Week 30, Day 204 - "On A Stick"

“On A Stick” or “Thanks, Men”
Written by Joe Janes
8/10/09
204 of 365

CAST
Ed, 30s
Matt, 30s
Brad, 30s
Mike, 20s
Brian, 20s

(Lights up on Matt and Ed at their orange stand at a fair.)

ED

Oranges! Get your oranges here!

MATT

Nice big, round ripe oranges.

ED

Peel ‘em and eat ‘em!

MATT

Peel ‘em and eat ‘em!

(Brad crosses by and looks back at the oranges.)

ED

Orange, mister?

MATT

Healthy, full of vitamin C, low in calories-

ED

Glutton free.

MATT

Glutton free.

BRAD

Gee, I don’t know. (He looks at it quizzically) How do I-?

ED

Peel ‘em and eat ‘em.

MATT

Just peel ‘em and eat ‘em.

BRAD

Like shrimp.

ED

Sure.

MATT

Like shrimp.

BRAD

Seem a bit labor intensive.

ED

They’re refreshing.

MATT

They’re refreshing.

BRAD

Refreshing, you say? Well. Okay.

ED

One dollar.

MATT

One dollar.

(Brad takes out his wallet. Brian and Mike quickly set up a table nearby. On the table, is a round brown blob.)

BRIAN

Oranges!

BRAD

Ooh, they have oranges, too.

MIKE

Dipped in chocolate.

BRAD

I heard chocolate is really good for you.

BRIAN

Wrapped in bacon.

BRAD

Bacon is a good source of protein.

ED

Here’s your orange, sir.

MATT

Just one dollar.

MIKE

Did I mention deep-fried? Our orange is dipped in chocolate, wrapped in bacon and deep-fried in a crispy, yellow batter.

BRIAN

Made out of corn and Twinkies.

MIKE

And-

BRIAN

And-

MIKE AND BRIAN

It comes on a stick!

(Mike stabs the blob with a wooden stick and they pick it up, Brian gesturing around it with his hands.)

BRAD

Sold!

(Brad walks over and grabs the thing on a stick. Brad starts eating it with great relish.)

MIKE

Five dollars, sir.

BRAD

Take my whole wallet.

(He hands him his wallet as he continues to eat the thing on a stick.)

ED

That’s outrageous.

MATT (holding out an orange)

This orange is only a dollar.

BRAD

Please, you can’t put a price on eating healthy. I must tell my friends, Tom and Tony. They could use something like this. They're so out of shape.

(Mike and Brian smugly count their money. Ed looks at the orange Matt is holding and stabs it with his pen.)

ED

Orange on stick.

MATT

Orange on a stick!

ED

Ten dollars.

(Lights fade as the continue to hawk their orange on a stick as Brad continues to devour that fried thing.)