Week 52, Day 364 - "Curtain Call"

“Curtain Call”

Written by Joe Janes

1/17/10

364 of 365

Cast:

Andrew, 20s

Amanda, 20s

Paul, 40s

Judy, 40s

Top Half, 20s

Bottom Half, 20s

(Lights up on Amanda sitting on a park bench. Andrew shyly walks over. They exchange cute glances. He sits. He is very nervous and doesn’t look at her. She is nervous, too. )

ANDREW

I don’t know what to say…

AMANDA

I don’t either.

ANDREW

Maybe we don’t have to say anything.

AMANDA

Maybe we don’t.

(Still without look at one another, they slowly creep their hands towards one another on the seat of the bench until their pinkies intertwine. They are excited and somewhat relieved to be doing this. Paul and Judy, a couple in the second or third row of the theater get up and start moving down the row towards the aisle. They are very polite about this, but clearly being loud and obvious enough to be a distraction.)

ANDREW (To Paul and Judy)

What are you doing?

AMANDA (To Andrew)

What are you doing?

ANDREW

I’m talking to them.

AMANDA

Stay in character. Ignore them.

ANDREW

I can’t. Everyone in the theater is watching them. (He stands.) Hey! Hey you!

JUDY

Honey.

PAUL

What?

(Judy points to the stage. Paul sees that Andrew is staring at them.)

ANDREW

Is there a problem?

PAUL

We were just leaving. We really didn’t mean to disturb you. Sorry.

ANDREW

The play’s almost over.

PAUL

I could tell. It looked like you were winding things up.

JUDY

We have a babysitter.

PAUL

We wanted to get a jump on the traffic. (Judy hits him.) Because our babysitter is expensive. She charges by the minute.

ANDREW

Look, if you don’t like the show. That’s fine.

AMANDA

That’s not fine. I want you to like the show.

ANDREW

But if they don’t, there’s not much we can do about it.

AMANDA

It might get better.

PAUL

You said it was almost over.

AMANDA

We declare our love for one another.

JUDY

You just now finally spoke. How could you possibly be in love?

AMANDA

Because my character has butterflies when she sees him.

ANDREW

Mine, too.

PAUL

Jesus, who wrote this? A twelve-year-old girl? Do you ride off into the sunset on a unicorn that farts rainbows?

(Pause)

ANDREW

He doesn’t fart rainbows.

PAUL

We’re going. Look. I’m sorry folks. We always leave early. Sporting events, funerals, plays. There. The secret’s out. We know where this is going. You get together. Hooray. We’re not going to miss anything avoiding the crowd.

AMANDA

You don’t know that for sure. It hasn’t happened, yet.

PAUL

Honey?

JUDY

Oh, Paul. I love you. There. I said it. I can’t fight my feelings.

PAUL

Judy. I love you, too. Even though we just met.

JUDY

My life was horrible and lonely until you came into my life today.

PAUL

I never knew how happy I could be until this very moment. No. Wait. I know how I could be happier.

JUDY

What is it? I would do anything.

PAUL

Marry me.

JUDY

I will!

PAUL

Then we ride off on the rainbow farting unicorn.

ANDREW

He doesn’t fart rainbows.

AMANDA

Thanks for ruining the ending for everyone.

PAUL

And then the lights go to black and pop back up and we see this! (Paul and Judy to an over-the-top version of smiling and bowing and being out of breath.)

JUDY

And it goes on forever. Especially if some jackasses stand up and clap.

PAUL

Which also makes it harder to get out of the row.

ANDREW

Thank you making a complete mockery of my profession.

AMANDA

You’re getting paid?

ANDREW

I meant that figuratively. Hey, why’d you even come to the theater? You don’t seem to like it. You were already planning to cut out early. You could have done everyone a favor and leave after the first scene.

JUDY

We know somebody in the cast.

PAUL

We’ll text them how good they were, because right now, we’re getting the hell out of here.

JUDY

Goodnight.

(They exit.)

AMANDA

Bye.

(Andrew and Amanda look at each other and aren’t sure what to do. A unicorn - two men in a makeshift horse costume – comes bursting out.)

TOP HALF

Did we miss our cue?

(Bottom Half separates and looks out into the audience.)

BOTTOM HALF

Dammit. My parents left early, again.

(Andrew and Amanda give him a dirty look. Blackout.)