Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Jot "No Mam"

Sometimes on Sunday morning's I would be jonesing for some cartoon action. The best one could find was very blatant christian children's programming. Davey and Goliath was the king of this, as far as having a quality that actually appealed to kids. But I also remember a cartoon called Jot. Jot was a dot, just a round ball with triangle feet. The animation style is actually kind of cool. The stories were always uber-simple, dealing with Jot doing something bad and then having to deal with the torturous consequences. Jot debuted in 1968 and ran in syndication throughout the '70s. It was drawn by UPA, most famous for their signature-style animated commercials from the 50's and '60's and most famously for the classic cartoon Mr. Magoo. It was written and produced by a Southern Baptist outfit in Dallas, so you know there's no subtlety going on here. It's fun, though. This one is about Jot stealing a cupcake and lying about it. He has an acid-trippy descent into hell because of it.





TONIGHT!

It's your last chance to see Mr. Hall and myself at Chicago Sketchfest. It's an early show, so there's enough time to catch us and one of two others without going on comedy overload.

Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes: 2 Guys, 1 Cup
Directed by Jen Ellison
The Seventh Annual Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival

Saturday, January 5th at 7pm

The Theatre Building
1225 West Belmont (between Racine and Southport - three blocks west of the Belmont El stop)
There is street parking available on Belmont Avenue. There is also a valet service available right in front of the theater for $8.

Tickets vary in price depending on what kind you get for the festival. For individual shows, though, it's no more than $15. You can get them at the door if you arrive early enough. For more ticket info call (773) 327-5252 or go to www.ticketmaster.com (search "Sketchfest 2008")

Nat Topping at some insightful and kind words about our show over at Clever Title.

Yep. We did it.

Thank you for coming to last night's show, if you were there. We had a great turn out. The Reader referred to us as "veteran" comedians, which we got a big kick out of. I know they meant it as a compliment, but to me it just means "old fuckers." Regardless of how veteran one is, it's pretty scary to put up a show of all new material and show it to an audience for the first time. We had two segments involving audience interaction that didn't go as planned -hard to find an audience willing to come to rehearsals. And our silent scene tanked. Our big ass crate set pieces were falling apart as the show went on, which added a nice element of danger. Everything else worked really well and the big surprise to me was how well our "I Believes" worked.

Don and I often post reviews on our blogs, so we're hoping people take the opportunity to turn the tables on us and post a review of our show.



IOWA

Well, now that the Iowa primaries are over, I think a lot of people are going to pay more attention to the presidential campaigns. It's thinned the herd a bit and left the contenders. The only decent republican candidate is Ron Paul, who didn't have a big showing, but is still in the race. I like Huckabee, but he's shown himself to be just too unaware at some of the things going on in the world. I shouldn't be more aware than the president when it comes to important current events. Obama rocked. He gave a victory speech that was inspiring and really did give me hope for America! Not an easy task these days.He was followed by Edwards and Clinton. I would love to see an Edwards-Obama ticket, with Obama as vice-president. I think Clinton would be scary as anyone's vice-president. Think Dick Cheney in drag. Do it anyway, it's fun.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In his new book, author and A.I. expert David Levy predicts that by the year 2050 we will be doing what?"

30% said "Having robot work surrogates"
- I'd love to be able to hire out my robot self to do some work while I dick around on my blog, but then it would lead to some big robot slave revolt and we'd get our asses all Matrix-ed.

10% said "Having cars that are also offices"
- Judging from the fast food wrappers you would see on the backseat floor of my cars' past, we're already there.

No one said "Having computers in every room"
- Big Brother is watching you. And he wants to see you pee.

60% got it right with "Having sex with robots"

According to The Houston Chronicle, Levy says that by 2050 we'll be creating robots so lifelike, so imbued with human-seeming intelligence and emotions, as to be nearly indistinguishable from real people. And we'll have sex with these robots. Some of us will even marry them. So, still no flying cars, but we'll be able to stick our weinies in our Playstations. Like we haven't tried already.

I look forward to seeing this in everyone's livingroom.

Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes

(Our audience from Sketchfest 2007)

Tonight, Don Hall and I will be performing the new version of our show, Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes: 2 Guys, 1 Cup directed by Jen Ellison. If you are a fan of our blogs, you will not be disappointed. We take our digs at improv, the state of our worlds, the state of THE world, and do some major spleen-venting over George W. There are also two "scene" scenes, I guess you would say. One about the strongest man in the world and the richest man in the world fretting that they never gave their dear departed mother what she really wanted... grandchildren. The other about a chance encounter in the woods with a leprechaun (a word I learned to spell by writing the scene, but will still likely pronounce it lepperkarn with an Ohio twang.).

If you saw the show last year, the only things this show has in common are all new "I Believe's...," a silent scene set to a funky Neil Hefti tune (He wrote the theme to Batman in the 1960's), and an ending that will shock you and have you scrambling for the exit. It is not for the squeamish.

We've been frantically pulling it together, which has been a little tricky coming off the holidays. What that means from an audience perspective is that we have not managed to get through the "this makes me giggle like a school girl" part of the rehearsal process. Don keeps cracking me up.

You have two chances to see our show. Tonight (Thursday) and Saturday night.

Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes: 2 Guys, 1 Cup
Directed by Jen Ellison
The Seventh Annual Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival

Thursday, January 3rd at 9:30pm (w/ Premature Infatuation)
Saturday, January 5th at 7pm

The Theatre Building
1225 West Belmont (between Racine and Southport - three blocks west of the Belmont El stop)
There is street parking available on Belmont Avenue. There is also a valet service available right in front of the theater for $8.

Tickets vary in price depending on what kind you get for the festival. For individual shows, though, it's no more than $15. You can get them at the door if you arrive early enough. For more ticket info call (773) 327-5252 or go to www.ticketmaster.com (search "Sketchfest 2008")

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"In spite of the writer's strike, all the latenight talk shows are returning tonight. The only one with its complete writing staff is which?"

11% said "Latenight with Conan O'Brien"

No one thought it might be "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" or "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

89% got it right with "The Late Show with David Letterman"

According to the Associated Press, David Letterman had reached an agreement to allow writers to work on his show; Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien and ABC's Jimmy Kimmel returned without theirs. Letterman, who might be a little prickly to work with, is a class act and has hopefully led the way for a quick end to the strike. The other guys, who all also took care of their staffs while on break, definitely struggled to fill the time. Kimmel skipped his monologue altogether and started his show from his desk. Conan and Leno did monologues. Conan clearly working without cue cards. Leno wrote his, which is a violation of his WGA membership. We'll see what kind of fallout that brings. The only person who really ended up looking bad is Mike Huckabee. A presidential candidate who crosses a picket line because he thought the WGA had struck a deal with the The Tonight Show? Dude. Grab a newspaper. Learn to read. Not that that would keep him out of office, as evidenced by the last seven years.

Hope-y New Year

2008 has a big shaky grin that is desperately trying to hide an underlying sense of dread.

While I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to to be looking forward to personally in 2008, I am not exactly full of cheer.

George W.'s last year in office should be a good thing, except I don't think he's done crapping on the constitution, bitch-slapping the democrats in congress and killing US military and Middle East civilians. There's more millions he needs to make for his friends while costing us trillions. It's going to be a long year. Assuming he doesn't pull out one of his unchecked late Friday afternoon executive orders to keep his ass in office, we'll get a new president by the end of 2008. Possibly worse (Guiliani), possibly better (Obama). If better, gear up for the republican machine to fire up 24/7 to spin and exploit whatever it can to bring him or her down. It's the kind of crap that pussywhipped Carter while he was in office and it wasted valuable time, money and energy while Slick Willie held the seat.

Meanwhile, our country's reputation as a world leader has been horribly damaged over seven years and reshaped into a "fuck you, we're America" unstable, violent arrogance.

Full of good cheer, aren't I? Believe it or not, my pessimistic outlook for the new year shifted a bit through the death of a high school friend, Vicki Carnicom. She passed away just before Christmas. She was truly a good person. I was unable to attend the funeral, but a mutual friend (everyone's mutual good friend at P.C.H.S.), Lori Letterhos, sent out an e-mail describing Vicki's beautiful send off.

She included a passage from the Bible that was read at the service...

1 Corinthians 13

Love

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

I'm pretty jaded about the Bible, too, but sometimes it surprises me with it's simple, indisputable wisdom.

The Beatles said it this way... All You Need is Love.

The message has been around for thousands of years. Guess it's time to start listening.



Richard Belzer has a similar thought over at The Huffington Post.



Happy New year to you. Thank you for reading Bite and Smile. I hope it has brought, and continues to bring in 2008, moments of laughing out loud at your computer while giving your brain something to chew on.

Mainly, I Teach...

This was first posted in late April. It was the third post I ever put on this site. Circumstantially, it is all still true except in 2008 I will be doing more work with Fig Media as a creative director. Hopefully, the creative director position will soon lead to part-time employment with benefits and will still allow me to teach.


Mondays tend to be long days for me.

Every week day, I get up at six am, feed the cats (Houdini and Oona), check e-mail, read, see my girlfriend off as she leaves for work, write and prepare for the day. On Mondays, I teach two classes in the afternoon at Columbia and then teach a class in the evening at Second City. I have been teaching at Second City since 1997 and at Columbia since 2004. This is my main source of income. I love teaching, but it has its frustrations as a life support system. I only get paid when I teach. When we're on break or vacation, I'm not getting paid. There's no salary, no health benefits. And if a class gets cancelled because there wasn't enough students enrolled, tough cookies. Doesn't matter that I cleared my schedule or planned for that money. It's gone. Columbia does give you a $100 consolation prize. I think that's to cover the cost of the booze or low-grade drugs you'll need to forget that you're now out a few thousand bucks.

When school's in session at Columbia, I usually teach two classes that meet twice a week. At Second City, I'm usually scheduled for two classes. I would love to teach more at both institutions. For the money? Yep. But also because, I LOVE teaching and have compiled enough experience to be able to handle the workload.

At Columbia, I'm part-time faculty. Most everyone there is part-time faculty. It's how they keep tuition costs low. That means they can't really throw more classes my way without having to answer to someone somewhere about making me full-time. At Second City, I'm considered a Guest Artist, which is beyond me. It's the lowest rung on the faculty ladder there. I used to be a Core Faculty Member, which I enjoyed. Unfortunately, during my time as the Artistic Director of ComedySportz, I wasn't able to maintain my Core Faculty duties, so I was, justifiably and with my agreement, bumped down. Then, of course, about two months later I left CSz. It's going on a year, now, since I left and I still haven't been able to get bumped back up at Second City. The advantages to being Core Faculty is that you are guaranteed three classes a term and are first up for workshops and intensives.

So, why do I put up with such a shaky income stream?

I love to teach.

In the spring of 1997, I was hired into The Second City National Touring Company. About a day later, I got a call from Martin DeMaat asking if I would like to teach improv classes.

"Um, why me?"

"Gut feeling. I think you'd be good at it."

"When would I start?"

"Tomorrow night."

"What do I do? What do I say?"

"It's the first class. Just run them through some basic 2-3 person scenes. You'll know what to say."

And he was right. I was surprised to discover that once I got in the room and started to work with them, I did know what to say. It was like every teacher I ever admired was whispering in my ear. I saw my words have a positive impact on how improvisers performed in scenes. I saw people light up.

I haven't found anything better. I direct, I write, I act, but mainly, I teach.

Wow - that last sentence made me gag. I love the other stuff, too. Probably as much. Sometimes more. Out of all the possible sources of income for me as an artist, teaching has been the most consistent. Teaching pays most of the bills. And I'm happy to be doing what I love.

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

This was originally posted on May 19th.

Columbia College: My grades came in from both my history class and biology class. I got "A's" in both! That hasn't happened since my first quarter at Wright State University. Then I discovered a social life and it all plummeted from there. Unfortunately, being a part-time student, I don't get on the Dean's List. However, I found this other guy named Dean that I'm hoping will put me on his list.

SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS!

Grab a bowl of Frosted Flakes, pour too much milk (soy) into it and sit your butt on a pillow in front of the screen! Last week's was a sketch by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore making fun of an old TV show called Thunderbirds Are Go!

This week, it's the real deal with Gumby and Pokey!

History on Auto-Repeat

I was originally going to be reaching way back to the beginnings of this blog for "encore" postings, but yesterday's assassination of Benazir Bhutto prompted me to pull up this one from November 7th. Her assassination will likely have two affects: Musharef will stay in power, even if they hold elections as scheduled, and Al-Queda will gain more power. It's fucked up, but don't worry, the United States is giving our ally Pakistan lots of money because they are our friends and would never turn on us. At least, not until after we give them tons of money and military equipment.

(If you'd like to check out some fresh bloggery, go to Do You Speak English?. It's a fun site that features music and video oddities, mostly from the 60's.)


HISTORY ON AUTO-REPEAT

In 2005, at his second inaugural address as an un-elected president, Governor Bush said this...

All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.

Democratic reformers facing repression, prison or exile can know: America sees you for who you are -- the future leaders of your free country.

The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."

The leaders of governments with long habits of control need to know: To serve your people you must learn to trust them. Start on this journey of progress and justice, and America will walk at your side.

Of course, this is a pack of hypocrisy and lies. Something this administration sells and re-sells (refurbished, but packaged as new). If it were true, we wouldn't be giving Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf such a pass. Just to say "we're disappointed" isn't enough.


When the United States invaded Iraq in 2003, some of the reasons given were that Hussein was a tyrant oppressing his people and he was a threat to the safety of America because he was trying to develop a biological and nuclear weapons program. All the while Bush and Cheney were banging the drum to take Iraq, North Korea was standing near the punch bowl desperately trying to get Uncle Sam's attention and get him to dance. North Korea is an oppressed country run by a tyrant with nuclear capabilities that has often blatantly threatened the safety of the United States. North Korea has - and had at that time - long-range missiles that can strike the United States.


But Bush and his pals had set their sights on oil-laden Iraq and would not be deterred by an actual threat.


Today, as Bush's tin war drum beats to invade Iran because of the top three criteria; tyrant in power, nuclear capability, threat to America, the administration is ignoring Pakistan, a country that has a tyrant in power, nuclear capabilities and, if not directly threatening the United States, certainly has ties to Al-Queda, which Iraq did not. Pakistan even has someone able to take over power that has the will of their people, is a rational leader, and a bit of a babe, Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. I'm not saying we should go to war with Pakistan. But if we are going to throw some military weight around, throw it where it makes sense.


If Bush really meant what he said with All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you. Then we would be crawling all over Pakistan AND Darfur.







THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"According to the sheriff's office in Collier County, Florida, kids are getting high on a new drug whose active ingredient is what?"

30% said "Magic Markers"

- Mmmm, magic markers smell good. Why is my nose bleeding purple?



30% tried "Fermented Twinkies"

- No wonder Twinkie the Kidd always seemed so spastic.



No one thought anyone was getting high on "Life"

- Unless its Mikey.



40 % squeezed out the right answer with "Human Poop"



According to The Smoking Gun, there's a purported "new drug" favored by the kids. It's a homemade inhalant called "Jenkem," and causes hallucinations and a "euphoric high." Jenkem's active ingredients are urine and fecal matter. Guess smoking crack wasn't enough. Now we're going for the whole ass.