Written by Joe Janes
9/2/09
227 of 365
CAST
Nat, 30s
Keisha, 30s
Jesse, 50s
Suzy, 20s
Donald Trump, 60s
(Lights up on Nat sitting at a table in a bar. Off to the side is Jesse, the bartender. Suzie the server is at the jukebox, flipping through CDs. Nat looks worried. He leans into his drink. Keisha enters.)
NAT (standing)
Keisha.
(Keisha looks around and delicately steps towards Nat.)
KEISHA
Hello, Nat.
NAT
Thanks for meeting me.
(Keisha takes a pair of sunglasses out of her purse and hands them to Nat.)
KEISHA
Here are your prescription sunglasses.
NAT
Thanks. I’ve been looking for them all week.
KEISHA
Interesting how I happened to find them on my kitchen counter this morning when I’m quite sure they weren’t there yesterday.
NAT
Blue car.
KEISHA
What?
NAT
You know, you buy a blue car and then all of sudden you see blue cars all over the place. You probably didn’t see the sunglasses because you weren’t looking for them until I asked you to.
KEISHA
Right. Okay. I’ll be on my way-
NAT
Can I buy you a drink?
KEISHA
I need to get back to work.
NAT
I just think you’re calling this too soon.
KEISHA
Nat. I told you, I know what I’m looking for.
NAT
And I’m not it.
(Keisha shrugs.)
KEISHA
I feel like I gave you a chance.
NAT
We only went out three times.
KEISHA
Which is plenty of times to see if I want to go out on a fourth. Really, Nat, what could I find out about you on a fourth date that I don’t already know?
NAT
I’m rich.
KEISHA (skeptical)
You’re rich?
NAT
Independently wealthy.
KEISHA
I paid for dinner last time.
NAT
They didn’t take credit cards. I should have had my secretary check. Who doesn’t take credit cards any more?
KEISHA
I find it a little bit difficult to believe you’re independently wealthy.
JESSE
Oh, he’s rich. Owns most of this block. Including Trump Tower.
KEISHA
I thought Donald Trump owned Trump Tower.
NAT
I own Donald Trump. Bought him ten years ago. He does my laundry.
KEISHA
Okay. You own Donald Trump. Money isn’t everything. I’m doing fine for myself.
NAT
I’m the world’s greatest lover.
KEISHA
You drool when you kiss.
NAT
It takes me awhile, but my lips will adapt to what you most want them to do. They just do it. I don’t even try. We should have it down in about fourteen more lip locks.
JESSE
No need to take his word for it. Suzy?
SUZY
Nat is an enthusiastic and generous lover.
JESSE
The ladies call him The Hunchback.
SUZY
Because his bells are well hung.
(Jesse grabs Suzy and humps against her.)
JESSE
The bells! The bells! The bells!
SUZY
Oh! Oh! Oh!
JESSE (breaking off)
Of course, I pale in comparison.
(Keisha looks at Nat.)
NAT (sheepishly)
I have a reputation.
KEISHA
You’re all of a sudden rich and good in the sack.
NAT
“Great” in the sack, apparently.
KEISHA
I’m going to have to think about this.
(Keisha gets up and walks off. She gets as far as the door.)
NAT (standing)
Wait!
(She stops.)
NAT (continuing)
There’s one more thing I have to tell you about me.
(She turns.)
NAT (continuing)
I love to boogie.
(Suzy smacks the jukebox. A boogie tune starts playing. Nat dances towards Keisha, takes her by the hand and has his way with her “dance-wise.” They end with a flourish. She grabs him and kisses him for a long, enthusiastic tongue wrassle. They stop. She smiles and wipes off her mouth.)
KEISHA
Thirteen more to go!
(They kiss again. Jesse and Suzy cheer. Donald Trump enters with a laundry basket filled with clean, folded clothes. He drops them near Nat, shakes his head and walks off. Blackout.)
