Week 27, Day 187 - "A Little Psycho"

(This was posted after midnight Friday.)

“A Little Psycho”
Written by Joe Janes
7/24/09
187 of 365

CAST
Miranda, 30s
Frank, 30s

(Lights up on Miranda and Frank on a sofa kissing passionately. Miranda stops the action.)

MIRANDA

Okay. Okay. Wait. (She stakes a breath) Okay.

(They start kissing, again. Miranda breaks it off once more.)

MIRANDA (continuing)

Okay, okay. (Takes a deep breath.) Frank.

FRANK

Miranda.

MIRANDA

You can spend the night tonight, if you want to.

FRANK

Okay.

MIRANDA

Okay, what?

FRANK

Okay, I want to.

MIRANDA

One other question-

FRANK

I have two in my wallet.

MIRANDA

Two?

FRANK

I’m very optimistic.

MIRANDA

Okay. (They start kissing. She breaks away again.) Wait. That wasn’t the question I was asking. Good to know, but not what I was asking. We’ve only been dating a few weeks. I don’t know you very well.

FRANK

Okay. What do you want to know? I’m an open book. You can ask me anything.

MIRANDA

Are you a psycho?

FRANK

Am I a psycho?

MIRANDA

I really need to know before I get too hopeful about us. My last boyfriend was a psycho but I didn’t find out until after a year in. Then I spent another year trying to make it work with a psycho. So, are you a psycho?

FRANK

Yes.

MIRANDA

You are?

FRANK

A little. I’ve Googled your name several times.

MIRANDA

That’s not so bad. I Googled-

FRANK

I even Googled your name and my name together to see if you were writing about us somewhere.

MIRANDA

Did you find anything?

FRANK

Just my own blog.

MIRANDA

You have a blog?

FRANK

I also searched your name on several porn sites to see if you had any amateur adult videos out there.

MIRANDA

You did not find anything.

FRANK

Sadly, no. I even tried possible porn names – Randy Miranda, Miranda Mountaintops, Miranda Munch. You’re clean.

MIRANDA

Well, I guess that’s a little psycho-

FRANK

And then I Googled all your Facebook friends.

MIRANDA

That seems excessive.

FRANK

They seem like okay people. Your brother’s a Nazi, though.

MIRANDA

White Supremist doesn’t necessarily mean Nazi, Frank.

FRANK

But that’s the only thing I found that I thought was suspicious. You don’t appear to be dating anyone else.

MIRANDA

I told you I wasn’t.

FRANK

Hello – psycho.

MIRANDA

Right. That’s a shame. I really wanted you to stay over.

FRANK

Well, in my defense. That’s about the extent of my psychotic behavior. I’m not violent. I don’t break things. I won’t damage your clothes. I really do care about you.

MIRANDA

Well. I’d hate it if both your condoms went to waste.

FRANK

That’s more like it. And I’ll leave early so you have plenty of time to meet your mother for brunch.

MIRANDA

How did you know I was meeting my mother for brunch?

FRANK

I read your e-mail. Too much?

MIRANDA

Leave.

(Blackout.)