Sunday, July 26, 2009

Week 27, Day 189 - "Violets in Garlic Sauce"

“Violets in Garlic Sauce”
Written by Joe Janes
7/26/09
189 of 365

Cast
Eye
Ear
Nose
Mouth
Lobster Claw Mustache

(Lights up on five “artists” dressed in shiny black unitards and wearing full heads masks. Each mask represents that artist’s character: Eye, Ear, Nose, Mouth, Lobster Claw Mustache. The begin by standing close to one another and forming as much of a face as possible with their parts.)

EYE
Arrrrrr!

EAR
Tuh!

NOSE
Ess!

MOUTH
Enn!

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Danj!

EYE
Lift your hands up high-

EAR
And let your belly fail.

NOSE
Grab the kettledrum in your ear-

MOUTH
And pull the coffin out of your nose!

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Few who know what good they are!

EYE
Arrrrrr!

EAR
Tuh!

NOSE
The cows are sitting on the telegraph wires playing chess.

MOUTH
Take your foot out of the butter before it is too late.

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Van Gogh had an offensive breath and is dead.

EYE
Arrrrrr!

EAR
Tuh!

NOSE
Ess!

MOUTH
Art grows on society’s abdomen.

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Heaven, hell and kayaking.

EYE
Arrrrrr!

EAR
Tuh!

NOSE
Ess!

MOUTH
Enn!

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Einstein is a cigar and cuts himself off.

EYE
Let us stuff Monet. Let us. Let us.

EAR
Tuh!

NOSE
Ess!

MOUTH
Enn!

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Danj!

EYE
Copyright reserved.

EAR
Kids eat free.

NOSE
Ess!

MOUTH
Enn!

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Danj!

EYE
My toe nails are rosy and glittery.

EAR
I am ignored.

NOSE
Men have no instinct.

MOUTH
There is a long line passing through my middle-

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
-Crossing my nose-

EYE
-my Adam’s apple-

EAR
-my Eve’s plumb –

NOSE
-my naval-

MOUTH
-and other essential organs.

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
Danj!

(They each repeat their own designated monosyllabic sound, in order, as often as necessary, or unnecessary. Arrr, tuh, ess, enn, danj! Until we realize that they are saying “Art is in danger!” And then they break it down, mixing up the order and volume until is deconstructs and falls apart. They mumble and stumble and leave the stage until all that is left is Nose and Lobster Claw Mustache. Lobster Claw Mustache takes it place under Nose.)

NOSE
I love you.

LOBSTER CLAW MUSTACHE
I know.

(Blackout)

Week 27, Day 188 - "WTF"

(This was posted after midnight Saturday)

“WTF”

Written by Joe Janes

7/25/09

188 of 365

CAST

Muriel, late 20s

Tabitha, late 20s

(Lights up on Muriel standing near the buffet table of a high school reunion. Tabitha approaches.)

TABITHA

Muriel? Muriel Klotz?

MURIEL

Yes?

TABITHA (hugs Muriel)

Oh, my God! I haven’t since you since we graduated.

MURIEL

That’s right. We haven’t seen each other since then…you.

TABITHA

You…don’t remember me…it’s Tabitha. Tabitha Letterhos.

MURIEL

Oh, sure. Tabitha! We took Chemistry together.

TABITHA

Biology.

MURIEL

Of course. I get all my sciences mixed up.

TABITHA

You still don’t remember me.

MURIEL

No, no. Of course, I do. Tabitha. Just you’re hair-

TABITHA

Is exactly the same way I wore it ten years ago.

MURIEL

Well, you know, we all have put on a few extra pounds.

TABITHA

Except me.

MURIEL

Except you, is what I was going to say. You look great.

TABITHA

Right. You know, I used to think you were somebody real special. Someone I really admired. And I fooled myself into thinking we were friends, maybe not close friends, but friends enough to be glad to see each other, get together for coffee and to laugh about old times. I wasn’t even on your radar in high school, was I? Well, sorry I bothered you, Muriel. Enjoy the ten-year reunion.

(She exits.)

MURIEL

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(Blackout)