Written by Joe Janes
1/8/10
355 of 365
Cast:
Jesus, 30s
Clarence, 30s
(In the dark we hear the sounds of ocean waves. Lights come up on Clarence, a heavyset man, standing along the shore, looking around in wonder.)
CLARENCE
Where am I?
(Jesus enters.)
JESUS
Hello, Clarence.
CLARENCE
Jesus?
JESUS
Yes, Clarence.
CLARENCE
I’m in heaven.
JESUS
You are.
CLARENCE
What are these footprints in the sand?
JESUS
They represent the path you took during your life.
CLARENCE
There are two sets of footprints.
JESUS
Because I walked beside you, my son.
CLARENCE
What are the smaller prints?
JESUS
Oh. I have a dog. Levi. He likes to walk along with me. Play in the water. He’s a real scamp. Cute little jack Russell terrier.
CLARENCE
Oh, they’re smart.
JESUS
They really are. But watch your step. He is a poop machine.
CLARENCE
Jesus, what’s this over here? There’s only one set of footprints. Did you abandon me?
JESUS
No, Clarence. That was one of the lowest points in your life. You were unemployed, deep in debt, overeating, chronically masturbating-
CLARENCE
Yes. I-I remember.
JESUS
That’s when I carried you.
CLARENCE
Oh. I see. What’s this big mess over here?
JESUS
That’s where I dropped you. You…are fat. And goopy. Hard to keep a grip. Sorry. Just being honest.
CLARENCE
Yeah. Okay. Sure. Did you hurt yourself?
JESUS
Pulled a groin muscle. Hurt like hell. Three days in hell.
CLARENCE
Oh.
JESUS
I was making a joke. It still hurt. Acts up every now and again.
CLARENCE
I’m really sorry.
JESUS
What are you gonna to do? No good deed goes unpunished, right?
(Pause)
JESUS
Well, welcome to heaven. Mind the poop. (He walks off) Levi! (whistles) Levi!
(Clarence looks at the bottom of his shoe as lights fade.)
No comments:
Post a Comment