedy, craft original characters with strong emotional investments in what they want. Characters and relationships. That’s where the gold is.

* The caricature of Mona Lisa used here is from a site called Team of Monkeys and it's a maze. Feel free to print it up and use it as a placemat.

I Believe...

2011-01-19T05:49:00.004-06:00

...that if you're going to die, having friends from Second City conduct your memorial service is really the best way to go. I've known Mary Scruggs for over a dozen years. She has always been, for me and students, nothing short of encouraging and supportive. If you had the pleasure of knowing Mary, she had your back.

...that a standing ovation for a Sketchfest show is quite possibly better than the stated agenda in the title of the show. Plus, I got two really fantastic kisses.

...that I love teaching, but having two part-time teaching gigs with no guarantee of classes makes me feel like the administrators want me to consider it more of a hobby that brings in extra income than a way to make a living. Too bad.

...that the GOP has no street cred with their bid to end "government-run" healthcare until they give up their own "government-run" healthcare.

...that whenever I think I'm done with relationships or writing or acting, something comes along like doing a few shows at Sketchfest that make me realize there might still be some magic left in these old bones. And that I definitely have some great funny, creative friends that I am lucky to collaborate with.

...that if you missed any of the shows I worked with at Sketchfest, you missed a massive amount of fun. You missed...

- Babe the Blue Ox doing a solo on the harmonica
- a Scientologist getting punched in the face
- a man in a tutu singing to children about how all their dreams could possibly come true, but it's not probable
- Nazis overtaking the Robot vs. Dinosaur show. Their leader being Skyped in from his lair in Miami. RvD doing hand-to-hand combat with 24 minions, escaping in a hot air balloon and then being shot down by a zeppelin. Heil, Greg!
- Don Hall and I stripping down to our boxer briefs
- Us also doing a dance choreographed by Erica Reid to The Detroit Cobra's "Cha Cha Twist" dressed as Kirk and Spock
- Me singing a solo and destroying a keytar
- Me living my dreams as a "Sketch" Man and having beautiful women like Erin Orr and Dana Black throwing themselves at me
- Vinnie Lacey, Don Hall and me being ridden like horses
- Me having a romantic date with an audience member

Ask Ken Levine

2011-01-18T07:15:00.003-06:00

Ken Levine has been out in Hollywood writing and directing sitcoms for quite a long time. He started as a young pup on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. he had regular writing gigs on MASH, Cheers and Frazier. He's also directed episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. Writing students ask me about sitcoms and writing for them all the time. All I can tell them is what I have heard. I have had no practical experience. This guy has and he generously doles out what's in his brain. He's doing a teleseminar this coming Thursday and it's FREE. Who the hell does that in this day and age? This guy does.

Ask Ken Levine
About Writing TV
Sitcoms

On Thursday,
January 20, I will
answer as many questions as
possible about TV
Sitcom Writing.
Please join me.

There are still slots available. If you have a scheduling conflict, you can request a recording of it. There is a small charge for that. To sign up, click HERE.

I Believe...

2011-01-12T08:31:00.003-06:00

...that we live in an amazing age where information is available to us, as well as constantly thrown at us. But if we just take it at face value and don't apply our brain folds to it and question it, then we're effing up the opportunity.

...that people who call for others to take up arms and exercise the second amendment lose the right to be appalled when someone does it.

...that there is no one person to blame. It's our world. We live in it. We're responsible. Effective change begins with the person who is sitting in your underwear. Assuming it is you. And you didn't go commando today.

...that birds falling from the sky and fish washing up on shore en masse are canaries in a coal mine.

...that Chicago has a staggering amount of creative talent. We live in a performing arts paradise. If you're not getting out and seeing theater, sketch comedy, improv, stand-up or music at least once a week, you're missing the party. And your brain is probably shrinking.

Sketchfest Sneak Peek...Shhhhhhh!

2011-01-11T06:56:00.000-06:00

Robot vs. Dinosaur - Friday, January 14th at 7pm. For more info, click HERE. By the way, don't tell anyone, but the description of our show has absolutely nothing to do with our show.

Don Hall and Joe Janes Are Using This Show To try To get Laid - Friday, January 14th at 11pm. For more info, click HERE.

Two Shows To See At Sketchfest!

2011-01-10T09:31:00.006-06:00

The 10th Annual Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival

Two shows for you to check out this Friday at 2011 Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival: Robot vs Dinosaur - Chicago at 7pm in the South Theater and "Don Hall and Joe Janes Are Using This Show To Try To Get Laid." The first one is a "best of" with elements of DANGER and promises a climax that will knock your socks off. The other show promises that, too.

Robot vs. Dinosaur: Unclogged
Friday, January 14th
7pm - South Theater

Don Hall and Joe Janes Are Using This Show To Try To Get Laid
Friday, January 14th
11pm - South Theater

Tickets on sale NOW! Call 773.327.5252 or go to ChicagoSketchfest.com

Closing the Books on 2010

2011-01-04T06:18:00.010-06:00

I am hesitant to declare a year as being “good” or “bad”. I think any given year will have good things or bad things happen. To blanket-ly declare a year one thing or another risks glossing over some important events because they don’t fit the major category that the year is supposed to fit into. 2010 was a year of artistic triumphs for me, of sorts. Some significant shifts in my personal life, as well. Satisfaction in my life countered by increasing frustration and disappointment in our country.

“365 Sketches” – In January 2010, I finished my project of writing a comedy sketch a day for a year and later saw them ALL produced at Strawdog by Don Hall. 11 consecutive nights, 26 shows, 26 directors, over 175 actors. Solid houses, often SRO. This project was important to me on many levels. As a writing instructor, I wanted to do damage to a few notions, among them: “Those who can’t, teach” and “Writer’s block.” As a teacher of sketch comedy at Second City, I spent a few years earlier this decade NOT writing. Afraid that if I produced crap, it would undermine my credibility. I actually took pottery classes for a year to compensate for the lack of creativity in my life. My pottery was so bad, it drove me back to writing. When I formed Robot vs. Dinosaur as a writer-based company and started this blog, I began to write regularly, again. It truly is like working out and I needed to build my muscles. One thing that always bugged me – in classes and in RvD – is when someone would say they couldn’t think of anything to write about. They had writer’s block. An excuse I had also employed, by the way. But I always smelled bullshit. This mainly comes from my experience as an improviser. I could be reliably counted on to improvise a scene, how is writing different? It lacks a group mind, of course, but I’ve also done solo-improv playing multiple characters. It certainly is more like that. Much of the time, writing is transcribing the improv going on in my imagination. I grew as a writer. I have more confidence. I am also faster at cranking out a quality piece of work. The live event was simply a blast. I was blown away at how much hard work and enthusiasm people put into the shows. The event was an absolute success when measured by quality and ticket sales. It was so successful, Strawdog wanted us to continue the shows in their latenight slots or do a remount. We declined. We were beat. If there’s any sore spot over the event, it’s that more people didn’t hear about it. The press didn’t know what the hell to do with us, so they did nothing at all, save for two articles leading up to the event in PerformInk and TimeOut-Chicago.

“365 Sketches” – The Book. I self-published all the scenes. It was grueling to get it all formatted in time for the shows. I spent many a late hour and still didn’t ferret out all the typos! It was fun to have them at the event and to give them to the directors. It was a thrill to find out people were interested in buying them. I did a book event at Quimby’s and at Second City. I get a kick out of seeing the book on the merchandise shelf at The Second City Training Center.

My mother passed away. And, as only a mother could do, the timing was awful (I'm kidding, of course. My mother would appreciate this humor.) She passed away the Tuesday before 365’s opening night. I was able to be Skyped in for opening night, which was cool. The funeral was on Friday and I declined to repeat the video conferencing for the second night. I regret missing those three shows, but I wouldn’t have done it differently. I needed to spend time with my family. My mother’s death, by the way, came a bit as a relief. She had been suffering from Alzheimer’s and diabetes for a long time. I was missing her for years before she passed.

Houdini got very ill. This is something only pet owners are going to relate to. Houdini’s been in my life for 15 years. He’s a cat who really enjoys being a cat. He’s really into it. He’s very affectionate and playful. He’s also very charming. If you come over, he will make you his friend. He was having problems chewing so I took him in to the vet’s. I thought it was just a tooth that needed pulling. It was much worse. He had many bad teeth, they suspected some cancerous lesions, and kidney disease. For a little dude his age, he’s made a remarkable recovery. Turns out there was no cancer. The kidney disease has slowed down and there’s a noticeable increase in his energy and appetite. He yells at me when he wants to play. He makes a meow like he’s channeling Edward G. Robinson, “Me-yow! Me-yow, see.” A downside of the surgery and bump in health is that he seems to have lost his taste for licking the shower curtain. I kind of miss that.

On-line dating. I jumped in to on-line dating earlier this year. First with Match.com and now with OKCupid. Match is like the AT&T of on-line dating. It’s huge, but they’re really just about harvesting the money. I like OKCupid better. It’s free and very user friendly. The downside on both is that I have met very few people. Not exactly sure why. Might be the age bracket. Maybe I come across as too much of an artist for some ladies. Maybe because my profile makes it abundantly clear that being a teacher, I ain’t rolling in dough. Can’t say for sure. I do think I am better meeting someone in person.

I got to do a lot of things I had never done before. I was the best man at a wedding. I wrote and performed a piece for one of my favorite shows, The Paper Machete. I told some stories about birthdays for This Much Is True. I roasted Kimberly Senior along with Wendi Weber and Bill O'Connor at the Strawdog and made some friends from the event. While not completely a first, I co-wrote and acted in WNEP's The (edward) Hopper Project. It was my first time performing in the DCA's wonderful Storefront Theater and it was the first time I've been in a WNEP production with a two-story set to play on!

The Neo-Futurists invited me to submit a proposal for their B-Movie "film" festival, It Came from the Futurarium. I found a truly awful Roger Corman flick called The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent. It's a short movie, made for drive-in double-features. It's filled with delightful, over-the-top characters and some truly awful scenes, but there's a lot of non-verbal filler. If we did the script as it was, the show would be over in half an hour. And the sea serpent, who is revered as a god, is only gets about thirty seconds of screen time. So, I pitched mashing it with another film (based on a play) that also has a ridiculously long title. The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade. The full new title being The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the Direction of the Great Sea Serpent. We had so much fun, Robot vs. Dinosaur took the concept, expanded it into a musical and we ran it in the fall at Stage773. Great cast, great material, great fun. It's one of the few things I have directed outside of my usual Second City Training Center duties.

I have many things to look forward to this year, already. I have two shows at Chicago Sketchfest, Robot vs. Dinosaur and Don Hall and Joe Janes. The RvD show features some of our favorite scenes and songs from the last few years and, in what's becoming a usual RvD feature, an ending that will blow your mind. Don and I weren't going to do a show, but then we hit upon a title while talking about dating, Don Hall and Joe Janes Are Using This Show To Try To Get Laid. We liked the sheer honesty of it. Unlike our previous shows, we've brought in some actors to help us out; Dana Black, Erin Orr and Vinnie Lacey. John Pierson, one of my favorite writer-performers from the Neo-Futurists signed on to direct and the delightful Erica Reid did our choreography. This is unlike any Don Hall/Joe Janes show you have ever seen. In spite of the title, it's cleaner and smarter and, I think, funnier. And, like the title, it's also very truthful. And, yes, you will see us dance.

I also turn 50 in May. 50! I was really lamenting this near the end of 2010, now, I'm looking forward to it. I plan on continuing to have a lot of fun in my life and continue to be engaged in great artistic endeavors (look for 50 Plays in June!) as well as continuing to pursue my journey of being human and being the best human being I can become. I do believe that if you aren't busy living, then get busy dying.

Happy 2011. I hope it is full of happiness and prosperity for you. And that you laugh your ass off a lot. But because you found something funny, not because you are a maniac.

I Believe...

2010-12-29T06:04:00.003-06:00

...that if you aren't doing what you love, then what are you doing? I sometimes have a bone to pick with Sir Paul McCartney. He's done enough, already. Really, he has. Yet he keeps on going and keeps on producing work not even close to being on a par with his less-than-stellar work. But I can't fault him for doing what he loves until he absolutely cannot do it any more. If you don't think I'll be putting on sketch revues at the senior center, you would be mistaken. The name of my comedy group will be "It's In The Bag." We will perform on Wednesday afternoons after Arts and Crafts hour (we have to make our props). Complimentary Jell-O shots will be served (lime Jell-O with Metamucil). And all our object work will be vague and shaky.

...that managing to avoid the mainstream movie releases and seeking out really good movies is a great way to spend Christmas. The Fockers can Fock off.

...that friends are family. And if you have a few family members that are friends, bonus points.

...that I don't believe in any religious dogma. The only thing I believe in is karma, what-goes-around-comes-around and practicing the Golden Rule. Justice gets served somehow. Even if we think someone has gotten away with something (see previous administration), karma will kick in somewhere somehow, even if it's in their sleep. I believe people fundamentally do know the difference between right and wrong and when they willfully wrong others for the sake of greed or any other self-service, it will eat away at them. Not as gratifying, but I believe it to be true.

...that there's something to be said for sticking close to home for the holidays. I saved a lot of money, been able to work out more, have been rewatching Firefly and have been majorly chilling out. I miss Ohio and seeing family and old friends, but this is the first time I can recall my holiday break feeling like a break!

I Believe...

2010-12-22T07:05:00.002-06:00

...that John McCain has reached full-fledged cranky old man status. I envision him between sessions sitting in a lawn chair on the capital steps shouting at hippies to go get haircuts.

...that creative collaboration is fun because it leads everyone to ideas we would never reach on our own. It also means leaving your ego at the door or you're in for a bumpy ride.

...that, no matter how much we try to stress it's not about money, the holidays are about money. It's money that determines what presents you buy, if any and where you go, if anywhere. But, of course, Christ was born in poverty, so maybe more of us are truly celebrating in the right spirit, whether we like it or not.

...that the best way to become more creative is to keep painting oneself into creative corners.

Self-Publification - The Podcast!

2010-12-16T05:56:00.003-06:00

This is a project I did for a course in learning to put together podcasts. I used audio from the essay I performed at The Paper Machete and fleshed it out with visuals. There are a flurry of images that I pulled from the Intertubes and I did not track their source. If there is something of yours I am using without permission, please let me know and I will either credit you or pull the video. I'm not making a dime off this thing. Just did it for the class.

I Believe...

2010-12-15T06:02:00.003-06:00

...that sometimes it takes someone from another country to remind you how cool America is and how great it is to live in Chicago, even this time of year. It's sort of like family. When you're too familiar, you tend to focus too much on what you don't like versus the good stuff.

...that if you're going to lie about missing class, make sure your Facebook updates don't say you were at a bar in Wrigleyville cheering on the Bears when your e-mail says you were downstate at your grandfather's funeral.

...that the only people benefiting from Trickle Down Economics are heirs.

...that laughing with a group of friends is probably the best kind of laughing.

...that it's okay to get angry, even at the little things, but it's not worth the wear and tear on the soul to hang on to that anger.

Single White Friendster Update

2010-12-09T10:07:00.002-06:00

Strange. I woke up this morning compelled to do a minor tweaking to a scene I wrote almost two years ago.

You can check out the damage by going HERE.

I Believe...

2010-12-08T06:41:00.003-06:00

...that we tend to hope for the best, assume the worst and watch a lot of movies and television to avoid thinking of either.

...that holidays seem to be more about getting time off and partying than actually meditating on the meaning of the holidays. When scheduling around your impending hangover becomes an issue...

...that for someone who is non-salaried, the holidays can mean less work, thus less money at a time when spending more money is expected. Not much of a holiday.

...that for improvisation to be successful, one needs to be emotionally invested in an outcome.

...that President Obama has jumped the shark in trying to appease the GOP by extending the Bush Tax rates, but what he doesn't realize is that republicans still aren't going to be fans of his show. And current fans are going to stop caring.

...that the reason I look a gift horse in the mouth is because I'm not tall enough to look the horse in the eye.

Self-Publification (recorded live before a studio audience)

2010-12-05T20:58:00.002-06:00

The segment I wrote and performed for The Paper Machete is now available in podcast form for free.

You can find it by clicking HERE.

I Believe...

2010-12-02T07:07:00.003-06:00

...that creativity is risk.

...that one can be a brilliant improviser and also be a lousy actor, but if one is a brilliant actor, there's hope of becoming a brilliant improviser. And both have the same job - to play make believe.

...that WikiLeaks is doing the job investigative journalist should be doing. Why aren't journalists doing their job? Because the general public is more interested in Lindsay Lohan and TSA gropes.

...that being a teacher and being a performer puts one in a position of responsibility to set examples. Doesn't mean doing everything right, but getting it right when you get do things wrong.

...that a fun part of teaching is turning students on to stuff they haven't had any exposure to. I had a great time this week sharing Old Time Radio, specifically Fibber McGee and Molly, with students from my Comedy Workshop class. And they got to perform an original radio script live for an audience. Very cool.

I Believe...Thanksgiving Edition

2010-11-24T06:49:00.004-06:00

...that the act of being thankful - for what you have and for the potential of future good - is essential to weathering the times when you feel the least blessed. (This is from AWG's blog. Not changing it. It's perfect.)

...that Christmas formally starts the day after Thanksgiving, even though Walgreen's started putting stuff out on shelves Halloween weekend. Every year, Christmas seems to push it's way in earlier like some asshole who holds up the door of a crowded elevator or CTA train to smash their way in to share with us their unwelcome fruitcake-scented armpits and holiday music blasting cellphone.

...that holidays are a pain in the ass. Don't get me wrong. I love Thanksgiving. Christmas, too. But times to be thankful and giving are every day of the year.

...that Thanksgiving is a time to take full stock in what and who one is grateful for in one's life and then to stab a turkey on a dining room altar in sacrifice to the gods.

...being a vegetarian means I usually have to BYOT(oFurkey) for Thanksgiving. I don't mind. I love to cook. But this year, I'm going to order my food. Check out this menu...

Thanksgiving Meal $20

Pomegranate Glazed Tofu
Mac n Cheese
Smashed Potatoes & Gravy
Stuffing
Greens
Roasted Brussel Sprouts
Dinner rolls w/ rosemary butter
Slice of pie: you’re choice of pecan or chocolate silk
Meal orders must be in by 5pm, Weds, Nov 24th

...that I have never heard a Justin Bieber song, could not name the title to a Justin Bieber song, yet, I know who he is. And the song I woke up to in my head was about Justin Bieber fucking his own face. Thanks, Comedy Workshop. Great show yesterday!

Funny Ha-Ha

2010-11-18T05:53:00.000-06:00

I Believe...

2010-11-17T05:50:00.002-06:00

...that, if you're feeling like your life is getting out of control, you should take one hour and go get some coffee and grade some papers and do some reading while someone else cleans your apartment. It's awesome. It's worth the money because they'll do such a better job than I will. Leave it to the professionals.

...that no one's story is completely his or hers to tell. That's why you change the names when you steal.

...that Greg Wendling cracks me up. He co-wrote this piece for a customized show. My favorite is the corporate motto, "The Earth Has A Lot To Give. Let's Take It."

...that I like getting up early, getting some stuff done, and then taking a little nap before I have to be anywhere. That's productivity, baby!

...that when the zombie apocalypse comes, it will be from genetically modified food. Companies like Monsanto are doing so much freaky stuff to our food, unchecked by government regulations, that it is frightening. Splicing animal DNA into tomatoes, copyrighting corn, etc, all to make "natural" food last longer. We eat this stuff? We might die, but our toxin-loaded meat sticks will live on. BRAAAAAAAAAAAINS!