Week Eight, Day 52 - “Icicles of Evil”

“Icicles of Evil”
Written by Joe Janes
3/11/09
52 of 365

CAST:
Curtis
Terry
The Icicle
Slick
Frosty
The Great Justifier

(Lights up on a 7/11 late at night. Curtis, wearing a hoodie and a knit cap, approaches Terry, the clerk.)

CURTIS

Hey, how’s it going?

TERRY

Hey…know what you want?

CURTIS

Sure, man, sure. Um, get me one of those packs of spearmint gum and…a…pack of…Viceroys.

(Terry turns away to get the items. Curtis pulls his cap down revealing it to be a ski mask. He thrusts his pocketed hand forward as if he had a gun. Terry turns back around.)

TERRY

Anything else?

CURTIS

Yeah, (reading his name tag) Terry, give me all your cash.

TERRY

Aw, c’mon, man, I was already robbed twice this week.

CURTIS

Well, third time’s a charm. Empty out the register. Just give me the bills.

(Slick and Frosty burst through the doors followed by bounty of manufactured fog and The Evil Icicle who is brandishing an ice gun which looks like some kind of sci-fi rifle.)

ICICLE

Everybody FREEZE!

TERRY

The Evil Icicle!

ICICLE

That’s right! And this is a robbery!

CURTIS

This already is a robbery, asshole.

ICICLE

Tut, tut, my fellow ski-masked fiend. (He lifts Curtis’s mask.) Just keep your cool. Slick, Frosty – grab the register.

(Slick and Frosty do so and bring it toward the door.)

CURTIS

Man, why are you trespassing on my turf?

TERRY

Don’t you usually rob stuff like banks and stuff?

ICICLE

These are tough times (reading his nametag) Terry. Banks are closing right and left and those that are left don’t have much cash on hand. I have an evil empire to run and must keep the cash flowing in by all means possible, even if it means knocking off the occasional 7/11.

CURTIS

What you’re doing is cold.

ICICLE

Thank you.

CURTIS

I mean, it’s wrong. This is my job. I need that money.

ICICLE

For what? Are you trying to bring the United Nations to its knees by controlling the world’s blizzards from outer space? No? Not on your puny agenda? I thought not. Weather machines don’t grow on trees, let me tell you.

CURTIS

You’re taking money out of my family’s mouth by stealing the money I was about to steal. My wife is going to kill me.

ICICLE

Here. Give her one of these panties shaped into a flower. (He hands Curtis one from the counter.) Sure to melt a woman’s polar-capped heart.

CURTIS

Not married are you?

ICICLE

Little busy conquering the world, right boys. (Slick and Frosty nod their heads.) Oh, and hand me your wallet.

CURTIS

Taking my gig and taking my wallet. (Hands Icicle his wallet) What kind of robber robs a robber?

ICICLE

You are hardly in my league, icehole. (Looks at Curtis’s ID in his wallet) I’m sorry, Curtis. Do you have a gun that shoots poison-tipped icicles?

CURTIS

Nope. (Shoots Icicle with is handgun) Just a gun that shoots bullets, jackass.

(Icicle collapses into Curtis.)

ICICLE

You iced, iced me, baby. Tell mommy I tried to be a good boy…so cold…so cold…

(He collapses to the floor. Slick and Frosty are stunned.)

CURTIS

You want some of this?

(Slick and Frosty run away, leaving the cash register. Curtis retrieves his wallet.)

TERRY

Dude. You probably just saved the world.

CURTIS

Yeah. I guess so.

TERRY

Take the money. It’s cool.

CURTIS

Yeah. Okay. I really do have to. The wife and all.

(The Great Justifier bursts through the door in his tights and cape.)

JUSTIFIER

Stop, Evil Icicle! The Great Justifier is here. Um, hey – Who shot the bad guy?

(Curtis shoots The Great Justifier who collapses on top of The Evil Icicle.)

TERRY

Just go.

CURTIS

Yeah, I’m out of here.

(Blackout.)