Week 33, Day 231 - “A Civil War"

“A Civil War”

Written by Joe Janes

9/6/09

231 of 365

Cast

Tunis, 50s

Bo, 50s

Paratrooper, 20s

(In the dark we hear a cold wind blowing. In the distance, we hear an eagle screeching as lights fade up on Tunis and Bo playing chess. Tunis wears a confederate officer’s uniform. Bo wears union garb. Bo makes a move. He then sends his other hand out over the board, it hovers and then zeroes in on the fallen piece and snatches it. Tunis makes a move and, without any flash, simply flicks the fallen piece off the board, upsetting other pieces in its wake. They make a few more moves, quickening the pace. They stop.)

BO

Perhaps you would prefer blood to spurt from my men as you assault them.

TUNIS

Perhaps you would prefer to delegate a gruntling to capture my men for you.

(They go through another exchange on the board.)

BO

You make it very difficult to adhere to the rules, Tunis.

TUNIS

The rules, Bo?

BO

Whenever you take one of my men, you upset the fellows surrounding it. Including some of your own. Knocking them clean off the board. It’s getting to a point where it may not seem to matter what piece I move where or when.

TUNIS

If you can move them, move them. Don’t need me to tell you that.

(They go through another sloppy exchange.)

BO

You have placed me in a very difficult position, Tunis.

(Bo lights a cigar and holds the lit match in the air.)

TUNIS

You preparing to surrender then, Bo?

BO

Hardly.

(Bo reaches into his coat and takes out a small, round black bomb. He lights it and hands it to Tunis.)

TUNIS

Dog gone it.

(Lights flash and we hear an explosion. When everything clears, Bo is sitting unaffected in his chair. Tunis’s body parts are scattered. His head remains on the back of the chair.)

TUNIS (continuing)

You egg sucking bastard.

(A WWII paratrooper lands among Tunis’ scattered remains.)

PARATROOPER

Greetings, Sir. Congratulations on a play well executed.

BO

Please do me the favor of tidying up.

PARATROOPER

Right away, Sir.

(The paratrooper quickly fills up his backpack with Tunis parts, except for the head.)

TUNIS

You are a cheating, lying sack of horsey plops.

BO

I am not the one who began with the rough housing.

TUNIS

I was flicking. Flicking! Not bombing.

BO

Flicking? You have no idea what it means to be flicked. Flick him.

PARATROOPER

Sir?

BO

Flick him! Oh, hell, I’ll do it my self.

(Bo reaches across the table and flicks Tunis’ nose.)

TUNIS

Ow!

BO

I hope you have learned your lesson, Tunis. Set up the board.

PARATROOPER

Right away, Sir.

(The paratrooper arranges whatever pieces are left on the board.)

BO

I loathe brutality. Until men finally learnt o behave, I will always have to fight for peace. Play me, soldier!

PARATROOPER

Half of my men and half of the board were lost in the explosion.

BO

Then it shouldn’t take very long.

PARATROOPER

I guess not.

(Bo makes a move, then the paratrooper. They go back and forth picking up speed.)

BO

Victory shall soon be mine!

(We hear a gunshot. The paratrooper has shot Bo under the table.)

BO

Oh, zounds.

(He falls.)

TUNIS

Woo-hoo! That was one fine sneaky shot, boy! I just have one question.

PARATROOPER

What’s that?

TUNIS

What are you fighting for?

PARATROOPER

What have you got?

(Tunis laughs as the paratrooper shoots at the remaining pieces on the board. Lights fade.)