Week 15, Day 105 - "Two On The Aisle"

TWO ON THE AISLE
Written by Joe Janes
5/3/09
105 of 365

CAST:
Ernst, 30s
Thelma, 30s
E, 30s
T, 30s

(Lights up in the house of a theater in Philadelphia, 1933. Ernst gets up from his aisle seat and puts on his long coat. His wife, Thelma, remains seated. Seated off and behind them in the house is T. She sits looking at her program.)

ERNST

There you are. I have now gone to the theater… We should be going.

THELMA

I know. I know.

ERNST

To facilitate the going part, Thelma, you should consider standing and putting on your coat.

THELMA

Just another minute. Please, Ernst. I haven’t seen him in ten years.

ERNST

He doesn’t even know you are here.

THELMA

He knows I’m here. He saw me. I know he saw me.

ERNST

He would have come out by now.

THELMA

In the drawing room scene, when he poured himself a brandy… Just before he called that tarty girl a “swine"... He looked right at me. He might even have winked at me.

ERNST

It’s bad enough I allowed you to drag me here on a Thursday night, we left junior alone with your mother. We need to go home before she loads him up on cookies and coffee so he’ll stay up and keep her company.

THELMA

She said she wouldn’t do that, again.

ERNST

The woman is capable of anything but raising a child properly. She fed you lasagna as baby food.

THELMA

It was pureed.

ERNST

It was lasagna.

THELMA

All right. Let’s go. (She gets up. He helps her with her coat. They head toward the exit. E enters through the curtain from the stage.)

E

Thelma? Is that you?

THELMA

You did see me! I knew you saw me! (She runs up to E and gives him a big hug.) He saw me! You were so good up there. You looked so good in your tuxedo. Where’s your tuxedo?

E

It’s in my dressing room… Can’t wear it all the time.

THELMA

Oh. Of course. I knew you saw me. When you called that woman a swine. Boy, did you get that right! She really was a swine.

E

The cast is heading to the bar across the street. Would you like to join us? Give us a chance to catch up.

ERNST

Ahem.

THELMA

Oh, Ernst. This is my husband…Ernst.

E

Ernst…small world.

ERNST

Well, it’s a common name.

E

How do you do?

ERNST

Lovely.

E

Care to join us?

ERNST

Unfortunately, we need to get back home to care for our son, Ernst, Jr.

E

You’re married and have a child?

THELMA (sighs)

Yes.

E

I didn’t know.

ERNST

That’s all right. I never knew you existed until yesterday afternoon when we saw the advert for your play “The Gay Scoundrel.”

THELMA

You made a beautiful scoundrel, Ernst.

E

You think so? I felt off tonight.

THELMA

How long are you in town? Ernst works during the day and Ernst, Jr has school. Maybe we could get together.

ERNST

Perhaps on Saturday, you could come over to the house and meet the whole family.

E

Oh, Saturday’s a bear. We do three shows that day.

THELMA (hugs E)

You saw me. The last time I saw you was when we watched the sun go down at the lake. And then watched it come back up again. (E shrugs towards Ernst)

ERNST

We need to go, Thelma.

E (peeling himself away)

It was nice seeing you, Thelma. I’m glad you are doing well.

THELMA (sighs)

Yes.

E

And it was nice meeting you, Ernst.

ERNST

Yes. It was.

E

Good luck with that boy of yours… I’ll see you, again.

THELMA

I hope it’s not another ten years.

E

I hope not, too.

(Thelma and Ernst leave. E watches them leave and then notices T. Thelma runs back in and plants a kiss on him.)

THELMA

Ernst is getting a taxi. I knew you saw me. I just knew it.

E

I look for you every night, wherever I am.

T

Ahem.

E (peeling Thelma off him)

Ah. Thelma. Let me introduce you to someone. This is my wife…Thelma.

THELMA

Oh. I didn’t know.

T

Now you do. Good-bye.

(Thelma leaves. E walks to T.)

E

Darling!

T

Swine.

(Blackout.)