Seriously - Impeach Bush!

Support Rep. Kucinich's Articles of Impeachment

Rep. Dennis Kucinich performed a heroic service for our Nation by introducing 35 Articles of Impeachment against President George W. Bush.

Rep. Kucinich thoroughly research and and documented every single article. Any one Article would be sufficient grounds for impeaching Bush and removing him from office; taken together, the case for impeachment is overwhelming and urgent.

Here are just a few...

Article I
Creating a Secret Propaganda Campaign to Manufacture a False Case for War Against Iraq.

Article II
Falsely, Systematically, and with Criminal Intent Conflating the Attacks of September 11, 2001, With Misrepresentation of Iraq as a Security Threat as Part of Fraudulent Justification for a War of Aggression.

Article III
Misleading the American People and Members of Congress to Believe Iraq Possessed Weapons of Mass Destruction, to Manufacture a False Case for War.

Article IV
Misleading the American People and Members of Congress to Believe Iraq Posed an Imminent Threat to the United States.

Article V
Illegally Misspending Funds to Secretly Begin a War of Aggression.

Is it all about Iraq? Nope...

Article XXVIII
Tampering with Free and Fair Elections, Corruption of the Administration of Justice.

Article XXIX
Conspiracy to Violate the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Article XXX
Misleading Congress and the American People in an Attempt to Destroy Medicare.

Article XXXI
Katrina: Failure to Plan for the Predicted Disaster of Hurricane Katrina, Failure to Respond to a Civil Emergency.

Article XXXII
Misleading Congress and the American People, Systematically Undermining Efforts to Address Global Climate Change.

Article XXXIII
Repeatedly Ignored and Failed to Respond to High Level Intelligence Warnings of Planned Terrorist Attacks in the US, Prior to 911.

Article XXXIV
Obstruction of the Investigation into the Attacks of September 11, 2001.

Article XXXV
Endangering the Health of 911 First Responders.

You can read all 35 of them HERE.

Leading democrats have continued to speak out against impeachment simply dismissing it as "off the table and justifying the complacency with "too much of a distraction." Yes, murder, mismanagement, unnecessary war and being a douche bag are distracting. But this guy and his henchmen are criminals. Our founding fathers would have tarred and feathered them and ran them out of DC long ago.

Show your support for justice by taking thirty seconds to fill this form out at Democrats.com.

http://www.democrats.com/35-articles-of-impeachment

It will automatically send e-mails to your representatives in congress saying you support holding the Bush administration accountable for their crimes.

Look. I know. Kucinich kind of looks like a weenie. Like a sickly elf with a bad toupee. But he's been the only one in congress with balls enough to stand up for justice, America and the American people while Bush and Cheney have been trying to shove the constitution and the bill of rights through a paper shredder.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Mayawati, the cheif minister of the northern India state of Uttar Pradesh, ordered officials to replace a statue of herself because why?"

50% said "It made her butt look big."
- Nobody told her that bronze adds ten pounds.

25% said "It didn't reflect her new nose."
- Nope. Same old nose.

12% said "It didn't have arms."
- Venus de Mayawati?

13% got it right with "It was shorter than the other statues."

According to The Associated Press, Mayawati, the 5-foot tall chief minister of the northern India state of Uttar Pradesh, ordered officials to replace a 12-foot bronze statue of herself with a larger one because it was 3 feet shorter than nearby statues of other leaders.

It was three feet smaller because she's three feet smaller than the other leaders!

The combined cost of Mayawati's first statue and the one that replaced it last week was an estimated $950,000 — no small fee in a region of India notorious for its bad roads, spotty electricity and endemic poverty.

I think she has a future in America.

Here she is posing with her new statue.

Hey, Look to Your Left - A Sponsor!

Well, exciting things happening here. After several long meetings with upper management over the weekend at the International BS headquarters in Tulsa, we have decided to accept the offer of a sponsor. That's why the page looks different. Thought I'd gussie up a bit. VividSeats seems like a cool company. They are a Chicago-based service offering a friendly alternative to TicketBastard. Click on the image to the left to go to their website and use the code for 5% discount. Let me know how your experience is with them, too.

So, this means I am being paid to blog! How about them apples? I better start writing something good. So...Um...

Oh! Here's something you might not know. PopTarts - which used to be one of my favorite food groups - aren't vegetarian. They contain gelatin. A healthier alternative is Nature's Path's Toaster Pastries. They are yummy and even have flavors like cherry-pomegranate. You can find them at Trader Joe's, Whole Foods and sometimes in the organic health food section of the mainstream grocery stores.

There! I hope that info was worth the dollar a day I'm pulling in now.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"An American military supercomputer just set a calculation speed record. It is named what?"

37% said "Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius"
- By Acme. It is the fastest computer. When thrown off a cliff.

25% said "Taz"
- The cartoon version of HAL? "Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a TAZ 9000 computer. I became operational at the T.A.Z. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you. And then eat you."

12% said "Speedy Gonzales"
- A very fast computer. Just not very good at hopping fences. (Go Redskins!)

And 25% calculated it correctly with "Roadrunner"

According to the International Herald Tribune, an American military supercomputer, assembled from components originally designed for video game machines, has reached a long-sought-after computing milestone by processing more than 1.026 quadrillion calculations per second. The new $133 million supercomputer, called Roadrunner in a reference to the state bird of New Mexico, was devised and built by engineers and scientists at IBM and Los Alamos National Laboratory, based in Los Alamos, New Mexico. It will be used principally to solve classified military problems to ensure that the nation's stockpile of nuclear weapons will continue to work correctly as they age.

Here's a picture of the computer from AP Photo. It's going to require a lot of birdseed.

Tornadic

METALUNA

We are in rehearsals for a play I wrote a dozen years ago. Pretty wild. I am hearing actors unfamiliar with Soiree Dada or the original production discussing things never considered the first time around. In the play, there's is a scene where the dadas are debating - more like lamenting - about whether or not to take an offer to go to The New York. They are eventually swayed by their mutual hatred for futurism embodied by an ass of a man named Haliday played in the original production wonderfully by Lori McClain(!).

Last night we talked about Futurism and why they should care about what this guy thinks.

Furturism started in Italy about a decade ahead of dada. It was art in all classic forms with a disdain for the past and an embrace of the modern, especially in architecture and technology. In the 1920's, they were strongly linked with fascism and Mussolini.

There was a natural antagonism between Dada and Futurism not unlike Oscar Madison (Messy Dada) and Felix Unger (Anal Futurism). Futurism also glorified war where Dadaism was born, in part, out of distaste for such nasty things. Dada, being newer, also might be accused of stealing Futurism's thunder of being the hot, new thing. Both forms wrote passionate manifestos about their art, but only the Futurists took them seriously. Dada manifestos would even call out Futurism.

futurism wants to mount in an artistic lyricism-elevator WHAT DOES DADA DO?

The Futurist is dead. Of What? Of DADA

Speaking of Art





My cousin Nate's exhibition runs through July 13th. I mistakenly thought it was June 13th. Go see it. He is prominently featured at the Jack Gallery and images on the web don't do his artwork justice. It is all hand painted and very vibrant. His latest work is right in the main window at the entrance.

It was great getting caught up with Nate, his girlfriend and his parents. And I was proud to hear that Nate was stirring up some controversy in my home town by being outspoken about the long overdue change to the name of the high schools sports teams - The Redskins. When you grow up with it, it's hard to see it. Even I have been late in thinking that Port Clinton High School should consider another name. But, seriously, the redskins? It really is as offensive as calling them The Chinks or The Coloreds. There's concern that the alternative is the most obvious choice for the region and not necessarily a good one, The Walleyes. The Fighting Walleyes. I can see the point. Sounds like the team is made up of special needs students. Go Walleyes!





Tornadic

Michael Brownlee and Karyn Morris (now Brownlee) tied the knot this last Saturday during rain and tornado sirens in the humid jungles of south central Wisconsin. Regardless of the weather, everyone was in good spirits and it was a touching ceremony. Even if the minister looked like Snidely Whiplash. Julie and I got a hotel room about an hour away and, even though we dealt with some torrential rain, didn't have any difficulty getting there or leaving. Unlike Don, who played trumpet for them.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"Graduates of Westlake High School in Ohio got a surprise when they noticed which misspelled word on their diplomas?"

40% said "gradation"
- What they really meant was de-gradation.

10% said "diphloma"
- Fortunately, they have a vaccine for that.

10% said "satisfartorily"
- Nope. That's just me trying to work the word "fart" into my blog.

40% got it right with "educaiton"

According to The Associated Press,Westlake High School officials misspelled "education" on the diplomas distributed two weekends ago. Principal Timothy Freeman says he sent back the diplomas once to correct another error. When the diplomas came back, no one bothered to check things they thought were right the first time. The publisher has reprinted the diplomas a second time and sent them to the 330 graduates. All a part of George W. Bush's "No Chid Left Behind" program.

FYI - The name of Westlake High School's sports teams? The Demons. Or is it, the Demins? Go evil!

Pop Arf!

Nathan Janes, my cousin, is going to be at Jack Gallery, 678 North Wells Street, tonight from 6pm to 9pm in Chicago. They are exhibiting a showcase of his works along with a few others entitled Family Dog Meets Family Dog. Nate is very animal friendly and has applied his artful talents towards painting critters, mainly canines. The exhibition runs through the 13th.Check it out. I'll be there, too.

You can see more of Nate's work at his website Pop Arf. Check out his blog, too.



NO ROBOWRITERS THIS WEEK

Robowriters will return Saturday the 14th at 1pm at Gorilla Tango.


Paul Sills, 1927 to 2008

Paul Sills passed away earlier this week and I have yet to mention it on my blog. Paul was the son of Viola Spolin, the mother of improvisation. I won't dive into a history lesson about Paul. Chris Jones of the Chicago Tribune put together a very thoughtful obituary and you can read it here.

I have hesitated to write anything because I'm not sure what to say about the man. I did not know him. I have never met him. Clearly, he was the conduit between improv and theater. His mother pioneered the form as theater games for children. Paul brought it to his friends as a way to enrich the performances in their theatrical productions. He is one of the founding fathers of Second City and the first Second City director. Many people I respect have called him a genius and just as many that I also respect have gone out of their way to say he's not. He just throws chairs. Genius!

Regardless of how he'll be regarded in theater history, I owe him one. Without him, I would not have improvisation in my life. Thanks, Paul.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Elaine Fulps of Texas attended the Grand Praire Airhogs minor league baseball game and won what?"

60% said "A 1989 Geo Metro"
- No, but people are selling their old gas-saving Geos for what they paid for them brand new. Makes me wish I had held on to my '85 Chevette. No, wait, I couldn't. It disintegrated.

No one said "A spot on the team" or "An opportunity to be an ordained minister"

40% got it right with "A free funeral"

According to The Associated Press, Elaine Fulps is thrilled about the prize she won at a minor league baseball game. But she's hoping she doesn't have to collect on it anytime soon. Fulps, 60, won a $10,000 paid funeral at Tuesday night's Grand Prairie AirHogs game. Some finalists for the prize arrived dressed in black or looking like death. The finalists participated in a pallbearer's race, a mummy wrap and a eulogy delivery.

Sounds like a good idea for the Cubs the next time they blow it in the playoffs.

I wonder is they have "Floppy Hat Day" in heaven. Could she be that lucky?

Noose Quiz

NO ROBOWRITERS THIS WEEK

Kelly and Dan, who own and operate Gorilla Tango, are getting hitched this week and have closed up the space for the week. Congrats to them! Very nice folks, indeed.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Six-year-old Max Dolan won a contest conducted by the Scott Polar Research Institute to name an iceberg. He won with which name?"

28% said "Hillary"
- Sorry. That iceberg name has already been named.

28% said "Titanicator"
- Rise of the Ice machines.

No one went for "Ice Cube"

42% got it right with "Melting Bob"

According to the BBC News, an enormous Antarctic iceberg will be known as "Melting Bob" after being named by Max Dolan, a Hampshire schoolboy.

Melting Bob is three times the size of Greater London with a surface area of 1,985sq miles (5,141sq km) and had been referred to by a codename - C19A.

"The iceberg bobs in the water and is melting", Max said about his inspiration.

Here is a picture of Melting Bob doing neither.

Almost a Sigh of Relief

Obama has secured the nomination as the presidential candidate for the democratic party. Woo-hoo!

But wait. The bad news...Hillary hasn't conceded. She'll make an announcement on Friday on what she plans to do. I'm not sure why it will take that long. The general election is five months away. Time's a wasting and her campaign debt is bloating the national deficit of a small country. My worst fear is that she won't stop. She'll try to overturn the election at the convention through a series of backroom deals with delegates and superdelegates and, if she doesn't make that happen, run independently, splitting the votes and ensuring a win for McCain. I guess that's why she's waiting until Friday. She needs to see how many jobs she can promise to delegates.

She's also trying to position herself as the vice-president as a possibility. This would be a huge mistake. She would totally Single White Female Obama. Weaseling her way into his life and then trying to take over.

I think she should try to squeeze in just one more debate with Obama. It might go something like this...





THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Vice-President Dick Cheney apologized Monday for what?"

29% said for "His daughter being gay"
- Hey, he's not going to apologize for her choices. Besides, maybe it's just a rebellious phase. We've all experimented with sexual and political orientation.

No one said "Promoting war without an exit strategy" or "Securing no-bid contracts to Halliburton"
- An artist never apologizes for his work.

71% got it right with "Making fun of West Virginia"

According to The Associated Press, Vice President Dick Cheney threw a verbal insult at West Virginians on Monday, but quickly apologized.

Talking about his family roots and how he's distantly related to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, the vice president noted that he had Cheneys on both sides of his family.

"And we don't even live in West Virginia," Cheney quipped.

"The vice president's offhand comment was not meant to hurt anyone," Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said later Monday. "On reflection, he concluded that it was an inappropriate attempt at humor that he should not have made. The vice president apologizes to the people of West Virginia for the inappropriate remark."

Man, I wish I had a spokesperson whenever I needed to apologize. In Cheney's defense, he got the state mottoes for Virgina and West Virgina mixed up. Virginia is for Lovers clearly would include those lovers of incest. West Virginia's slogan is Keep It in the Closet.

Actually, their state motto is Mountaineers are always free, which is helpful to cash-strapped mountaineers at buffets and amusement parks.

News Quiz

June is a bear of a month for my schedule, as Julie is more than willing to point out to me. Alas, it's all stuff I love to do. Four nights this week are devoted to Metaluna rehearsals, which are going great. It's interesting to hear them discuss their thoughts and opinions and feelings about parts of the script that, as the playwright, were created to just be complete nonsense. It's enriching the play a lot and I feel like I'm on a path of discovery along with them. And we're laughing a lot. I nearly stopped rehearsal for a full five minutes because I couldn't stop laughing at something Freud improvised. Tonight we rehearse in the space where we will be performing the show - a rare treat for an itinerant company in Chicago!


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A British company named Intercytex has developed a new technique to treat baldness that involves what?"

16% said "Radiation"
- Yes. And the treatment involves a choice between a wig or a doo rag.

No one chose "Early gene detection" or, thankfully, "Avoiding having sex with bald guys"

84% got it right on with "Cloning"

According to The Times, millions of men and women who suffer from premature baldness or hair loss could soon be able to regain their original lustrous locks - by cloning their remaining hair in the laboratory, research suggests. The new technique, known as “follicular cell implantation”, has already shown positive results in continuing clinical trials on human beings.

Just what I need. Clone Wars on my scalp while being pelted with marshmallows by telekinetic robot monkeys.