Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Butch McCain and the Only-Six-Months-Of-Sun Dance Kid




The federales (aka, the media) has the Scared Straight Talk Express surrounded. They have their microphones and cameras all pointed in our heroes' direction. Butch and Sarah are hunkered down inside. Wounded in the polls from an America who really wants someone who will turn this country around instead of throw life rafts to the fat cats. Butch and Sarah have run out of bullets (aka, ideas). They know that if they actually answer questions and talk about the issues, they will continue to bleed in the polls. Their only recourse, go out blazing. Shouting smears about the other guy as they make a mad dash to November.

Brace yourself for a barrage of hearing Obama's middle name overemphasized, references to "scary" black guys who enthusiastically support (the - shhhh- also black, thus scary) Barack. We'll also hear how uppity and elite and angry and out of touch Barack and his wife are.

McCassidy and Sometimes Sundance are going to be slinging for the fences. Hoping they connect with the mouth-breathers over how it would be better to vote for them because that other guy just ain't American and he and his kind will destroy us all. All the while hoping that you don't notice the last eight years haven't been so great and that they really don't plan to change anything at all. Their economic policies will remain the same - cut taxes (on the rich), throw you some chump change every once in awhile through rebates and stimulus packages to shut you up, and increase spending, mostly through war.

Look, I suck at finances. But even I know that cutting taxes and increasing spending is a bad plan.

We almost made it through an election where the candidates were taking a higher road. Then McCain, who wants you to now he is NOT Bush, took the advice of his advisers, formerly, Bush's advisers, on how to get elected. Lie to the electorate. Treat them like morons. Deflect talking about the issues by lying about your opponent. Take the issues off the table and sweep them under the rug. Doesn't matter if anything they say is true. Say it in enough soundbites and the people who's brains can only digest small bits if repetitive information, will put you in the White House. It's all a game of misdirection.

It really sucks for people like me who actually read the news from a few different sources to try to get a grasp of what's happening. (Note to Sarah: I read The Drudge Report, The Huffington Post, The Chicago Sun-Times, The Chicago Tribune and the IMDb every day. Sometimes the BBC, too, but usually only when I'm having trouble coming up with something for the news quiz.) We're going to hear John and Sarah fire off the same semi-automatic pop guns over and over and over.

So, it is in that interest that I offer up for them some new lies about Barack Obama that they can use. Call me a turncoat, if you like, but I really want to hear some fresh fibs out there. I'm tired of the reruns.

-McCain already "dissed" Obama by referring to him as a Chicago politician. (Way to go, John. Piss off the third largest city in the nation.) But he didn't take the thinking far enough. Go for the whole state.-
"Barack Obama is from Illinois. Abe Lincoln was from Illinois. Lincoln fought the biggest war on American soil. Is that what you want? Vote for me and we'll continue to send our soldiers overseas to be killed. Not be killed at home by other soldiers on our front lawns."

"Barack Hussein Obama claims he was born in Hawaii. Oh, really, senator. Then how come you never wear a red, white and blue lei?"

"Senator Obama grew up in Kenya. As in, Kenya think of a better place to raise a terrorist?"

"Obama went to college at Columbia University in New York. Columbia is the largest importer of illegal drugs into the United States. Do we really need another cokehead in office? I don't think so. And, see, I'm not like George Bush because I called him a cokehead."

"Barack Obama's experience can be summed up in two words, 'community organizer." Where I come from, we call that a communist. I'd rather be dead than red, senator."


John and Sarah are serving a greater purpose in all this, though. They are clearly demonstrating for us all that we need a change from the way we have been doing business on the campaign trail and in Washington. Hopefully, after November 4th, politicians will learn that fear is not a commodity to be sold to us in scary images and slogans and that what we really need are elected officials who serve the country, the whole country.

I think John McCain and Sarah Palin would be flattered by referring to them as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I'm sure Paul Newman and Robert Redford would be appropriately appalled. But that's not who they really remind me of. When it comes to Hollywood fictional icons, they are more like these two...







THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Holly Budge of England celebrated her 30th birthday by doing what?"


50% said "Doing 30 shots of tequila"
- Because she wants to spend her 30th year on earth massively hungover.

20% said "Bungee jumping over a volcano"
- Be sure to use the asbestos cord.

20% said "Walking on the ocean floor"
- The doctors say she should walk two miles below sea level everyday.

10% got it right with "Skydiving over Mt. Everest"

According to The Times UK , a British woman was among three skydivers who became the first on Sunday to freefall at extreme altitude through the skies above Mount Everest. “It was amazing, just spectacular,” Holly Budge, 29, a Winchester-born extreme sports enthusiast, said after making a safe landing at a site 12,350 feet (3,765 metres) above sea level — the highest “drop zone” achieved by a parachutist. “We had one minute of freefall and while we were above the clouds you could see Everest and the other high mountains popping out of the top,” she said. The expedition also offered a way by which to celebrate her 30th birthday later this month, she said.

Interested? It'll cost you around $22,000. More, if they have to scrape your body off the side of Everest.

2 comments:

Henri D said...

Land comes at you sooner when they build it up high like that!
...whada ya mean pull the rip cord, i got 20,000 more *SPLAT*

Hee hee. Mt. Everest Flap Jacks

mark krause said...

here i am again watching the debate,now i know wher palin got her generalities. cut the shit you know how to fix everything? then tell us how. christ obama is blowing him away, i might just might vote for obama, there i said it. i believe him more then shit for brains and shit for brains jr. and whats this crap he keeps saying "my friends" has he ever bought me a beer or been to my house for dinner? geez come to think about it either have you joe just a bottle or 2 of boons farm you cheap sob, sorry just had throw a laugh in there