Week 22, day 149 - "Chrysler On A Stick"

“Chrysler On A Stick”
Written by Joe Janes
6/16/09
149 of 365

CAST:
Gary Pokuza, 50s
Val Pokuza, 20s

(Lights up on Gary Pokuza sitting at his desk buried in paper work. Val sticks his head in the door.)

VAL

Hey, um, Dad?

GARY

Whatcha got for me, Val?

VAL

I, well, I wanted to ask you something.

(Val sits.)

GARY

Sure thing. Need a little man-to-man talk, son?

VAL

It’s more employee-to-man, Dad.

GARY

Shoot.

VAL

Well, as you know, I’ve been going to church on Sundays.

GARY

You have?

VAL

Yeah. For the last year and a half. Every Sunday.

GARY

Oh, yeah, your mother was saying something about it to me. She was all worried about you going to church. I’m like, what’s the big deal? Can’t hurt. I used to go to church all the time. On Sundays.

VAL

Really?

GARY

Yeah, yeah. Before you were born. Used to go to United Methodist. Great pot lucks. Didn’t even care if you brought anything. Just show up and eat. Good folks. Is that where you’re going?

VAL

No. I go to Christ Almighty on the Cross. South of town near the old industrial plant. On route 163.

GARY

Oh, yeah, yeah. I’ve been by there. Used to be a fire station, right?

VAL

That’s the one.

GARY

Okay. Good. Whatever floats your boat. They have good potlucks at this Christ on a Stick?

VAL

On the Cross. Yeah. They do. Once a month. Fettuccine and Fellowship. Everyone brings a pasta dish.

GARY

Good. Good to know. You don’t want me to go, do you?

VAL

Um, sure. I’d love it.

GARY

I don’t want to.

VAL

That’s okay, too.

GARY

Okay, good. I’m glad we had this talk. I have a ton of paperwork to plow through.

VAL

Actually, Dad, I wanted to see if it would be okay with you if I prayed.

GARY

Right, now?

VAL

No. Not now. But here. At work. Would that be okay with you?

GARY

Son, we sell Chryslers. That’s why the sign out there says Gary Pokuza Chrysler. It’s hard enough to get people through the door. Seeing you in the middle of the showroom on your knees with folded hands might look a little desperate. We don’t want to turn off any potential customers.

VAL

I don’t have to do it in the showroom, Dad. I just want a little space set aside, maybe in the break room, near the coffeemaker, where I can pray three times a day.

GARY

Three times a day.

VAL

About ten minutes each.

GARY

Can’t you just do it at night before you go to bed, like everyone else?

VAL

Is that when you pray?

GARY

I haven’t prayed in 25 years. And that was for your mother to have a girl. I’m not as confident as you are in the power of prayer, Val.

VAL

Oh. Oh! (Visibly upset by this news) Do you mind if I pray, now?

(He starts to get down on his knees. Gary lifts him back up into his chair.)

GARY

That’s old news, Son. And I don’t mean it anymore. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re my boy. Listen, I’d really rather not anyone see an employee down on his knees in my office. People might get the wrong idea.

VAL

I need a place to pray, Dad. You know, I didn’t want to mention this, but it’s my legal right to practice my religion.

GARY

Okay, okay. I’m not denying that. But, sheesh, thirty minutes a day? Every day? How big is your list? What the hell are you praying for?

VAL

Forgiveness.

GARY

That’s it? Can’t you just do it once and get it over with? God has big ears. I’m sure he heard you the first time.

VAL

I sin every day and require his forgiveness every day.

GARY

You sin every day? What the hell did you already sin about today? It’s not even ten o’clock.

VAL

I had impure thoughts about Juanita the receptionist.

GARY

Damn, Val. If I prayed every time I had an impure thought about Juanita, I’d never sell a car.

VAL

That’s why I pray every day.

GARY

Sheesh, I don’t think this is a freedom of religion issue. You just need to manage your time better. Let those impure thoughts build up over the week and then you get more bang for your buck at the Sunday services. Make your minister earn his pay.

VAL

But I love Jesus. I want to make sure I’m right with him every day.

GARY

I love football, but I’m fine with it just being on Sundays.

VAL

It’s not just on Sundays.

GARY

Okay, Monday nights, too.

VAL

Saturdays.

GARY

College football, yes.

VAL

And Thursdays.

GARY

And the occasional Thursday night and the Friday night high school games. I get it. I guess if I could watch football three times a day, I would. Knock yourself out. But pray in the utility closet and not when your Uncle Chet is in there with his magazines.

VAL

Deal. Thanks, Dad. I’ll go pray right now.

GARY

Pray for a car sale.

VAL

I will. And I’ll pray for you.

GARY

Whoa, why are you praying for me?

VAL

I don’t want your soul to burn for eternity in hell.

GARY

Yeah. Okay. Pray for that.

(Val exits. Gary looks up to the ceiling.)

GARY

I wanted a girl.

(Blackout.)