Week 32, Day 218 - “A Gospel Song for Atheists”

“A Gospel Song for Atheists”
Written by Joe Janes
8/24/09
218 of 365

CAST
Duke, 20s
Lacey, 20s
Zip, 20s
Chip, 30s
Daria, 30s
Molly, 40s

(Lights up on Duke, Lacey, and Zip playing dominoes. Off to the side, Chip and Daria play darts. Molly enters. She enters with a can of beer. She sits away from everyone else and pops it open.)

CHIP

Hey, Sarge. What’s up?

MOLLY

You guys hear about Keith?

DARIA

Yah. We heard. It sucks.

ZIP

I didn’t hear.

LACEY

Keith got hit.

ZIP

Sniper?

DUKE

Volvo. He was jay walking.

CHIP

Come all the way across the world to put your life on the line for your country and get killed by a car. Shit. I could have done that at home.

MOLLY

At least he’s in a better place.

CHIP

Depends on who you ask.

DARIA

What’s that mean? Keith was a good guy.

ZIP

Dude’s in heaven.

LACEY

Keith was an atheist. Don’t you have to believe in heaven to get into heaven?

DUKE

I don’t think that excludes you. Maybe it's like a surprise party. “Surprise – you’ve reached the golden gates.”

MOLLY

If you ask the Muslims, the ones we’re fighting for or against on any given day, they’ll tell you we’re all going to hell regardless of what we do.

ZIP

They actually are pro killing people to get into heaven.

LACEY

And they set you up with 27 virgins if you do. Is that really a plus? Getting hooked up with a room full of Dukes?

DUKE

Hey!

CHIP (singing)

People trying to get into heaven
sure makes it hell of earth
Christians claim to be very wise men
Who believe in virgin birth

CHORUS (ALL)

Shine a light
Show the way
Are they right?
Do I really have to pray?

DARIA

So many religions all with their own take

MOLLY

Trying to figure out why I’m fighting Shiites and Sunnis

ZIP

Is it for God, Muhammad or Joseph Smith’s sake?

DARIA

I remember growing up only fearing the Moonies

MOLLY (speaking)

At the airport.

DARIA (speaking)

That’s right.

CHIP

All we have is our brief moment in time
We’re on this planet separate, but equal
When we’ve taken our last breath, all is sublime
That’s it, it’s over, there’s not even a sequel

CHORUS (ALL)

Shine a light
Show the way
Are they right?
Does it matter what they say?

LACEY (bridge)

What if one of them is right or maybe it’s all
Methodist or Mormon or flying spaghetti
We just have to do something to avoid a fall (to hell)
We just have to believe in something and not be petty

CHIP

You think we do end up wherever we believe

MOLLY

If we have faith in nothing, the lights just get turned off

DUKE

When you kiss that bus or bullet you go on permanent leave

ZIP

The grim reaper just grabs your balls and tells you to cough

CHORUS (ALL)

Turn off the light
There is no way
No one is right
Better just live for the day

(Air raid sirens start going off – They all look at one another. Duke crosses himself, Zip kisses his rosary beads, Molly says a quick prayer, Chip quickly meditates, Daria kisses her Star of David, and Lacey faces Mecca and quickly does a Muslim salat prayer ritual

ALL

Better just live for the day

(Blackout)