Corporate Lacky

I'm off to North Carolina today for a fun project. I'm helping out on an in-house training video as a "creative consultant." My job is to sit around and say "Hey, try it this way..." while Catholic school girls wash my feet and dry them with rose petals. Tough gig, but I am up for the challenge.

If you miss me, you can see my face downtown on these banners. My face is the one split in half by a light post.

(Photo by Fuzzy.)

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A bearded man in Rome is wanted by police for robbing stores and banks using what?"

25% said "Whining"
- But I said I want the money now (he said, stretching the "now" into two siren-like syllables)!

12% said "Seduction"
- Well, hello. Did heaven lose an angel? ...All the cash, please. ...That smock would looks lovely on you. ...10's and 20's. In this bag.

No one said "Motivational Techniques"
- Are you afraid? Good. Face your fear! Put the money in the bag, you can do anything!

62% said "Hypnotism"

According to Orlando's Local 6 News, a mysterious bearded man in Rome is wanted by police for using hypnotism to mesmerize cashiers and bank tellers while he steals thousands of dollars. Surveillance video from inside a store that aired on CCTV showed the man walking up to a supermarket cashier and apparently mesmerizing her before stealing cash.The same man is believed to be responsible for robbing banks. A bank teller said the man approached her, leaned over and told her to "look into my eyes," the report said. The next thing she noticed was her till was empty. Another cashier handed over more than $1,200 after she said she became mesmerized by the man. Local 6 reported that the victim's don't remember any of the theft, only that their actions seemed natural at the time.

I guess the "help you quit smoking or lose weight" market has dried up for this guy. I hope he is working up to something bigger, because this sure seems like a waste of his talents. The obvious "show me your boobs" possibilities aside, this guy could be making wheel barrows full of cash as a religious leader, an infomercial pitchman or campaigning for Hillary Clinton - "Yes, she was under sniper fire in Bosnia. Yes, she did save her daughter and Sinbad's life. These are not the droids you are looking for."