Week 31, Day 212 - "What Price Gory?"

“What Price Gory?’
Written by Joe Janes
8/18/09
212 of 365

Cast:
Glenda, 40s
Garrett, 40s
Dr. Patel, 40s
Derek, 30s

(Lights up on Garrett and Glenda, a middle-aged couple, holding hands in a hospital room, looking concerned. Derek lays in a hospital bed asleep. Dr. Patel enters.)

DR. PATEL

Well, Garrett, we have the test results. You are a perfect match for your brother. We can schedule the kidney transplant for this coming weekend.

GLENDA

That is great news.

GARRETT

I’m so glad my baby brother doesn’t have to worry about this any more.

DR. PATEL

This is a relatively simple procedure, very common. And you’re in good health. There shouldn’t be any complications. Do you have any questions?

GARRETT

Jus one. How much?

DR. PATEL

Well, your brother’s insurance should cover most of the procedure.

GARRETT

Right, right. How much to me?

DR. PATEL

I’m not sure what you are asking.

GARRETT

Glenda here got $8,000 for giving up some of her eggs. I only have two kidneys. Giving up one of them has to bring in a good chunk of change.

DR. PATEL

Garrett, I –

GLENDA

Pretty straightforward question, Doc. What’s the going rate on a healthy kidney?

DR. PATEL (closes the hospital room door)

What you are talking about is against the law.

GARRETT

So is smoking pot, but we all do it.

DR. PATEL

I have a prescription.

GARRET

I didn’t mean you, but I think you know what I’m getting at.

DR. PATEL

Let me repeat, it is against the law to sell or otherwise receive gifts for donating an organ. We could get into a lot of trouble here.

GLENDA

Bet Derek will think otherwise.

(She shakes him.)

DR. PATEL

We should really let him rest.

GLENDA

Derek! Derek! Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

DEREK

Hunh…Whuh? Um. Oh. Hi, Doc. What’s the good news?

GLENDA

The good news is that your big brother is a perfect match for a kidney for you, Derek.

DEREK

Oh… What does he want?

DR. PATEL

Derek, as I was telling Glenda and Garrett, paying for a kidney is against the law.

DEREK

Oh, I know. I know. And I know my brother. What does he want?

DR. PATEL

I have to put my foot down on this. This is unethical. You’re saving his life.

GARRETT

Which ought to be worth something, don’t you think? Keeps him kicking around another 40-50 years.

DR. PATEL

Any payment is not going to come from the hospital or from the insurance company. You understand that, don’t you?

GARRETT

Well, baby brother, what do you think? Did you still want to take that cruise to Cozy-mell this summer or are you not going to be around for it?

DR. PATEL

This is blackmail.

GARRETT

Call it what you like, I call it doing business, Doc.

DEREK

What do you want, Garrett?

GLENDA

Tell him, honey.

GARRETT

We want your house.

DEREK

My house? Where am I going to live?

GARRETT

Hey, I’m not heartless. You can have our RV. We won’t need it anymore.

DEREK

That mold-infested flea trap? You’re saving me from one coffin and putting me in another.

DR. PATEL

I refuse to listen to this. I’ll check the registry and see if there are any other potential organ donors.

DEREK

Wait. Doc. We both know I’m pretty low on the priority list. Garrett’s my only real chance. And he’s my only brother. He’s lived in that RV at the trailer park for over a decade. It don’t even run anymore. The house is my gift to you, Garrett. Not for the kidney, but because you are my brother and you’re too stupid to ever have a chance to live in a proper house on your own.

GARRETT

Now, you’re talking. Let’s do this thing, Doc.

DR. PATEL

Okay, then. The surgery is in two days. Don’t eat anything tomorrow. Be here Saturday morning at 6am. Any questions?

GARRETT

Need anything else?

GLENDA

I’ve got eggs!

(Blackout)