Week 51, Day 353 - "Anna.2"

“Anna.2”

Written by Joe Janes

1/6/10

353 of 365

Cast

Rammel, 30s

Anna.2, 30s robot

Anna, 30s

(Lights up on a man on a young Asian man in a dark suit.)

RAMMEL

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the unveiling of the latest GoogiTech robot. Over the years, we have made many advances in the technology of lifelike robots designed to be useful as well as aesthetically pleasing. Allow me to introduce to you, Anna.2.

(There’s a shift in lights and we hear some electronic music kick in as we anticipate Anna’s appearance. Rammel apologetically scurries backstage to see what’s going on.)

RAMMEL

Women. Never on time, am I right? She’s coming, ladies and gentlemen. Look. Here she is, now.

(Anna.2, dressed in a sharp business outfit, enters. She walks very slowly in that Japanese robot way – erect posture, legs squatting a bit. She makes her way to center stage. Rammel cues the music to fade out. It does.)

RAMMEL

Anna. Welcome. Say hello to the people.

(Anna looks around slowly and mechanically.)

ANNA.2

Hello. I love you.

RAMMEL

Ahhh. Isn’t she sweet? Anna. Tell the people some of the things you can do.

ANNA.2

I can help around the house. I also dance and play the violin.

RAMMEL

Anna. Why don’t you show us that? I’m sure the people would love to see you dance and play violin. (He encourages the audience to applaud as he hands her a violin and bow.

ANNA.2

It would be my pleasure to do anything you ask me to do, Rammel.

(She begins to play something – obviously recorded – like Bond’s “Senorita.” Rammel gets swept up in this and begins to dance, poorly, with her, devolving into juking on her. Anna, in a similar business suit as Anna.2, steps up onto the stage. She holds out a remote, points it at Anna.2 and clicks it. Anna freezes and the music stops cold. Rammel jukes for a bit more and then comes out of it with great embarrassment.)

ANNA

Having a good time, Rammel?

RAMMEL

Anna! Um…

ANNA

How dare you unveil your prototype without letting me know.

RAMMEL

I sent out an e-mail blast to the whole company. Maybe you should check your junk folder.

ANNA

Maybe you should check your junk folder.

RAMMEL

Ladies and gentlemen of the press. This is Anna Fink. Head of research and development at GoogiTech. (He tries to get everyone to clap for her as Anna walks around Anna.2, checking her out.) Well, what do you think of Anna.2?

ANNA

You disgust me. I told you I wasn’t interested and this is what you do? That shameless grope at the holiday office party still feels like a greasy stain on my soul.

RAMMEL

For me, it was a stain on my heart. A good stain. Like when you stain furniture.

ANNA

I want her dismantled. And I want my violin back. (She tries to take it from Anna.2, who does not release her grip.) Make her let it go.

(Rammel presses a button on Anna.2’s back. She comes back on, but holds tightly to the violin.)

RAMMEL

Anna. Let the violin go.

ANNA.2

I dance and play the violin for Rammel.

ANNA

Not any more.

(The two Anna’s wrestle for it for a second as Bond’s “Explosive” kicks in. Rammel is very excited by the Anna on Anna.2 robot catfight. He starts juking to the music, again, this time on the real Anna. She kicks him off, grabs her remote and turns Anna off, again.)

ANNA

You’re fired.

RAMMEL

No, please. Can’t you see that I did it for you? It’s like a monument to your beauty. And power. Through her, your legacy at GoogiTech will live forever.

(Anna uses the remote to turn Anna.2 back on.)

ANNA

Anna. You dance and play violin and help around the house. Is there anything else you do?

ANNA.2

I also hold Rammel in my arms, as he lies naked in my lap drinking cinnamon schnapps and crying about how lonely he is. I also clean up the resulting spilled fluids.

ANNA

She gets dismantled. I get my violin back. And you walk out the front door escorted by a security guard by 5 o’clock. Sorry, folks. This press conference is over.

(Anna exits.)

RAMMEL

Sorry everybody. There are snacks in the lobby for you. Anna really is a great boss to work for. And Anna.2 is really such a breakthrough… oh, what’s the use?

(Anna.2 puts her arm around Rammel who starts to cry on her shoulder.)

ANNA.2

There, there. I understand. You are brave and handsome. Take off your clothes.

(Rammel looks around for a second and quickly starts to peel off his clothes as lights fade.)