Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Columbia College: My grades came in from both my history class and biology class. I got "A's" in both! That hasn't happened since my first quarter at Wright State University. Then I discovered a social life and it all plummeted from there. Unfortunately, being a part-time student, I don't get on the Dean's List. However, I found this other guy named Dean that I'm hoping will put me on his list.

SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS!

Grab a bowl of Frosted Flakes, pour too much milk (soy) into it and sit your butt on a pillow in front of the screen! Last week's was a sketch by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore making fun of an old TV show called Thunderbirds Are Go!

This week, it's the real deal with Gumby and Pokey!

Fry Day

RoboWriters met last night. Again, I am blown away by the level of quality and creativity. I threw everyone a curve by bringing in a scene that had a serious tone. I probably should have warned them. As we were reading the scene, they were waiting for the big laugh to come in. Sorry, no donkeys, no strap-ons, no retarded robot pirates. The recurring theme in last evening's feedback was "character." There were a few scenes read where the most interesting characters weren't the ones the the scene was about. Tell a good story, yes, but what helps make a good story are characters you care about. Not just from the audience's perspective, from your perspective as the author. Write characters that interest you. You like vampires? Great, write about vampires. Or give one of your characters vampire-like qualities. You're the one creating a world, make sure it's a place you want to spend time in. You do that by making sure it's populated with people you want to spend time with.


ROBOWRITERS ASSIGNMENT FOR NEXT WEEK: Go to a place in public, like a coffee shop or a park, where you can sit and free write (pen to paper without stopping) for at least ten minutes. Free write about the environment around you and the people around you. Do this three times over the next three days. Develop a scene based on your observations. Develop a scene based on your observations.. I also challenged the 8pm-10pm group to make it a ten-page scene (and justify the length! No padding!).


MOM UPDATE: The doctors didn't find anything with the MRI, which I guess is good news. They kept her overnight and she should be going back to the nursing home today.


COLUMBIA UPDATE: I got an "A" in Biology! Somebody owes me an ice-cream cone. Non-dairy.


AL GORE: I'm glad we were smart enough to elect him president in 2000. I wish we had been smart enough to allow him to serve. Here's an except from an excerpt from his latest book, The Assault on Reason...

It is simply no longer possible to ignore the strangeness of our public discourse. I know I am not alone in feeling that something has gone fundamentally wrong. In 2001, I had hoped it was an aberration when polls showed that three-quarters of Americans believed that Saddam Hussein was responsible for attacking us on Sept. 11. More than five years later, however, nearly half of the American public still believes Saddam was connected to the attack.

At first I thought the exhaustive, nonstop coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial was just an unfortunate excess—an unwelcome departure from the normal good sense and judgment of our television news media. Now we know that it was merely an early example of a new pattern of serial obsessions that periodically take over the airwaves for weeks at a time: the Michael Jackson trial and the Robert Blake trial, the Laci Peterson tragedy and the Chandra Levy tragedy, Britney and KFed, Lindsay and Paris and Nicole.

While American television watchers were collectively devoting 100 million hours of their lives each week to these and other similar stories, our nation was in the process of more quietly making what future historians will certainly describe as a series of catastrophically mistaken decisions on issues of war and peace, the global climate and human survival, freedom and barbarity, justice and fairness. For example, hardly anyone now disagrees that the choice to invade Iraq was a grievous mistake. Yet, incredibly, all of the evidence and arguments necessary to have made the right decision were available at the time and in hindsight are glaringly obvious.

The entire excerpt can be read at Time Magazine.

I'm not always the biggest fan of SNL, but I did think they got this right back in 2000 when the presidency was still up for grabs. It's a speculation on what a Bush or Gore presidency would be like shortly after they take office.









The only thing they got wrong is that Bush would have been in deep arrogant denial about things falling apart around him.

Dada Writing Lesson

Last night was my last Dada writing session with WNEP for awhile. There's another one scheduled for Memorial Day Weekend, but I will be in Ohio visiting my mother.

We read a lot of stuff, but also worked on new material. Steve, the assistant director, had us do two brief sessions of free writing.

Free writing is where you simply put pen to paper and keep writing, nonstop, for a set amount of time. The purpose is to just unload whatever is happening in your head. I used to hate free writing. It seemed pointless to me to write something that didn't have a clear intention and wasn't meant to be read by others. It took an improv class to turn me on to the benefits of free writing.

A few years ago, I took Andy Eninger's Sybil "solo improvisation" class. As someone who's been around the improv scene for quite awhile, it's hard to find class situations that will be challenging. Andy's probably the best at performing this intimidating form, but he's also a fun guy and a great teacher. He knows how to take some of the pressure off. One of the techniques he encouraged was my mortal enemy - free writing. His argument was that anywhere from 10 - 30 minutes of free writing would help scratch the surface of your subconscious and help you flow more in your solo improvisation. I did it diligently, before every class and before every performance. The bastard was right. Now, I preach it in my writing classes for the same reason. Especially if you don't have anything to write about, free writing helps bring topics that are already going on in your head to the forefront.

So, last night. We did some free writing and then Steve had us write a poem developed from what we wrote. Here's my poem...

Remember, read it out loud with an affected German accent. A little panic in your voice will also be helpful.



THE LAST NIGHT
by dada mondo yippeeeeeee

It's funny. Last night, while you were upstairs...
I became afraid...
I am always afraid.
I am afraid of being attacked.
I am afraid of being provoked.
I am afraid I will have to excuse myself to go to the toilet (again).
At a certain point, I...
I am afraid I may vomit uncontrollably.
I am afraid I ate my supper too quickly - chewing little, swallowing lots.
I am afraid I will sneeze or cough or choke or fart loudly
It's funny. Last night, while you were upstairs...

(dada walks offstage. offstage we hear painful moaning sounds that may or may not be associated with relieving oneself. dada walks back on stage.)

It's funny. Last night, while you were upstairs...
I became afraid.
I came into the dining room. Is there any wine?
I am afraid I will die before I am through.
I am afraid I will not die after I am through and will spend several decades twiddling my one arthritic thumb with my one orthopedic thumb.
I guess you heard me because...
You know.
You know.
You know I am afraid of forgetting and never remembering.
I am afraid of breaking. I am afraid of breaking my jaw, my nose, my kneecaps. I am afraid of bones snapping, organs failing, fluids leaking and gums rotting.
It's funny. Last night, while you were upstairs...........................................................
...................................................................
...................................................................
..............................what the hell was I saying?



RoboWriters: Meets tonight from 6pm - 8pm at The Uptown Writer's Space. It's only five bucks. Bring something to read.

Mom Update: My mother is still at St. Vincents Hospital in Toledo, Ohio. She had a MRI on Monday and, as of Wednesday, has not received any results from it. I spoke to her on the phone and she's sounding and feeling better. She talks about food a lot. As do I.

Joe Update: I fired myself from my job of waking up my girlfriend on weekday mornings. For the second time this week, I was late. You see, my cats used to have the job of waking me up. I fired them when they started to push the wake-up time earlier and earlier, sometimes at 4:30am! I'm usually very reliable at waking up on my own at the time I want, but this morning I was deep in a dream connecting Lincoln's assassination with the Dutch Mafia. I'll let you know if that theory pans out for me and was worth making my girlfriend late for work.

Cystic Fibrosis: Jeri, my friend from college, has some beautiful kids that suffer from this awful disease. If you have a moment, check out her message...

It's that time of year again, I have a team walking in the Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis. This is the only national fundraiser for CF. No amount is too small. Click on the link below and help add tomorrows for my children and others living with this deadly disease. If you are unable to donate; please become educated about CF, and go to the website. Awareness is a step toward finding a cure. Pass on this link, educate and/or donate. We can make a difference!

THANKS!

Jeri

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation

Nothing from Something

Theatre Review: Something from Nothing
written and performed by Caleb Manci, Megan Green, Aaron Kozbial, Carrie Bain, Aaron Rueter and Lauren Q. Hearter
Directed by Bryan Cohen
The Improv as Theatre Initiative
at The Apollo Studio



Something from Nothing is about seven months in the life of a Harold Team at ImprovOlympics in the mid-1980's. The Harold is a creation of Del Close's that helped define longform improvisation as we know it today.

As someone who has taken on studying comedy from since I was a kid, I appreciate it when improvisers take an interest in the roots of improvisation. So, when Bryan Cohen started to put this production together and I heard he had been knocking on the right doors to interview people about the time period he was focusing on, I had hope.

Let's just get this out of the way right now, this play is a mess.

So much of a mess, that I don't even know how to start this review.

Well, let's go with the old stand-by...

Good news first.

The good news is that the women in this show thankfully steal the show every moment they're on stage. Megan Green, Carrie Bain and Lauren Q. Hearter have brilliantly realized their characters and when all else fails on stage they can be relied upon to at least wring a chuckle or two out of whatever contrived situation is going on at the time. These ladies really do take the stage, give us characters they and the audience can believe in, and have perfect comic timing. One of the best moments is when Megan Green asks out another improviser as if she were checking off a To Do list with an underlying vulnerability that's both sweet and funny.

I also liked that the play, appropriately developed through improvisation by the actors, wasn't a straight-up history lesson. The play is presented from the viewpoint of the members a Harold team. One guy, Aaron Kozbial, has been left in the dust by his previous team who all got hired into The Second City's Touring Company. He auditioned, too, and didn't get hired. He has a touching monologue early on questioning why he's here and if he's on the right path. Something all improvisers go through, especially those who don't get cast by Second City.

Most improv teams, including Second City companies, are very unusual in that the people on the team tend to be put together, through the randomness of class enrollment or through an audition process. The people on the team didn't choose each other. There's a certain "casting your fates to the winds" involved when joining a team.

Having the play be about the life of an improv team is an interesting idea. I have seen people's lives transformed through improvisation. People bond, people grow, people become more self-expressive. People can be unrecognizable from their first class to who they are by their last class. It can be mind blowing.

This play doesn't really show us any of that.

Now, the bad news.

For one, it's too frickin' long. The first act was an hour and a half and left the audience on a weird, awkward note at the end of act one with a couple of improvisers on a very quiet date. It didn't leave us with any reason to come back from the intermission. And when the audience came back from intermission, it didn't really give us much reason to want to stay. There's very little story development. I didn't know where this train was heading and I didn't care after awhile. The only way I knew for sure the play was over, is that the actors stood in a line and bowed. The 8pm play let out at 10:40pm. I know, because, at times, my watch became more interesting than the play.

I'm really trying hard not to be a dick, here. But if you're going to do a play about improvisation, use some of the things you've learned from improvisation.

Things like...

- Show,Don't Tell - for a play about improv, there sure is a lot of sitting around talking, punctuated by occasional bursts of standing around talking.

- Share Your Voice - The Apollo Studio is a tiny space and I was only in the second row. I could barely hear the guys most of the time.

- Heighten - Not a lot going on in this department. There are things that happen. There are bouts of hook ups, break ups, unemployment, and even homelessness. But none of them build on one another or lead to anything big.

- Stage Picture - This is really Directing 101, here, folks. There were several scenes in cars and restaurants where actors literally sat upstage of other actors and couldn't be seen.

- Transformation - Characters change circumstances and wardrobe, but no character seems much different at the end than they were at the beginning.

If you're going to set your play in 1985, immerse yourself in it beyond clothes and cultural references. Substitute one of Del's disciples for the offstage improv coach and this play could have taken place today. The play seems to have lost track of its original intentions to shed light on a historical period in improv. There no longer seems to be much of a reason to set it in 1985.

And this is picky - very picky - but I'm a stickler for this kind of thing, so indulge me. In 1985, it's very unlikely someone would have a video of Star Wars in their home. Unless it was a bootleg, which is conceivable. But they definitely wouldn't refer to it as the "original" Star Wars. Maybe, the "first" Star Wars, but I don't think anyone called it the original until either the redone version or the latest trilogy.

I really wanted to like this show. The people all seem very nice and I'm sure they have the best intentions. But the script needs to be severely overhauled and the guys need to not let their 80's wardrobe do all their acting.

The Rules of Engagement

Anger and upset are very much a part of the human package. There's nothing wrong with having emotions. You can't NOT have them. We tend to work very hard at avoiding them, especially anger and upset. Or limit them, like there's a time and a place for them. Emotions don't tend to follow schedules. We grow up being discouraged to show our emotions (Don't you raise your voice to me! ...I'll give you something to cry about!) We're even discouraged as adults. (I can't talk to you when you're like this - treating someone who's angry like they're a crazy person.)If people allowed themselves and others the space to just let their emotions flow, they'd probably move through them faster and we'd all probably be a little bit happier. We'd also get to know each other a lot better and probably feel safer because of it.

Easier said than done. Especially if you're around people where there hasn't been any agreement made on how to handle emotional situations.

I have two rules that I personally have that I apply to any heated argument.

1) No hitting. No destruction of property.

2) No dirty tricks. (This could be anything from lying about what's really true for myself - No, I'm not upset.- to bringing up issues unrelated to the topic just to try to hurt the other person.)

I try to adhere to these rules as best I can and if the other person breaks them, all bets are off and I then have the option to get nasty.

My girlfriend and I are like any couple. We have lots of good times and an occasional rough spot that needs to be smoothed out with some conscious contact. These engagements are important to me, because this is where I really get to know her on a very intimate level. I also get to know her personal rules, usually through trial and error.

Things Not To Say Or Do In An Argument With My Girlfriend

- Do not equate her behavior to that of either of her parents

- Do not make a reference to her "very fine boo-tay."

- Do not talk like a duck.

- Do not make farting sounds (real or imitation)

- It's okay to leave the television on, but ignore it. Don't you even dare look at it. (Really best to just turn it off)

- No unscheduled performances of The Naked Weenie Dance.

I hope you find this helpful. As an artist, I think it's important to study not only how people handle upset, but how you handle upset. I also believe that the more you allow yourself to fully experience anger and pain, the more able you are to fully experience pleasure and love.



SOIREE DADA: We received a lot of positive feedback on our performance at Looptopia. Jeff Watt put together a small montage focusing in on one of my favorite pieces.





Brooke Bagnall from the sketch comedy group Blaire is competing in a contest to be an NPR host. Seems like a very un-NPR thing to do, however her entry is interesting and sounds just like the real deal. It just takes a second to register to vote.

Brooke Bagnall on Public Radio's Talent Quest

Dumb Vegans

Vegans Sentenced in Baby's Death

By GREG BLUESTEIN, Associated Press Writer

ATLANTA - A vegan couple was sentenced Wednesday to life in prison for the death of their malnourished 6-week-old baby boy, who was fed a diet largely consisting of soy milk and apple juice.

Superior Court Judge L.A. McConnell imposed the sentences on Jade Sanders, 27, and Lamont Thomas, 31. Their son, Crown Shakur, weighed just 3 1/2 pounds when he died of starvation on April 25, 2004.

Defense lawyers said the first-time parents did the best they could while adhering to the lifestyle of vegans, who typically use no animal products. They said Sanders and Thomas did not realize the baby, who was born at home, was in danger until minutes before he died.

Sometimes, vegans are dumb. That's a sad understatement based on the news article above. I get the same hitch in my stomach around dumb vegans that I get around idiot bike riders. That's great that you're doing something helpful for yourself and the environment, but don't be a jerk or an idiot about it.

I'm a vegan...mostly. A true vegan would chastise me for that statement. You either are or you aren't. If someone told me they were a vegetarian except they occasionally ate fish or chicken, I'd say they were NOT a vegetarian. They might be more health conscious than others, but if you eat the animals, you're not a vegetarian. No exceptions.

There are two reasons I'm (mostly) vegan and will always be. It's healthier and the amount of cruelty endured by animals to feed our gullets is beyond inhumane. It's as if Nazi exterminators, instead of being eliminated, were told, "Hey, don't do that stuff to people... Have you considered cows?" The life of a farm factory animal is not a Perdue Chicken commercial. They don't live in a big open barn just hanging out and enjoying life. Almost all the animals that make it to your plate lived in overcrowded unsanitary conditions, were doped up and more-than-likely fed remnant meat (Yes, even today ten years after Mad Cow Disease emerged in the news, herbivore cows are still fed meat waste. That practice was outlawed, but it's poorly regulated. If it saves a buck, it won't go away until it's taken away.) and they died terrified.

Everyday, people shove food in their mouths without knowing anything about it. Many people continue to eat based on habits they developed growing up and never question it. If you buy it at the store, it must be okay, right? People get sick everyday and are dying from obesity, cancer and heart disease and never make the connection between the quality of their health and the many pounds of meat rotting in their colon. That's understandable. A good portion of our health system hasn't connected the dots there, either. My mother had quadruple by-pass surgery. Within a week of having her chest cut open, the hospital served her a bacon cheese burger. The nurse told us that we could bring her McDonald's, if we wanted. "What's important is that she eats, no matter what it is." Sheesh... Apparently, it's their way to insure repeat business.

All right, let me get off my very tall horse. Because what really burns me are vegans, the extreme example being the couple above, that give other vegans a bad name. Some people jump into the diet without doing the very simple homework of nutrition. Just eating Twizzlers may make you a vegan, but a very unhealthy one.

Notice, I don't use the term "lifestyle" when it comes to veganism. I don't consider it a lifestyle. It's a diet. Anyone can do it. Part of the problem I have are vegans who embrace it as a lifestyle and alienate those who do not. There's a very fine organization called EarthSave that I used to do a lot of work with. The monthly potluck dinners they hosted were the best. People brought in amazing food and I always used the opportunity to learn to cook a new dish. What turned me off were people who would say things like...

"You have a cat? I can't eat your food because your utensils may have touched other utensils that touched cat food." - Chill, dude. I washed it.

"Ew, is that a fake leather coat? That promotes wearing leather." - Um, no. It promotes wearing fake leather.

"I don't cut my hair. I let it grow out naturally. I use crystal rocks for deodorant. I breast fed my child until he was sixteen. I make all my own clothes out of hemp. I smell funny on purpose." Okay, these are slightly exaggerated.

Veganism is a healthy choice. It's good for your body and it's good for the environment. But as long as vegans make dumb choices or perpetuate an alienating, condescending hippy persona, it's going to be hard to spread the good word on it.

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

It's Saturday morning! Grab a pillow to sit on. Go get a bowl of Corn Pops.

Don't sit next to your brother. He'll try to fart on your cereal.




And when you're done with that, check out the fun we had at Looptopia. Been a long time since I got my Dada on in front of an audience.