Week Six, Day Thirty-Eight - "That's Just Jay"

“That’s Just Jay”
Written by Joe Janes

CAST:
Amelia, 30s
Jay, 30s
Dick, 30s
Blaine, 30s
Roger, 50s

(Lights up on Dick walking up to Blaine sitting at his desk.)

DICK

So, you’ve met everyone, right, Blaine?

BLAINE

Yeah, Dick. Everyone except Jay. Everybody talks about him. Sounds like quite a character.

DICK

Boy is he ever. That guy gets away with murder. We all love him though, that’s just Jay!

(Jay enters.)

JAY

My ears are burning!

DICK

Jay!

JAY

Somebody must have been talking about me! Was it you, Dick Smoker? (Dick laughs) Was it you, New Guy?

BLAINE

We were just-

JAY

You know you sure do have a pretty mouth. (Dick laughs.)

BLAINE

Well, uh –

JAY

Squeal like a piggy for me! (Dick is doubled up in laughter, now)

BLAINE

My…pig…sounds…aren’t…good…

(Jay and Dick both crack up now.)

JAY

Did you hear him, Dick Smoker! New Guy’s golden! (Rubs Blaine’s head) Golden!

(Roger enters.)

ROGER

I hear laughter. Jay must have escaped his cubicle.

JAY

Hey, Boss Man! How’s it hanging, asshole? Still driving this company like a senior citizen into a crowded sidewalk?

(Dick and Roger crack up as Jay takes fake jabs at Roger’s stomach.)

BLAINE

You call the boss “asshole”?

ROGER (laughing)

That’s just Jay, Blaine. Oh, my. Oh, my sides…

(Amelia enters.)

JAY

Wowsy-wowsy-wowser! Amelia! Who needs little blue pills when those boobies of yours can cause instant boners? Ba-boom! That tight little blouse makes your rack look like Iraq!

(Amelia, Jay and Dick all laugh.)

BLAINE

That didn’t even make sense.

JAY

Hey, Amelia, have you met New Guy?

AMELIA

I have. Hi, Blaine.

BLAINE

That blouse looks nice on you, Amelia.

(Dead silence.)

AMELIA

Creep.

(She exits.)

JAY

Sure do have a way with the ladies, New Guy.

(He exits.)

BLAINE

But, he –

ROGER

I’m afraid I’ll have to write you up.

(Roger exits, shaking his head disapprovingly.)

DICK

You disgust me.

(He exits. Blackout.)