Monday, July 9, 2007

The Legacy of King George

Perhaps in an attempt to avoid facing disillusionment in the present, King George W. has been meeting with historians to discuss what his legacy will be. In response to the lowest presidential approval ratings ever, he is often quoted in the press saying that history will be his judge. That's a little frustrating for those of us seeking justice now, poetic or otherwise.

Good news, folks, we don't have to wait. Through the magic of the world wide web and the sacrifice of a small fetus earmarked for stem cell research, I have George W. Bush's legacy, right here. This is his bio, as listed in The White House's Hall of Presidents, circa 2057.

The 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush was known as The Great Fabricator. He had the unique ability to ignore bad news and to bend and reimagine facts to his will. Because of his legendary tax cuts, Bush was also known, by large corporations and wealthy friends, as a modern day Robbin' Hood. He stole from the lazy, unentitled poor and gave to the hard-working, deserving rich. Known as a compassionate conservative, he often took pity on his friends who made less than a million dollars a year by giving them jobs in his administration regardless of their qualifications. He was also known as a great liberator, liberating over 100,000 soldiers and civilians from their mortal coils in his War on Terrorism. The War on Terrorism was created by Mr. Bush as a response to the attacks of 9/11 and was won when Mr. Bush, at the end of his presidency, had the word "terrorism" stricken from all U.S. dictionaries. This left Dennis Kucinich, the 44th president, to pick up the mantle with the War on Discombobulation.

FACTOID: During his service in office, America's greatest natural resources were corn, oil and fear.