Written by Joe Janes
1/16/10
363 of 365
CAST
Richard, 50s
Ashley, 30s
Matthew, 30s
(Lights up on Richard sitting in a small restaurant eating soup at a table for one. Next to him are Ashley and Matthew on a dinner date.)
ASHLEY
You look just like your profile.
MATTHEW
You look better than your profile.
ASHLEY
Oh, stop it.
MATTHEW
Seriously.
ASHLEY
Your profile said you love movies.
MATTHEW
Oh, big film buff.
(Richard shows some interest as he continues to eat soup.)
ASHLEY
What kind of movies do you like?
MATTHEW
Oh, all kinds. As long as they’re good.
ASHLEY
I like the classics.
MATTHEW
Me, too. As long as they’re good.
ASHLEY
What’s your favorite movie?
MATTHEW
Oh, you know. I guess my favorite movie of all time is “Gone With The Wind.”
(Richard looks pleased.)
ASHLEY
Never saw it.
MATTHEW
Me neither.
(They laugh. Richard looks disappointed.)
ASHLEY
I saw a really good movie the other day. Really sweet. What the hell was it called?
MATTHEW
I don’t know.
ASHLEY
It had that guy in it. And that kid. The kid from “Sixth Sense.”
MATTHEW
Haley Joel Osmond.
ASHLEY
Yes. Him. He’s such a good child actor. What was that movie? It was about people doing nice things for other people and he’s trying to get his mother laid.
MATTHEW
Oh. I know what you’re talking about. Um… “Pay It Back.”
ASHLEY
Yes. “Pay It Back.”
(Richard looks quietly angry.)
MATTHEW
I totally loved that movie.
ASHLEY
Me, too!
MATTHEW
The guy was really good in it.
ASHLEY
Yeah, yeah. It was…Bruce Willis.
(Richard is very perturbed.)
MATTHEW
Was it? I don’t think so.
(Richard looks hopeful.)
ASHLEY
No?
MATTHEW
I think it was Kelsey…something…
(Richard looks pissed.)
ASHLEY
That guy from that TV show.
MATTHEW
Yeah. I’m pretty sure it was him.
ASHLEY
He was so good.
MATTHEW
I was really touched by that movie. It made me want to do good things.
ASHLEY
It’s up there on my list of great movies. A classic.
RICHARD (while eating soup)
“Pay It Forward.”
ASHLEY
Excuse me?
RICHARD
“Pay It Forward.”
MATTHEW
Are you talking to us?
RICHARD
Yes. Yes. You people are infuriating. The movie is called “Pay It Forward.” It stars Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment who no longer qualifies as a child actor. And, to top it all off, the movie is a piece of shit.
ASHLEY
You’ve seen it?
RICHARD
No.
MATTHEW
Then how do you know?
RICHARD
I saw the trailers. I read a few reviews. I avoided that movie like the plague.
ASHLEY
But you didn’t see it.
RICHARD
If I see a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk, I don’t need to pick it up and put it in my mouth to prove it’s shit. It’s shit and I step around it.
MATTHEW
Hey, man, we’re eating.
ASHLEY
You’re being very rude.
RICHARD (getting up)
Fine. Fine. I need to go anyway. I’m on my way to go see Fritz Lang’s “M” starring Peter Lorre. A classic film.
(He leaves.)
MATTHEW
Wow. Some people, right.
ASHLEY
Clearly not a fan of good movies. Whoever heard of “M”?
MATTHEW
Did you see that one Julia Roberts movie?
ASHLEY
“My Best Friend’s Wedding And A Funeral.”
MATTHEW
Yes!
ASHLEY
Total classic.
(Blackout.)
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