Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Big Hearts, Slightly Used




FIG FIFTEEN - SAVE THE DATE!

On Thursday, August 7, there's going to be a party going on in Rogers Park.

Fig Media, Inc, started by James and Michelle Gustin fifteen years ago, is celebrating its fifteenth anniversary.

They started out as just a scrappy, little deejay company. Now, their skill set and creativity is so expansive, it's hard to pin down exactly what they do or don't do.

I have known James and Michelle for quite some time, but only started working with them professionally since last fall. They asked me to help them out on writing and directing a live presentation for a big corporate event. It turned out to be a huge project that kept getting bigger as we worked on it. I've come to discover that this is the norm at Fig Media. Projects just seem to expand like one of those tiny toy dinosaurs you put in water overnight.

What I like most about James and Michelle and the culture at Fig is the fearlessness. Nobody says "We can't do that. We don't know how." It's more like "We don't know how to do that, so let's do it." Every project is an opportunity for growth as an artist and as a human being.

Culturally, it's a hip, little company full of big hearted people. That's PD in the picture above. You'll see her hanging out at Fig a lot, and, as you can see, she is one of their top models.

If you are in the neighborhood of 1120 West Granville (near Broadway - RIGHT UNDER THE L TRACKS - a fun feature when you are on a conference call or recording a voiceover!) after 7pm, stop on by. There'll be music, and video and photography on display and you'll meet the fine folks of Fig.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A 52-year-old Milwaukee area man has been accused of trying to get out of cab fares and restaurant bills by doing what?"


12% said "Pretending to be a health inspector."
- Do cabs have health inspectors? Because I think I had some tainted meat with my last cab ride.

13% said "Pretending to be John McCain's son."
- Very convincing, too. He had another guy pretending to be Joe Lieberman's son whispering in his ear and correcting things that he said. "Take me downtown...I mean, uptown. Of course."

No one bought "Pretending to be a newspaper critic."

75% got it right with "Faking a heart attack."

According to The Associated Press, a 52-year-old Milwaukee-area man has been accused of faking heart attacks to avoid paying restaurant bills and cab fares.

Police say the man took a cab to a mall Monday and pretended to have a heart attack. The cab driver left unpaid.

Authorities say the man then ran up a $23 bill when he had a steak dinner at Applebee's. He again pretended to have a heart attack.

This time the fire department took him to a hospital. A doctor there recognized the man as having pulled the same stunt in the past few weeks.

He was charged Thursday with defrauding a restaurant as a habitual criminal. He could get up to nine months in prison and a $10,000 fine.

Hmmm... I'd look for this in the future...

Judge: How do you plead?

Man: I plead...oh...oh,my...

Judge: What's the matter?

Man: My left arm. It's numb.

Judge: Really,now...

Man: Seriously. Someone call...a...ack...my chest...it's like a sledgehammer...

Judge: I am about to throw you in jail for contempt of court, sir!

(The man collapses on to the floor.)

Judge: I'm just not buying this, counselor.

Counselor: Yeah. He did the same thing when we discussed my bill. (Counselor taps man with his foot.) He's good though.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Metalunatics

((Editor's note: Things have been a little nutty lately, but I will do my best to at least update the daily quiz and get you all up to speed on my doings and dones soon - Joe.))

We're coming down to the wire on putting
Metaluna and the Amazing Science of the Mind Revue up in front of people. Wheeeeeee! It's like Christmas seeing all the props and costumes and the set all come together. The good kind of Christmas - not the "get me another beer" and "why aren't you playing with the cigarettes I got you" kind.

For a very eloquent description of the play by Mike Johnson, go HERE. You'll also get treated to a fun Bare Naked Ladies music video.

Previews for Metaluna begin next week. Get in on the action. They are only five bucks at the door at 8pm on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - the 14th, 15th and 16th - we open on Friday the 18th.

The show is at A Red Orchid Theatre.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


On Thursday of last week, I asked...

"Angel Eversole of Kentucky is facing prostitution charges for allegedly trading sex for what?"


34% said "Groceries"
- I can relate to this. I've wanted to get down on my knees more than a few times for a bag of Oreos and a few staples.

No one went for "Mortgage" or "Love"

66% got it right with "Gasoline"

According to The Smoking Gun, a Kentucky woman is facing prostitution charges for allegedly trading sex for gasoline. Angela Eversole, 34, was nabbed last weekend during a police stakeout at a Days Inn, where she allegedly trysted with customer Kenneth Nowak. According to court records, Nowak admitted paying for Eversole's services, in part, with a $100 Speedway gas card.

America complains about getting screwed at the pumps. May as well get paid for it.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Buzz

The BS News Quiz of the Day

Yesterday, I asked...

"Paris' Theatre du Chatelet is premiering a new opera tonight adapted from which 1980's film?"

22% said "The Karate Kid"
- Except in this, Mr. Miyagi is a diva with a heaving bosom.

22% also said "Back to the Future"
- Very close, McFly.

11% said "The Breakfast Club"
- Boy, if you thought detention was hell, make the students sing opera tunes.

44% got it right with "The Fly"

According to The Associated Press, David Cronenberg's 1986 horror flick, "The Fly," has undergone a bizarre metamorphosis. It's now an opera. Giggles broke out among those invited to Monday's dress rehearsal when a mezzo-soprano belted out the film's catchphrase: "Be afraid. Be very afraid."

The opera is also directed by Cronenberg, which gives it some street cred and some hope at being actually pretty good. Click here for the official website.

Here's the lead actor trying to avoid paparazzi after opening night.




Thanks Pink Tentacle.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Grave Robbing Is In Vogue, Again

The BS News Quiz of the Day


Yesterday, I asked...


"According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, there is a nationwide rise in grave robberies and the main target of thievery is what?"

55% said "Diamond Rings"
- Why be buried with diamonds any way? Who they trying to impress? The worms?

22% said "Gold Teeth"
- Rogue gangs of cosmetic dentists trying to recoup their losses.

No one said "Crystal Skulls"

23% got it right with "Vases"

According to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, gone are the days when enterprising thieves would dig up an old grave and pillage for gold teeth and rings. Today, it's mostly the bronze markers and flower vases that draw their attention. Rising scrap metal prices, coupled with the lagging economy, have triggered a string of cemetery thefts both locally and across the nation.

Relatives of the deceased are, of course, angry, but also have a reason to feel guilty. One of the cemetary managers said vases that had flowers in them were left alone.

This just bolsters my argument for biodegradable cemetaries. Not only should the casket be made out of high quality cardboard, but so should the headstone. Then once a year, til the soil and bury a whole new crop of people.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Tastes Like French Fries

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"According to a senior democrat, Bill Clinton said Barack Obama could do what to get his support?"


50% said "Just say the word."
- Not exactly sure what that word is, but it's definition is something like "...you said horrible things about me and now I need you to say nice things about me to get elected."

No one went for "Apologize in public for dissing me." or "Make my wife vice-president."

50% got it right on the money with "Kiss my ass."

According to The Telegraph-UK, Bill Clinton is so bitter about Barack Obama's victory over his wife Hillary that he has told friends the Democratic nominee will have to beg for his wholehearted support. A senior Democrat who worked for Mr Clinton has revealed that he recently told friends Mr. Obama could "kiss my ass" in return for his support.

How long does it take to kiss Bill Clinton's ass? 20 minutes.

According to
The Huffington Post, yesterday, in their first conversation since the end of the heated primary, former President Clinton agreed to campaign for the candidate he portrayed as inexperienced for a presidential run. The 20-minute conversation was the latest step in bringing together the two warring camps.

Barack showed up a with cigar and wearing a blue dress.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Fried Bullets

According to The New York Times, an average of 81 people a day in this country die from gunfire. This statistic does not include injuries.

Last week, the Supreme court held up as constitutional, the right for Americans to own handguns.

According to the American Heart Association, an average of 2,300 people a day die from heart disease.

Tomorrow, New York bans the use of trans fat in all restaurants.

In the realm of dietary dangers, trans fats rank very high. It has been estimated that trans fats are responsible for some 30,000 early deaths a year in the United States. Worldwide the toll of premature deaths is in the millions.

We're on the right track here. The evidence is clear. Americans are responsible enough to keep firearms, but not order for themselves in a restaurant.

Last year alone, a man in Queens accidentally killed his wife while cleaning his onion ring. Realizing how much more lethal trans-fats are, gangs are expected to load up on butter pats and sling shots. Drive by shootings will now be known as drive-thru shootings. The NRA is grateful for the courts revelations and, as such, has started a new campaign.

"Guns don't kill, french fries do."


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Last Friday, I asked...

"The Starlight Theater in Wilmette, Illinois has canceled its production of the musical 'Ragtime' because of what?"

28% said "Couldn't find enough black actors in Wilmette."
- Wilmette has black people. They just aren't black enough.

15% said "Thought it had more ragtime in it."
- Hey, that was my complaint. More Coalhouse jamming on the piano and less Coalhouse blowing things up.

No one thought anyone was dumb enough for "Confused it for "Menopause: the Musical."

57% got it right with "It uses the N-word."

According to The Chicago Sun-Times, Wilmette Park District Executive Director Tom Grisamore said he made the decision to pull the show 12 days after learning the details of dialogue and lyrics that include use of the "n-word." Licensing agents for the show declined a request to rewrite parts of the lyrics, so it was dropped.

Hey, Grisamore - Exactly how would they rewrite the "n-word" and keep the same impact? "Make him apologize for calling me a ruffian!" doesn't quite pack the same punch. Idiot.