Week Seven, Day Forty-Three - "Puzzle Night, Part 1"

“Puzzle Night, Part 1”
Written by Joe Janes
3/2/09
43 of 365

CAST:
Marta, 70s
Vernon, 70s
Chip, 20s

(Lights up on Marta and Vernon sitting at a card table working on a large jigsaw puzzle. Chip enters looking a little sweaty from yard work.)

CHIP

Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Moosemiller.

VERNON (looking out window)

Good job, Chip. Way to bang it out.

MARTA

I’m so glad you were able to fit us in on your break from school.

CHIP

Oh, no problem. Can always use the extra money.

VERNON (slyly slipping Chip twenty dollars)

C’mon in and take a load off.

MARTA

I’ll go get some lemonade.

(She exits.)

CHIP

I don’t want to impose.

VERNON

Oh, nonsense. Even a strapping young man like you needs to put his feet up once in awhile. How’s school? How’s the girls? Getting any poon-tang? (He winks.)

CHIP

Oh, Mr. Moosemiller, you’re embarrassing me.

VERNON

Get it while you can, Chip. Get it while you can.

MARTA (entering with tray)

Oh, stop bothering the boy, Vernon.

CHIP

It’s okay, Mrs. Moosemiller.

VERNON

Just busting the boy’s chops a bit, Marta.

(Marta pours Chip some lemonade.)

MARTA

You must be spending all your time with your girlfriends, a handsome young man like you. Very sweet of you to spend some time with two old fogies.

CHIP

I don’t mind at all. You two are like grandparents to me,

MARTA

Isn’t that sweet, Vernon?

VERNON

Hey, Chip. Why don’t you stick around and join us for dinner? Marta’s banging out her famous scalloped potatoes.

CHIP

That’s what I smell. (Sips some lemonade) This tastes funny.

MARTA

Probably the whiskey.

CHIP

Whiskey?

VERNON

You’re a big boy, now.

MARTA

Puts hair on your chest.

VERNON

Marta should know.

MARTA

Oh, Vernon.

(They laugh. Chip shrugs and keeps sipping.)

MARTA

Oh, and after dinner you can help us with our new puzzle.

VERNON

Oh, it’s a doozy. Over a thousand pieces.

MARTA

It’s historical. A palace from the Roman Empire.

VERNON (referring to the box lid)

Yep. Caligula.

(Chip looks at the puzzle.)

CHIP

It looks like –

MARTA

It is! A roman orgy.

CHIP

Is that a horse? On top of a woman?

MARTA

It is. I’m still missing a piece, though.

(Chip picks up a piece. He holds it with a little disgust.)

CHIP

Here it is.

VERNON

Good eye, Son. We’ll have this banged out in no time!

(Marta puts the piece in place. Lights out.)