Monday, July 21, 2008

One Amazing Weekend

We just wrapped up the opening weekend of Metaluna and I feel pretty damn good about it. We had three reviewers come check us out, so I'll let you know what the "pros" think when they publish their thoughts about our little play. I was really wiped out by the end of the show on Saturday and went home and plopped right into bed. I spent most of Sunday pursuing one of my favorite activities - sleeping. I was well rested for the show on Sunday which I think helped that show be one of our best. Everyone seemed very relaxed and confident and the mad chaos backstage seemed neither mad or chaotic. The only snafu of the evening that I caught, literally, was being stabbed in the top of the head by the one of the metal spokes of an umbrella. But, hey, it's not theater without a little blood.

Here are some pictures taken by Jerry Schulman...

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THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"A Daytona Beach police officer has been fired for threatening Starbucks employees with what if they didn't give him free coffee?"


42% said
"A flurry of speeding and parking tickets"
- Not hard to do. Just hang out near a Starbucks and see that abundance of double-parking and speeding off to get to work on time.

28% said
"Drug arrests"
- I think you could make a case for Starbucks just being a socially acceptable form of a meth lab.

7% said
"Strip searches"
- Not sure I want to see what that barrista has hiding under his green apron.

2% got it right with
"Slow emergency response"

According to The Associated Press, an internal affairs report says Lt. Major Garvin, a 15-year veteran of the Daytona Beach police force, demanded free coffee and tea from a Starbucks and threatened employees with slower emergency response times if they refused. Besides demanding free drinks, workers complained that Garvin also cut in front of paying customers.

First off, I think cops in general need to go easy on the coffee. Last thing we need is someone jittery who's packing heat. Secondly, I think his threat was misunderstood. He meant that if he did not get any coffee, his response time would be slower. He'd be a little sluggish and dealing with migraine headaches. I can totally relate.

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Amazing Dr. Horrible

DR. HORRIBLE AND HIS SING-A-LONG BLOG

Why are you reading this blog when you could be watching THIS?

(Brownlee - I downloaded this onto iTunes and will bring it tonight.)


METALUNA AND THE AMAZING SCIENCE OF THE MIND REVUE


We open tonight and there is not a seat available! The audience will have to stand. However, we do still have seats available for Saturday night (8pm) and Sunday (7pm). To buy tickets on-line, go HERE.

ROBOWRITERS


We're going on hiatus for the summer. Turns out, people aren't as geeky as we are to give-up their Saturday afternoons on bright, sunny days to sit inside and talk sketch comedy writing. Stop by, if you can. 1pm, Gorilla Tango, 1919 North Milwaukee. Only $5.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Calvin Morett of Saratoga Springs, NY, was ordered by a judge to write a letter of apology for attending a high school graduation dressed as what?"


45% said "The Joker"
- There's a commencement speech I'd like to hear. "Remember grads, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stranger."

9% said "George W. Bush"
- Ah, Joker without the make-up. Or the smarts. Just the destruction.

9% said "Paris Hilton"
- Not a problem, except it was his version of Paris Hilton eating a hamburger. He sucked the sesame seeds off the bun.

37% got it right with "A 6-foot penis"

According to The Associated Press, a judge has ordered a 19-year-old man to write an apology to a the city of Saratoga Springs in New York for dressing in an offensive costume at a high school graduation. Calvin Morett had pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct for dressing in a 6-foot penis costume at the graduation at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.

They guy's got balls. Careful, they might trample you.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Walk It Off

Tah-Dah!



Walk It Off


Description: From Mountain Battles, now out on 4AD.

Crew
Directors: Bryan Bedell & Steve Delahoyde
D.P.: Ryan Taylor
PAs: Aimee Dinschel & Ray McWherter

Actors:
Businessman: Joe Janes
Messenger: Paul Thomas
2nd Messenger: Denae Friedheim
Genie: Justin Kaufmann

The Breeders have put this up on their MySpace page and will post the "official" version on their website soon. The other version is one large screen with four small screens and allows you to toggle between them. Sort of like editing your own video.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Charged as a sexual predator, Daniel Allen Everett of Clarkston, Michigan was arrested while wearing a t-shirt that said what?"

25% said "Plays Well With Others"
- Apparently just a subjective opinion. His own.

No one picked "Good Girls Are Bad Girls That Never Get Caught" or "Here I Am - Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes?"

75% got it right with "World's Greatest Dad"

According to WXYZ, Channel 7 in Detroit, Attorney General Mike Cox announced today the arrest of Daniel Allen Everett, of Clarkston, Michigan - a man whose shirt proclaims him as the "World's Greatest Dad" - for using the Internet to arrange a meeting for sex with a minor.



In Mr. Everett's defense, that "W" is clearly the logo for the World Wrestling Entertainment. He's the world's greatest wrestling dad, which means he wasn't going to hurt her, just make it look like he was.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I Believe...


I BELIEVE...


- That cartoons are not to be taken seriously. The New Yorker cover of Barack and Michelle Obama could easily have graced the front of MAD Magazine. Except MAD's would have been funnier.

- I don't put one medium over another for an enjoyable experience. I love radio and film as much as I love theater and television. But as an artist, there's nothing that beats watching and hearing a live audience laughing and responding in the moment to a work you helped create.

- Forget about smoking bans. Is their some way we can make people take showers and brush their teeth? C'mon people. It's summer. Things are getting a little ripe around here.



METALUNA AND THE AMAZING CAST

We did our second preview last night. This cast is amazing. Hard working, creative and putting everything they have into this production. That includes Jen, our fearless and tireless director, and Diana, our stage manager. John Wilson and Sarah Gorsky designed our set and lights, respectively, and have truly transformed that tiny theater space into some kind of traveling medicine show. As the playwright, its very humbling to see so many people forge their creativity for something you wrote. The massive investment of hard work and money also makes you pray really hard that it doesn't suck.

Don has some great pics up on his blog.


Here I am as Dada Baden Baden about to thwack Sigmund Freud (Dennis Newport) on the noggin' with a brilliant "cake" as he chats with Dr. Cartlon Twist (Michael Brownlee).

Tonight is our last preview. Your last chance to see the show for only $5. 8pm. A Red Orchid. 1531 North Wells.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


Yesterday, I asked...

"Because of his use of a fake mustache for a disguise, a Chicago bank robber has been dubbed what?"


36% said "Frito Bandito"
- Aye-yi-yi, no!

18% said "Hitler Bandit"
- Man, that dude has just totally ruined that look for everyone.

9% said "Snidely Whiplash"
-That's only when he robs banks in Canada.

37% got it right with "Groucho Bandit"

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, he dons a fake rectangular mustache for bank robberies -- dubbed the "Groucho Bandit" after the 20th century comedian -- and is believed to be responsible for at least nine holdups at North Side banks in the last six weeks. He not only announces he's robbing the place, but also claims to be armed and threatens to hurt employees if his demands aren't met.

There are "oral demands for money, but no imitations of the great comedian," said Ross Rice, spokesman for the FBI office in Chicago.

Clearly this guy needs to work on his schtick. Seems like he's starting to bring in some cash, so I think he should hire a writer.

GB: Pardon me, but this is a stick-up.
TELLER: I don't-a see-a no stick.
GB: You've got a good point there, you do. The only thing keeping that hair in place. How about this then... this is a hold-up?
TELLER: It is a hold-up.
GB: Glad to see we're on the same page here.
TELLER: Yes, you-a hold-a-up-a this line.

Needs work. We'll polish it on the road.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Sleep is for Pussies

It's been a glorious and exhausting slog to get Metaluna to the point of performing in front of an audience. We had our first preview last night. An hour before the show, there were still so many little details to get handled just to even feel comfortable allowing people into the theater. In retrospect, we could have let them in as soon as they got there and claimed that helping us move power tools and sweep up sawdust was all a part of an interactive experience.

Regardless, things went very well and our guests enjoyed themselves immensely.

Tonight's preview is an opportunity for the understudies to come in. We don't all have understudies, so its really only a shift in three of the major characters. In previous productions, I usually warn people not to come on nights with an understudy, but such is not the case here. The fill-in people are really great and bring their own unique spin to the roles while still effectively carrying on with the tenor of the play.

8pm. A Red Orchid. 1531 North Wells. $5 at the door. Better than sex and less expensive.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Hanson's Auctioneers in England are set to auction off a pair of bloomers that belonged to whom?"


25% said "Margaret Thatcher"
- I can see someone bidding pretty high if should they need the scrap metal.

25% said "Winston Churchill"
- Not for the faint-hearted. You saw what Germany did to London in WWII. You can imagine what Churchill did to his bloomers during that time.

12% said "Madonna"
- Um, yeah. You can go to the auction or head over to Home Depot for a pair of her undies.

38% got it right with "Queen Victoria"

According to BBC News, a pair of bloomers that apparently belonged to Queen Victoria are to be auctioned off in Derby.

The knickers have a 50in (127cm) waist and date from the 1890s, which indicates the monarch had a large girth as she approached her 70s.

Hanson's Auctioneers are selling the bloomers on 30 July and expect them to fetch at least £500.

Auctioneer Charles Hanson said: "These pants, considering their provenance and pedigree, are very exciting."

Here are the bloomers. They will be a bargain at any price, because, as you can see, they fit two.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Meta Giddy

I spent fourteen hours at the theater yesterday in rehearsal and then detailing our oddly
elaborate set. This morning, I have to build a big, rubber cartoon mallet, cut
out a bounty of rubber meat, and find "the right" lamp shade and a string of
white Christmas lights all before 1pm for our first preview tonight.

Our set is incredible. It's a work of art in the truest sense of the word. If WNEP were
smart, they'd scrap the play and just charge people to come in and look at the set.

Tonight is our first time doing the show in front of an audience. Always an exciting time
for a show, but especially so given that Metaluna is a comedy and chock full of dada. I honestly
don't know what to expect, even though the show has been produced twice before to critical
acclaim. It could be a train wreck. If it is, it will be the most beautiful train wreck you
ever saw.

Previews - Tonight, Tuesday and Wednesday at A Red Orchid Theater, 1531 North Wells Street
in Chicago. Half a block down from North Avenue. $5 at the door.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY


On Friday, I asked...

"Dallas County commissioner Kenneth Mayfield has been accused of being racially insensitive for publicly using which term?"

50% said "Gypped"
- Come on, now. Not all gypsies are gypsies.

30% said "Indian Giver"
- This never made sense as a derogatory term against "Indians." It makes more sense if you are leveling it at someone, who like the government, gave land to the native Americans, broke treaties and took it away. I hear by propose we all start using "Treaty Breaker" when dealing with someone who gives something and then takes it back. Or just use "asshole."

10% said "Brown Out"
- Obvious mistake. Someone mistook his comments about energy to be a plea for genocide.

10% got it right with "Black Hole"

According to The Dallas Morning News,
county commissioners were discussing problems with the central collections office that is used to process traffic ticket payments.

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections "has become a black hole" because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud "Excuse me!" He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a "white hole." That prompted Judge Thomas Jones, who is black, to demand an apology from Mayfield for his racially insensitive analogy.

All right, folks. Have we learned the lesson of fellow Texan George W. Bush, yet? "Someone you'd have a beer with" is not a criteria for leadership and governing. Stop electing idiots to government. I want to start seeing report cards and grade point averages on elected officials.

For the record, Commissioner John Wiley Price is also offended by the movie title The Dark Knight, director David Lynch, and prefers bartenders not measure his drinks with a jigger.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Spear My Life, Please

Found this in my e-mail this morning. I new tactic for the 419 scammers. The color you see is the color in which it was written.


SOMEONE YOU CALLED YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

Attention and listen carefully.


I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this if you don't comply, i was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you. If you are in doubt with this I will send you your name and where you are residing in my next mail.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead by all means. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $8,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $3,000 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $5,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.

For your own good I will advise you not to go out once is 7pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action. Good luck as I await your reply to this e-mail contact:
lifeanddeadmission@gmail.com or deadandlifegroup@gmail.com
Bye.

William yahman.


Hmm... Paying $8,000 so he'll "spear my life" sounds counterproductive. He knows my name and address, which is very hard to get, unless you look it up, so it must be legit. I'm a little insulted by the asking price. If he's asking only $8k, then the person who put the hit on me only paid that much or less. I'd like to think I'm in the 20 grand and above category. Still, it's tempting. I'd just love to have a tape of the person who "want" me dead. Of course, I would have nothing to play it on. It doesn't say the person would be explaining why they want me dead, just that it's a tape of that person. I could end up with Men At Work's Greatest Hits. Colin Hayes could be my secret nemesis! But wait... He said it would be someone I called friend. Damn! It's Kenny Loggins! That would give me something worth living for, or dying for. Thanks William yahman! The check's in the snail mail. Can't wait to get my cassette tape.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"According to Moscow-based 'Business Analytica,' Russians will drink more than three liters of what this year?"

42% said "Red Bolshevik"
- It gives you wings so you can reach for the Tsars.

28% said "Koke"
- Have a Koke and a sickle.

No one said "Comrade Pibb"
- Which is just a knock off of Dr. Zchivepper.

28% got it right with "Kvas"

According to The Associated Press, poet Alexander Pushkin wrote that Russians need the drink like they need the air. No, it's not vodka. It's called kvas. And despite its humble folk origins, the fermented-bread drink brewed by Russians for more than a thousand years has become a booming multimillion-dollar industry. The mildly alcoholic drink, which tastes a bit like a weak beer or wheaty cider, is riding a nationalist resurgence under leader Vladimir Putin, who has boasted of a new era of Russian pride and power.

Bottled kvas sales have tripled in the past three years, according to Moscow-based Business Analytica, and Russians will drink more than three liters (0.79 gallons) per person this year. In Moscow, cola's share of the soft drink market dropped to 32 percent in 2007 from 37 percent in 2005, while kvas' market share more than doubled over the same period to 16 percent in 2007.

Kvas isn't a brand name, though. It's the product. My favorite brand name is Nikola, which, translated from Russian simply means, "Not Cola."