Week 22, day 153 - "Farmers from Hell"

“Farmers from Hell”
Written by Joe Janes
6/21/09
154 of 365

CAST:
Farmer Briar, 50s
Farmer Hicks, 50s

(Lights up on two farmers, Briar and Hicks, standing downstage looking over a field - the audience. These are not old-timey farmer caricatures – NO bib overalls! They may be wearing dungarees – yes, I just used that word – and agri-trucker caps. They stand looking and perusing the crops from where they stand.)

BRIAR

No corn?

HICKS

Government pays me not to grow corn.

BRIAR

No soy?

HICKS

Government pays me not to grow soy.

BRIAR

Nice crop of people.

HICKS

Gotta grow something.

BRIAR

Using the right chemicals?

HICKS

Yep, but I don’t think I spread it out evenly.

BRIAR

Looks like a boll weevil’s been chewing on that one.

HICKS

Naw, I just didn’t pick it in time. It got over ripe and the hair fell out.

BRIAR

That one looks funny. Don’t look like the rest.

HICKS

Genetically modified. Monsanto paid me to grow it. They spliced together eggplant for the smooth, wrinkle-free skin, tomato for the rosy complexion, and silicone for the udders.

BRIAR

No Mexicans?

HICKS

The government pays me not to grow Mexicans.

(Blackout)

Week 22, day 153 - "Jerk Sandwich"

(This was posted after midnight Saturday)

“Jerk Sandwich”
Written by Joe Janes
6/20/09
153 of 365

CAST:
Dunbar, 30s
Kimmie, 20s

(Lights up on Dunbar, presumably an office drone, sitting on a park bench on his lunch break. He unpacks a sandwich. It is a fine sandwich. A few moments later, Kimmie walks by. She is an attractive young woman in a sundress. She clears the bench and pauses, looking off. She sits on the other end of the bench. Dunbar has noticed her, but continues to prepare to eat his sandwich. Kimmie looks introspective and quietly upset. She gets up and looks off, again. Dunbar takes a joyful bite out of his sandwich. As she stands there, she puts the back of her hand to her mouth and begins to cry, softly. Dunbar hears this and stops mid-chew. He watches her a moment as she tries to stifle her crying. Dunbar swallows. She self-consciously regains her composure and returns to the bench. Dunbar avoids eye contact with her. He slowly returns to chewing on his sandwich. Kimmie shakes and breaks down in tears. Dunbar finishes his chewy piece of sandwich and swallows. Kimmie quiets down, again. Dunbar, sensing she’s okay, picks up the sandwich and is about to take a big bite when Kimmie sighs. This stops him. He brings his sandwich to his mouth, again, and she sighs, again. He tries this a few times and she sighs a few times. He quietly puts his sandwich down in his lap and wraps it back up in a paper napkin. He looks at Kimmie suspiciously. She gets up again and looks off. Her phone rings She picks up.)

KIMMIE

Hello?...John…I am here…Did you think about what we talked about?...Really? You do?...Oh, John…I love you. I really love you… Oh – I see you. Over by the fountain. Throw in a penny and make a wish for me. For us. See you in sec… (She hangs up and is now beaming. She turns to Dunbar.) Have a nice day.

(She exits.)

DUNBAR (clearing his throat)

You, too!

(Dunbar returns to the business of his wonderful sandwich. He takes a bite. It just doesn’t taste any good any more. He puts it down and spits a bit of chewed sandwich into the napkin. He looks around and quietly starts crying. Lights fade.)