Friday, June 27, 2008

See Less Evil or From "C" to Shining "C"

The Toronto Star reported yesterday...

North Korea, one of the world's most secretive countries, moved a step closer to the international fold yesterday by handing in an overdue account of its nuclear activities.

"Today, we have taken a step toward a nuclear-free Korean peninsula," said U.S. President George W. Bush, adding that, in a policy of "action for action," Washington would lift some trade sanctions and end Pyongyang's designation as a state sponsor of terrorism within 45 days.

Read the rest of the article HERE.

What will become of Bush's Axis of Evil, that pole upon which evil spins like a diabolical mirrored disco ball of mayhem? Iraq has been handled, right? Iran is being dealt with. Now, North Korea is off the hook?

Well, let's take a closer look at this, shall we?

Bush, self-proclaimed "The Decider," based his decision on an account submitted by North Korea that was six months late. Given our president partied his way through Harvard with a "C" average, his decision is not surprising.

For most rational people, the missed deadline alone would merit a "no pass" unless accompanied by a doctor's note or death certificate. Since North Korea's roommate, South Korea, did not commit suicide, they cannot claim any type of bereavement exemption.

The actual document accounting the nuclear program is itself under criticism.

I have seen the document and it raises a lot of familiar red flags to this college professor. Here's what makes the paper so suspect to accuracy...

- Even though late, telltale coffee stains and chocolate smudges suggest North Korea pulled an all nighter to get it in.

- It is riddled with typos. Nuclear is spelled nukler. (Bush, of course, thought this was correct)

- A large segment explaining uranium production lifted directly from Wikipedia.

- Name at top of paper clearly written over Wite-Out.

- Last paragraph blatantly sucks up to Bush as being an "awesome" world leader who has opened North Korea's eyes and taught them a lot of stuff they'll remember for a real long time.

- Kim Jong Il sent the document to Bush along with a Harry and David's Moose Munch Party Drum.(By the way, this tactic always works with me in preventing a failing grade.)

Our "president" didn't get to where he is by honoring accurate, complete and on-time work. He goes with his gut. North Korea is no longer evil. Just a little uppity.


Robowriters meets Saturday at 1pm at Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee. $5. It is open to everyone. Come have a sketch read or come get ideas for new scenes.


Yesterday, I asked...

"The Spanish Parliament has approved a resolution extending rights to life and freedom to whom?"

33% said "Basques"
- Touchy subject. Basques have those rights as long as they don't ask for them.

22% said "Gays"
- Spaniards are by nature already a little gay. Check out their hats and matador outfits.

12% said "Jews"
- They are only covered when they vacation there in the summer.

33% got it right with "Apes"

According to Reuters, Spain's parliament voiced its support on Wednesday for the rights of great apes to life and freedom in what will apparently be the first time any national legislature has called for such rights for non-humans.

Keeping apes for animal testing, circuses, television commercials or filming will also be forbidden and breaking the new laws will become an offense under Spain's penal code.

The resolution has made apes very happy while simultaneously pissing off a lot of bulls.

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