Friday, June 20, 2008

IT'S A BABY! RUN!

Read this over at The Huffington Post...


WASHINGTON — The world's population will reach 7 billion in 2012, even as the global community struggles to satisfy its appetite for natural resources, according to a new government projection.

There are 6.7 billion people in the world today. The United States ranks third, with 304 million, behind China and India, according to projections released Thursday by the Census Bureau.

The world's population surpassed 6 billion in 1999, meaning it will take only 13 years to add a billion people.

By comparison, the number of people didn't reach 1 billion until 1800, said Carl Haub, a demographer at the Population Reference Bureau. It didn't reach 2 billion until 130 years later.

You can read the rest of this article HERE.


So, why the big leaps and bounds in population?

Here's one factor...


BOSTON (Reuters) - A Massachusetts city is investigating an apparent teenage "pregnancy pact" that has at least 17 high-school girls expecting babies, four times more than last year, including many aged 16 or younger.

"Some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Gloucester High School principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine, which broke news of the pact on its Web site.

Local officials said at least some of the men involved in the pregnancies were in their mid-20s, including one man who appeared to be homeless. Others were boys in the school.

Read the rest of this article HERE.


Clearly, what's going on is that we have more people than we can sustain on this planet. Our world is unable to keep its south pole in its pants. Our purple mountain majesties are nothing but whores. Sleeping with homeless people to get pregnant? Keep that up, and they'll start asking me for more than spare change. "Dollar? How about a nooner in the alley? Bless you."

Our system for population control is broke and, like Obama, I have a plan for change.

More than one. Take your pick. Or do all four to be the most effective.

- Hunting babies. When a deer population gets out of control, state and local officials open up the deer season parameters. If you think you might be to squeamish to shoot a cute baby foraging for food in the woods, set traps. But check them regularly. Nothing worse than finding a baby has gummed off his arm to escape.

- Enslave babies. Train them to be indentured servants. Every new baby has to be able to pull his or her own weight. This will also deplete the demand for illegal immigrants.

- Birth control by age five. Girls are getting pregnant earlier and earlier. They should get their tubes tied along with learning how to tie their shoes. And boys should get their first vasectomy with their first haircut.

- More celebrities need to adopt third world babies. The threat of a baby being adopted by a Madonna or Angelina should be enough to deter future pregnancies all over the world, but it's not. Come on Bono, Sting and Oprah, time to step up to the baby plate. And if the threat of them as parents isn't enough to shrivel ovaries and testicles all over the world - let's get some really scary celebs dealing in - Come on Ann Heche, Paris Hilton and Larry the Cable Guy - the planet needs you!



ROBOWRITERS ON SATURDAY

BRING OUT YOUR SKETCHES! 1pm. Gorilla Tango. 1919 North Milwaukee, near Western. $5.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A gang of female bandits in Central Florida have distinguished themselves by dressing as what?"

20% said "Strippers"
- Strippers already steal your money. It's ridiculous. It's like dumping a load of money to just look at a dessert tray. So I've heard.

20% said "Cheerleaders"
- Too threatening. Potential victims tend to be elderly people with brittle bones who would avoid perky bouncing women with flailing arms.

20% said "Men"
- The victims just thought they were being attacked by aging lesbians.

40% got it right with "Nurses"

According to Local 6 News, a gang of female bandits dressed in nursing costumes is stalking and targeting women and elderly shoppers at Central Florida businesses.

I don't really understand how being dressed as a nurse makes anyone comfortable enough to be robbed. They're vampires in white polyester. They are either going to stick me with a needle or make me pee or poop in something. Although, I can see why this helps in robbing elderly people."Take my money, just leave me what blood I have left!"

2 comments:

anthony said...

brilliant.

wafelenbak said...

Hmmm...would you happen to be friends with a gentleman by the name of Jonathan Swift...? ;)