Week 25, Day 170 - "Bedtime Stories"

“Bedtime Stories”
Written by Joe Janes
7/7/09
170 of 365

CAST:
Wally, 40s
Fran, 40s
Connor, 6

(Lights up on Wally, sitting in a chair in his living room, reading a Tom Clancy novel and listening to softly playing classical music. Next to him is another chair and next to it on the floor is a sewing basket. Fran enters and sits in the chair near him.)

FRAN

The kids are all in bed.

WALLY

I think this is my favorite time of the day.

FRAN

It’s quiet.

WALLY

Did you read them a story?

FRAN (opening up her sewing basket)

I did. I read them The Emperor’s New Clothes.

WALLY

Oh, really? I didn’t know we had that. Hmmm.

FRAN

Don’t worry. I left out the part where he parades around in his underwear.

WALLY

Oh, good. I think they’re just too young for that.

(Fran begins to roll a joint.)

FRAN

I just left it at the emperor getting some fancy new duds that only smart people can see. I showed them the pictures in the book and they pretended they could see his clothes, too.

WALLY

I like that. Bet it made them feel special.

FRAN (lighting up)

Honey… (She snaps her fingers and points.)

WALLY

Oh.

(He picks up a remote and switches the classical music to The Grateful Dead.)

FRAN (exhaling)

That’s better.

(She passes the joint over to Wally. He takes a toke and passes it back.)

WALLY

Time to get comfortable.

(He takes off his pants, tosses them aside, sits back down and resumes reading.)

FRAN

Our kids are so lucky.

WALLY

They sure are.

FRAN

We’re happily married. We’re not on welfare. We have a college fund. Complete coverage.

WALLY

Other kids should be so lucky.

(Connor enters.)

CONNOR

Mom, Dad, can I have a drink of water?

WALLY

What’s the magic word, Sport?

CONNOR

Please?

FRAN

That’s better. No, Connor. You cannot.

WALLY

You’ll wet the bed.

CONNOR

But I’m thirsty.

FRAN

Connor.

WALLY

I’m counting to three. One-

CONNOR

Okay, I’m going back to bed.

(He kisses Fran on the cheek and hugs Wally.)

WALLY

That’s a good boy.

CONNOR

I like your pants, Dad.

WALLY

Hunh?

CONNOR

Just like the emperor’s.

WALLY

Oh. Right.

FRAN

They are very handsome trousers, Wally.

CONNOR

Did you sew them, Mom?

FRAN

Why, yes, I did. Now, off to bed, with you.

CONNOR

Good night.

WALLY

Sweet dreams, Sport.

FRAN

And don’t wake Dakota, Tiffany, Shane, Zac, or Trig when you get back in bed.

CONOR

I won’t.

(Connor exits.)

FRAN

They are so lucky to have us.

WALLY

I do like these pants.

FRAN

Me, too.

(They continue to pass the joint as lights fade.)