Labor Day Sale - Houdini Poster! - SOLD!

Houdini Poster

This limited edition poster is a lithograph that I bought at an art gallery in the Paris Casino in Las Vegas in the summer of 2001. It is an exact recreation of an original 1908 poster. I like the colors, I like magic, I like Houdini, I had made some extra money through commercial work, so, why not?



The poster is 27" x 41". With the frame, its 34" x 48". The frame is nothing special. Basic black plastic with acrylic glass. It's also a little warped in one corner. And it comes with a certificate of authenticity from the Re Society.



Being the savvy art buyer that I am, I picked this baby up for only $650. Seven years later, a search for it on-line puts its value at $325. Unframed.

I'm only asking $200. If you live outside Chicago and want it shipped to you, you handle the costs of shipping and handling. Interested? Shoot me an e-mail. joejanes1065@comcast.net

Aren't We Supposed To Relax on Labor Day?

I have intentionally not scheduled myself for much this weekend. My plan is to clean and throw crap out and put more stuff up for sale. PURGE! I might also be selling that diamond ring to a guy getting ready to pop the question to his girlfriend. Nice guy. Enjoyed meeting him. Hope it works out. The sale and the marriage.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Los Angeles blogger Kevin Cogill was arrested Wednesday for posting what?"

42% said "death threats to Barack Obama"
- Yes, but he didn't pose a real threat.

33% said "drawings of Mickey Mouse as a terrorist"
- Mousama Bin Laden? Hard to get those ears wrapped inside a turban.

No one said "nude pictures of Miley Cyrus"

25% got it right with "pirated songs from Guns 'n' Roses"

According to The Smoking Gun, a Los Angeles man who allegedly posted nine pirated tracks from "Chinese Democracy," the long-overdue album from Guns N' Roses, was arrested today by FBI agents and charged with violating federal copyright laws. According to investigators, Kevin Cogill, 27, first posted the songs to his web site in June. If convicted of the felony count, Cogill faces up to five years in prison.

Guns 'n' Roses apparently wasn't upset about any copyright infringement, but the emotional duress caused by being embarrassed because the music leaked sucked moose balls. Welcome to the jungle, Axl.

Check Back Later

Thanks for stopping by. Busy day today. Check back later for an update. - Joe

Downer

My senior year in high school was one of the best years of my life. I was editor-in-chief of the yearbook and president of student council. I somehow managed to achieve the positions without ever having worked on the yearbook or ever having been a member of student council. For the yearbook, the faculty adviser asked me to do it because she liked the doodles I made on my papers and felt I was creative enough for the job. Apparently, she was right. Our yearbook that year won a state award for creativity. I don't remember who else ran for student council, but I remember thinking the woman who sat behind me in Government, Annie Pope, would be ideal. She said she'd rather be vice-president and that I should run. Okay, sure, why not? Student council was fun, except I had to learn Robert's Rules of Order for conducting meetings. I had to find ways of being creative within the system. It didn't help that the student council faculty adviser that I was geeked about working with had to leave early in the year for health reasons and was replaced by a jag off Phys Ed teacher. No slam against Phys Ed, but he was much like the stereotypical former jock with a big gut and a fat head.

But I digress. I'm avoiding what I wanted to bring up. Like I said, that year was one of the best years of my life. Full of fun, friends, my first improv workshop, working part-time at a local radio station, a driver's license, the family's Mustang II, lots of good times. The year ended with me performing in the school talent show sharing singer duties with Mark Henn in a fictional band called Punk Jazz. The talent show ended with the student council president candidates giving speeches. The guy I had my money on and supported, Bruce Corn, won.

Yep. A great year. Followed the next year by one of the worst years of my life. My parents got divorced. My mom and younger brother moved from a big house to a tiny apartment. We had to give my dog away. My closest friends all went off to college. I broke down in tears one night backstage at the local community theater during a show. I did so, again, at a bar with friends who were home for Christmas.

By summer, I began to pull myself out of it. I resolved to go to college and study to become an actor. It was my heart's desire. My mother was upset about me leaving. My girlfriend, the sweet, pretty and funny Melinda, that I was "engaged to be engaged to" at the time was supportive and very mature about it. We didn't think a long distance thing would work, so we parted ways, but remained friends. (I started seeing someone else a few months later and we did try to make a long distance thing work, and it didn't.)

College was a blast. I made the Dean's List the first quarter. Then I discovered a social life and what an amazing creative playground college could be. My grades plummeted and my education soared.

In my second year of college, I received some bad news. Bruce Corn, my student council predecessor, shot himself in the drive way of his family's house while home from college. I couldn't get my mind around it. Bruce was a great guy. A big lug who was smart and handsome and everyone liked him. To this day, I don't know what happened to get Bruce to the point of "this is the only way out."

Last night, I received a call from a friend. Another friend we knew drove off in his van on Sunday and was found yesterday. He had killed himself via carbon monoxide poisoning. He leaves behind his wife and their toddler. He also has a daughter from a previous marriage. We were stunned. We both had received an e-mail from this guy on Sunday morning. Along with a few other guys, we check in with each other on what we're up to in life and how our goals are going. I looked up that e-mail to see if I missed anything. There was nothing in there that indicated even a glimpse of what was to come. This is shocking news and sad news. I really liked this guy. Always had a friendly smile. Genuinely interested in how I was doing. Great laugh. My schedule recently shifted to where I was going to see him about twice a month. I ran into him downtown last week and was excited to get to introduce him to my brother. WTF!

In my darkest moments, I have thought about it. I think everyone has at one time or another. As an artist, of course, I think about the how and the logistics of it all. In the end, what usually deters me is - I don't want to inconvenience anyone else with cleaning up the mess and I worry about my cats' welfare. But I also kind of think, I'm not done. There's more to do. There's more to write. There's more people to meet and places to see. What does it all mean in the big scheme of things? Probably nothing. But I'm here. May as well enjoy myself.

Adios, Phil.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Joe Eszterhaus, the writer of the films 'Basic Instinct' and 'Show Girls,' has penned a new book that deals with what?"

46% said "lesbian stripper/serial killers"
- That's so 90's Eszterhaus. Clearly, he has grown as an artist.

30% said "his penis"
- Yep. 700 pages (shhhh, it's actually only 300 pages).

No one said "Hollywood corruption"
- "What corruption?" Eszterhaus said while counting his money.

24% got it right with "spiritual conversion"

According to The Toledo Blade, Joe Eszterhas' latest book is a shocker, but not the kind that made him rich and famous.
The upcoming release from the man who penned dark thrillers such as Basic Instinct and Jagged Edge tells the story of his spiritual conversion and his newfound devotion to God and family.

In Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith, to be published Sept. 2 by St. Martin's Press, Mr. Eszterhas describes how his life got turned around during the summer of 2001.

I hope they make a movie of it and it has a lot of boobies.

I Believe...

(The Divorce Edition, topic courtesy of Mr. Hall)

...There is no such thing as "The One" when it comes to relationships. There are people you are compatible with and people you are not. "The One" is the one you choose to commit to.

...Women are more freaked out about marriage than men are. In spite of what sitcoms and lame Matthew McConaughey comedies tell you, men are more amenable when it comes to building a partnership with a woman. Women fear losing their identity, becoming a housewife, being held back. Most men want the woman they fell in love with, don't want a housewife and want to see their partner succeed.

...I remember in my late 20's-early 30's noticing that I knew a lot of people who had already been married and divorced. Many with kids. Now, I know a lot of people who have been married and divorced twice with a few more kids thrown into the mix. I find dating expensive. You guys must all be fucking broke!

- Anybody want to buy a ring? Seriously. Make me an offer. No takers and I hit the diamond district on Thursday.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Students in Harrold, Texas will be the first in the nation to have teachers legally doing what this year?"

27% said "monitoring their e-mails and text messages"
- No child's privacy left behind.

9% said "sending troublemakers to school jail"
- That's called detention.

9% said "dating seniors"
- Some teachers can't wait that long.

54% got it right with "carrying guns"

According to The Associated Press, along with normal first-day jitters and excitement, students in this tiny district (Harrold, Texas) started school Monday wondering which teachers might be toting firearms. Several parents said they had no idea that employees of the K-12 school were allowed to carry concealed guns on campus until recent publicity about the school board's policy, approved quietly last fall.

Match class should be fun...

I know what you're thinking. "Did he take away six apples or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, Bueller?

McCain's Latest Attack Ad

There are a lot of people not getting any rest at the McCain camp. They are ready to pounce on any non-issue to go after Obama and keep the general public from thinking about important stuff, like economy, health care and war. Did you see how quickly they rolled out the "Hillary Snubbed" ad after Obama announced Biden as VP? Staggering. If only they put that much effort into making McCain a viable candidate.

Michelle Obama and her daughters looked absolutely adorable together. Expect the McCain camp to start rolling out a lot of photos of the McCain family to show just how strong his first and second marriages have been.

Here he is sharing a laugh with Satchel, his youngest son from his from his first marriage.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Police in Clifton, New Jersey arrested two men trying to stop drug dealers in their neighborhood. The men were what?"

34% said "driving a homemade batmobile"
- Sticking fins on your Honda does not a batmobile make.

25% said "carrying chain saws"
- The drawback to this plan is that it makes the drug dealers seem safer.

16% said "stoned out of their minds"
- They weren't trying to stop the drug dealers, just get better service.

25% got it right with "dressed like ninjas"

According to The Associated Press, police arrested two men dressed like ninjas and armed with Asian martial arts weapons who said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and users. Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows. The letters warned drug users and drug dealers that the "Shinobi will stop your cruel and sadistic intentions with justified yet, merciful force."

Merciful force? Throwing stars and swords know no mercy, my friend.

In the letter, the two men accused drug dealers and users of having "committed sin of passing impurity" to others and that the "wind guides us to those of impure heart and intent."

They're in New Jersey. That wind is guiding them to a landfill.

The Secret to A Successful Relationship

With the onslaught of people in my life breaking up or getting divorced (the legal term for breaking up), I started thinking about my long track record of relationships.

Last Monday, the two Dons (my brother and Mr. Hall) and I had lunch and the conversation shifted to the necessity of marriage. It ain't. We don't need marriage to make the world turn. In fact, like organized religion, one could argue it causes more harm than good. Especially when kids are involved.

So, if it's not necessary, what's the point of marriage, or any significant relationship, for that matter?

I remembered what a friend told me in college during a rather difficult break up. I didn't get it then. I get it now.

The point of a relationship is recreation.

Nothing fancy going on with the word "recreation." This isn't any personal growth mumbo-jumbo about re-creating each other. I mean recreation.

recreation
noun
1.	an activity that diverts or amuses or stimulates; "scuba diving is provided as a diversion for tourists"; "for recreation he wrote poetry and solved crossword puzzles" [syn: diversion]
2.	activity that refreshes and recreates; activity that renews your health and spirits by enjoyment and relaxation; "time for rest and refreshment by the pool"; "days of joyous recreation with his friends" [syn: refreshment]

WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.

Relationships are playtime. When I think about some of my more important adult relationships, they worked well when we played well together. They didn't work well whenever I was trying to get the other person to do something I thought was fun and they did not.

There's the day-to-day stuff of relationships that need to work well, but isn't that playing, too? Like playing house. Bad stuff happens to people and that's not fun. That's when you take care of one another so that you can get back to playing.

Dreamy physical movie romance attraction isn't enough. I am no longer searching for a soul mate. I'm searching for a play mate.

(I hate Blogger, sometimes. I am now writing in italics and can't make it stop!)


MORE STUFF FOR SALE!

(THIS BENCH HAS BEEN SOLD!)




This is a bench I bought at Cost Plus World Market. I love that place. I could live there. It's a sturdy thang. It's four feet wide, two-and-a-half feet high, sixteen-and-a-half inches deep. I think it's made out of pine. Like I said, sturdy. I have had it eight years and never had a problem with it. It's not comfortable, but functional. I bought it initially to keep in a foyer to make it easier to take off shoes and boots.




It has a storage bench that you can use to store shoes, extra blankets, whatever. There's a lot of room in there. When I emptied it out, it was full of framed pictures that we never got around to hanging.

I paid $150 for it. I'm asking for $75. Interested? Shoot me an e-mail. joejanes1065@comcast.net.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"Maxim magazine recently named the worst professional comedians of all time. Coming in at number one was who?"

47% said "Carrot Top"
- Carrot Top? Not funny? Oh, you saw Chairman of the Board, too.

47% also said "Pauly Shore"
-Hey, now. The Weasel has had his moments. Just not many of them.

6% said "John McCain"
-I'd think he was funnier of the polls weren't so close.

No one got the right answer, "Sinbad"

According to Maxim, the number one Worst Professional Comedian of All Time is Sinbad.

We're not sure what we hate most about Sinbad. Is it the neon pants, the annoying dangly earring, the oversized Reeboks, or the fact that he doesn't drink? Oh, wait, now we know. It's the shitty jokes that he always tells. That's what we hate most about Sinbad.

Lists like this are, of course, bullshit. For crying out loud, their list included Paula Poundstone who is one of the most brilliant comedic minds out there. Their list did also include Kathy Griffin and Sandra Bernhard, both of whom make my scrotum squinch up when they speak. And their list did NOT include Pauly Shore or Carrot Top!

I agree with them on Sinbad, though. In stand-up, there are guys who carefully craft their material (Shandling, Gaffigan, Carlin) and then there are guys who are just the life of the party. Their whole gig is just working the crowd, making sure everyone's having a good time. It's a skill, but it's more like a host than a comedian. I can quote those other guys. I can't quote Sinbad.

I wonder if they took his film career in to account?