Take Back America!

Your turn.

I showed up at 5:55am and there was already a line almost to the street. Once the doors opened, we moved rather quickly. I was in and out in thirty minutes. A guy working there says he has never seen it like this so early. Usually, when they open, there's just a few people. I hope our electoral system can handle an America that votes as it should.

I really only did it for the free coffee at Starbucks.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Recently deceased Chicago author-radio host-actor-activist Studs Terkel once said his epitaph should be what?"

55% said "Not dead. Listening."

11% said "Death? What else ya' got?"

No one went for "Better luck next time."

33% got it right with "Curiosity did not kill this cat."

According to The Chicago Tribune, the author-radio host-actor-activist and Chicago symbol has died. "My epitaph? My epitaph will be 'Curiosity did not kill this cat,'" he once said.

"Studs Terkel was part of a great Chicago literary tradition that stretched from Theodore Dreiser to Richard Wright to Nelson Algren to Mike Royko," Mayor Richard M. Daley said Friday. "In his many books, Studs captured the eloquence of the common men and women whose hard work and strong values built the America we enjoy today. He was also an excellent interviewer, and his WFMT radio show was an important part of Chicago's cultural landscape for more than 40 years."

Studs rocked. If I ever caught him on the radio, I had to stop and listen. The guy made sense, had a great sense of humor and clearly dug whatever or whomever he was sinking his teeth in to. If you have never read any of his works, they are astounding. I read his oral history of World War II called The Good War and I can honestly say it changed how I thought about that war. He puts faces and human voices to personal, yet significant events. He was 96 and quite active up until last year.

Here's a taste of Studs...

Whew...One More Day

Polls open at 6am and I plan on being there at 5:55am.

I've heard about this, but didn't realize Chicago was a part of it. Seems a bit absurd. This is from the Chicago Board of Elections FAQ page...

Is it legal to wear campaign buttons or shirts into a polling place?

- Voters may not display buttons or shirts that promote or oppose a candidate or issue on the ballot in the "campaign free zone." That zone includes the polling place and 100 feet from the entrance. If a voter makes the mistake of wearing campaign buttons or clothes into the polling place, the judges normally advise the voter to put the buttons in a pocket or cover up the item of clothing, and after the voters take those steps, the voters are allowed to vote.

Guess I'll leave my McCain sun visor at home.

ME-ME-MEME

Mr. Hall has tagged me with a MEME.

List seven random and/or weird facts about myself:

1) I love 10cc. They were my band in high school and I am still fond of them. You've heard them. Their biggest hits were; I'm Not in Love, The Things We Do for Love and Dreadlock Holiday. They do have some suck ass albums out there, but if you stick to anything they put out in the 70's, you'll be okay.

2) I have never seen a Rambo or Rocky movie.

3) I wrote and performed my first sketch comedy revue in the fourth grade. It even included a fake newscast. This was pre-SNL.

4) My favorite trophy is "Super Saturday Champ" from Putt-Putt Golf Courses for winning a hole-in-one contest in Toledo, Ohio when I was eleven. It's tiny. Stands 4 1/2 inches high.

5) The only thing I have in my apartment to protect myself in case of a break-in is a golf club behind my bedroom door. I don't golf. Only putt-putt. I've never had to use it.

6) I once won a lip-sync contest as Phil Collins singing Can't Hurry Love and Su-Su-Sudio.

7) I used to get lost a lot as a child. I love to explore and will always be the one most likely to wander away from the group. When traveling, I'll always be up before anyone else and I'll put in a few hours walking around the neighborhood of wherever I am.

I tag Nat, Greg, Brett, Anthony and Musho.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"73-year-old Freud de Melo of Brazil has built himself a tomb that features what?"

41% said "air fresheners"
- Nothing worse than being trapped by your own funk.

8% said "insect repellent"
- Let the bug buffet begin.

No one said "misters"

51% got it right with "megaphones"

According to The Wall Street Journal, under the shade of ficus trees stands the stone burial chapel that 73-year-old Freud de Melo built. Wind chimes tinkle above the wrought-iron door. But it isn't a conventional final resting place. Inside the crypt, there's a TV, also a water pitcher and a fruit pantry. Fresh outdoor air flows in through four vents from the chapel roof. Within reach of the coffin are two makeshift megaphones -- plastic cones attached to tubes running out through the wall. Mr. de Melo, a resort operator and politician, built a burial vault he could survive in because he's gripped by a rare condition called taphephobia, the fear of being buried alive.

I guess that's why we embalm here in America. Avoids those awkward pounding sounds during the funeral service.

Bed Hunter

Okay, time to start looking for a bed. That is what I will be trying to squeeze into my day today. I have been looking at a lot of stuff on-line, but don't feel comfortable ordering my primary body storage unit based on a picture. It just seems like something I have to see for myself and try out for myself. A picture just doesn't convey how the bed is going to feel. Or if the handcuffs will hold.

Also trying to figure out if I want a basic wood frame, metal frame, combo, platform or even a day bed. I know, I know. A day bed? Some aren't so foo-foo that they only seem complete when piled up with stuffed animals. Some look like something Nemo might use in his captain's quarters on the Nautilus. Keeping the cuddly stuffed octopus in the trundle.


THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Vietnam has suspended its plan to ban drivers who are what?"

57% said "angry"
- Hard to gauge. Can't tell who's angry and who's a white guy acting out an Asian stereotype.

43% said "drunk"
- They're too angry to drink.

No one said "tourists"

And no one picked the correct answer "small-chested"

According to The Associated Press, faced with mounting public criticism, Vietnam's Health Ministry suspended a widely ridiculed plan to ban short, thin and small-chested drivers.

The ministry had recommended that people whose chests measure less than 28 inches be prohibited from driving motorbikes .

When the media revealed the plan this week, it prompted disbelief and scorn among members of the public, who envisioned the police pulling over female drivers to measure their breasts.

Not sure where they are coming from on this. Larger chested people have built-in air bags?

Amateur Sneezer

I have a lot of experience sneezing. Sometimes, I even like it. I really thought I had it down. Yesterday, I somehow bit the side of my tongue while sneezing. Not sure how I so grossly miscalculated my tongue-to-teeth placement while forcefully expelling air. First bit of meat I've tasted in twenty years. It has not swayed me from being a vegetarian. If I sneeze again and happen to be int he kitchen, I'll take a swig of teriyaki sauce first.

TRAGEDY AND HOPE

Nathan Janes, cousin and kick ass political artist, has a new piece...



According to the Pop Arf press release accompanying the announcement...

Janes says that he was moved to complete the painting as the crisis in Tibet has continued to exist for several decades with very little response from foreign governments, even in light of the recent Olympic Games held in Beijing. "Many people may have forgotten that Tibetan culture is being purposefully destroyed by the practices and policies of China and that Tibetan monks still go missing today." Janes fears that if citizens of the world are not cognizant of the issue, then the United States and other countries will continue to go silent due to China's role as an major economic player in the world market.

There's something about the vacant look in the eye of the dog that speaks to the pain and resignation happening in that country. And Nate is right, if the super powers of the world weren't up to their asses in debt to China, we'd be all over them on this.

TUESDAY

I cannot wait. I am sick of this election. I get it. I know who I want. Let's go. The only fun I get is watching McCain's panicky scatter shot "try anything" approach to campaigning. His latest has been to actually have Joe the Plumber (who isn't a licensed plumber) at rallies, parading him out like a sports team mascot shooting McCain-Palin t-shirts out of a cannon at the crowd. Sure. Why not? He's already spoken more to the press than the GOP ticket.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Carla, an angelfish at the London Aquarium, recently underwent an operation for what?"

50% said "scaly skin"
- You know what's good for that? Secrete some fish oil on it.

25% said "a throat polyp"
- Didn't read the warnings on that pack of cigarettes.

No one said "a cold"
- No sneezing and lopping off pieces of tongue for Carla.

25% got it right with "a hernia"

According to The Sun, Carla the angelfish has a life-saving op — to cure a hernia. The 10-in long creature was anaesthetised before vet Sue Thornton used a scalpel, needle and forceps to repair the hole. Water was pumped through her body and over her gills so she could breathe during the 30-minute, £500 procedure. She has now fully recovered. James Oliver of London Aquarium, where Carla has lived for 10 years, said: “I guess it’s a bit extreme to operate on a small tropical fish, but she’s almost family.”

Sue, who had two helpers, was called in after organs started to squeeze out Carla’s side. She said: “I’m thrilled she survived.”

The two helpers aren't. They had sushi rice boiling in the other room, just in case things didn't work out.

How did Carla even get a hernia? Nobody told her that the lid on the treasure chest would open on its own if you just wait for it.

I Believe...

...artistic directors need to direct artistically. Make choices based on vision, mission and instinct. Marketing doesn't dictate the art in order to make marketing easier.

...that it is awesome the CTA will haul my ass across town for two bucks. Cheaper than dealing with a car and I get a lot of reading and work done. But I would gladly pay them $2.50 if they ran on time, kept the trains and buses safe and clean, and kept their station and bus staff happier than their executives. $3 if they can also figure out a way to have pretty ladies take the empty seat next to me instead of the usual big burly men who smell like Old Spice and farts.

...that my heart belongs to failing art forms. Oh, sure, I'll poop out that short wacky video, if you like, and show you the Emmy I accidentally broke by dropping it in a box of kitty litter, and I would drop everything if anyone in NY or LA said "Come. We have a well-paying job for you." but my heart belongs to Old Time Radio and theater. I feel like I arrived fifty years late to a party.

...that I am really enjoying watching the Republican Party eat itself. McCain is a maverick. And that's admirable, but also the problem. Mavericks aren't team players or team leaders. Mavericks buck the system, not become the system.

...I don't get litter. What fires off in someone's brain that says, "Okay, I'm done with my thirty-two ounces of caramel-colored artificially-flavored corn syrup bubbly water. I guess the thing to do now is open my hand and let the cup fall to the ground or floor of the bus."? I'm sure there's some deeper psychological anger/entitlement thing going on with people where litter is their way to say "Fuck you!" to the world. If you want respect, you have to be respectful. Treat the world like a trash bin and you'll be treated like a trash bin. Litterally.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman were arrested for plotting a crime spree that was to end with them wearing white tuxedoes and top hats while doing what?"

10% said "voting for McCain"
- Thank God the police stopped them!

No one said "bitch-slapping Biden" or "hunting Palin"

90% got it right with "shooting at Obama"

According to The Smoking Gun, according to a court affidavit sworn out by a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives agent, Daniel Cowart, 20, and Paul Schlesselman, 18, began discussing the murder plot after meeting online about a month ago. In the ATF affidavit, Cowart and Schlesselman "discussed the killing spree to include targeting a predominately African-American school, going state to state while robbing individuals and continuing to kill people." The pair's "final act of violence" would be an attempt to kill Obama, the Democratic presidential nominee. In separate interviews with investigators, the men said that they planned to speed their vehicle toward Obama while "shooting at him from the windows." Apparently befitting the historic assault, Cowart and Schlesselman "stated they would dress in all white tuxedos and wear top hats during the assassination attempt."

They were almost ready to run with this plan. Here's Cowart's mom putting the finishing touches on their top hats.

Gorilla Pop

Robot vs Dinosaur did our last show at Gorilla Tango in Wicker Park and are mounting our new show, Are You There God? It's Me, Satan in the same venue this Friday. Gorilla Tango is a small storefront theater run by newlywed couple, Dan and Kelly. GT makes its bread and butter renting to transient theater companies, mostly budding young comedy groups.What makes GT different, is that they do, from time-to-time, attract theater companies doing plays that stray from longform improv or the sketch revue format. It really is an omnibus of theater. Dan and Kelly will also produce a few shows a year themselves and they are looking for plays.

So, listen up writers. Here's their listing over at Chicago Plays...

Playwrights

Gorilla Tango Theatre

Playwrights are invited to submit original 60-90 minute plays for consideration to be produced by Gorilla Tango Theatre (www.gorillatango.com) in 2009. Guidelines: 1) Plays should be written by a present day or one-time Chicagoland resident. 2) Plays should deal with some aspect of living in Chicago, the Chicago experience, or what it means to be a Chicagoan (etc). 3) Plays should be sent in electronic format only (ie as a pdf or word attachment); links to plays will also be accepted. Submit plays to kelly@gorillatango.com. Hard copies will not be accepted. 4) Please include a brief author bio. Plays must be received by November 1, 2008. Please contact Kelly Williams at kelly@gorillatango.com with questions.

Job Posted On:

10/7/2008

Website:

www.gorillatango.com

Email:

kelly@gorillatango.com

Contact Name:

Kelly Williams

The Chicago angle is new. Last year, they were open to any ol' submission and they got flooded. They wanted to narrow the parameters a bit to reduce the numbers and make sure they were able to consider all the submissions.

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Dennis Klermund no longer works at the Del Taco restaurant in Lakewood, Colorado after a couple found what in their bag of tacos?"

10% said "dead mouse"
- How could they tell?

9% said "finger nails"
- They were colorful Lee Press-on Nails, so, why complain?

No one went for "cash from the register"
- Probably because anyone getting carry out at Del Taco ain't going to tell anyone.

81% got it right with "marijuana"

According to The Associated Press, a Colorado couple found an unusual topping on their order of tacos: a small bag of marijuana.

They discovered the drugs with their order from a Del Taco restaurant and called police, said Lakewood police spokesman Steve Davis.

Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband when he picked up food Oct. 16, faces charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

Klermund initially denied any knowledge but admitted the bag was meant for a friend after a search dog found more marijuana in a locker, police said.

I think Dennis has learned an important lesson here. Pot, then Mexican food. Not pot with Mexican food. If you are going to mix, get the soft shells tacos for easier rolling.

Let's Be Clear About This...

FAKE AMERICA

(Thank you The Food Pornographer.)

REAL AMERICA

THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

On Friday, I asked...

"Moviefone.com did a poll on who America thought was the best movie president ever. Who won?"

18% said "Morgan Freeman in "Deep Impact""
- Let's face it, America isn't ready for a black president who is going to be tested by a giant asteroid.

16% said "Bill Pullman in "Independence Day""
- The dude didn't even know the truth about Area 51. I want a president who regularly meets with aliens.

8% said "Terry Crews in "Idiocracy""
- Gets my vote. He ranked number 15.

58% got it right with "Harrison Ford in "Air Force One""

According to Moviefone.com, Harrison Ford is the man America would want in the Oval Office, or on Air Force One, in a crisis. President James Marshall. His platform? Never negotiate with terrorists -- even if they've hijacked Air Force One and are holding your family hostage. Instead, simply take a cue from Bruce Willis in 'Die Hard' and pick your captors apart piece by piece. See, the "zero tolerance" policy works -- and it'll get you votes!

Still, pit President Marshall against President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho and see who wins in the monster truck arena.