Week 27, Day 183 - "Dry Dock"

“Dry Dock”
Written by Joe Janes
7/20/09
183 of 365

CAST
Eric, 20s
Graham, 20s
Cheri, 20s
Tamara, 20s

(Lights up on Graham sitting at his desk working. Nearby, are two other desks, presently vacant. Eric enters.)

ERIC

Graham!

GRAHAM

Hi, Eric.

ERIC

Hey, Buddy. I’ve been thinking about you.

GRAHAM

Okay…?

ERIC

Dude, you need to go out with me this weekend. My sister’s in town.

GRAHAM

You’re trying to fix me up with your sister?

ERIC

You’ll thank me for it. LuAnn is so frickin’ easy.

GRAHAM

Man, that’s gross. You don’t arrange for someone to hook up with your sister.

ERIC

I’m doing it for you. You broke up with Louisa last year. When was the last time you got laid?

GRAHAM

A year and a half ago.

ERIC

Time to let a new dog gnaw on that bone of yours.

GRAHAM

You’re calling your sister easy and a dog?

ERIC

No, dude. It’s a metaphor. Or an analogy. She’s not a dog. Here, look. (He shows her a picture on his cell phone.)

GRAHAM

That’s Loni Anderson.

ERIC

Exactly. She looks like Loni Anderson. 1970s WKRP Loni Anderson. Not whatever Loni Anderson looks like now. Trust me, my sister is just what you need. You’ve been so tense lately. Let me call her. You guys meet for drinks. Her fav is Jagermeister and Sprite. I’ll tell her to wear that tube top that really shows off her boobs.

GRAHAM

Me, weirded out. You, leaving.

ERIC

I’m going, I’m going. Just think about it.

(Cheri and Tamara enter and sit at their desks.)

ERIC

Good day to you, fine ladies.

CHERI

Hey, Eric.

TAMARA

Hey.

ERIC

Careful with this one. He’s all wound up.

(Eric exits)

CHERI

Oh, my God, Graham. Tamara and I both just got a facial.

TAMARA

Rodney somehow managed to do us both at same time. It was amazing.

CHERI

Incredible. You’d think he had an extra arm he was rubbing us with.

TAMARA

I am so relaxed. That facial really did it to me.

CHERI

I can still smell Rodney on me.

GRAHAM

I’m glad you two had such a beneficial lunch break.

CHERI

You have no idea.

GRAHAM

Oh, Tamara, your husband called.

(He hands her a note.)

TAMARA

Thank you, Graham. Oh, isn’t that sweet. Just called to say I’m thinking of you and can’t wait till tonight.

CHERI

What’s tonight?

TAMARA

It’s the third anniversary of when we first started dating.

CHERI

That’s adorable.

TAMARA

He always gets me something special. Last year, it was a pearl necklace.

CHERI

Make sure you keep a tight grip on that one.

TAMARA

Oh, I am. With both hands. And my teeth. (They laugh.) What are you doing tonight?

CHERI

I am practicing my flute.

TAMARA

Really? That’s wonderful. I should do that.

CHERI

I played a lot in high school and college and decided to try it, again. I’m a little sloppy. And loud.

TAMARA

Chuck doesn’t mind the noise?

CHERI

Oh, no. He loves it. He just sits back in the Lazy Boy while I go to town on that flute. I put my lips on it as often as I can.

TAMARA

Must be rough on your mouth.

CHERI

That and all the fingering.

GRAHAM

All right! All right! Just stop. Please.

TAMARA

What’s wrong?

GRAHAM

What’s wrong? Listen to yourselves. I haven’t had sex in over a year. I’m about to go out of my mind here. Enough with the double entendres.

CHERI

Double entendres?

GRAHAM

Yes! “Facials,” “pearl necklace,” “flute-ing.” You telling me you didn’t realize those things have double meanings?

TAMARA

Oh, he’s right. I guess they do! I never thought of that.

CHERI

That’s so funny.

TAMARA

Sorry, Graham.

CHERI

How awkward. We really didn’t mean anything by it.

TAMARA

From now on, no double meanings.

CHERI

Single meanings only.

GRAHAM

Thank you. You know, maybe Eric is right. He was telling me how tense I’ve been. Can you give me Rodney’s number? Maybe he can fit me in this afternoon.

CHERI (handing him Rodney’s card)

Well, okay. If that’s works for you.

GRAHAM

What? Guys get facials, too.

TAMARA

I’m sure they do, but it sounds like you need more than some guy shooting jizz on your face.

(Blackout)