Written by Joe Janes
3/28/09
69 of 365
CAST:
Reggie
Lionel
Ram
Ant
(Reggie and Lionel are pith-helmet-wearing British explorers tied to a stake. Cannibals Ram and Ant tend to them. Ram is feeding Lionel big spoonfuls of meat from a pot.)
LIONEL
I say, Reggie. I didn’t expect these cannibals to be feeding me so much.REGGIE
What is it they’re making you eat, Lionel?LIONEL
So far, I’ve had a Turkish explorer and a Dutch missionary.REGGIE
Must be trying to fatten you up.ANT
No. We just got Food Network. Ram trying to make cannibal turducken. Or in this case, Turk-Dutch-man. (Ant and Ram high five)REGGIE
And what are you going to try to make with me? Rack of Reggie?(Ant produces a large funnel with a long hose.)
ANT
Foie Gras!(Ant shoves the hose into Reggie’s mouth and begins spooning corn into the funnel. Reggie struggles and makes “mouth full of hose” sounds. You know the kind.)
LIONEL
Buck up, Reggie. At least you’re going out a delicacy.(Blackout.)
6 comments:
Couple of great zingers:
"Turk-Dutch-man"
and, even though it was parenthetical
"“mouth full of hose” sounds. You know the kind."
Good one, Turk-Dutch-man.....It is so corny(no pun intended w/later line)that it is funny.... The foie gras point works on many levels...
JB
I'm not sure I'm done with this one, yet. I like the set up, but not so crazy about the out. I was torn between the current one and one of them being a raw foodist or vegetarian. I'll either rewrite this one or do another installment.
Hey I'm sure there are plenty more cannibals out there to work with, all with different palates. They all have a story - especially the vegetarian cannibal.
I like this idea alot, and I like the sketch. The concept of a vegetarian cannibal is funny to me too. I cannot wait to see what else you come up with!
MJ
I love your mind! Now put it on a plate for my consumption, Zing-oo demands it!
presce-N-the incipient manner in which those who shorten words to a single syllable whilst still trying to convey the full word prononce the word 'precious'
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