I'm So Old...

My friend Mo Feeney sent me an e-mail of describing how old they are. I know Mo from high school

I'm so old, I remember when telephones had busy signals instead of being
used to signal others you are busy.
-I'm so old, I remember when tje first remake of
- I'm so old, I remember when Batman wasn't scary.
- I'm so old, I remember when I played board games on boards.
- I remember when both rock hudson and freddie mercury were considered macho
heterosexuals.
- I remember when rod stewart sang rock and roll
- I remember when there were only five TV channels: abc, nbc, cbs, pbs and some.
Uhf channel that only came in when your dad went up on the roof and moved the
antenna
- ...when the burger king was tje burger prince
... When grimace was evil
Landlines, caller I'd, ans machs
...When going green was called ecology
When the iraq war was called vietnam

Theater Review: Steve Allen's The Wake

The Wake
Written by Steve Allen
Directed by Elizabeth Styles
Presented by Chemically Imbalanced Comedy
Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm, Sundays at 5pm
Through February 15th For ticket info, click HERE










Always beware the author's name above the title, I think. Especially when it is in a field for which the author is not well known (To be honest, I don't think it was Steve Allen's idea to bill himself that way, but a marketing move on CIC's part). The danger with plays written by well-known people is that they tend to be of a quality where, if the author didn't have a name, they would probably not be produced very often (Picasso at the Lapin Agile, anyone?) With this play, CIC could be carving out a niche for themselves as the presenters of plays written by celebrities known better in other fields. They previously have produced The Book of Liz by Amy and David Sedaris and God by Woody Allen. There's a play out there written by Dudley Moore and Peter Cook that must be on their radar.

So, Steve Allen is the draw here, but his hey day was quite awhile ago, so you may not know who the heck he is.

What you probably already know about Steve Allen

In 1954, he was the first host of The Tonight Show. He brought comedy into late night television five nights a week back when the show was done live and 90 minutes long! The show is still running, still recreating the format he innovated. David Letterman has often sited him as a major influence. During this time, he also did a Sunday night comedy show that for four years went head-to-head to TV juggernaut, The Ed Sullivan Show. Trace elements of both The Tonight Show and The Steve Allen Show can be seen today in SNL. On The Steve Allen Show, the show was carried by an ensemble of journeymen comedians, such as Don Knotts, Tom Poston, Pat Harrington and Louis Nye.

What you probably don't know about Steve Allen

The fucker never stopped. Up until his death in 2000, he kept churning out material on practically everything. He has published over 54 books on a wide range of topics. For a complete list of his books, click HERE. He has written music for films, stage and television, portrayed Benny Goodman in The Benny Goodman Story, created several other TV shows including one of my favorites, Meeting of the Minds, where he played a talk show panel host negotiating conversation between Ben Franklin, Cleopatra and Galileo.

So, what about The Wake? Well, out of the huge outpouring of Steve Allen's brain, only one play popped out. The Wake is essentially Steve's version of Lost in Yonkers, written twenty years before Neil Simon's play made it to Broadway. In the 1930's, the Scanlon siblings, who have never gotten along, are gathering from far and wide for the wake of their mother, Bridget, "one of the few saints on earth." As she lies in her casket in the cluttered Scanlon living room, family emotions run wild with each new arrival. This is a deeply human and heartfelt portrait of a big brawling family filled with foibles, kindness, old wounds, and passion.

The problem with The Wake, is that there are so many Scanlons and friends, that it's impossible to tell whose story it is. Allen spends many lengthy scenes with tipsy Irish-Catholics going around philosophising and near fisticuffing, that there's no real strong throughline an audience member can hook on to. The first act is so loaded with meeting people that near its end, I was wondering to myself what there was to come back to after the intermission. As if on cue, one of the characters blurts out to another,"What are you going to do about David?" Oh, okay, so that's what this is about...I guess. What is Belle, based on Allen's ever touring actress/comedienne mother, going to do about her little boy. A boy needs her mother, right?

And then the second act chugs along until it resolves that question near the end. Boom, a play, now Steve Allen can go on writing a ton of other things, including a series of hack murder mysteries starring himself. Hey, who hasn't wanted to do that?

The production itself, while uneven and saddled with a lot blocking that screams "the director told me to move here, now," has some strong performances, especially from Eric Bays and Even Absher as brothers at odds because one stayed home and the other writes books and travels. Tremendously enjoyable are Julie Mitre and Patricia Tinsley as the aging and doting McCaffrey sisters. They take two small roles with very few lines and simultaneously bring a level of gravity to the reality of being at a wake while bringing a lot of levity via their comic performances. Quite a trick.

All the while, though, as much a problem with the script as the direction, is there's never a strong emotional sense that "mom is dead." People refer to her as being an anchor for the family, but we don't feel or see the loss of her presence, except in some references to what the character Josephine Scanlon is going through off stage.

Basically, the best thing The Wake has going for it is its curiosity value, if you are wondering what kind of play Steve Allen wrote.

NOTE TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS:

- "vibrate" isn't "silent"
- CIC is BYOB, but that doesn't mean you have to. If you bring wine, do you really need to bring stemware that you keep clanking together?
- if your phone rings during the final moments of the play, just quickly turn it off - don't answer it!
- And to the cute girl sitting next to me who had that ego-filled douchebag hanging all over her, well, he's a douchebag. And his "great" idea for a radio show on stage has been done before. Lifeline did it a few years ago with The Shadow, the same show he wants to do it with.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"Dr. Richard Batista, a Long Island surgeon, is divorcing his wife and wants her to give back what?"

24% said "His money spent on breast implants"
- Or, let him get custody of them on weekends.

No one said "His shared wisdom" or "His high school varsity jacket"

76% got it right with "His kidney"

According to The Associated Press, Dr. Richard Batista, a surgeon at Nassau University Medical Center, told reporters at his lawyer's Long Island office Wednesday that he decided to go public with his demand for kidney compensation because he has grown frustrated with the negotiations with his estranged wife. He said he gave his kidney to Dawnell Batista, now 44, in June 2001. She filed for divorce in July 2005, although he claims she began having an extramarital affair 18 months to two years after receiving the kidney transplant, his attorney, Dominick Barbara said.

She's had it for eight years, now, buddy. Maybe just split it down the middle.

Sunday at Sketchfest

It's a Sunday, what the hell am I doing posting? Just doing some quick picks for Sketchfest.

3PM

BEST CHURCH OF GOD - North Theater - The long-running 10:30am Skybox show has come back from eternity to do one more show at an hour when most of us can negotiate our bodies well enough to attend. May be your last chance ever to see this satire, so, see it.

4PM

THE ASSRISTOCRACY - North Theater - Described as "It will be a ripping good time!" and directed by one of my favorite humans, Sir James Honey. On the same bill as Jablonski, which looks like an off-shoot of those "Grandma June's Sewing Circle" guys. Both shows peppered with former students and colleagues of mine.

5:30PM

CELL CAMP - North Theater - Former Writing 5 students and actors have gone renegade under the direction of Chris Othic. Definitely check them out. On the same bill as the intriguingly titled Carpeted Afterhours who has the best self-penned bio ever on the Sketchfest website "...an entirely edge-free, conservative, and compromising sketch show. It’s a most-holds-barred, slow-paced banquet of playacting that takes you tenderly by jowls and into the land of snooze."

7PM

CREEPY HUG - North Theater - Strong cast of comedians backed a strong trio of writers. On the same bill as 4 Days Late.

So, basically, if you plant your butt in the North Theater and stay there all day, you have very good odds of being delightfully entertained.

For ticket info, click HERE.

Saturday Night

Sketchfest Recommendations for Saturday

1Pm

Unintentionally Hilarious - South Theater - Written and performed by 30 junior high school students. How can you miss this?

6PM

I think you have an even selection here. Jason Flowers and Friends (North Theater), ph Productions (South Theater) and OneTwoThree (West Theater). Jason is featuring some folks he has seen in Second City's Skybox space. He's the technical director there and he knows good from bad because, Lord knows, he's seen more bad sketch comedy than anyone on earth. PH has been around and certainly has the chops to put on a strong show. OneTwoThree are also seasoned and you can check out some of their videos on YouTube to see if theya re to your liking.

8PM

Cupid Players - North Theater - All original songs. All hilarious and well done.

9PM

I haven't seen any of the shows on the bill, but, as I mentioned yesterday, I would check out The North Briton Theatre Company, just for the cultural exchange value.

10PM

Ten West - South Theater - If you missed them last night, seem them tonight!

11PM

Another trio I haven't seen. Chris Othic of Robot vs Dinosaur saw Slow Children Playing on Thursday, so, based on his recommendation and the last few scenes he's written, I'd avoid them. Just kidding. He's says they're worth checking out, so do it.

Three Ugly Sweaters

Three ugly sweaters wearing three ugly sweaters.



This is just before the bevvy of Playboy bunnies came over for martinis and massages.


BEARDWATCH



One week, two days. A lot of scratching.


SKETCHFEST RECOMMENDATIONS FOR FRIDAY


8PM

FRIED GREEN DURBINS - North Theater - Megan Green and John Durbin. Very funny two-person sketch show. Smart, often silly and dark. Good stuff.

BRI-KO - South theater - All silent. All funny.

9PM

NORTH BRITON THEATRE COMPANY - West Theater - I am not familiar with any of the three 9pm slot shows, but if I were going to take a chance on one, I'd see the North Briton Theatre Company from Manchester England and their show "Not the Footlights" for no other reason than to see what the Brits are up to these days when it comes to sketch comedy.

10PM

ELEPHANT LARRY - North Theater - From New York. I've heard good things. About them. And New York.

TEN WEST - South Theater - The show to see, if you haven't seen these guys. Very fine, well executed silent comedy.

11PM

TEAM SUBMARINE - South Theater - Like Elephant Larry, these guys are becoming Sketchfest staples. Might be worth checking them out to see why.

For ticket info, click HERE.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"McCain campaign mascot Joe the Plumber has a new gig as what?"

40% said "Joe the Wal-Mart Manager"
- "Welcome to Wal-Mart. Meet me in the parking lot and I'll sell you my CD and book out of the trunk of my car."

20% said "Joe the Dancing With The Stars contestant"
- Really not so hard to believe. Look for this by the end of the year.

No one bit on "Joe the Barista"

40% got it right with "Joe the War Correspondent"

According to NBC affiliate WNWO-TV in Toledo, the Ohio man who became a household name during the presidential campaign says he is heading to Israel as a war correspondent for the conservative Web site pjtv.com.

Samuel J. Wurzelbacher (WUR'-zuhl-bah-kur) says he'll spend 10 days covering the fighting.

He tells WNWO-TV in Toledo that he wants to let Israel's "'Average Joes' share their story."

This is a wonderful idea! Look, credible journalism is going down the toilet, so let's load up the bowl and give it a big flush. Other celebrities we should immediately make into war correspondents include: Danny Bonaduce, Richard Simmons, Jay Leno, Tanya Harding, that ShamWow guy, Gary Busey, and any non celebrity you see on any VH-1 show interjecting forced snarky stupid comments about inane things (except Brad).

Sketchfest 2009

The Chicago Sketchfest begins tonight!

From their website...

The Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival is an annual event that celebrates the best in local, national and international sketch comedy. Over two weeks, 100 sketch comedy troupes will perform 125 shows. In addition to the performances, we offer workshops, networking events, and children's programming. The Chicago SketchFest is the world's largest sketch comedy festival, with hundreds of funny people in one convenient location - laughter guaranteed.

What the blurb fails to mention is that it is also madness. The energy in the Theater Building over the next two weeks will be through the roof. The lobby will be crowded shoulder-to-shoulder between shows. Shows won't start on time. Many shows are only performed once. If you hear about a great show someone saw and that you might want to see, it's probably too late. And it's a buttload of fun. And it's a festival, which means you'll see good shows, great shows and some really God awful shows.



Don and I have performed in it the last two years and, sadly, opted not to put a show together this round mainly because of his ill-timed decision to go through a divorce with our director during the months we would need to write and rehearse the show. Bastard. It's always about him.

There are a lot of shows going on and, while it's impossible to have a clear grasp on each group and which one you should make sure you see, I'll throw a few suggestions out over the course of the next two weeks.


THURSDAY - January 8th (Tonight!)

- 8pm -

Tough choices, you really can't lose. Sketchfest is opening strong. There's a good show in each of the three theaters.

North Theater - KERPATTY - A two-person troupe made up of the just plain inherently funny Pat Dwyer and Erin Pallesen. It promises to be a "funplosion." It's also directed by Jen Ellison. So there. Kerpatty has a rare second and longer slot at Sketchfest next Saturday night. If you can see them then, do that, and go see one of these other shows.

South Theater - SOLO DUET - Another two-person show with Jet Eveleth and Lyndsay Hailey, two of the sharpest, funniest ladies in Chicago. It would have been great if they had teamed Solo Duet and Kerpatty up on one bill.

West Theater - DENISE'S BOOK CLUB - is pleased to present a scaled-down version of the group's latest production, "Le Coq Plastique." A great show, sad to see it truncated, but if you missed it before, see it now. You can read my review of that show HERE.

- 9:30pm -

There's only one group playing that I'm familiar with and would go see.

West Theater - Hey You Millionaires is comprised of published humor author, a nationally produced playwright, and a high school English teacher. They create the kind of surprising, dark comedy that makes comedians laugh yet is accessible to everyone. My only cause for concern is that they are partnered with an LA group called Slow Children Playing, which was also the name of my Level 5 show back in '92. I thought it was a dumb name then, still do now. Google the name and you'll see how over used it is as a title. Doesn't mean they don't put on a good show. Could just mean they suck at coming up with names for themselves.

For Sketchfest ticket info, click HERE.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"A six-year-old boy in Wicomico Church, Virginia missed the school bus and tried to get to school over six miles away by doing what?"

7% said "hitch hiking"
- No cause for concern. Stories about hitch hiking always end well.

6% said "scootering"
- Yes, he took that because his propeller beanie was malfunctioning.

No one said "He's six. He did nothing. He stayed home and watched TV." because, well, that wouldn't make the news, now would it?

87% got it right with "taking the family car"

According to The Associated Press, the boy, whose name wasn't released (but his parents' was! - Joe's note), missed the bus, took the keys to his family's 2005 Ford Taurus and drove nearly six miles toward school while his mother was asleep, police said.

He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.

The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.

Good thing he didn't play Tetris.

I Believe...

- Richard Simmons needs to give it a rest.

...that Facebook is a great tool for staying in touch with the people that represent the best times of your life. It's also a pathetic and too frequent substitute for socializing.

...that you don't need to have a date to go out on New Year's eve. You do need to lower any expectations of meeting "the one" and having a perfect, passionate kiss at midnight that leads to an everlasting relationship. That would be like trying to win the lottery buying only one ticket, but instead of scoring the PowerBall millions, you'd likely get a two dollar scratch off.

...that gang-bangers who idolize the movie Scarface didn't stick around to see how it ended.

...that if we're really serious about turning the economy around, we need to stop buying anything that says "Made in China."

(thanks 138)

...that I'm sick of award shows and find them meaningless. But, if you want to give me one, I'll take it.

- I have another reason for never having been downhill skiing.

(thanks Smoking Gun)

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Richard Lopez. a soldier from Fort Bragg, was pronounced dead from from wounds sustained in a bar fight. The fight was over what?"

18% said "The film "Top Gun""
- Sorry, Goose.

10% said "Obama being president"
- Clearly not, no one was shot.

No one thought it was "The Iraq War"
- We are all so over that.

72% got it right with "A Jimmy Buffet song on the jukebox"

According to The Rocky Mountain News, Richard Lopez, 37, of Fayetteville, N.C., a soldier from Fort Bragg died Monday morning in Denver from injuries suffered from a bar fight in Steamboat Springs on Friday night over a Jimmy Buffett song.

"The initial disagreement was about music being played on the jukebox," said Capt. Joel Rae with Steamboat Springs police.

"Richard Lopez and two other individuals put on the song, but two other individuals did not agree with it."

It was not known which Jimmy Buffett song was being played at the time, but the fight was taken outside the bar.

Here's the thing, no one should be beaten to death over a Jimmy Buffett song, unless it's Jimmy Buffett. And the song is Cheeseburger in Paradise.