Written by Joe Janes
12/24/09
340 of 365
CAST
Vic, 70s
Terrence, 30s
Kimberly, 30s
(Lights up on Vic with his reading glasses on, sitting in a chair and reading the newspaper. Terrence and Kimberly enter.)
TERRENCE
Hey, Dad.
VIC (getting up)
Hey, Terrence, give your old man a hug.
(He does.)
VIC (continuing)
And Kimberly. You’re looking sharp, young lady.
KIMBERLY
Thanks, Dad.
VIC
Can I get you something? I think there’s some beer in the garage.
TERRENCE
No, that’s okay. We just stopped by to give you some news.
VIC
News? “Sit down” news or “for he’s a jolly good fella” news?
KIMBERLY
Given your age, you should sit down. It’s for the best.
TERRENCE
It’s for the best.
(Vic sits.)
VIC
Lay it on me.
KIMBERLY
Well…
TERRENCE
We’re pregnant.
VIC
You mean, she is.
TERRENCE
Yes, technically, but, you know, we’re married; I’ll be at the birthing.
KIMBERLY
It sounds nicer.
TERRENCE
More importantly, within the year, you’ll be able to hold a grand child in your arms before you die.
VIC
Before I die?
TERRENCE
Yeah. You kick the bucket, soon.
KIMBERLY
You are getting up there.
TERRENCE
We were going to wait longer to have kids, but thought we better pop one out so you could see it.
VIC
Why, so I can stand up and applaud your testicles?
KIMBERLY
So you can see for yourself the continuation of your own family before…
VIC
Before I bite it. Listen here, I don’t plan on going anywhere. According to Willard Scott and Smucker’s, I’ve got a good thirty years left and I’m going to use every one of them. I’ll hold several grand kids.
KIMBERLY
He’s so spirited. I hope our baby inherits your spirit. It’s adorable.
TERRENCE
But you never know, Dad. You have to face the facts. Mom’s not around any more.
VIC
Your mother got hit a car. That could happen to anyone.
KIMBERLY
She got hit by the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. She’s probably been the only one ever in the history of weinermobiles.
TERRENCE
You can’t count on living forever.
VIC
If that’s the way you feel, maybe you shouldn’t even bring the offspring around. Wouldn’t want it getting attached. I’ll be in the garage.
(He exits.)
KIMBERLY
I never thought of that.
TERRENCE
We’ll have to tell our child he or she doesn’t have a grandfather.
KIMBERLY
It’s for the best.
TERRENCE
It’s for the best.
(Blackout.)
