Monday, May 12, 2008

Ruling Three

THE GREATEST STORIES HAVE NOW BEEN TOLD

Thanks to everyone who came to see our show. We weren't sure how doing a 4pm Saturday-Sunday show was going to work for us. It worked out fine. I'm not sure our numbers would have been much different if they were Friday-Saturday at 8pm. We had a great turnout this past weekend and actually made some money. Much better to get a check at the end of a run than have to write a check.

Thing I done learnt:

- Taking your time pays off. Our pieces were more detailed and our show felt more complete than many others we have done.

- Even if you're just one of the writers, it's an ensemble and all collaborative. Incorporating and owning feedback will strengthen your scene. And if you absolutely think it won't, you might be in the with the wrong group of people.

- No matter how much attention you pay to the script, you still have to pay attention to the production details - marketing materials, tech, props and costumes, performance.

- It's fun to work with great people who make you laugh. It's not fun to work with assholes and not worth the time.

- When you are in a shared space, be considerate of others. Stick to your scheduled time, don't rush others off the stage by setting up your show as they are trying to break down a show (unless they ran over their time), don't mess with the lights, leave things as good or better than you found it.

Next Saturday, we'll close the books on this show and start planning for our fall production.



24 HOUR PLAY FESTIVAL

Last Friday's Columbia College show went well. I'll post the script to the play this week as well as my piece from Greatest Stories. The 10-Minute play I wrote last semester for the festival has been accepted by Chicago Dramatists for their 10-Minute Play Workshop. This is turning out to be a good resource for generating short works. I have already submitted Friday's piece to another local short works festival.



ROBOWRITER ASSIGNMENT

Greg Wendling reminded me of an old writing assignment I used to do that based on an improv exercise. Basically, you start with two people on stage in a set relationship and a third person enters, turning that relationship on its ear. The 24-Hour Play Festival reminded me of this assignment. In any three-person scene, it's likely that the story will always shift between two people being against one and the scene ending either in victory for the protagonist(s) or all three joining together. In my scene, I made all three characters like each other. It took place in an office and it would have been easy to make the boss the oppressive bad guy against the co-workers fighting to keep their spirits. The set relationship is the boss and a steady employee. The sweet and lovely new hire is the catalyst to a shift in the dynamics. I still felt I needed a bad guy or two and they exist offstage and appear through one-side telephone conversations. I guess you could argue I wrote a five person scene and just shifted the dynamics to three against two. Maybe I did. Get off my back. Go write a sketch or something.

A good way to approach this is to brainstorm a list of ten two-person relationships. Be specific. Instead of just "co-workers" make it "co-workers at a KFC." Then do a second list of ten of who the third person coming in to the scene could be. Consider the likely possibilities - boss, third co-worker - and consider the not so obvious - health inspector, mysterious customer, somebody's mother, the ghost of Colonel Sanders, an angry chicken. I'm not saying to go with the not-so-obvious, just saying consider it as a possibility. You'll either strike gold or affirm your first choice.

The important thing to consider is the quality of the initial two-person relationship and how does the introduction of the third character change everything.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"Three teenagers in Houston, Texas have been charged with abusing a corpse because they did what?"


40% said "Used someone's ashes for kitty litter"
- If it's pine-scented and clumps well, I'd try it.

20% said "Took turns, you know, doin' it"
- "Your peeling back lips say no, but your dried snapping bones say yes!"

No one said "Ate someone's liver"
- They were too young to purchase the required Chianti at the liquor store.

40% got it right with "Made a bong out of a head"

According to The Houston Chronicle, Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, appeared almost indifferent as he relayed the bizarre description of his and two friends' activities at an Humble area graveyard, plice said.

Now, Jones, Gonzalez and a juvenile whose name has not been released are each charged with abuse of a corpse, a misdemeanor. All three were arrested last week.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

Jones claimed he and his friends used shovels to dig up the body and removed the corpse's head with a garden tool, Adkins said. Jones also revealed he and the other two boys took the severed head to the juvenile's home, where they used the skull as a "bong" to smoke marijuana, the officer said.

And yet no one is affirming the ingenuity of the boys. They are finally applying all they have learned in shop class. Well done, lads!

Friday, May 9, 2008

24 Play Festival Frenzy

I am late posting today because I am in the middle of a Columbia College 24-Hour Play Festival storm. Actually, right now, I am in the eye of the storm. Last night at 6pm I met my director and cast - Paul Amandes (who I was hoping to score as a director), Lila Collins, Ben Burke and Matt Scott. Three students I have never worked with before. And I got to grab a prop from a table with the other playwrights. I grabbed a beat up old shovel with the initials W.R.Y. burned into the handle. It's easy to let your mind conjure up possibles ideas before walking into the room, but it always changes after meeting everyone and taking the train and bus home. By the way, if you want to make sure people don't bother you on the el, carry a shovel with you.

I'm pretty happy with what I came up with. Paul has added a lot of depth to it and the actors are bringing it to life. It's about a repressed office worker drone in the '50's who is tormented by his domineering and cheating wife. His life turns when he meets his new co-worker, an equally repressed woman. I've also incorporated some interpretive dancing done by the repressed gay boss to music by Combustible Edison (one of my favorites.)

I spent the morning with cast and crew and once I felt they didn't need me, I split to give them some room to breathe. You can witness the mayhem with me for free at Columbia College's Classic Studio, 72 East 11th Street, at 8pm. Get there early. It always packs out and seating is first come, first served.

FINAL WEEKEND FOR GREATEST STORIES AND ROBOWRITERS RETURNS!


Make your plans now. It's our final weekend for The Greatest Stories Never Told...TOLD! Saturday and Sunday at 4pm at Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee. $10. And ROBOWRITERS returns on Saturday at 1pm. Also at Gorilla Tango. $5. Bring out your sketches!

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A police officer in Bremerton, Washington caught a 15-year-old shoplifter when he noticed the boy had what?"


85% said "An unusually large crotch"
- "Is that contraband in your pocket or are you just happy to see a cop?"

No one said "Price tags on his clothes" or "A parka"

15% got it right with "Chocolate breath"

According to The Associated Press, it was the odor of chocolate on the suspect's breath that gave away a 15-year-old boy accused of shoplifting candy bars in Bremerton. An officer responding to the shoplifting report Friday night caught up with the suspect on a bicycle.

First he denied taking candy bars, but the officer could smell an odor of chocolate and called witnesses who identified the boy.

He confessed and said he was hungry and did it for the thrill.

Did it for the thrill? Clearly, this moron hasn't been influenced enough by TV and video games. Stealing a gun and a bottle of Jack, then peddling away on your bike, now that's a thrill. Hopefully, stealing chocolate bars is a gateway crime.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

People, It's Our Government...

People who are confident and sure cause problems. People who are hopeless, afraid and humiliated don't have the gumption to speak up and stand up for their rights. People who are in debt, unemployed and uninsured fall into this second category. We have spent the last eight years under an administration very happy to have the general population very unhappy. It's good for business. People who feel defeated don't bother to vote.

Our government is not afraid of us. Our protests are poorly attended and not very disruptive. We don't turn our anger into votes, we turn it into apathy. We don't kick out the money-grubbing assholes and put in people who genuinely care about us. If we did, we would have universal health care, better schools, electric cars and, most importantly, pride in our country. Some people will argue that America does have pride. I think they are confusing an attitude with pride. A blind "fuck you, we're America" attitude that says we're better than everyone else while we pour billions of dollars and thousands of lives into rebuilding a country that doesn't want us there.

So, what are you going to do about it? The most important thing you can do is vote. Vote for the people who walk their talk and aren't having their income supplemented by huge corporations. And let your voice be heard. Even if it's just by e-mail. For example...

Subject: Tell Speaker Pelosi: No Compromises on Illegal Wiretapping

Dear Friend,

Our hard fought victories on the Bush administration's illegal wiretapping program are in danger once again.

CREDO Action alerted me to the fact that the ACLU is now reporting that some high-ranking members in the House -- including Majority Leader Steny Hoyer -- are working behind closed doors with the Bush administration and conservatives in Congress to negotiate a compromise bill.

Join me in taking action now -- we need to encourage the House of Representatives to stand strong. Tell Speaker Pelosi to stop Hoyer and others from caving to Bush and his allies on the illegal wiretapping issue.

You can check out what is at stake and send your own message directly to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi using the link below.

http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/no_illegal_wiretapping/?r_by=202-668225-GJrP0Y&rc=paste

Thanks!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Tomorrow's Wireless World reports a new technology is being tested involving 'in-body' sensors that do what?"

14% said "Sells your organs on eBay upon your death"
- Only if they are shaped like Elvis or the Virgin Mary.

12% said "Plays music only you can hear"
- Um, that's called an iPod. The only surgery involves a wallet extraction.

12% said "Alerts you to free porn in your vicinity"
- I don't need an implant for that. My imagination is a fountain of free porn. In fact, I'm picturing you naked, right now.

62% got it right with "Remotely warns doctors of heart attacks"

According to The Times On-Line, the Bluetooth wireless technology that allows people to use a hands-free earpiece while making a mobile telephone call could soon alert the emergency services when someone has a heart attack, Ofcom predicts.

The communications regulator said that sensors could be implanted into people at risk of heart attack or diabetic collapse that would allow doctors to monitor them remotely.

I suppose this is a good thing, especially if I can also use my catheter for text-messaging.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Has The Hippy Lady in the Pantsuit Sung Yet?



Of course, it's just not over until Hillary says it's over. And, with her, there's always a likelihood of that not happening. Hopefully, that door will be closed soon and if you thought what HIllary was doing in her campaign was shifty and underhanded, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Get ready for the Republican machine to fire up and drop massive bombs of insinuation about Obama being Muslim, unpatriotic, elite and a disciple of Rev. Wright. And I'm sure they will have a few fun other surprises for us, too. But I do believe Obama is sincerely offering a change in the way America does business. And it's the only kind of change that can lead to humanizing our healthcare, emergency response systems and foreign policy. Otherwise, it's four more years of the rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer, the middleclass disappearing, the polar icecaps melting and a cranky president who messes up a lot whenever he opens that mouth hole attached to his closed mind.

And I start looking for any possible job I can get in France. Est-ce que bienvenue à McDonald, je peux prendre votre ordre?





LAST WEEKEND FOR GREATEST STORIES





Make your plans now. It's our final weekend for The Greatest Stories Never Told...TOLD! Saturday and Sunday at 4pm at Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee. $10. And ROBOWRITERS returns on Saturday at 1pm. Also at Gorilla Tango. $5. Bring out your sketches!




THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Police arrested Michael Vondueren at his home in Sacramento, CA when they discovered three freezers stuffed with what?"

42% said "Human Hair"
- Don't knock it. It's a reliable source of protein.

No one went for "Foi Gras" or "Body Parts"

58% got it right with "Dead Cats"

According to The Associated Press, police say they have discovered 300 dead cats stuffed into freezers at a man's Sacramento home. Animal control officers also removed 30 live cats from 47-year-old Michael Louis Vondueren's home over the weekend. Vondueren was arrested on suspicion of possessing an automatic weapon and obstructing police officers. Animal control officers also are considering issuing citations. Authorities say three freezers were crammed with dead cats and the house was littered with cat feces. Police say Vondueren's 81-year-old mother - remarkably not a cat - was living at the house.

Clearly, the police are overreacting to this. 300 frozen dead cats and 30 living cats. An automatic weapon. The man obviously was working on his all-cat recreation of the series LOST. The 300 dead cats were to be the victims of the fake Oceanic flight 815 crash.

Here's picture of Jack in a flash forward from Vondueren's recreation of last week's episode.





I'm a geek. Me go lie down in my geek chamber, now. Wake me up Thursday at 9pm.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

North Carolina and Indiana

Today is another primary in this Democratic presidential nomination process that started way too early and is going on way too long. My hope is for a decisive victory for Obama. Otherwise, we're in for more Clinton throwing every shiny object she can at the American voters to distract them from the issues. Really, American flag lapel pins? Rev. Wright? I haven't gone to church regularly since I was a kid. My minister, the Reverend Tiffany (sounds like a kinky drag queen name, now that I think of it), said things about woman being born of man's rib and dodged a question I had about dinosaurs. Please don't judge me by his words. Clinton's latest bauble is her summer gas tax relief. Ummm...how does taking eighteen cents off each gallon help? And if it does get people to the pumps, won't it just drive up the cost making even higher when the gas tax is reinstated? Doesn't matter, really. She won't be able to swing a summer gas tax relief. She just wants you to know that she "gets it." But she wants you to believe she can so you vote for her right now. I'm hoping she comes in second and breaks her ankles after crossing the finish line. If she doesn't, then someone please euthanize me.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Bill Bramanti of South Chicago Heights, IL will be going in style. He bought a custom-designed casket shaped like a what?"


62% said "Race Car"
- Doesn't make much sense. Why be in such a hurry?

No one said "Fire Cracker" or "Proctor-Silex Food Chopper"
38% got it right with "Beer Can"

According to The Associated Press, Bill Bramanti will love Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally, and he's got the custom-made beer-can casket to prove it. "I actually fit, because I got in here," said Bramanti of South Chicago Heights. He threw a party Saturday for friends and filled his silver coffin — designed in Pabst's colors of red, white and blue — with ice and his favorite brew. Bramanti ordered the casket from Panozzo Bros. Funeral Home in Chicago Heights, and Scott Sign Co. of Chicago Heights designed the beer can.



Dude's got the name of his construction company on the side, too! There's good advertising. Gotta love a construction worker who loves to drink. I wonder if he plans on being buried in it, or just crumpled up and chucked alongside the road.

I love the concept here. It's not very green, but it's fun. And I do believe FUNerals should be fun. And I love that he's already using it. I guess PBR is appropriate because of how much it already tastes like formaldehyde. Me? Make my coffin look like a Tofurky box.Don't forget the gravy.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Shhh...I'm 47




Today is my birthday.

In spite of such cause for massive celebration, this day has yet to be declared a national holiday (in this country, any way - I got Mexico on board.). I will be working all day. ALL day. Which means I had to do my pre-birthday celebration on Saturday.

It was a lot of fun. First, I had Robot vs Dinosaur's The Greatest Stories Never Told in the afternoon. Julie's parents and her niece came to the show along with Don Hall and Jen Ellison. Don came in with a huge present - wrapped in Christmas paper! - that turned out to be Guitar Hero III - The Legends of Rock! I can't wait to get my ax on and start serenading the neighborhood. Afterwards, we went to one of my favorite restaurants, Opera. Opera is a fun, eclectic an Asian-inspired restaurant (named after the Bejing Opera, as our well-informed server Rachel told us). Very vegetarian-friendly. My favorites were the morel mushroom won tons and the green tea tiramisu. In the picture above, we sat against the wall under the big painting of a key with a red tassel.

Then Don, Jen, Julie and I headed off to Dave and Buster's. Now, this sounded like a great idea to me. I haven't been to a Dave and Buster's in years and always had a good time. The thought of Don and I hopping on a Dance Dance Revolution machine cracked me up. Dave and Buster's sucked. It was crowded. Over-filled with inner city youth who no longer have roller rinks to haunt and low-income families who pour their baby sitter fund into dragging children around a crowded arcade. Half of the machines were severely run down and didn't work properly. We found the dance machine, but couldn't hear the music or figure out how to make it work for two players. People would rudely stand and block aisles or take the seats at games we were interested in, but not play the game. The way people attacked the ticket-spewing machines made me feel like I was at a starter casino. It's mind-boggling how much money people spend to amass those golden tickets to exchange them for crap worth a third or less for what was spent to get the tickets in the first place. Jen, Julie and Don generously gave me their tickets to buy something with. Amidst the spider rings and poorly stitched stuffed animals and novelty ties, I found a Proctor-Silex Food Chopper. I totally scored! And I had enough left over for a plastic kazoo so Julie can jam with me on Guitar Hero III. D&B's might have blown, but the company was great and I had a good time. And I left with a stronger appreciation for quiet celebrations with friends.



One of the best gifts the universe gave me for my birthday was the discover of vegan marshmallows at WholeFoods! Woo-hoo! Marshmallows, in case you didn't know, are a meat product. They are loaded with gelatin which is made up of the spongy stuff in animal snouts, bone marrow and ground up baby chicks (just kidding about the last part.). They are mighty tasty and I found them in the refrigerated section with the veggie cheeses and fake meats. They are made by Sweet and Sara in New York.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


On Friday, I asked...

" A Florida-based petro company is looking for an alternative to soy and corn by using what?"


Nobody answered "Oranges," "Sea Shells" or "Drunk Sorority Girls"

100% (cue trumpets!) got it right with "Algae"

According to CNET News, a growing number of start-ups are betting against the dominant biofuel crops--corn and soy--and looking to sidestep the backlash against biofuels, which are being blamed in part for higher food prices and deforestation around the world. Melbourne, Fla.-based PetroAlgae says that it hopes to test a commercial system as early as next year.

Algae has a relatively high energy density compared to soybeans, which means more soy on more land needs to be planted for the same amount of fuel yield.

"What's happening is there has been more focus recently on the food-versus-fuel debate, more focus on the price of feedstock, and more understanding that using an agricultural-based crop as a fuel is not sustainable," said Michael Weaver, the CEO and co-founder of Seattle-area algae start-up Bionavitas. "We're seeing that reflected in the marketplace."

Now, if only our government would start weighing the difference between cost and yield, maybe they'll stop funding ridiculously costly fuel alternatives. And wars.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Sea Watchers


Due to a series of miscommunication of whether or not I had a meeting to go to, I ended up going to the Art Institute to see the Hopper exhibit yesterday. By mistake, I accidentally bought a ticket to the Dennis Hopper exhibit. Just a guy sitting in a room huffing nitrous oxide, waving a gun, asking me pop quizzes about my retirement plan. Not really worth the twenty bucks.

However
, the
Edward Hopper exhibit is definitely worth it. I have seen most of his work on-line and in prints. The only painting of his I recall seeing in person over the years is the iconic Nighthawks. I was shocked to see how many of the prints I was familiar with were watercolors. I have never seen anyone paint in watercolor with so much detail, texture and clarity. And while many of his paintings seem quietly sad, I also saw a lot more humor and tension. One painting, Sea Watchers, actually made me laugh when I saw it in its full glory. It's a middle-aged couple sitting on a bench on a sunny, but windy beach. They are both in their own worlds looking out at the water. It was the first time I noticed the woman was all decked out in a swimsuit, complete with a rubber cap, ready for the water, but just sitting there. The man, as well, is in a swimsuit. It's as if they were at the beach because they heard it was a relaxing thing to do and they are waiting for the relaxation to hit them.

I took the audio tour, read everything that was posted, and watched the documentary they had running. It was interesting to me when the art experts said stuff like "this is where Hopper explored the blah-blah-blah..." I wonder, as artists, how much conscious exploring is done. In Hopper's mind, maybe he just wanted to paint a house and this is what came out. Considering Hopper didn't kick it in professionally until he was in his forties and had considerable training, he probably did have goals to explore light or contrast or nature, etc. It made me realize that, as a writer, my goals tend to not be much deeper than "trying not to suck here." Or my goals don't extend much beyond just trying out a different genre. I'll have to explore this exploring thing.

It closes May 10th. Go see it. It's a rare treat to see so much of his work gathered together in one place.



NO ROBOWRITERS TOMORROW - COME SEE THE GREATEST STORIES NEVER TOLD...TOLD!

This Saturday and Sunday mark the second weekend of Robot vs Dinosaur's first production. 4pm at Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee. $10. I'll be up in the booth trying to keep up with the actors on the lights and sound. Wave "hi"!



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Julieta Clinton, a bus driver in Huntley, IL, is in trouble with the police because she punished kids on her bus by doing what?"


40% said "Playing Michael Bolton Cd's really loud"
- This has been scientifically proven to destroy brain cells.

Nobody said "Speeding Up" or "Swerving"

60% got it right with "Slamming the brakes"

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Clinton allegedly became angry with several students on the ride to Leggee and intentionally made two abrupt stops throwing students from their seats. Eighteen of 54 students on the bus, ages 5 to 10, were treated and released at the scene for minor injuries, and one was taken to Provena St. Joseph Hospital in Elgin, according to reports.

When I was a kid, we had Mr. Russell as our bus driver. He was an old, fat guy with slicked back gray hair and he chomped on a wet cigar. And, looking back, I am now suspicious of the "coffee" he had in his aluminum thermos. His weapon of choice for disciplining you was just looking intimidating. You didn't fuck with Mr. Russel.