Week One, Day Two - "Made in China"

Made in China
Written by Joe Janes
1/20/09
2 of 365

CAST:
Phil – mid 30’s
Delores – mid 30’s

(Phil is on stage in what appears to be his underwear shoving clothes and lamps and doo-dads into an already overstuffed garbage bag. Delores quietly walks in carrying a bag of groceries.)

DELORES

Um, Phil.

PHIL

Oh, hi, honey! Bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here.

DELORES(resumes entering and starts putting away groceries)

Little bit. More wondering why you are still in your underwear.

PHIL

Oh, not, still. I got dressed. I even got showered. Then I saw this thing on the money news on some cable thing about China and our trade deficit. Delores, China owns Uncle Sam’s ass. And China is just itching to tap it. Everything, everything we buy is made in China. So, I decided to do something about it. You want change, it starts right here at home. I went through all our stuff and started tossing out anything made in China.

DELORES

My stuff, too?

PHIL

You’ll thank me. You’ll be shocked what I found. My Chuck Taylor’s, the most American thing a man can put on his feet – made in China. Blue jeans! My blue jeans, your blue jeans, the “blue” in “red, white and blue” – made in frickin’ China. That American flag we bought after 911 and keep forgetting to take down? Well, guess what? Made in China. Shocked, yet?

DELORES

Oh, yes.

PHIL

And the Coleman inflatable mattress you force your mother to sleep on when she visits –

DELORES

I don’t force her-

PHIL

China! Every time we shop at target or Wal-Mart or virtually any place outside of this room, we are stuffing gold into a china man’s pockets. And he’s raking it in while his workers slave away for pennies a day. It’s cheaper because no American would put up with that bullshit. From now on, no more “Made in China.” It’s the “high fructose corn syrup” of economics. It’s next to impossible to avoid. And it’s making China fat. The metaphor breaks down around there, but you know what we mean. Our future is in their hands and I don’t like it and I’m doing something about it. And FYI - not my underwear. My underwear was made in China, too. I fashioned this out of Bounty paper towels and duct tape made in the good ol’ US of A.

DELORES

Did you look for a job at all today?

PHIL

I checked Craig’s List…

DELORES

Before or after you surfed for Asian porn?

PHIL(defensively)

Before.

(Blackout)

Please leave your feedback and questions for and about "Made in China" in the comments section. Thank you everyone who dealt in yesterday. It was very encouraging.

MOUSTACHE-A-THON!



I decided to give my moustache Zed some encouragement by showing him what he'll look like all gown up. They don't call it a magic marker for nothing.

My personal goal is to raise a thousand or more for 826. Right now, I'm at $75 (shout out to Debbie!). Click HERE to sponsor Zed and me. Please donate whatever amount you can. Every bit helps to support 826's educational programs and will help keep Zed off the streets.