My friend Mo Feeney sent me an e-mail about her and her friends trying to describe how old they are. I know Mo
from high school, which means she, like me, is in her 40s. Unlike me, she doesn't look like it and
has absolutely no gray in her beard.
Her examples included:- I'm so old, I remember when Colonel Sanders was actually in the KFC commercials.
- I'm so old, there was no soccer when I was growing up.
You can probably add to the first one, "I remember when Orville Redenbacher wasn't a creepy CGI." The second one
is probably more uniquely American and may depend on where you grew up.
I sense a new wave of humor similar to "Your Momma" jokes.
Here are my additions:I'm so old, I remember...
...when phones had busy signals instead of being used to signal others you are busy.
...when the starship Enterprise only had a five year mission.
...when Batman wasn't scary, except when Frank Gorshin was playing The Riddler. Dude was a psycho.
...when I played board games on boards and needed other people to play them.
...when both Rock Hudson and Freddie Mercury were considered macho
...when Rod Stewart knew how to rock.
...when there were only five TV channels: ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS and some UHF channel that only came in when
your dad went up on the roof and moved the antenna. And I was the remote control!
...when the Burger King was the Burger Prince (cue rimshot)
...when Grimace was evil
...when phones were only as mobile as the length of their cord, when Caller ID seemed invasive, and answering
machines the size of city phonebooks used cassette tapes and beepers that made weird noises into the
phone to retrieve messages remotely, and I thought that was cool.
...when e-mail was just mail and going to the mailbox was exciting.
...when going green was called ecology.
...public hair. What the hell happened to public hair? I blame the thong.
...when the Iraq war was called Vietnam.
...when radio deejays determined the music, not demographics or corporations.
By the way, the best thing you can do about getting older, is have a sense of humor about it. Besides, you're
only as old as you feel. I feel like a twenty-year-old. Preferably, a brunette.
If you have any "I'm so old..."s, please add them in the comment section. I'd love to see them.
THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY
Yesterday, I asked..."The Palm Beach County Sheriff's office is on the lookout for a man attempting
to steal ATMs while dressed as what?"
54% said "Mickey Mouse"
- Tough times. The mouse has got many mouths to feed.
10% said "a zombie"
- Brains...brains...I have no brains...
No one said "a cowboy"
36% got it right with "a ninja"
According to The Associated Press, the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office says a heavyset man with a visible potbelly
and a ninja costume unsuccessfully tried to steal two different ATMs over the past two weeks. Security video from the
automated teller machines showed the unidentified man dressed in a black ninja outfit with a hood that showed
only his eyes.
Authorities did not say how the man tried to steal the machines.
Well, he was dressed as a ninja. He tried to steal the machines by sneaking up on them when they least expected it.
What the sheriff didn't comment on was how cumbersome the turtle shell on his back was.