Friday, September 11, 2009

Week 34, Day 236 - “A Penny Saved”

“A Penny Saved”

Written by Joe Janes

9/11/09

236 of 365

CAST

John, 20s

Linda, 20s

Karen, 40s

Ted, 50s

Janice, 30s

(Lights up on John and Linda walking holding hands along an urban street.)

JOHN

I love having the afternoon off.

LINDA

Me, too. I wish we could afford a whole weekend getaway.

JOHN

Well, we might just be a small step closer to fulfilling your wish. Look. A penny.

(John bends to pick it up, Linda stops him.)

LINDA

No, don’t.

JOHN

Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you’ll have good luck.

LINDA

Not when it’s tails up.

JOHN

What does that matter? A penny’s a penny.

LINDA

Heads up is good luck. Tails up is bad luck. John, really, let’s keep walking.

JOHN

We’re just talking about a penny. The lowest coin on the currency food chain doesn’t get to determine my good or bad fortune. At the very least, it’s good luck, because I’ll be a penny richer than I was before. It’s not much, but it’s a point in the right direction.

LINDA

My mom always told me upside down pennies are a message from someone from the spirit world. Like a dead grandma or something. Heads up means they are with you and looking out for you. Heads down, and they have an issue with you.

JOHN

Are you saying my dead grandmother has a problem with me?

LINDA

Maybe? I never met her.

JOHN

Maybe her problem is with you?

LINDA

Why would your dead grandmother have a problem with me? I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

JOHN

So you say. Maybe there’s something you’re not telling me. I pick up the penny, I’ll find out about it and be devastated, but if I don’t pick up the penny, I may never find out.

LINDA

That’s ridiculous. It is, as you said, just a penny. We could walk away from it. Who cares about being a penny richer?

(Karen, a homeless person, walks up to them.)

KAREN

Excuse me. I lost my job and am homeless. Can you help me out? I’m trying to get something to eat.

LINDA

There’s a penny here on the sidewalk.

(Karen shrugs and picks it up. Ted, a well-dressed businessman enters followed by Janice, his assistant.

TED

Excuse me. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I really need a penny. I don’t carry any cash, coins, especially, offend the lining of my pockets, and I just made a bet with another playboy billionaire about whether or not a pigeon in the street would actually peck at the remains of a car-flattened dead pigeon. It did, the filthy cannibal. So, I owe him a penny. If I don’t pay up in the next five minutes, as per our rules, the debt goes up to a million. I know, I know, boys will be boys, right? So, any way, if you have a penny, I will gladly have my secretary write you a check for one thousand dollars.

KAREN

Here you go.

(Karen hands Ted a penny, Janice hands Karen a check for one thousand dollars.)

JANICE

It’s made out to “cash.”

TED (kisses Karen)

Thank you. You have made my day!

KAREN

You made mine, too.

(Ted and Janice exit. Karen turns and smiles at John and Linda.)

KAREN (continuing)

Thanks for the penny.

(She exits. John looks at Karen.)

JOHN

My dead grandmother was right about you.

(He exits. Blackout)

Hawkeye's Voice


“Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.” - Larry Gelbart


One of my heroes passed away today. Larry Gelbart is perhaps best known for developing "M*A*S*H" for television and being its shepherd for its first five years. He was also one of the brilliant writers for the groundbreaking Sid Ceasar back in the 50s. He is comedy history and wrote up until his death.

I raise an imaginary dry martini made from a makeshift still in your honor, Mr. Gelbart. Thank you for your contributions to American humor and for being such an inspiration.

(Photo by Sasha Gelbart)