Straightening Out Them Gays

This appeared in the Chicago Tribune...

GIBSONIA, Pa. -- Proponents say participation is surging in the controversial, often religious-based therapy that many call the "ex-gay movement."

Christian therapist Warren Throckmorton points to a patient named Jeff as an example of success for this therapy.

Jeff, 41, who asked that his last name not be used, said his life has always been centered on family, church and work as a college administrator outside Pittsburgh. But every few months, to satisfy an urge that would well up inside him, it was all about gay bathhouses, clubs and anonymous sex with men.

The subject has even become a part of the dispute over President Bush's nominee for surgeon general. Dr. James Holsinger, a Kentucky cardiologist who helped establish a church that reportedly helps gays "walk out of that lifestyle," is opposed by gay activists.

"He's helped me to put the same-sex attraction in the same category as any other sin," Jeff said.

You can read the full article HERE

Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

Well, I've got some bad news for these guys.

If you are gay, you're gay.

If you are not gay, it's because you are not gay.

I'm not gay. But I'm not gay simply because I'm not gay.

The closest I ever came to being gay was buying a George Michael CD. I had to close my eyes and think of Sheena Easton the whole time. (It was the '80's).

I have been not gay since I was in the womb. Anyone who is gay, has been gay that long, too. Around six-to-eight weeks into baby-baking, we all get a wash of hormones through our system. This wash, along with genetic codes, determines our sexuality. So, if being gay is a sin, these fags have been offending God and choking on weenie since before they were born.

Now, it's not always a clear cut case of being straight or gay. Some people are bi-sexual for the same reasons stated above. It's a genetic roll of the dice. This "un-gaying" therapy might work better on them by having them favor one team over the other. However, if you deny someone what they are naturally inclined to desire, they are going to want it even more. Even if Jeff is bi, Jeff's body may belong to his wife, his fantasy life belongs to the Navy on shore leave.

This reminds me a lot about what I'm learning in my Harlem Renaissance class where people, primarily whites, would get together and discuss "The Negro Problem." Just like the problem here isn't the "Negroes" the problem isn't the gays. The problem lies with the people who perceive there's a problem to begin with. Like people who perceive white as "superior," these people perceive straight as superior and right in the eyes of the Lord.

We don't have to do anything about gays except let them be gay. And you don't have to do anything about me except let me be straight.

Although I do sometimes think about George Clooney. It's not sexual. I just want to be held.