Week 11, Day 74 - “What America Runs On”

“What America Runs On”
Written by Joe Janes
4/2/09
74 of 365

CAST:
Counter Girl
Counter Help
Person #1
Person #2
Person #3
Person #4
Person #5
Person #6

(Lights up on Counter Girl at a fast food restaurant. Behind her is Counter Help. There is a line of people.)

PERSON #1

Cup of coffee, please.

COUNTER GIRL

Huge, large or giganto?

PERSON #1

Giganto, please.

COUNTER GIRL

Here you go.

(Counter Help gives him a wastebasket size cup of coffee and he quickly exits.)

PERSON #2

I’ll have a giganto coffee and a donut.

COUNTER GIRL

Plain, frosted or double deep-fried in sugar?

PERSON #2

Oh, double deep-fried.

COUNTER GIRL

Sprinkles?

PERSON #2

Sure. Why not?

(Counter Help give shim his order and he’s off.)

PERSON #3

Yeah. Let me get a giganto coffee, latte-style, double deep fried donut with sprinkles and a shot of alcohol.

COUNTER GIRL

Tequila?

PERSON #3

Surprise me.

COUNTER GIRL

Tequila.

(Counter Help gives the Person his order. He does the shot as he exits. A Person #4 bursts in and cuts in line.)

PERSON #4

Boobs, please.

COUNTER GIRL

I’m afraid all we have are pictures of boobs.

PERSON #4

That’ll work.

(Counter Help takes a Polaroid of her chest and hands the Person the picture.)

PERSON #4 (exiting)

Thanks! You’re a lifesaver.

PERSON #5

Uh, yeah, I’ll have a giganto coffee, decaf, Stevia and non-dairy creamer, double deep-fried donut, hold the sprinkles, shot of tequila and…oh, is that Percodan? One of those.

(Counter Help gives her the order and she exits.)

PERSON #6

Giganto coffee, double deep-fried donut with sprinkles, shot of tequila, Percodan and…a bag of weed.

COUNTER GIRL

Sir, “weed” is against the law. Could I interest you in a handgun, instead?

PERSON #6

Okay.

COUNTER GIRL

Bullets?

PERSON #6

Sure. Why not.

(Counter Help gives him his order. He licks the gun as he walks off. Counter Girl and Counter Help stand alone for a moment with nothing to do. Counter Help takes a handful of Percodan and dry swallows them. Counter Girl swigs from a bottle of tequila. Lights fade.)