Week 48, Day 332 - "A Christmas Story"

“A Christmas Story”

Written by Joe Janes

12/16/09

332 of 365

Cast

Alan, 50s

Cheryl, 50s

Ron, 20s,

Gene, 30s

Alice, 30s

(Lights up on Alan and Cheryl’s living room. Alan and Cheryl sit on the sofa, Ron is slumped down in a chair. They are watching the movie “A Christmas Story.”)

GENE (off)

Ho, ho, ho!

CHERYL

Oh, Gene’s here.

(Gene and Alice enter. Cheryl gets up and greets them.)

ALAN (getting up)

Oh!

GENE

Hi, Mom. Dad.

CHERYL

You look so tall.

GENE

I have no idea why. Pretty sure I stopped growing upwards a decade or so ago.

CHERYL

Well, you look taller.

ALAN

Leave the boy alone. You must be Alice.

ALICE

Hi.

ALAN

Come in, come in. Have a seat.

CHERYL

You must be tired after such a long drive.

GENE

We flew in.

CHERYL

Oh, that’s nice.

(Alan, Cheryl and Alice have a seat on the sofa. Gene remains standing. There’s no room for him to sit. Cheryl and Alan resume watching TV. Ron has never stopped.)

ALICE

“A Christmas Story.” I love that movie.

ALAN

So, do we.

CHERYL

We watch it every year.

GENE

Is that the DVD I got you last year?

ALAN

Naw. It’s the TV.

(Everyone stares at the TV for a moment. Alice looks over to Gene with a look of concern.)

GENE

That is my brother Ron.

ALICE

Hi, Ron.

(Ron grunts.)

GENE

How’s the job hunt?

(Ron grunts, again.)

CHERYL

Oh, it’s tough out there.

ALAN

Tough in here. Especially when I need the bathroom or find the last beer gone.

CHERYL

Oh, Alan.

ALAN

Oh, Cheryl.

CHERYL

He’s trying.

ALAN

That he is.

(Everyone starts watching the television, again. Ron has never stopped.)

ALICE

I’ve heard so much about you two.

ALAN

Good things, I hope.

ALICE

Very good.

CHERYL

Oh, that’s nice.

(Everyone starts watching the television, again. Ron has never stopped.)

GENE

Hey, looks like the movie’s over. You guys want to go get some pizza or-

ALAN

It’s starting, again.

CHERYL (to Alice)

They show it over and over for 24 hours.

ALICE

How long have you been watching?

CHERYL

Since breakfast.

(Everyone starts watching the television, again. Ron has never stopped. Gene picks up the remote from the coffee table and turns the television off. Everyone looks at him stunned.)

RON

That was rude.

GENE

I only see you guys once a year. This time, I brought a girl. One I really, really like. It would be nice if she got to know my family better than the television.

(Everyone is silent. Alan looks at his watch.)

ALAN

Did you want to watch something else?

CHERYL

Did you want to watch your DVD?

GENE

No. I want to visit.

CHERYL

Okay, dear. We’ll visit.

ALAN

Sure.

CHERYL

Gosh, you sure are pretty.

ALICE

Thanks.

ALAN

Better looking than the last one he brought home. The lesbian.

GENE

She wasn’t a lesbian. She was a vegetarian.

ALAN

Six of one-

CHERYL

Are you a vegetarian? Because I don’t think we have anything you can eat.

ALICE

I’m not a vegetarian.

ALAN

What’s wrong with you, then?

GENE

Dad, nothing’s wrong with her. She’s great.

ALAN

Just pulling your chain, Son.

GENE

Chain pulled, Dad. Thanks.

(Everyone stares at the television, again, even though nothing’s on. Ron has never stopped.)

GENE (continuing)

Hey, how about this? Let’s get out of this room.

ALAN

What’s wrong with this room? I like this room.

GENE

Let’s go sit around the dinner table.

ALICE (getting up)

That sounds like a great idea.

CHERYL (getting up)

I’ll have to dust it off and move the magazines.

ALICE

Do you have any coffee? We could drink some coffee and chat.

CHERYL

I do have coffee. Can you drink that with your diet? (Alice nods.)

(Alice and Cheryl exit.)

GENE

Come on, Dad. Let’s go get caught up.

ALAN (getting up)

Oh! Guess I could use a cup of Joe.

GENE

It’s good to see you, Dad.

ALAN

Yah, yah, yah.

(They exit. Ron stays seated. Still looking at the TV, but looking silently angry. Cheryl comes back out and turns on the television.)

RON

Thank you.

(Cheryl kisses him on the head and exits. Ron grunts. Lights fade.)