Written by Joe Janes
3/22/09
63 of 365
CAST:
Joe, late teens
Joe C., early 20’s
(Joe is sitting in the small booth of a small town radio station making notes on a clipboard. Some nondescript easy listening instrumental plays in the background. Not quite Muzak, but not far from it. Joe Chapman, a slightly overweight mans, enters with copy for some commercials. He’s wearing a loose wide tie and a shirt that’s coming untucked. Even though he’s wearing a shirt and tie, he looks frumpy.)
JOE C.
I’ve got some new copy for the tags and live spots. Can you hand me the book, Joe?(Joe hands him the copybook, a three-ring binder above the microphone and looks over Joe C.’s shoulder.)
JOE
“Uhlman’s Department store is now open till 7pm on Fridays.” This is what you do, isn’t it, Joe?JOE C.
What do you mean?JOE
Write the copy for all the commercials and stuff.JOE C.
Yep, that’s what I do.JOE
Randy said you were only 20. That you guys went to a bar and they wouldn’t serve you.JOE C.
Randy C. said that?JOE J.
Randy H.JOE C.
Oh, yeah. At the Elks Lodge. It happens. Yeah, I’m only 20. JOE
You look older.JOE C.
I know. That’s why I try to drink in bars. I usually get away with it. I heard you got busted the other night at Ivan’s?JOE
Yeah, well…JOE C.
You shouldn’t order whiskey sours. That’s a dead giveaway.JOE
I like the fruit. It’s like you get booze and a snack.JOE C.
Order stuff like martinis or manhattans. Or you know what usually works, a rusty nail. Only old people order rusty nails.JOE
I’ll keep that in mind. So, is this your first job out of college?JOE C.
I didn’t go to college. My last job was playing Mr. Beefy outside of Mr. Beefy restaurants. Passing out coupons. Ever heard of them?JOE
No.JOE C.
I guess they’re just in Columbus. I used to wear a cow costume and pass out coupons. I was popular.JOE
I can see that. (Joe cues up a record on the turntable) How did you get from Mr. Beefy to this?JOE C.
My cousin knows Rob, Jr. and recommended me. Plus, I’m cheap. They pay me crap. I’ll work here a couple of years, get some experience, then try to land a job in a bigger market, like Elmore.JOE
That’s thinking big. (Joe C. nods) Sounds like a good plan.JOE C.
Yeah. No way I could work here all my life. Like Mike M.JOE
It’s just Mike.JOE C.
What?JOE
He’s the only Mike that works here. It’s just Mike.JOE C.
Oh, right. Oh, the East Perry Parts spot, the carburetor sale tag is still good, just change the date on it to next Friday.JOE
“East Perry Parts, Incorporated…East Perry Parts, Incorporated…” That’s good writing.JOE C.
Thanks.(He exits. Joe intros the next song.)
JOE
Good news, Vacationland. We just got Steve and Edie’s greatest hits in and here’s (doesn’t remember which song he cued up)… one of them.(Steve and Edie’s version of “Hallelujah” plays as Joe sits looking depressed. Lights fade.)
