Week 11, Day 75 - “An American Mugging”

“An American Mugging”
Written by Joe Janes
4/3/09
75 of 365

CAST:
Harry
Chuck

(Lights up on two figures about to walk by one another late at night on an urban neighborhood sidewalk.)

HARRY & CHUCK

Give me all your money.

HARRY

Hey!

CHUCK

What the!

HARRY

Chuck?

CHUCK

Oh, my God. Harry! Well, blow me down.

HARRY

Crazy world, hunh? Been awhile. How’s Margaret?

CHUCK

She left.

HARRY

Oh, I’m sorry, man.

CHUCK

Eh, for the better. Took the kids with her. Working on putting together this month’s child support, as you can see. (They laugh) How about you? Still married to…?

HARRY

Cheryl. Yep. Yep. Still married.

CHUCK

Cheryl, right. She know you -?

HARRY

Oh, hell, no. She thinks I still have my job at the plant. This is me working the graveyard shift.

CHUCK

Wow. Been a long time.

HARRY

Who’d a thunk, eh?

CHUCK (taking out gun)

I’m still going to need your wallet.

HARRY (also taking out gun)

Same here.

(They slowly, professionally and courteously exchange wallets.)

CHUCK

You’ve been having a good night.

HARRY

I’ve had better. What’s with all the singles?

CHUCK

Mugged a stripper.

HARRY

Nice. You want the wallet back?

CHUCK

Keep it. Nothing important in it.

HARRY

Same here. It’s a rough neighborhood.

CHUCK

Seems to have gotten worse lately.

HARRY

The economy.

CHUCK

Tough times. No credit cards?

HARRY

Cut up my credit cards a long time ago.

CHUCK

Me, too. They’ll do nothing but get you in trouble.

HARRY

Amen to that, brother. Well, you have a good night.

CHUCK

You, too, Harry. Oh, which way are you heading?

HARRY

I was going to keep heading west. Some nightclubs over there about to make last call.

CHUCK

Cool. I’ll keep heading this way towards the train. Last thing I want to do is compete with a good buddy.

HARRY

Good thinking.

CHUCK

Give my love to Cheryl.

HARRY

Will do. See you, Chuck.

(Chuck turns to walk away. Harry begins to sneak up on him with his gun raised as if he were going to strike him. Chuck turns and he freezes.)

CHUCK

What the hell are you doing?

HARRY

Wow. Hey. I am so sorry.

CHUCK

Were you going to steal your money back? That is so uncool.

HARRY

I know, I know. (Frustrated with himself) Rrrrrrrr! It’s like once I get my mugging shoes on, hard to stop. Know what I mean?

CHUCK

Yeah. I guess. Forgive me if I don’t turn my back as you walk away.

HARRY

Fair enough. I deserved that.

(Harry starts to walk away, an awkward mix of walking backwards and turning until he is almost off stage.)

HARRY (continuing)

Hey, let me make it up to you. Why don’t you come cover to dinner on Sunday? Cheryl will love to see you.

CHUCK

I don’t know –

HARRY

Chicken pot pie.

CHUCK

My three favorite little words. See you Sunday.

(They both walk off. A moment later, Chuck sneaks back and exits the way Harry left. Blackout.)