Week Five, Day Thirty-Two - "Mercury Poisoning"

“Mercury Poisoning”
Written by Joe Janes
2/19/09
32 of 365

CAST:
KRISTI, early 20s
JESSICA, early 20s
DR. PHYLLIS CUNNINGHAM, 40s

(Lights up on two female college theater majors seated on a bench.)

KRISTI

I can’t believe our acting teacher had the nerve to tell me he didn’t believe us in our scene.

JESSICA

I know! Like he has any idea what it’s like to be two forty-five year old widowed Irish housewives with kids looking for love.

KRISTI

I know! Not like his loins have been open for business in, oh, two decades.

(Dr. Phyllis Cunningham enters in lab coat with clipboard.)

DR. PHYLLIS

Kristi, I’ve been all through your tests. I can’t find anything wrong with you. To be honest, I’m having a hard time believing anything is wrong with you.

KRISTI

You, too? Screw it! I’m going to Devry.

(She exits. Blackout)

THE DEVOLUTION OF ZED

The Final Hour

Joe Janes, P.I.

The Chaplin (All right, The Hitler! Dude ruined it for everyone.)

Zed Is Dead, Baby. Zed Is Dead.

Zed died a slow and taunting death. He was followed quickly by his sideburn brothers, Daryl and Daryl. Mourners are asked not to send flowers, but to contribute in Zed's name to 826-Chi. Sponsorships of Zed, albeit just in memory, will be accepted through Tuesday and can be done by clicking HERE.


Shout out to Mary Lorenz and Bob Wilson for supporting me and the Zed. And to Jenny and Jeannie for making an appearance at The Globe for the final night of Moustache-A-Thon.