Written by Joe Janes
3/19/09
60 of 365
CAST:
Neidecker, 40s
Leveck, 20s
Mrs. Gerner, 70s
Mrs. Wolf, 70s
Mrs. Marsh, 70s
Mr. Crosser, 70s
(Lights up on a funeral home. There is a casket downstage. It’s the kind with a split lid. One side is open. Sad organ music plays in the background. Mourners stand in a row looking solemn. Off to the side is Leveck, a young funeral director in training. Neidecker, the more experienced one enters.)
NEIDECKER
Sorry, I’m late. Did you have any trouble setting up for Mr. Johnson’s funeral?LEVECK
Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. (The mourners begin to approach the casket and walk by it one by one taking one last look at Mr. Johnson.)
MRS. GERNER
This is so tragic.(She looks in, looks puzzled, and moves on.)
MRS. WOLF (peeking in the casket)
Well, it is how I remembered him.(She moves on.)
MRS. MARSH (peeking in)
He does look natural.(She moves on.)
MR. CROSSER (peeking in)
Bastard’s a show off even in death!(Neidecker and Leveck exchange confused looks. Neidecker checks out the coffin and rolls his eyes towards Leveck. He closes the lid and opens the other side. The mourners all approach again as Neidecker stands to the side.)
MRS. GERNER
Oh, that’s better.MR. CROSSER
That’s more like it.MRS. WOLF
He looks so peaceful.(As they talk, Mrs. Marsh tries to lift the lid on the lower half of Mr. Johnson to sneak another peak. Neidecker smacks her hand and wags his finger at her. Lights fade.)
8 comments:
Do stiffs have stiffies?
I think it's more a case of a corpse with a really nice package.
Dead gentlemen don't wear slacks? I have much to look forward to.
Hmm, a corpse depantsed? Intriguing idea. However, I believe Mr. Johnson is wearing his Sunday best and it features a manly bulge.
Mr. Johnson's johnson was showing good play on words, is that what type casting is about?
Only well-endowed dead men with unfortunate last names need apply.
i just noticed mr. johnson and his johnson were not listed under cast, pourquoi?
Good question. In my mind, they are never seen. It's written for the stage. In most sketch revues, the coffin would not really be there, but would be pantomimed. Even if you were to have a coffin on hand, the lid should open with its back to the audience so as not to ruin the gag, again making a physical Mr. Johnson not needed.
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