...And We Get The Shaft

You've probably been following the heart-breaking efforts to rescue the coal mine workers in Utah.

Something's been gnawing at me about it.

At first, I ignored this impulse because, for crying out loud, it was a mining accident. I can't blame Bush for everything. Turns out, I can. Bush didn't learn from the "Heckuva job, Brownie" FEMA/Katrina fiasco. His dogged pursuit of cronyism and placing the most unqualified corporate friendly yahoos in the highest positions may have lead to the severity of the disaster and foul ups in the rescue efforts. Check out the man who leads the rescue effort, Mine and Health Safety Administrator, Richard Stickler.

This is from ABC.

Stickler's rocky road to appointment

Also coming to light, is the fact that Stickler's nomination to head the mine administration was twice rejected by congress and rejected when republicans were still in charge. Rejected reportedly by senators who were concerned about Stickler's safety record when he operated mines. After his nomination was twice rejected by the Senate, President Bush gave Richard Stickler the mine safety job with a recess appointment. That's a presidential appointment made when congress is not in session.

When did Bush push that sneaky recess appointment of Stickler to mine safety czar? October 2006. One year and one month after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and the Gulf Coast states.

Mad as hell? Me, too. Tired of this crooked administration getting a blank check? Me, too. Feel like there's nothing we can do about it that will make a difference? Me, too.

Well, if you can't beat 'em...

Dear Mr. President;

How are you? I am fine. Hope you are enjoying your vacation.

As you go into your final year and few months in office, it appears as though some members of your administration are leaving. You might be worried about this . Who's going to take one of these jobs that will likely only last til a more discerning, and less fun, commander-in-chief takes office?

Fear not. I am here.

I am ready and willing to take up any position you would like to appoint me to. It looks like that mine safety seat might be opening up soon, but, really, I am equally unqualified for any position you would like me to fill.

Here is a list of my key attributes that I think you might find desirable for someone in your employ.

1) I am able to put a positive spin on any bad situation. (Just ask my creditors when payments are late. I can often be heard on the phone saying things like, "Rest assured, we are on top of it.")

2) I wear long sleeves all year round and often roll them up to give the appearance that I have been hard at work.

3) I have several "looks" that are perfect for cameras. In my photo-op canon, I have at the ready; "Lock Jaw Stoic," "Head-Slightly-Cocked with Compassion" and, my masterpiece, "The Furrowed Brow of Concern."

My only weak points are that I work too hard and care too much (Ha! See number one of my key attributes. I told you I was good!)

With Congress on recess, this, as you know, is the perfect opportunity to put me in. And if it gets out that I usually vote democrat, then, great! This will get those bi-partisan whiners off your back.

As far as salary and benefits go, I'm willing to make do with whatever the minimum six-figure starting pay is plus health insurance (Eat me, Michael Moore!). I'm sure there are some other perks offered by corporations that will help me get by on such a paltry starting wage.

It's not about the money, any way, Mr. President. I am here to serve you and our country. And when I say our country - I do mean your country and my country. Not the democrats' or republican turncoats' country. Or the terrorists.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Yours in Christ,

Joe

THE ELDERS OF THE DARK TOWER (OF XXORON)

This is something Mike Gerber featured on his website. I thought you and my friends over at The Graffiti Table would enjoy it. It was created by a group called The Elders of The Dark Tower (of Xxoron). It's an excellent example of commercial parody.






WHAT'S ANU WITH YOU?

Anu Alphonse is the musician working with Planet Terrance and me on the Around the Coyote project. Here's his MySpace page which features a few of his songs. He played The Dance for us and, it may be because it was the first time I heard it, I have a slight preference to the live acoustic version he performed. Check out all his songs, though, especially Weather Girl. Hopefully, Anu's busy schedule won't prevent him from performing live at our shows.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In an Orlando, Florida guns-for-sneakers exchange last week, police were surprised when a man turned in what?"

28% said "Civil War Gatling Gun"
- Nope. He wasn't holding on to it in case of a North-South re-match, either.

14% said "A love gun"
- That's not it, either. Even though I'm not exactly sure what a love gun is, I don't think the cops would swap a pair of shoes for one.

Nobody went for "An antique canon"
- I was shooting blanks with that one. Or maybe with my love gun.

58% got the right answer of "A surface-to-air missile launcher"


A freakin' what?

Yes. A surface-to-air missile.

According to the Associated Press, an anonymous Florida man turned it in for a pair of size three Reeboks for his daughter. He said he found it in a shed he tore down last week and none of the dumps he took it to would take it. More proof that everyone in Florida is insane. Crazy from the heat and humidity. Pretty bad when I consider the only sane place down there to be a theme park run by a mouse.

Monday Mish-Mash

AIR & WATER SHOW

This last weekend was the Annual Air & Water Show in Chicago. I always take delight when it meets with inclimate weather as it did this past weekend. Especially on Sunday when it rained all day long and the planes were grounded. I think Air and Water shows are nothing but big monster truck rallies in the sky. And water. My main beef is with the sky stuff, though. It's a huge waste of energy and incredibly dangerous - to the pilots and to the people the jets buzz over and the buildings they fly around. Insert your own 9/11 reference here.


10 THINGS, NOW CRANKED UP TO ELEVEN

Last Thursday, I posted 10 Things You Should Really Please Stop Doing In Your Sketch Revue - Now!!! I've received many positive responses and, from that, two additions.

11) Stop doing lazy song parodies. Usually, just one word is changed in the chorus and the rest of the song is unsuccessfully forced into fitting the scene. If you're not Weird Al or The Capitol Steps, stop it. Write an original song.

12) Stop traveling through time. Especially stop traveling through time to visit yourself performing the show you are currently doing. If time travel ever becomes possible, I hope it is put to better use, such as forwarding myself to the end of your show.


AROUND THE COYOTE WORKSHOP

This past weekend, I participated in an unusual workshop about collaboration with different artists from different media. I was assigned a comedy group, a musician and an artist to work with on a show for the Around the Coyote Festival. Our goal for the weekend was to form a basis for working together and set up a foundation for creating a thirty minute show for the festival October 12 - 14. The group is called Planet Terrence. I have met many of them at Second City as all of them do or have worked there on the service staff. They are all super smart and funny and we had a very good time. Our musician is Anu. A brilliant composer and I hope to link you to some samples of his work. The artist is Shawn Stucky. His style reminds me of Terry Gilliam with a stronger lean towards the surreal than the absurd, I think. What the hell do I know? I like his stuff. Check it out. Here's a sample I like a lot titled The Persistence of Loss.



The people who put the workshop together took very good care of us. Plenty of great food. I have noticed of late through Sketchfest and CIF that there are lots of companies more than willing to throw lots of food the artist's way. But Peroni? Here's one thing I learned this past weekend...

FREE BEER + ARTISTS + TRYING TO BE PRODUCTIVE = BAD IDEA

I do appreciate the gesture, though.



THE IMPROVISED SHAKESPEARE COMPANY



Two years ago, I met Blaine Swen (guy with skull) in a Michael Gellman project at Second City. He invited me to play with him in a Skybox run of The Improvised Shakespeare Company. Frightened to death of improvising in the style of Shakespeare, I jumped at the chance. Early in 2006, the show moved to iO where it has enjoyed a Friday night at 8pm run ever since. Due to my maddening schedule, I haven't been able to perform with the company at all this year. Until now. I'll be performing this coming Friday. It might end up just being myself, Blain and Ric Walker (man left of skull) performing a full two-act improvised show. It's going to be a blast, so come check it out.(photo by Rance Rizzutto)


LOGAN SQUARE

My girlfriend and I are going to start looking this week for an apartment in Logan Square. She works in Oak Brook, so we're hoping the move southwest from where we now live will shave half the time off her daily commute. We'll find out today if it does or not. She's driving to there after she gets off work and I'll be meeting her for dinner. If you know of place near the Logan Square blue line stop opening up for October, let me know.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

The news quiz was acting a bit funky over the weekend. If you get a "polls not available" message, try reloading the page.

On Saturday, I asked...

"Because of the wars abroad, U.S. police departments are having to deal with what?"

100% answered "A shortage of armor"
- Nope. They have that in Iraq, too. That's why parents of soldiers were sending their kids bullet-proof vests. Never knew those were optional.

I would have thought it would be one of the following; "A shortage of manpower" or

"A shortage of delinquents to arrest"
- my experience with the thugs in high school is they either join the military or the police or parley their delinquent vocational training into a career. Keeping a part-time office in a county jail cell.

The correct answer is "A shortage of bullets"

According to reporter Estes Thompson and the Associated Press...

Troops training for and fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are firing more than 1 billion bullets a year, contributing to ammunition shortages hitting police departments nationwide and preventing some officers from training with the weapons they carry on patrol.

Now, if there's only some way to force this bullet crunch on gangs. Maybe they'll switch from drive-by shootings to tossing water balloons or eggs, like kids that age should be doing any way.

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Underdog (1964 - 73)
Underdog ran for almost ten years on Saturday mornings. It featured the voice of comedian Wally Cox, who also resembles our hero, a bit.



Okay, maybe he looks more like Underdog's alter-ego, Shoe Shine Boy.



With that other same-named crapola film out, I wanted to show the source material. The film screwed up on the first part by making Underdog a real dog. In the cartoon, Underdog co-exists with humans, but as their equal. His girlfriend, Sweet Polly Purebread, also a dog, was an ace TV news anchor and reporter. For some reason, Underdog always spoke in verse, which seemed to have the effect of elevating his status as a hero. Underdog would have his adventures broken up into four parts in a half-hour show. They would intersperse it with a variety of other cartoons, such as Tennessee Tuxedo, Klondike Kat and, my favorite, Commander McBragg. I'll try to get the Commander in here next week.

It has run in syndication for a long time, but went on hiatus for awhile in the 80's and 90's because parents were up in arms about Underdog's source of strength - an energy pill. Mistaken as condoning drugs, it was actually made a part of his character to get kids to take their vitamins, much like Popeye and his spinach.

This is part three of an episode called Simon Says 'Be My Valentine' from 1966 featuring Underdog's arch-nemesis Simon Bar Sinister and his henchman, Cad Lackey. Why am I showing part three? The third chapter always started off with what I thought was the coolest version of the classic theme song. Simon says, "Enjoy!"





THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Much to the dismay of Chinese officials, a Beijing couple is in the process of trying to name their newborn what?"

"$" - No. I think that's the symbol Prince went by for awhile in order to try to make more "$."

"!" - No, that's where the baby was conceived. His parents were making out over at Exclamation Point.

": b" - No, that's a native American name. "Guy With Tongue Sticking Out."

The correct answer is "@."

According to the Associated Press, a couple trying to find a distinctive name for their baby in the world's most populated country has come up with the "at" symbol. Translated into Chinese, the word means "love him." But this is no mistake, they know it's a widely used symbol on the Internet. No news, yet, on if the name has been accepted. The police, who issue identity cards, have to approve the name. And then they have to make sure the babies toys have the right amount of lead in them.

Shrek It, Sort of...

ROBOWRITER'S ASSIGNMENT

The assignment from last night's Robowriters Meeting is to write a scene based on a fable or fairy tale. The idea is to tell the story in your own way - exaggerating the absurdities or focusing on your favorite parts. Adding humanity or modern sensibilities. It's also helpful to do a little studying up on your fav. I recently brushed the dust off my take on the Pecos Bill Tall Tale. I was surprised to find early versions of the tale that included Pecos drinking whiskey with nails in it, because he was that darn tough. He also shot the love of his life because she was stuck bouncing between the earth and the moon. It was the only way to put her out of her misery. Um, stick to wrangling twisters, Pecos, if you should ever find me in a similar predicament.

It's fine to use modern language and social conventions, but refrain from going all Shrek on it and loading it up with pop culture references. If you need a little inspiration, here's a Fractured Fairy Tale from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.



OLD!

Last spring, I had the pleasure of directing a comedy group called OLD! They posted one of their songs on YouTube. It features Tory Altree, Debbie Ruzicka and Remy O'Brien. It's a trio of soccer moms singing a protest song at Starbucks. Good stuff. It was the highlight of the show.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY Yesterday, I asked...

"A pro-abortion billboard in New York City is causing controversy as it features what?"

52% answered "A terrorist forcing a woman to give birth"
- Nope. But I hear the pro-life faction wants to use an airplane flying itself into a pregnant belly as a metaphor for abortion.

14% thought it was "A smiling woman throwing a fetus into a kitchen trash can"
- Yeah, no. I think that's a Hefty ad. Although I'm sure they could handle a tough job like an abortion clean-up.

No one took to my ruse "The pope giving a thumbs up"
- I couldn't find a thumbs up pic of a pontiff, but I did find this one, which I like better...

28% got the right answer "A coat hanger"

According to CBS, The Manhattan Mini-Storage Company is well-known for putting a liberal spin on their advertising. This one has really got the Catholic League up in arms and fashioning glasses out of their fingers.

10 Things You Should Please Stop Doing in Your Sketch Revue - NOW!!!

I'll tell you a little secret about most of the teachers in The Second City Training Center...

Most of us never go see any of the Second City shows. It's been years for me.

I know. We're hypocrites. We're always yammering to our students "Go see the shows, go see the shows." And when a student does come in to class having seen one of the resident companies, I'll eventually cop to not having seen it after my "knowingly smiling" look fails. We'll tell people we're too busy teaching or doing our own shows. The real reason we don't go see shows is because it is heart breaking. Anyone who has ever been a student at Second City knows that oftentimes there's a disconnect between what we teach in class and what gets put on stage. As teachers, it makes us feel unheard and ineffective. Better to keep the blinders on and focus on the students in front of me with whom I have a chance of making a difference.

Realizing the dishonesty of it all in regards to my students, I recently saw several sketch revues in all three theaters at the improv mothership that is Second City. I now have a point-of-reference in discussing with them what works and what doesn't work in Second City-style sketch revues.

Out of all the sketch revues I've seen the last few weeks, I highly recommend to you the mainstage show, Between Barrack and a Hard Place. It was originally written and performed by Joe Canale, Ithamar Enriquez, Molly Erdman, Brian Gallivan, Brad Morris and Amber Ruffin. Brian has since moved on and Mark Swaner has seamlessly taken his place. There are some very smart scenes and entertaining improv and some edgy, yet candy-coated songs. What I like most about the show, counter to most every other sketch revue in Chicago, is that it doesn't feel rushed. There's an early two-person relationship scene that really takes its time and keeps the "issue" of the scene subtle, but powerful. It's not a perfect show, but I don't want to nit-pick it. It's a very strong show with a great cast. Everyone has their own unique personae on stage and is fun to watch. They might start working on a new show in a few weeks. If so, go see it soon so that you can see the full Barrack as it was intended before new material gets worked into it.

Yeah, I know. It sounds like I'm gushing. I'm really not trying to cover my ass on anything here. I fully enjoyed myself.


About those other shows I saw. Rather than drag names through the mud, I created a list.

TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD PLEASE STOP DOING IN YOUR SKETCH REVUE - NOW!!!


1) Please stop making up fake diseases or conditions based on celebrities or social trends for doctor scenes. Rather than have someone diagnosed with "Lindsey Lohan-itis," I'd rather see a scene about parents dealing with their daughter who acts like Lindsey and having to come to terms with that the best thing for them to do is, God forbid, stop trying to be her best friends and discipline her.

2) Please stop doing scenes structured like interventions or AA meetings. Aside from it being tired, it really keeps the characters from authentically dealing with one another. Have someone's best friend tell them they can't deal with their Justin Timberlake or Star Trek obsession rather than making that character join a hack rehab group or be intervened upon.

3) Please stop having homosexual overtones in your scenes. I get it, even though the male boss is letting the male employee go, it's really a metaphor for a gay break-up scene. I'd rather see a gay break-up scene driven by intelligence, emotion and humor than by giggle-inducing homophobia.

4) Please stop trying to shock me. I'm not opposed to blue humor, but if the foundation for a scene isn't there and I don't care about the characters or relationships, then you're just being shocking for shock's sake. Nothing moves forward and instead of making me laugh you've grossed me out. Or bored me, which is what happens after the shock wears off. Jerry Springer, Howard Stern and Mancow already have this turf covered.

5) Please stop having improvised portions if you're not really going to improvise. If it's just an excuse to ad-lib witty remarks or make fun of people in the audience, I'll go to Uncle Chuckle's Comedy Shack.

6) Please finish the scene that you started. You're telling a story. Finish the story.

I'm seeing a lot of "scenes" that are structured like this...

Present funny idea
Make a few funny jokes about funny idea
Quick! LIGHTS OUT and play LOUD MUSIC!

Scenes really can have a beginning, middle and end. Characters really can transform and situations can be resolved in ways that are surprising, yet logical and very satisfying.

7) Please stop using Tourette's and Alzheimer's as a reason for a character being funny. Having a character afflicted with one of these conditions could be interesting - and funny - if done respectfully. If you're going to use them, do your homework. Make it a part of the character, not the character itself.

8) Please slow down. There's this misconception that MTV has ruined sketch comedy and all theater, for that matter. It's not true. If it's good, people will pay attention. Most sketch revues deal in what Mr. Hall calls "shock and awe." It moves so fast and with such fury that you don't realize how unfunny it is. If you're worried that by giving your scenes a natural life you'll lose the audience, then you lack confidence in your material and your audience. Audiences aren't as dumb as they look.

9) Please stop making political references if you don't have something new or interesting to say. I get it. Bush is dumb. He messes up his words a lot. You've saddled your poor actor with doing an imitation of an imitation. Give me something that will make me laugh and think.

10) Please stop making so many damn pop culture references. Unless it really reveals something important about the character or forwards the story, avoid it. We get it. You watch TV. You download music. You love movies. Now, please, go read a book and take a pottery class. Go live your life and use that as a resource for material.

Most of these things show up in sketch revues out of laziness. Writers and directors are just aping what they've seen before and are playing it safe. Work a little harder. Dig a little deeper. Take more risks.



ROBOWRITER'S TONIGHT

Bring your scenes to the Uptown Writer's Space, 4802 North Broadway, at 6:30pm and get feedback from a big jerk like me. It's only $5.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Michael Vick is being sued for 63 billion dollars by an inmate. Which is NOT one of his claims?"

40% thought "Vick gave money to Iran to buy missiles"
- but that's one of the major claims in the lawsuit. The prisoner contends Vick stole his dogs, sold them on eBay and gave the proceeds to Iran. I have no joke for this.

Another 40% thought "Vick hired robotic guards"
- but that's claim number seven. Those guards work at the prison and are trying to keep him from telling the truth about Vick. And to keep him from having conjugal visits from Sarah Connor. They all look like this guy...





No one picked "Vick threw snowballs at his car"
- which is, indeed, part of the lawsuit. But it's Michael Vick, so only half the balls actually hit the car.

The correct answer, which isn't part of the lawsuit, is "Vick ruined his lucky prisoner pants"
- hey, this guy is crazy, but he's not that crazy.

According the The Atlanta-Journal Constitution, enterprising litigant Jonathan Lee Riches, recently filed a multi-billion dollar handwritten lawsuit against embattled Falcons quarterback Michael Vick alleging everything from stolen copyrighted property to "microwave testing" to a shady arms deal with Iran. Most lawsuits like this wouldn't make it to court. An attorney wouldn't risk his or her reputation. That's why the guy with the traditional nutbag middle name "Lee" is going to represent himself in court. USA! USA! USA!

Dada Surplus

Anytime I'm in a situation where I'm asked to generate material for a project, I will do my best to generate a mother lode. I've been that way ever since the early days of The Armageddon Radio Hour when we first did it thirteen years ago. Part of it is a competition with myself to see how much quality material I can produce. Another more needier side of me just wants to get as many pieces as possible in the show. When I was in college, Graham Chapman came to visit and chatted with us about Monty Python. He spoke about writing meetings for Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album (their first and only album of all original material). Apparently, everyone brought in a few things they were working on and Terry Jones came in with over 25 pieces. To paraphrase Graham, "You bring in that many bleeding pieces, something's going to get in!"

Unfortunately, there's the inevitable let down of when a show's material gets set and there's a bulk of material I generated that won't get to be seen in front of the audience. Oh, heavy sigh. Such is the life of a writer. I don't blame the director for his or her lack of artistic vision in this. (Really, I don't.)

For the upcoming Soiree Dada show, I wrote around twenty pieces and co-wrote a few others. Out of the twenty-one pieces that will make up Blind Donkey Hopscotch, I wrote four of the pieces and co-wrote two others. From a writer's standpoint where material was being submitted by possibly a dozen people, that's pretty darn good.

Writer's are never the best people to ask about their own work. There's stuff I write that I have a personal connection to and there's stuff that I don't. To get my creative wheels turning early in the dada writing process, I did a lot of "cut and paste" scenes and poems. Original dadaists used to take existing pieces of literature, such as a Shakespeare tragedy (the more serious, the better), chop up the dialogue, throw it in a bag, shake it up, pull out the pieces, glue them to a piece of paper in random order and - TAH-DAH! - a dada poem or scene.

My resources were of less worthy stock. I actually took the written stuff at the bottom of most male enhancement spam e-mails and fashioned them into poems. They're already gobbledy-gook, so it didn't take much. The down side? Because there wasn't much me in them, I didn't much care for them. All I fashioned was the context in which the words would be spoken. One of them did make it into the show, but I won't tell you which one. Even though it doesn't hold much meaning for me, others saw enough in it to deem it worthy for production and I don't want to diminish that. There's a similar piece I "wrote" that also made it where I literally took text from a "how to" website and fashioned it into a live demonstration. It's also in the show, but it's fun, physical and a little vaudeville, so I like that one.

The stuff I like the best came from stream of consciousness writing. Tapping into my thoughts and feelings, twisting words to find new meanings, and thinking about food. (I made the mistake of doing a lot of my dada writing while eating alone in restaurants.) But they are mine and I made them from scratch. A few of these are in the show and I'm very proud. I'm especially delighted to see them being performed by other people. As a writer, I love to see how other people interpret my work. Especially if it surprises me and makes the piece come alive.

Here's one piece I like a lot that's not in the show, although it might pop up in a segment where we are all doing poems simultaneously.


Babykarotten
Written by Dada Mondo YiPPeeeeeee

The baby carrots go unwanted.
And they should.
Abortion helps weed out the assholes.

Leave them in the dirt.
Babies are good for the soil.
The worms will appreciate the change of pace.

If baby carrots are pulled from the earth, they will die.
Even if they become adult carrots, they will die.

They will be hit by an automobile.
They will go to war and come back in burlap sacks.
They will lose their optimism.
They will develop a clot.
They will be taken advantage of.
They will accidentally on purpose break your heart.
They will cut and run.
They will end up begging for money on the streets.
They will take up a nasty habit.
They will be eaten and swallowed and shat and flushed and eaten and swallowed and shat and flushed.

The baby carrots go unwanted.

Leave them.

Leave them in the dirt.


That rocking image from the top of the post is a painting called Whatever Happened to Baby Carrot? from artist Bethany Marchman!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Security guard Corey Tully in Miami was being robbed by two men until they were interrupted when one of the robbers did what?"

33% answered "Mistook Tully for Garth Brooks"
- Must have been that ten gallon cowboy hat. Or the greasy Chris Gaines' wig.





16% picked "Discovered Tully was a woman"
- Hmmm, maybe he was wearing that Chris Gaines' wig.

Everyone was too smart to fall for "Dropped his plastic gun and stepped on it"

According to the AP, one of the robbers accidentally shot his accomplice in the eye. They were wrestling Corey Tully to the ground when it happened. They ran to their getaway car where two other men waited and gotaway to a hospital where all four of them were also arrested. Guess they shot the brains of the operation.

Karl Rove's Memoirs - First Draft

Karl Rove is retiring. Seven years ago, this would have been welcomed news. Now, it's like someone backing out of the room before the shit really hits the fan. He said he needs to spend more time with his family.




He will also write a book about his political career.

Here are some interesting facts from PBS's Frontline that I hope he includes...

- At age 9, Rove is a vocal supporter of Richard Nixon's presidential campaign -- so vocal, in fact, that an older girl, a would-be Kennedy voter, beats him up. He then leaked information to the school newspaper implying the pre-teen lass liked boys, had cooties and was a liberal.

- During his first year of college his parents divorce and not long after, he learns that Louis Rove, the man he thought was his father, is not. He does not meet his biological father until he is in his 40s. Who is his real father? I think it's this guy.

- Rove, eager to see Bill Clements in the Texas governor's seat again, drafts a memo that foreshadows future Rove campaigns. He quotes Napoleon, advising candidates to put forth "a well-reasoned and extremely circumspect defensive, [sic] followed by rapid and audacious attack." Where is our Watergate-loo?

- In 1993, he convinces George W. Bush to run for governor against Ann Richards. According to Washington Post reporter Dana Milbank, Rove gives Bush a book, The Dream and the Nightmare: The Sixties' Legacy to the Underclass by Myron Magnet, that will later form the basis of "compassionate conservatism."

Here's what Publisher's Weekly and The Wall Street Journal have to say about that book. Note the contrast!

From Publishers Weekly

The legacy of the subtitle, according to Magnet, is "a liberal, left-of-central worldview" that, despite the intentions of the 1960s counterculture advocates, divides our society more fully than ever into Haves and Have-Nots. The sexual revolution and the focus on free "expressiveness" had the effect of holding "the poor back from advancement by robbing them of responsibility for their fate and thus further squelching their initiative and energy." ...Magnet urges that we " stop the current welfare system, stop quota-based affirmative action . . . stop letting bums expropriate public spaces . . . stop Afrocentric education in the schools." Magnet offers many examples of societal ills but fails to make a convincing case that the legacy of the counterculture is the culprit.

From THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

An absorbing tale of how the honorable intentions of liberal do-gooders produced tragic consequences. It is also at heart a profoundly optimistic book...Many writers have addressed this topic recent years but few have done so with more wisdom or more passion than Magnet.

- Rove convinces Bush to run for president. They go after John McCain in the primaries. McCain faces a brutal whispering campaign about his mental health, his wife's admitted battle with a dependency on prescription drugs and whether he had fathered a black child out of wedlock. (The McCains had adopted a Bangladeshi child from Mother Teresa's orphanage.)

It's been a long series of dirty tricks - too many to list here!- to get George Junior in the Oval Office chair for two terms in a row. Karl's the man. I look forward to reading his book.

This just in...Found on a discarded laptop in Lafayette Park near the White House, is the first draft of spinmeister/architect Karl Rove's book. It begins...

It was the best of times, it was the best of times.

And anyone who tells you otherwise is from the liberal media.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Which of the following is NOT attributed to media mogul Merv Griffin?"

50% answered "Bought the Beverly Hilton from Barron Hilton" This is true. Merv got into real estate because he was BORED. And what got him going was a phone call from Baron Hilton asking him if he'd like to buy his hotel. Much like how you or I might call a friend to see if they'd like to take a bookcase or futon off our hands. A $100 million bionic futon.

25% took a shot at Had a hit song with "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Cocoanuts"
Right on. Merv got a gig fronting a band at Los Angeles' Cocoanut Grove. They had a big hit in 1948 with "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Cocoanuts" that Merv sang with a disturbing cockney accent.

25% answered "Was discovered by Doris Day"
This is also true. Day saw him singing with is band in Las Vegas. A series of trivial roles in lackluster movies followed.

The one thing Merv did NOT do that no one got...Wrote the theme song to "The Price is Right"

Perhaps Merv's biggest claim to fame internationally is being the creator of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. He also wrote their theme songs. All these facts are in the Associated Press's obituary on Merv. I will always remember him as a talk show host I would watch after school and as the killer in The Man with Two Brains.

"I dunno, I've always just loved to kill. I really enjoyed it..."