Week 18, Day 123 - “Casa de Ned"

“Casa de Ned”
Written by Joe Janes
5/21/09
123 of 365

CAST:
Ned, 40s
Clancy, 12

(Lights up on Ned, in his underwear, making Jiffy Pop popcorn on the stove. Clancy, dressed, stands nearby watching, an odd mix of curiosity and concern on his young face.)

NED

What’s the matter, Clancy? Haven’t you ever had Jiffy Pop popcorn before?

CLANCY

No.

NED

Used to have it all the time when I was a kid. Good stuff. Have a seat. This shouldn’t take too long.

CLANCY

There’s no place to sit.

NED

Sure there is.

CLANCY

You don’t have any furniture.

NED

Sure I do. Here. Grab this. (He does) Just keep shaking it.

(Ned opens up the door to the balcony and brings in a cheap lawn chair.)

CLANCY

Why don’t you use the microwave for popcorn?

NED

Because I don’t have a microwave.

CLANCY

Mom does.

NED

Mom has a lot of things that I used to have. Here, pardner. A chair. Have a seat. Let dad do the cooking. (Ned resumes shaking the Jiffy Pop as Clancy sits in the lawn chair.) How’d you like sleeping out on the balcony last night? Just like camping, right?

CLANCY

I had trouble getting to sleep because of the smell from the dumpsters. And when I did, the garbage truck woke me up.

NED

Sorry about that. Shouldn’t be a problem, tonight. They only come once a week, you know. Here we go! Popcorn.

(Ned turns over a milk crate and sets the Jiffy Pop on it. Ned crouches as they both eat it.)

NED (continuing)

Good stuff, ain’t it?

CLANCY (shrugs)

Mom usually makes pancakes for breakfast.

NED

You’re not at your mom’s. You’re at your dad’s. And here at Case de Ned, we eat like men. And men eat popcorn for breakfast. Want to be a man, don’t you, Ned?

CLANCY

Yes. I guess. I don’t know. Why’s your place so small?

NED

Because I like it that way. It’s like living in a hotel.

CLANCY

Hotels have furniture.

NED

It’s like camping out in a hotel room. And I can put my clothes anywhere I want. Look, here are my pants, right where I left them. (He puts on his pants, peels off the popsicle wrapper stuck to the leg.)

CLANCY

What are we going to do, today?

NED

The question is what do you want to do, today?

CLANCY

Can we go see the polar bears at the zoo?

NED (checks his wallet)

Gosh, Clancy, I don’t know. It’s a Saturday. The zoo’s going to be really crowded.

CLANCY

Can we go see a movie?

NED

Movie? You can do that whenever you want, can’t you? It’s our first full day together in a long time and I’ve got this rad new studio apartment.

CLANCY

Got any games?

NED

Games? Hell, yes, I’ve got games. I have… Tetris on my cell phone. (He pulls his phone out of his pants and hands it to Clancy.) There you go. Now, we’re having fun. What are you doing?

CLANCY

Calling mom to come get me.

NED (Taking the phone back)

Hey, hey, now, Clancy. What would you want to do that for? This is a weekend just for us boys. Men.

CLANCY

I guess I thought you’d just have more stuff. And things to do. I missed you, Dad, but this place makes me feel sad.

NED

Lookie, here, Clancy. I hear you. I missed you, too. Every minute of every day. I wanted this weekend to be special. You’re my boy and I don’t like you seeing your old man living like this. But, the truth is, this is just where I’m at, right now. I remember when I was a kid, I used to think my parents had it all handled. If they needed or wanted anything, they just opened up their wallet or purse and made stuff happen. Life doesn’t work that way. I still have the same bills I had when I lived with you and your mom AND I have this place. But I’m only making the same salary at work. I’m pretty stretched. I’m doing my best and it will get better. You’ll see. Next time you come, bet you I have a couch. Maybe one that even folds out into a bed big enough for two.

(Clancy gives his dad a hug.)

CLANCY

Can we at least go get a real breakfast?

NED

Um…

CLANCY

Mom gave me twenty bucks.

NED

Sure, let’s go.

(Blackout)