Please Let This Be True...

From James Howard Kunstler via my brother...



Right after this picture, Vice-President Gidget shot a moose and put it on a barbecue spit for everyone to enjoy. Then they went surfing in the Bering Sea and shot whales who were considering abortions.


On closer inspection, the photo looks like it might be fake. Something about that neck.

Thank you, oh, great Internet's search tubes. Sadly, it is a fake.

Celebglitz found the original.



Alas, a boy can still dream.



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

" Science writer Kate McAlpine explains the qualities of the Large Hadron Collider - a particle accelerator - via what medium?"

50% said "the world's largest home-made diorama"
- Made from the Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe's shoe box. And a lot of cotton balls and glue.

10% said "pop-up book"
- Pull on this tab to watch the earth crack in two.

10% said "pie chart made with real pie"
- Mmmmm. Photons made of lemon merenge.

30% got it right with "rap song"

According to The Lansing State Journal, "Rap and physics are culturally miles apart," said McAlpine, a 23-year-old Michigan State University graduate and a science writer at CERN, in an e-mail last week, "and I find it amusing to try and throw them together."

McAlpine wrote the lyrics on her 40-minute commutes by public transit from Geneva, convinced a friend to lay down beats and finagled permission to film herself and friends dancing in the underground caverns and tunnels where the experiments will take place.

It's become a bit of a hit on YouTube and physicists seem to really enjoy it. Very white physicists.



Rap IS dead!

McCain - McMILF 2008

(Palin reveals she learned a lot about McCain during the vetting process. J.D. Pooley AFP/Getty Images)

You have to hand it to McCain. He sure knows how to use his military experience on the campaign trail. A year ago, he was a tenacious lone wolf, broke, eating "c" rations on the campaign trail, thumbing rides from speaking engagement to speaking engagement. Now look at that scrappy old man. On Thursday night, 38 million people - and that's just in this country - watched Obama give one of the best acceptance speeches of all time. On Friday, McCain lobs his VP bomb and look at what everyone's been talking about since Obama's landmark speech.

Left wing bloggers and commentators have been going nutty over McCain's VP choice. They are saying he only did it to try to get Hillary's disenchanted supporters. They are also saying that women in America aren't dumb enough to just vote for someone because of their gender. And they are right (although, you must grant me the appeal of two penisless candidates on one ticket.). But that doesn't make McCain's choice wrong. They just missed his intended target. McCain wasn't going after the female voter population with Palin. He's going after 18-year-old men who are at their sexual peak and will be voting in their first presidential election. Genius!

Palin is a hottie. McCain did get a bump in the polls. A bump caused by the simultaneous "schwinging" of potential young republican boners. If McCain is smart, he'll keep her in those tight black business outfits with the pulled back hair and glasses. But do keep her speaking opportunities to a minimum. It ruins the fantasy when you expect to hear Tina Fey and get Archie Bunker. Send her out to as many colleges and high schools as you can. Get her speaking to as many young men as possible - Boy Scouts, Athletic Clubs, Dungeons and Dragons Tournaments. Teach her to speak a little more whispery and pepper her talking points with phrases like "the politicians in Washington have been naughty," "I'm here to discipline the economy," "Those tax and spend democrats need a spanking."

So, don't be surprised come election day when you see a long line of coming-of-age men spending a little extra time in the voting booth "pulling the lever" for McCain-Palin.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Last Friday, I asked...

"An Italian museum has defied Pope Benedict by refusing to remove a statue that depicts what?"

33% said "God as a penguin"
- Although, the nuns were all for this.

25% said "the Virgin Mary topless"
- The first recorded MILF in the Bible.

No one said "Pope Benedict flashing his holy bits"
- "The body of Christ compels you. What does my body do for you?"

42% got it right with "a frog being crucified"

According to The Evening Standard in London, an Italian museum has defied Pope Benedict by refusing to remove "Zuerst die Fuesse" (Feet First), a statue of a crucified green frog clutching a beer mug and an egg.

The Vatican had condemned the modern art sculpture as blasphemous.

The board of the Museion museum in the northern city of Bolzano voted it was a work of art, however. Museum officials in the northern bi-lingual Alto Adige region near the Austrian border said the artist, who died in 1997, considered it a self-portrait illustrating human angst.

The Vatican wrote a letter which said the work "wounds the religious sentiments of so many people who see in the cross the symbol of God's love".

The crucifix is the symbol of God's love? Jesus looks pretty tormented in all the crucifixes I see. Looks more like pain and suffering to me. Wait - that's how I do love. Lesson learned! Thanks, Pope!

Maybe a beer and an egg will replace that wafer and sip of wine at communion. If a parish is looking to fill the pews, that would help.

Labor Day Sale - Philco Jr Model 80! - SOLD!

Philco Jr Model 80 (1932)

Here's one of my favorite things that I have been hauling around for probably ten years or so. It's a really cool cathedral radio. It looks great and could probably work with a little restoration, if you are into that sort of thing.






There's some minor damage to the wood, a little warping and a little splintering. Not noticeable from the front.It is 11 1/2" wide, 14" high and 8" deep.




This is one of those things that I thought would be worth more than it is. eBay auctions on the same model, but in crappy condition, bring in less than $50. Since this is in very good condition, I'm asking $75. If you live outside Chicago and want it shipped to you, you handle the costs of shipping and handling. Interested? Shoot me an e-mail. joejanes1065@comcast.net

Labor Day Sale - Houdini Poster! - SOLD!

Houdini Poster

This limited edition poster is a lithograph that I bought at an art gallery in the Paris Casino in Las Vegas in the summer of 2001. It is an exact recreation of an original 1908 poster. I like the colors, I like magic, I like Houdini, I had made some extra money through commercial work, so, why not?



The poster is 27" x 41". With the frame, its 34" x 48". The frame is nothing special. Basic black plastic with acrylic glass. It's also a little warped in one corner. And it comes with a certificate of authenticity from the Re Society.



Being the savvy art buyer that I am, I picked this baby up for only $650. Seven years later, a search for it on-line puts its value at $325. Unframed.

I'm only asking $200. If you live outside Chicago and want it shipped to you, you handle the costs of shipping and handling. Interested? Shoot me an e-mail. joejanes1065@comcast.net

Aren't We Supposed To Relax on Labor Day?

I have intentionally not scheduled myself for much this weekend. My plan is to clean and throw crap out and put more stuff up for sale. PURGE! I might also be selling that diamond ring to a guy getting ready to pop the question to his girlfriend. Nice guy. Enjoyed meeting him. Hope it works out. The sale and the marriage.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Los Angeles blogger Kevin Cogill was arrested Wednesday for posting what?"

42% said "death threats to Barack Obama"
- Yes, but he didn't pose a real threat.

33% said "drawings of Mickey Mouse as a terrorist"
- Mousama Bin Laden? Hard to get those ears wrapped inside a turban.

No one said "nude pictures of Miley Cyrus"

25% got it right with "pirated songs from Guns 'n' Roses"

According to The Smoking Gun, a Los Angeles man who allegedly posted nine pirated tracks from "Chinese Democracy," the long-overdue album from Guns N' Roses, was arrested today by FBI agents and charged with violating federal copyright laws. According to investigators, Kevin Cogill, 27, first posted the songs to his web site in June. If convicted of the felony count, Cogill faces up to five years in prison.

Guns 'n' Roses apparently wasn't upset about any copyright infringement, but the emotional duress caused by being embarrassed because the music leaked sucked moose balls. Welcome to the jungle, Axl.

Check Back Later

Thanks for stopping by. Busy day today. Check back later for an update. - Joe

Downer

My senior year in high school was one of the best years of my life. I was editor-in-chief of the yearbook and president of student council. I somehow managed to achieve the positions without ever having worked on the yearbook or ever having been a member of student council. For the yearbook, the faculty adviser asked me to do it because she liked the doodles I made on my papers and felt I was creative enough for the job. Apparently, she was right. Our yearbook that year won a state award for creativity. I don't remember who else ran for student council, but I remember thinking the woman who sat behind me in Government, Annie Pope, would be ideal. She said she'd rather be vice-president and that I should run. Okay, sure, why not? Student council was fun, except I had to learn Robert's Rules of Order for conducting meetings. I had to find ways of being creative within the system. It didn't help that the student council faculty adviser that I was geeked about working with had to leave early in the year for health reasons and was replaced by a jag off Phys Ed teacher. No slam against Phys Ed, but he was much like the stereotypical former jock with a big gut and a fat head.

But I digress. I'm avoiding what I wanted to bring up. Like I said, that year was one of the best years of my life. Full of fun, friends, my first improv workshop, working part-time at a local radio station, a driver's license, the family's Mustang II, lots of good times. The year ended with me performing in the school talent show sharing singer duties with Mark Henn in a fictional band called Punk Jazz. The talent show ended with the student council president candidates giving speeches. The guy I had my money on and supported, Bruce Corn, won.

Yep. A great year. Followed the next year by one of the worst years of my life. My parents got divorced. My mom and younger brother moved from a big house to a tiny apartment. We had to give my dog away. My closest friends all went off to college. I broke down in tears one night backstage at the local community theater during a show. I did so, again, at a bar with friends who were home for Christmas.

By summer, I began to pull myself out of it. I resolved to go to college and study to become an actor. It was my heart's desire. My mother was upset about me leaving. My girlfriend, the sweet, pretty and funny Melinda, that I was "engaged to be engaged to" at the time was supportive and very mature about it. We didn't think a long distance thing would work, so we parted ways, but remained friends. (I started seeing someone else a few months later and we did try to make a long distance thing work, and it didn't.)

College was a blast. I made the Dean's List the first quarter. Then I discovered a social life and what an amazing creative playground college could be. My grades plummeted and my education soared.

In my second year of college, I received some bad news. Bruce Corn, my student council predecessor, shot himself in the drive way of his family's house while home from college. I couldn't get my mind around it. Bruce was a great guy. A big lug who was smart and handsome and everyone liked him. To this day, I don't know what happened to get Bruce to the point of "this is the only way out."

Last night, I received a call from a friend. Another friend we knew drove off in his van on Sunday and was found yesterday. He had killed himself via carbon monoxide poisoning. He leaves behind his wife and their toddler. He also has a daughter from a previous marriage. We were stunned. We both had received an e-mail from this guy on Sunday morning. Along with a few other guys, we check in with each other on what we're up to in life and how our goals are going. I looked up that e-mail to see if I missed anything. There was nothing in there that indicated even a glimpse of what was to come. This is shocking news and sad news. I really liked this guy. Always had a friendly smile. Genuinely interested in how I was doing. Great laugh. My schedule recently shifted to where I was going to see him about twice a month. I ran into him downtown last week and was excited to get to introduce him to my brother. WTF!

In my darkest moments, I have thought about it. I think everyone has at one time or another. As an artist, of course, I think about the how and the logistics of it all. In the end, what usually deters me is - I don't want to inconvenience anyone else with cleaning up the mess and I worry about my cats' welfare. But I also kind of think, I'm not done. There's more to do. There's more to write. There's more people to meet and places to see. What does it all mean in the big scheme of things? Probably nothing. But I'm here. May as well enjoy myself.

Adios, Phil.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Joe Eszterhaus, the writer of the films 'Basic Instinct' and 'Show Girls,' has penned a new book that deals with what?"

46% said "lesbian stripper/serial killers"
- That's so 90's Eszterhaus. Clearly, he has grown as an artist.

30% said "his penis"
- Yep. 700 pages (shhhh, it's actually only 300 pages).

No one said "Hollywood corruption"
- "What corruption?" Eszterhaus said while counting his money.

24% got it right with "spiritual conversion"

According to The Toledo Blade, Joe Eszterhas' latest book is a shocker, but not the kind that made him rich and famous.
The upcoming release from the man who penned dark thrillers such as Basic Instinct and Jagged Edge tells the story of his spiritual conversion and his newfound devotion to God and family.

In Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith, to be published Sept. 2 by St. Martin's Press, Mr. Eszterhas describes how his life got turned around during the summer of 2001.

I hope they make a movie of it and it has a lot of boobies.