Week Two, Day Twelve - "Chet. Later."

“Chet. Later.”
(part two of "Dancing with the Devil")
Written by Joe Janes
1/30/09
12 of 365

CAST:
Les, 50s
Tawny, early 20s
Chet, late 20s
Angel
Devil

(Lights up on Les and Tawny sitting in two chairs near one another. The both wear business attire, but Tawny just seems to make it look intense and sexy while Les looks a little frumpy. Les looks nervous. She looks like every “business woman” who has ever appeared in a porno. He looks like the guy who has seen all those pornos. There is a third empty chair near them. They sit in uncomfortable silence for a moment or two. Chet, also in a business suit, enters.)

CHET

Thanks for waiting.

LES (standing to shake his hand)

No problem, Mr. Baxter.

TAWNY

You were away too long, Chet.

CHET

Um, thanks. Sit, sit. Relax. I know it’s a little unusual to be doing a double interview. Times being as they are, we here at Hammerson and Associates are swamped with qualified applicants and want to make sure everyone is considered. Plus, I think HR enjoys putting you on the hot seat like this. (Les laughs way too hard at this until he realizes he has laughed too hard and tapers off.)

LES

Good one.

CHET

Now, Les, your resume is very impressive. You are very qualified, if not overqualified, for our regional accounts manager. Tawny, all I got from you was a cover letter with a lipstick imprint where your signature should be. I must say, while you certainly present yourself well – gosh you look nice - I’m a little taken aback at the lack of credentials.

TAWNY

Morey said I didn’t need to bring anything.

CHET

Morey?

TAWNY

Mr. Hammerson?

LES

Oh, God.

TAWNY

Morey assured me all I had to do was show you my “strengths” as an employee and I’d get right in. If you’d like to bring me in for a second private interview, I’m open and available.

CHET

I see.

TAWNY

Do you, Chet? (Shifting in her seat) Do you really see? (Chet is obviously attracted to her, but trying to fight it). It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?

CHET

It’s been awhile what?

TAWNY

You look like a sailor lost at sea whose best friend keeps turning into a chicken leg.

CHET

Tell you what. Let’s talk about your strengths. Everyone’s strengths. Les, give me three of your top qualities.

LES

Well, you can plunk me down anywhere in the Midwest and you’ll find I’m already well connected and will quickly develop new connections. I’m good at blowing the dust off old systems and making them work or innovating them. And you’ll find that I really know my stuff. Before selling HVAC equipment, I used to work on them. I’m good with my hands. I’m able to assess a clients needs and make sure they’re getting the right tool for the right job.

CHET

Very well put, Les. Tawny?

TAWNY

Well, you can plunk me down anywhere, too. The Midwest, the East Coast, the conference room. I can blow or suck the dust off anything. I’m good with my hands and my mouth. I would do anything to get this job, Chet. Anything.

LES

Me, too!

CHET

Um, well…I…uh…I don’t know what to do.

(Les and Tawny freeze. Lights shift on to Chet and Angel and Devil hand puppets appear on his shoulders.)

ANGEL

Follow your heart, Chet. You know what’s the right thing to do.

DEVIL

This company’s going down. Chet, and so is Tawny. Get it while the getting’s good! Oh, hey – I didn’t expect to see you here.

ANGEL

Why not? This is my job.

DEVIL

I know, it’s just, you never returned my calls. I thought we had something special.

ANGEL

We did it once. It was a good time. Not something special.

DEVIL (crying)

It was to me.

ANGEL

Here we go. Look, I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship.

DEVIL

You tell me that after I changed my relationship status on Facebook. How do you sleep at night?

ANGEL

You’re obviously not over me. I’m going to put in for a transfer.

DEVIL

Fine. Run away. Run away like you’ve been doing your whole afterlife. I don’t love you any more!

ANGEL

Love? You shouldn’t have “loved” me at all, you psycho. We never even went out. Men! I’m out of here.

(She exits. Devil stays, sobbing.)

CHET

You should probably be going.

DEVIL

What are you going to do?

CHET

I don’t know, yet.

DEVIL

You know what you should do? Screw her. Screw her, befriend her on Facebook, and leave her.

CHET

I don’t know…

DEVIL

…Please? For me?

CHET

I’ll think about it.

DEVIL (sniff!)

Thanks... Hug?

CHET

Sure.

(He hugs Devil)

DEVIL

Thanks. Go get her, tiger.

(He exits. Lights shift back to normal.)

CHET

Tawny and Les, tell you what. I’m going to leave the room for twenty minutes. You two work it out. Whoever is still in the room when I get back, gets the job.

(He exits. Les and Tawny look at each other.)

LES (trying to be seductive)

If you sleep with me, I'll let you have the job.

TAWNY

Ew. Twenty minutes alone in this room with you? How about I leave and you don’t sleep with me.

(She exits.)

LES

Yes! Using my lack of sexuality works, again!